


The Healer- A Draco Malfoy Fanfiction

by kittyhawk410



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Pining Draco Malfoy, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Smut, Spice, draco malfoy x original character, half blood prince, kittyhawk410, the healer - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:47:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 45
Words: 110,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27584290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyhawk410/pseuds/kittyhawk410
Summary: 5th year Erica Thorncroft was not interested in boys her own age like her friends. She had her eyes on 6th year Draco Malfoy, the pride of Slytherin House. Erica didn't dream of getting close to him until one night when Draco and Erica happened to meet each other in the common room, and Erica heals a mysterious wound on his hand. Next, came the deal: Erica would heal Draco whenever he wished, and no one had to know.[MATURE]
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 45
Kudos: 192





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hullo-  
> This is my first fanfiction work. Any and all comments or notes are appreciated~ hope you all are here because you love Draco Malfoy as much as I do.   
> This takes place in the year of the Half Blood Prince from the perspective of a 5th year Slytherin girl who finds herself wrapped up in Draco's sinister task for the Dark Lord. I tried to make it as true to the books as possible.   
> Welcome to the fantasy.

“Erica! Erica, is that you?”

  
A familiar voice made me turn just as a dainty hand touched the shoulder of my robe. Slick black hair that hung in purposely placed strands framed the face of my longtime friend and roommate, Penny Parkinson. Her narrow eyes gleamed when I turned.

  
“I don’t believe it,” she scanned me up and down. Once, twice. The hand on my shoulder lingered on a strand of my dirty blonde hair. We stood just outside the entrance to the Great Hall with flocks of students flowing around us like salmon. “You look…. Different.”

  
I cocked an eyebrow. That was about the reaction I expected from her. When our other friends Evelyn and Greta saw me they acted like I had drank polyjuice potion. I had dropped a few pounds and changed my hair color over the summer. But I was still the same quiet girl they’ve known since year 1.

  
“I enchanted my hair,” I admitted sourly to Penny’s examining eyes. “I was going for barley blonde. Unfortunately, it came out as more of a dishwater.”

  
Penny immediately snorted at my words like she had been holding in a laugh since she laid eyes on me. “It was a fair attempt,” she said over the roaring babble of the other students, “Huge improvement over the mousy brown you had before.”

  
I muttered my thanks then trailed after her to join the throng of students in the Great Hall and seek out Evelyn and Greta. Evelyn and Greta completed our little friend foursome of fifth year Slytherin girls, the same girls I have been bunking with for the past five years. I met up with Evelyn and Greta already on the train ride. Penny, however, did not join us. The reason was unknown to me, but at least it meant I only had to listen to two tittering gossips on the train, and not three.

  
“Well, well!” Greta clicked her tongue as Penny and I took our seats at the end of the long Slytherin table, closest to the back of the room. We always chose that spot on purpose because of the view; we could see everyone, but they couldn’t see us. “Finally, you make an appearance,” Greta poked at Penny, who swatted away her finger.

  
“Where were you seated on the train?” Evelyn inquired, her blond eyelashes batting up and down as she glanced between Penny and the greenleaf salad she was carefully forking onto her plate. Evelyn Vaughn was a pretty girl and the tallest of all of us. Her outer demeanor exuded grace and poise- that is, until she opened her mouth, revealing no bats in the attic. Evelyn was not the smartest girl, but her gorgeous blonde hair made up for it. That was the hair I had in mind when placing the enchantment on my own. Maybe it was for the best that mine landed off-target; if I came to school with shiny yellow hair, no doubt the girls would peg me as a copycat.

  
Penny smiled, scanning us all one by one as she prepared to tell us her whereabouts. “I was with Adrian and the boys,” she gloated, “In the cabin next to Draco Malfoy.”

  
Evelyn stopped serving herself the salad. Greta’s face went almost as rouge as her hair. I wanted to roll my eyes, but feigned interest, as our conversation topics almost always ended up on boys. Men interested me just about as much as I interested them. I had never been kissed by a boy, and never came close to even being an object of anyone’s attraction. The girls were well aware of this fact. If I had a galleon every time they offered to set me up with a boy they themselves didn’t want, I could open my own vault at Gringott’s.

  
“Ohh, you lucky skank,” Greta hissed. “Why didn’t you invite us to sit with you?”

  
Penny feigned innocence. “I would have, it’s just that I only got that seat because my older sister Pansy was with Draco. Of course, she didn’t let me sit with them, but Adrian and his friends said they had one extra spot in the cabin right next door.”

  
“I would crucius my right foot for a chance to be that close to Draco,” Evelyn said to no one in particular. I frowned and turned to Penny.

  
“You didn’t think to come by and say hi to us?” Penny’s face fell at my words. I could see behind her eyes she was concocting some kind of excuse, but Greta jumped in before Penny could reply to me.

  
“Did Adrian mention me? I mean, he and I left things in kind of a grey area at the end of fourth year… but did he say if he got my owls? I wrote him seven times over the summer,” Greta probed, shooting question after question at Penny, who was loving the attention.

  
I tuned out their conversation and helped myself to a bread roll. Even though the rest of the feast looked delicious, my appetite was dampened. Something inside of me was off-kilter. The usual excitement of the first night at Hogwarts was no longer the bombastic event of adrenaline and anticipation like it had been before. No; for some reason, the thought of another year of school made me feel melancholy.

  
Perhaps… if I had been sorted into a different house, things wouldn’t feel this way.

  
I allowed my self-doubt to bubble just below the surface. Even though I had friends here, I couldn’t shake that feeling like I didn’t quite belong in Slytherin. But the more I thought about it the less I could see myself fitting in at any other house. After all, I’m not courageous enough to be in Gryffindor, not smart enough to be in Ravenclaw, not kind enough to be in Hufflepuff… Slytherin seemed to be the only option that made a lick of sense for a reserved, bitter person like me.  
I shook the thoughts from my head and forced myself to smile at some dirty comment Penny made that my mind didn’t quite process. You’ve been here five years, Erica. It’s time to stop doubting yourself. This year… this year, things would change. I needed something new, so I became something new. I had been the reserved quiet girl with a little too much weight on her bones the first four years I spent at this school. Now that the childhood baby weight was gone- well, save for my arse- I could actually make people take me seriously.

  
“Oh my stars he’s coming,” Greta announced in a hushed voice. “Don’t look.” She concealed part of her face in her wavy iron-colored hair. Despite her commands, we all looked up to see Adrian McAvoy striding over. He stood over us, smugly checking us out like we were prized beasts he could purchase.

  
“Hi girls,” he greeted us, the corner of his lip reaching to his cheek. “Greta, your summer was good, yeah?”

  
Greta struck a pose that I think she thought was sultry. But instead, she looked half-drunk. “Mhmmm,” she leaned on her elbow right into a plate of jam. She didn’t notice. “My summer was fantastic, my family went to the beach. Got quite a bit of sun, I did.”

  
Adrian nodded patronizingly. “Right on.” His gaze locked on me. “Erica, you look swell. Done something to your hair?”

  
I looked down at my hair, already forgotten that I had changed it. “Erm, yes I did.”

  
“Right on,” he said again. “Cade says he quite fancies it.” I stalled at the mention of Cade Sinclair, one of Adrian’s posse, also a fifth year Slytherin. My body had neither pleasant nor unpleasant reaction at the thought that I caught Cade’s eye. I found all Slytherin men to be appalling in their own unique way. Adrian smiled at us. “I’d love to chat more, but I should go. I have a seat next to Draco.”

  
Evelyn and Greta gaped. I glanced over at the empty spot Adrian left in-between his pals Cade and Ludwig. You’re nowhere near Draco, you liar, I wanted to say, but kept my mouth shut as I searched for where Draco really was.

  
Draco was a year ahead of all of us. I had never had a conversation with the boy, but I had seen his face and heard his name enough to know who he was. I hadn’t particularly been observing Draco during my time at Hogwarts; it’s rather that his presence was so smoldering that it was impossible not to notice him. He commanded any room he was in. When he walked down the halls, it was like an invisible bubble surrounded him, preventing anyone from getting near. All the girls and boys of Slytherin idolized him. The rest of the school, however, seemed to lean more towards loathing. I hadn’t yet decided which side I was on.

  
I finally spotted the statuesque 16 year old far down the table towards the front of the hall. I looked around the piles of food to catch glimpses of his platinum locks that stood out amongst the black cloaks like moonlight. His face turned my way for a brief moment as he said something to Goyle, and my heart caught in my throat as I was reminded of how handsome he was. A straight nose, stern mouth, and lily-white skin that reached all the way to his rather large hands.  
I forced myself to look away for fear of being caught staring. This boy, though attractive, was lethal. After all, his father was a confirmed Death-Eater, and Draco himself was one of the most skilled wizards-in-training in the entire school.

  
I jolted back to earth when Penny put an arm around me. “Erica, think you’ll go out with him, then?”

  
“W-what?” I stammered. Penny sighed.

  
“Cade fancies you. Why not give him a try?”

  
“He’s a good snog. Very gentle,” Evelyn said, not realizing that her positive review actually made Cade less appealing.

  
I hesitated. I didn’t want to entirely denounce the idea right away. I replied that I would “think about it”, then shrugged. I’d learned somewhere between the ages of 12 and 13 that I would never share the same boy craziness that my friends shared. It wasn’t that I lacked attraction to the male species. The issue was that Penny, Evelyn and Greta were attracted to boys; and I was more interested in men. The kinds of men I saw on the back sleeves of textbooks; the kinds of men that I saw taming the dragons at the Triwizard Tournament in my 3rd year; the kinds of men I saw in the newspapers under ‘Most Wanted’. They had all given me that same familiar feeling deep in my stomach. But I had never felt like that from looking at another Hogwarts student.

  
Or so I thought, until I recognized that same feeling lingering in my loins, right after I had looked at Draco Malfoy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and her roommates play snog or hex- she goes to the common room and runs into a certain someone very late at night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit about Erica:  
> Age: 15  
> Birthday: December 29th  
> Sign: Capricorn  
> Wand: Dittany Stalk  
> Patronus: Moth  
> Best subjects: Charms, transfiguration, herbology  
> Worst subjects: Potions, DADA

Penny, Greta, Evelyn and I settled in right away into our four poster beds, and after Penny gave us an impromptu fashion show of all the clothing her parents bought her over the summer we settled into our usual gossip circle. I took out my leather-bound notebook that I used to make my scenic paintings, a hobby that I had grown to love in secrecy, and was made easier with the painting spells I taught myself that allowed me to easily switch colors while using the same brush. I drew aimlessly while everyone chattered. I made a point to chime in every now and then, making some irreverent comments about which boys in our year had now grown facial hair. 

“Let’s play a game,” Penny announced, smacking on some lemon-mint gum that lasted forever. Her eyes drifted over to me and noticed my nose was in my notebook. “Erica, are you going to play, or make your doodles all night?”

I completed my stroke and reluctantly closed my book. “Yeah. I’ll play,” I agreed, but was a little annoyed at Penny’s bossiness. She was the self-proclaimed leader of our friend group. But I think she only got that title from feeding off of her sister Pansy’s infamy. 

“What’s the game?” Greta asked. She had just rubbed some hair-vanishing salve on her legs, and I could tell it burned by the way she was gritting her teeth. The things we girls did for beauty. 

“Snog or hex,” Penny grinned mischievously. “Or as Muggles call it, smash or pass. I say a boy, and we all decide whether we would snog them or hex them.”

_ Great, another situation in which I have to pull some answers out of my arse, _ I thought nervously. Sometimes I wondered why I even bothered playing along with this nonsense. But weighing my options; the only other girls in my year were even worse than the ones I had chosen to be my friends. And by that I meant there wasn’t a single brain cell between the lot of them. And even though they spent their time obsessing over boys, Penny, Greta and Evelyn were all talented witches with their own specialties. Penny excelled at potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts, both of which were subjects I got the worst marks in. Greta could transfigure almost anything; and Evelyn had the most accurate Divinations Trelawney had ever seen. 

“The first subject in snog or hex….” Penny said, “Is Harry Potter.”

That was a no-brainer. Everyone immediately replied, “Hex.” I didn’t have a particular opinion on Harry; I actually felt rather bad for him. But the status quo said that Slytherins and Gryffindors were enemies. There was no way to change that; especially when Draco and Harry had been enemies since the second they set foot in Hogwarts. 

“That was too easy,” Evelyn complained. “How about Conan Trevil, the fifth year Ravenclaw? You know, the one with the eyes the color of-”

“Sapphires?” I finished her sentence. “You’ve fancied him since he helped you off your broom first year. You know he has a girlfriend, right?”

Evelyn waved her hand. “It doesn’t matter; it’s just a game. And if he had helped  _ you _ off of a haywire broom, I bet you would feel all hot and bothered, too.”

“I would snog him,” Greta shrugged. Penny agreed. 

“....Sure. Snog,” I said, not really feeling it. 

Penny’s eyes lingered on me, and I worried that she could tell I wasn’t interested in the game. She thought for a moment, and then said with satisfaction, “Draco Malfoy. Snog or hex?”

Greta groaned, her face twisted into a pained look of desire. “Can I hex him to snog me?” I scoffed and looked at my lap. 

Penny continued staring at me. “I want to hear Erica’s answer.”

I looked up, surprised to be the center of attention. I fumbled over my words. “N-not that he would ever snog me, but… I suppose I would like to snog him.” Penny seemed satisfied enough with my answer. “But doesn’t he fancy your sister?” I asked her, “After all, they’re both prefects.”

Penny rolled her eyes. “Pansy’s been sending signals to Draco for years, and he still hasn’t done more with her than a little peck on the cheek at the Yule Ball. Besides, I’ve caught word that Draco is no longer a prefect,” she dished with a raised eyebrow. 

“What?!” Greta exclaimed. “B-but… why? How?”

I was just as shocked as Greta. Draco was someone who excelled at almost everything he did, even if those interests never seemed to stick for longer than a year, such as his brief stint on the Quidditch team. But being Prefect was something I thought he loved. It was perfect for him- a way to show off his success while also forcing others to do his bidding. Not that he needed a title to do the latter. 

“Pansy said he was too busy,” Penny informed us. “But seems rather odd, doesn’t it?”

Nobody had any guesses to explain Draco’s strange behavior, but I had one. “Maybe it has something to do with his father,” I suggested. They considered that, and agreed that his father being in Azkaban was a good enough reason to resign as Prefect. It would take a toll on anybody, having an absent father- I would know. But at least no one knew my family secret; Draco’s family’s business was all over the school. 

I think that the reason why I was placed in Slytherin was due to my one truly mastered talent: lying. I lied to my friends all the time. It started in our first year when they asked what my parents did for a living, and I replied that they were both Obliviators for the Ministry. And my mother did actually work as an Obliviator- or at least, she did until this year. Obliviating memories is hard work that takes a toll on a person. She decided to take a three day vacation, which then turned into three weeks, then three months, and so on. She hasn’t been to work in almost half a year. Despite her long respite from work, she was smart and talented- a Ravenclaw.

And my father… he didn’t even go to school. He was a nobody. And that’s who he was to me. Nobody. And even though my mother was a Ravenclaw, you’d think she would have been smart enough to pick a husband who wouldn’t leave right after I was born. And that was the thorn in my paw I have been licking for almost 15 years. My own private wound that I swore never to show anybody, in case they were to doubt my blood purity.  _ But I would not have been sorted into Slytherin if I were not a pureblood, _ I assured myself, my own vindication that I reminded myself of every time I wondered about my father’s identity. 

Penny continued rattling off names until she had gone through almost the entire Hogwarts male student body; and a few professors. Evelyn, Greta and Penny settled into sleep not long after. I wanted to do the same, but the persisting thought of my art going unfinished kept me awake. Casting  _ lumos _ right now would surely wake them all up- so I slid out of bed in my sateen pajamas and put on slippers to head to the common room. Notebook and wand tucked under my arm, I crept away, following the flickering candles lining the walls of the corridor. Seeing as it was already late, I would be up until an unreasonable hour tonight. But that was something I was familiar with due to my long struggles with insomnia. 

There was a 7th year girl who had the same struggle, and she and I would meet in the common room on occasions when neither of us could sleep. She had figured out how to brew Sleeping Draught in her advanced potions class and would occasionally put a few drops into our tea before retiring to our respective dorms. Unfortunately, she had now graduated; and I wouldn’t dare attempt to brew Sleeping Draught on my own for fear of making a mistake and accidentally never waking up. I missed the 7th year- Opal Clemson. 

The common room, despite its lush furnishings and numerous fireplaces, almost always had a chill in the air. I chalked it up to the fact it was in the basement of Hogwarts. There wasn’t a single window in the common room, so no way to tell if it was a cloudy or clear night. But I made myself cozy on a sofa, pulled a fur blanket over my feet and imagined that it was a beautiful, starry night above the layers of stone and magic. And that’s what I painted; a starry sky over a moonlit lake. 

My body wasn’t tired at all, so I continued meticulously working on my painting for a while. No one else came through the common room, so I suspected it was probably 2 or 3 in the morning, and all were most likely asleep. I had just about finished when I heard a pained male voice utter the Slytherin password, “Salazar’s Strumpet” and stumble into the common room.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

I looked up from my notebook to see who could possibly be entering the common room at this hour. My grip around my wand tightened in case it was an intruder. But to my surprise, a rather flustered Draco Malfoy came rushing in. He was clutching his left hand. 

He didn’t seem to notice me as he made a beeline for a basin of water. He submerged his left hand, cursing under his breath. Ruby red droplets ran down his arm and splashed on the stone floor. 

Unable, or perhaps unwilling to keep what I saw to myself, I blurted out, “Is that blood?”

Draco whipped around, eyes wild and wand pointed at the portion of my face that was peering over the couch. By the shifty way he reacted you would have thought I was a Dementor. But when he recognized me as a fellow Slytherin student, his wand lowered, and he returned to the basin. 

“Go to bed,” he ordered. “Tell no one you saw me.”

My brain seemed to finally grasp the reality of this situation I was in. I was alone in the common room with an injured Draco Malfoy at 3 in the morning. It was an unusual situation that I never would have fathomed. What was even more strange was that he was alone. And the sleeves of his suit jacket were wet. 

I rose from the couch and tucked my book under my arm, intending to go back to my dormitory. Walking past Draco on my way to the corridor, I paused. My eyes wandered down to the basin that was now colored with wisps of blood and the injured hand he was attempting to wash. 

“...That’s a Grindylow bite,” I muttered, analyzing the haphazard tooth marks on his skin. He covered his hand defensively, but I was already piecing the puzzle together. “What were you doing at the Black Lake so late at night?”

Draco bared his wand at me once more. “If you don’t go back to your bed this instant, I’ll obliviate you,” he threatened through shaky breaths.

I gulped, staring down the shaft of his silver-grip wand that was inches from my nose. I was so stupid to open my mouth like that, and even more stupid to do it again. 

“Penny got bitten by a Grindylow in our second year,” I spoke as calmly as I could. “I know how to mend it.”

Draco’s hard gaze shifted. I could tell he didn’t know the first thing about healing a Grindylow bite; they were nasty and deep, filled with bacteria that lived on their jagged teeth. Putting more water on it wouldn’t help. His silvery eyes flicked between the basin to my face as he contemplated his decision. This was not the cool and collected Draco I was so used to seeing. There was a madness in his eyes; a panic. 

“You’re likely in a lot of pain,” I continued, “If you let me fix it, it won’t even leave a scar. And no one will have to know.”

After hearing my words, he lowered his wand slowly, resting it at his side. “Fine,” he huffed. “But just so you know, I’m erasing your memory as soon as it’s done.”

I scoffed, entertained by the notion that he was so bent on erasing my memory of this random encounter. “If you want me to heal it first, you’ll have to give me your hand.”

Draco gave me a look like he hadn’t realized he would have to relinquish his hand in order for me to heal it. Eyes fixed on me in a cold, suspicious stare, his left hand shakily rose towards me. I cupped it carefully in mine, analyzing the bite.

His hand was ice cold and twice the size of mine. Water droplets from his hand mixed with the blood oozing from the wound and leaked onto my palms and fingers. Nasty bite indeed- upon closer inspection, there was more than one, the other being on the backside of his wrist. 

My fingers started towards the damp sleeve of his suit. “Can I see-”

Draco yanked his hand away. “What do you think you’re doing?” he barked defensively. 

“You have a second bite on your wrist. I’m just trying to roll up your sleeve.”

Draco relaxed a little, but narrowed his eyes. “Don’t touch my sleeve. Leave it down.”

I muttered, “Alright,” and tried to keep myself from shaking from his sudden outburst. In an attempt to take control of the situation again, I suggested, “Maybe you should take a seat. Healing hurts quite a bit.”

Taking my suggestion as a valid one, Draco seated himself in an armchair by the fire, still clutching his left hand to control the bleed. I pulled a footstool over and sat before him, my eyes at level with his chest.  _ He undid one of his shirt buttons. _ I hadn’t noticed that before. 

“Get on with it, then,” he commanded and presented his left hand to me again. I pointed my wand at the wound and said a disinfectant spell. Draco gasped slightly. 

“The worst bit’s coming,” I warned. I worked quickly and carefully, the same way I had seen Madame Pomfrey work in the medical wing. I loved observing her. She told me never to give the patient enough time to rethink the healing; just do it before they could change their mind. So I hastily performed the Vulnera Sanenter healing spell, the first of many that I would likely have to use on the deep wounds. 

Draco groaned deeply, his whole body tensing at the sensation of his flesh joining back together to seal the punctures. I could tell he was holding in a much louder exclamation. But he didn’t want someone to walk in and notice; and frankly, neither did I. I wouldn’t want someone to catch us alone and start spreading rumors. 

“Vulnera Sanenter,” I said again, healing the wound further. Air hissed through Draco’s gritted teeth, and his head tilted back slightly. I prepared for the next round of healing, but Draco stopped me.

“Can’t you talk to me about something?” he suggested, sweat beading at his brow. “Distract me from the… discomfort.”

I glanced at him with amusement. “You mean you can’t handle a simple healing spell?” I was only teasing him, of course. When Penny had to undergo this she was screaming like a banshee. I supposed I enjoyed having the all-powerful Draco Malfoy at my mercy.

Draco glowered down at me. “Do you even know who I am? Of course I can handle a healing spell. But a bit of conversation would be convenient. For me, that is; until I erase your memory of this.”

I chuckled a little at that. “Right. How stupid of me to forget I’m just your tool.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Yes. You  _ are _ just a tool. You’re just someone who happened to be awake at this hour.” He paused. “I’ve seen you around, you know. You’re one of Penny’s friends.”

I drummed my fingers lightly on my wand. “Yes.”

Draco scanned my face, and I became suddenly self-conscious of my appearance. My sateen pajamas, messy hair- not an ounce of makeup on me. “You look different than the year before. Almost didn’t recognize you.”

“Erica,” I said to him, somewhat annoyed, but not surprised that he didn’t know my name. “You can stop referring to me as ‘you’.”

Draco scoffed. “Not that it matters. I doubt we’ll speak again after tonight.”

My eyes rolled. “Likewise.” I positioned my wand over the partially healed wound once more and unleashed the finishing healing spell. Draco’s body jolted a bit. I could tell he was annoyed that I didn’t give him any warning. 

I ran a thumb over the smooth, pale skin of his hand. “Done,” I declared. “Now will you let me see the other bite?”

Draco inspected his hand, turning it over a few times. Impressed by my work with the first one, Draco obediently cuffed his sleeve once. And very carefully.  _ Why is he being so protective over his arms,  _ I wondered. Perhaps he was self-conscious about his body.

_ No, Draco would not be self-conscious about anything. Ever. _

I decided not to delay by engaging in any conversation before performing the first healing spell on the bite on his wrist. He gritted his teeth again, leaning forward ever so slightly in pain. I got a whiff of his cologne. Green apples and sandalwood, mixed with a hint of lake water. 

“Merlin’s beard,” he cursed. “You’re doing a piss poor job at distracting me.”

“I never agreed to distract you,” I replied simply. “I only offered to heal you.”

Draco looked at me with distaste. “I never thought you fit in at Slytherin. You always struck me as sort of a Hufflepuff type.” His lip curled into a snarl. “But I see now that Slytherin suits you just fine.”

My eyes shifted with uncertainty. “Thanks, I suppose.” Before I could go at another healing spell, Draco spoke. 

“Your family lineage,” he began with inquisitive eyes. “It’s of pure blood?”

“Obviously. Or else I wouldn’t be here,” I answered without hesitation. My retort made Draco scoff. 

“You’ve got quite a tongue,” he said, his demeanor shifting from annoyance into amusement. 

I lifted a brow and dared to meet his gaze. “I take it not many people have the gall to talk back to you?” 

“Not many people can have a conversation with me,” he gloated. “Consider yourself lucky.”

_ Yes, the luckiest girl in the world to be chosen to heal Draco Malfoy,  _ I thought sourly to myself. Talking to him one-on-one confirmed a suspicion of mine, that he was a pill; an annoyance. Arrogance seeped out of his every pore. But it was only surface level; below that was the anxious, tense man I saw earlier attempting to wash his hand in the basin. 

I began my attempt at shattering his arrogant disposition. “Why were you all alone at the Black Lake?” 

“That’s none of your concern.”

“ _ Vulnera Senanter _ .”

Draco groaned once more. While he was recovering his composure, I thought aloud, “Most people wouldn’t go wading around in the Black Lake in the dead of night.”

Draco let go of a tense breath and leaned back in his seat, a little more frazzled than before. “I’m not most people.”

“Right,” I whispered sarcastically. “But one might assume you were trying to catch a Grindylow. Maybe intended for Harry Potter’s bathwater-”

My words caught in my throat when Draco lowered his face a mere inches from mine. 

“Don’t go making assumptions,” he warned. His snarl was enough to make me quiver. He sat back in his seat. “Finish it, then.”

I was certain he could feel my hands trembling. It didn’t matter to him; that’s what he wanted. I uttered my final healing spell, closing the wound on his wrist without any scars. As if on cue, Draco produced his wand and pointed it right at my forehead. 

“Now, then,” he crooned, “When you come to, I’ll be gone. And you should head off to bed.”

I stammered, not out of fear of him, but from the natural reaction my body had when a wand was pointed right at my brain. “I-I studied under Madame Pomfrey last year. She taught me almost all she knows about healing spells,” I babbled. “If you… if you don’t obliviate me tonight, I promise to help you again, whenever you need it. I won’t say a word to anyone.” Draco hesitated. I could see his thought process reeling behind his eyes. The suspense in waiting for his answer was killing me. “Please,” I said again, somewhat pitifully. 

“I appreciate your groveling,” he replied smoothly. “But I can’t take any chances.”

My eyes shut tightly. My pleas fell on deaf ears, and now I knew what was coming next. 

“Obliviate.”

I stayed seated on the stool with my eyes shut. I heard the sound of shoes clacking against the stone floor. Draco was gone. And he thought his spell had worked. 

But what he didn’t account for was the fact that my mum worked as an Obliviator for twenty years. Of course she would teach her only daughter to protect against it with a shielding spell. So Draco now thought I knew nothing of our encounter, of his Grindylow bites, of his mysterious outing to the Black Lake. 

But I remembered everything. 

And I wouldn’t tell a soul. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica gets asked on a date and helps in the hospital wing.

Two nights passed since I healed Draco in the Slytherin common room, and I had no intention of seeing him again. What happened that night was an anomaly. Speaking of it to my friends would do more harm than good, anyway. In the best case, my friends would accuse me of lying, and in the worst case, they could believe me and scorn me for sharing such an intimate moment with the upperclassman they revered as a God. 

I tried to steer clear of Draco, which as it turns out was not a difficult task. Draco was hardly present in the common room, and when I walked by the spots his posse would usually haunt, they were all present without him. 

I rounded a corner that had a perfect view of the courtyard where Draco and his posse would hang out at in-between classes last year. Without staring, I noticed Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise, and Pansy- but no Draco. That shiny blonde head that resembled moonlight was nowhere in sight. I sighed. _Strange behavior, even for him._

“Erica.”

I looked over my shoulder at the male voice calling my name. To my disappointment, it was only Cade Sinclair. Cade was good-looking, but if you compared him side-by-side with Draco, Cade would look like a discount Draco knockoff. His hair was a duller shade of blonde, his skin imperfect with a few spots on his cheeks, and his height less… impressive. He would be my type if he just filled out his robes with a more mature figure. 

“Hi, Cade,” I greeted him as he decided to walk in step beside me. 

“Sorry I haven’t had the chance to say hi to you yet,” Cade began, a self-assured smile on his face. “Quidditch tryouts are today. I’ve been practicing.”

Unsure why he was telling me this information, I continued walking to my destination. “Don’t worry about it.” _I didn’t realize we were friends,_ is what I wanted to say. But I had the time to patronize him for a bit. “Are you going out for chaser this year?”

Cade puffed out his flat chest. “Of course. The way I see it, chasers are really what Quidditch is all about. All the other positions are just backup.”

The best response I could give to his prattling was a forced scoff of agreement. I tried to speed up my walking, maybe lose him at the next intersection of the corridors, but he continued talking. 

“Where are you headed?” he asked, quickening his step to keep up with me. 

“The hospital wing,” I replied. 

His eyes widened. “Oh, are you hurt?”

“No,” I smiled at his concern, “I help Madam Pomfrey.”

“Oh, that’s wicked. Do you think you might want to be a Healer? You know, when I was 9 I fell off my broom, broke my arm and foot. Spent a long stint at St Mungos-”

I reached the entrance to the hospital wing and turned to face Cade, preparing to say goodbye. 

“I have to go now-” I began, but Cade interrupted me. 

“I wanted to invite you to a party,” Cade broke into an excited whisper. He positioned his left arm on the wall behind me, successfully cornering me. “Well, not exactly a party. Adrian brewed meade in the boys’ toilet. Should be ready in a week. We were all going to drink it in our dorm, but we thought it would be more fun if…” he paused to search for the right words, “if you know, girls were there.”

I tried to wrap my head around what exactly he was proposing. “Are you inviting me to a party a week in advance?”

Cade nodded, not seeing the issue. My face turned flushed. His attempt at asking me out was cute, but it did give me second-hand embarrassment. I desperately wanted out of this situation. So desperately, that I might just say-

“Oy, Sinclair.”

Cade’s head turned to reveal the tall, imposing Draco Malfoy standing behind him. My heart thumped in my chest as my eyes took him in. Dressed in a Slytherin cloak over a pair of straight-legged black pants, he looked immaculate as always, if not a little sleep-deprived. It was the Draco I had seen every year since I’ve been at Hogwarts, but his demeanor, like his physique, had matured. If his presence years before was a red hot flame, it was now a cool, sweltering blue. I avoided his gaze, but I did catch a glimpse of his disgusted expression. _Draco is seeing me be asked out while cornered by Cade. How mortifying._

“Draco,” Cade said his name with surprise. “What can I do for ya, mate?”

“Stand up straight when you’re speaking to me.” Upon Draco’s command, Cade stiffened and removed his hand from the wall behind me. I was now free to slip away, but I wanted to stay to hear what business Draco had with Cade. 

Draco stepped closer. “Have you seen Adrian McAvoy around lately?” 

Cade shifted nervously, scratching the back of his head. “N-no. But if I had to guess, he would be on the Quidditch field. Or… or near there. Yeah.”

Draco stared at him for a moment longer. It seemed that was the best answer Cade could procure. Draco’s gaze shifted to me for a moment, those cold grey eyes looking straight into me. I suddenly felt naked. He looked at me with such _knowing,_ such _awareness_ -

My blood ran cold. _Does he know that I blocked his obliviate spell?_ I trembled beneath my robes as we held eye contact. Then, as quickly as he came, he turned around and strode away. I let loose of a breath. He wasn’t suspicious after all. 

Cade turned to me, straightening his silver and green tie. “So, what do you say?”

“Sure,” I replied with a haste, so as to not allow myself the time to rethink my decision. “As long as Penny, Evelyn, and Greta come, too.”

Cade grinned wildly. “Consider it done.”

\---

Madam Pomfrey placed a bin of unraveled bandages at my feet. 

“Sorry to put you to work already,” she said in her lovely voice, “Oh, actually, that’s why you’re here, isn’t it?” she laughed to herself. “Please wrap up these bandages. A first year who was visiting for a bloody nose accidentally knocked them all over.”

I smiled at her, not exactly thrilled to be doing busywork, but still happy to help her. “Of course.” 

The hospital wing was my happy place at Hogwarts. Madam Pomfrey was someone who had been something of a mentor to me. It seemed most other students were wary of this part of the school, never visiting unless they absolutely had to, or perhaps avoiding it altogether due to an unpleasant memory they had here. Madam Pomfrey was pleased that I came by frequently and had no fears and little queasiness. Anything with insects, I recalled, was a no-go for me. But patching gashes, fixing broken bones, or removing some kind of grotesque mixture from the back of a girl’s hair was alright by me. 

I set to work rewinding the bandages with my wand while Madam Pomfrey stocked the medicine cabinet. The medicine wing was empty aside from us. After all, it was the first week of classes- Quidditch season had yet to start, and that was where most of our business came from.

“Erica,” she said in her motherly voice, “You’re in your fifth year now. Have you given much thought to your future career after Hogwarts?”

My concentration on the bandages broke, and I managed to catch a bandage before it completely unraveled. “U-um, I don’t have to decide yet, do I?”

“Your head of house will be holding meetings around Easter. They will want to hear of your plans for the future.”

I exhaled. That was right; the careers advice meetings were held at the end of our fifth year. “I could become an Obliviator,” I thought aloud, “But I was actually considering becoming a Healer.”

Madam Pomfrey turned and smiled at me like I had given her the exact answer she had been expecting. “I was hoping you’d say that. I know you’ve only been working under me for a year, but… I see a real gift within you, Erica. You were meant to be a Healer.”

I smiled at my lap, embarrassed by Madam Pomfrey’s kind words. She turned back to stocking the shelves. “Of course, you’ll have to get Outstanding or Excellent marks on your O.W.L.s.”

“O-oh,” I stalled, my mood dampening at that news. “I’m sure I’ll do fine on charms and transfiguration. Herbology, even. But my marks haven’t been the best in potions, or Defense Against the Dark Arts…”

“All of the core courses are vital to becoming a competent Healer. But don’t worry; you have time.”

I nodded to myself. _Maybe Penny could help me catch up in potions and DADA. I’ll have to ask her whenever I see her next._

My head snapped up at the sound of the hospital wing door opening. Penny burst in, as if summoned by my thoughts. She looked out of breath.

“Miss Parkinson,” Madam Pomfrey looked at the panting girl with worry, “What ever is the matter?”

“Erica,” she wheezed, “I’m here… to tell Erica…” she trailed off, breathing heavily. 

Madam Pomfrey started to enchant a chair to bring it close to her, but she shooed it away. I waited tensely for her to catch her breath and tell me what was so urgent that it warranted bursting into the hospital wing. 

Penny finally regained her composure. “Erica, would you please come with me to the corridor?” she asked through gritted teeth. “I have something _important_ to tell you.” By the emphasis she put on ‘important’ I caught the notion that it was probably something she could not say in front of Madam Pomfrey. 

_Oh, god. She knows about Draco. She found out that I healed him, and now she wants to confront me about it-_

I rose and marched to the door. “E-excuse me, Madam Pomfrey.”

Madam Pomfrey nodded, not bothered by my early departure since I had wrapped most all the bandages, and she likely didn’t have anything else for me to do. 

I made sure to close the door behind me. Penny could hardly contain herself. 

“What is it?” I hissed as the door clicked shut. Penny gripped my wrist. 

“Could you _be_ any slower?” she yanked at my arm for me to follow her, “There’s a _duel_ going on! Between Draco and a Ravenclaw 6th year!”

Relief washed over me that she did not know about me and Draco in the common room; but that relief was short-lived when I heard who was in the duel. My heart skipped a beat.

_Draco._

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco gets into a duel.

Penny and I rushed as quickly as our legs could carry us to the outskirts of the Quidditch grounds. A small crowd had gathered there. It looked like the altercation began when Slytherin had finished their Quidditch tryouts and Ravenclaw was just beginning theirs. The teams of both houses were present in two opposing lines to give the optimal view for the two dueling students on either end. The student closest to us was the lithe, gangly Ravenclaw 6th year that I recognized as Tobias Norwood. He was known for using his clever wit in scathing remarks- he was a skilled debater. And the person standing exactly twenty paces away was unmistakably Draco Malfoy. Tobias had shed his cloak and handed it off to a Ravenclaw girl standing on the sidelines- but Draco remained fully clothed. I couldn’t fathom why, as that would reduce his range of motion in combat greatly.

It looked like the duel was one round in, from the welt on Tobias’s left arm. They were about to begin the second round. Draco was unharmed, for now.  _ Stupid, _ I thought, panting as Penny and I joined the Slytherin side of the crowd,  _ Draco is being so stupid… _

“How did this start?” I whispered to Penny. 

“Draco came to the Quidditch pitch to talk to Adrian,” Penny whispered back, her eyes glued on the two men. “Slytherin had just finished tryouts. Adrian made Chaser, by the way,” she added, but I could care less at the moment, “And when Ravenclaw came, I don’t know, I guess insults were thrown, and Tobias said something about Draco’s father being a Death-Eater…” her voice trailed off. Her eyes widened. The second round of the duel was beginning.

“Do you give up yet?” Draco yelled to Tobias, readying his stance. 

Tobias rolled his shoulders. “I bet you’d like that, Death-Eater.”

Draco snarled, “I’m not a Death-Eater.”

“Your father is!” someone from the Ravenclaw side shouted. “So that makes you one, too!”

“You can’t just assume that!” Someone from the Slytherin side, Adrian, argued back. 

“It’s only a matter of time.” The Ravenclaw murmured. 

Draco’s brow twitched in irritation. “Everybody, shut up,” he barked. “Let’s finish this, Norwood.”

Tobias got into position. I observed Draco’s movements and the subtleties of his face, and knew right away he was off. Everyone’s words must have distracted him. 

_ He’s off his game… he could get seriously hurt- _

“I’m so ready to see Draco destroy that Ravensnot,” Penny whispered excitedly. I didn’t reply. My mouth was suddenly dry as bones. 

“Expelliarmus!” Tobias lunged, pointing his wand directly at Draco. My breath caught, as I expected it would be a direct hit- but Draco managed to block it. Draco quickly countered with his own “Stupefy!” that fell just short of Tobias’s well-timed side step. The crowd was dead quiet and completely captured by the skilled wizards.

A few more spells were thrown around, all of them blocked or avoided in one way or another. They worked each other into a sweat, and I could feel the confidence of the Slytherin side waning. This duel had gone on much longer than any of us expected. Draco was practically bombarding Tobias with disarming spells- causing Draco to form a line of sweat on his brow, and his concentration to slip.

One of the spells finally landed, and Tobias’s wand fell from his hand a few feet away. I was finally able to breathe again, and looked at Draco to see if this meant the duel was finished. Slytherins broke out into a cheer, but I stayed studying Draco. His chest was rising and falling steadily beneath his unsullied clothes. A smirk spread across his face as he lowered his wand to his side and scanned the group of witnesses. I assumed he was looking at Penny, who he possibly mistook for Pansy- and then his eyes slid to me. The smirk on his face fell. He was looking at me. And there I was- completely deer-in-headlights. 

“That was  _ amazing- _ ” Penny began to say, but she was not able to finish her thought, as I saw a flash of magic land on the right side of Draco’s face. He staggered. 

My head snapped to where Tobias lay, wand in hand. My blood boiled at the low-blow he had struck.  _ Clever, my ass. _

Draco switched his wand to his other hand, using his right to cover the side of his face that was affected by the unknown spell Tobias had used. “Petrificus totalus,” he snarled, effectively rendering Tobias petrified where he lay.

The duel was over, and Draco had won- but he was injured. My head buzzed with concern.  _ Everyone is watching. Should I go to him, should I help him somehow- _

My thought was cut off by the crowd’s sudden scattering. Their eyes were wild with panic. 

“McGonagall is coming!” I overheard someone say. I looked around and saw the gaunt woman striding across the grass with a few Ravenclaw students at her side. I turned to Penny, looking for a clue as to which way to run- but she was already taking off. A few Ravenclaws lingered by Tobias’s side while the rest scurried back to the castle. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a figure dressed in black step into the forest. 

_ There. _

Perhaps I was bitter that Penny had left me to fend for myself. Perhaps I didn’t want to take my chances of running back to the castle only to be caught in McGonagall’s path. Perhaps some deep part inside of me wanted to follow Draco into the forest, and offer to heal him. A recollection of him looking right at me with those dauntless eyes flashed in my mind. 

And I dashed to the forest. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica follows Draco into the Forbidden Forest.

I stepped into the Forbidden Forest, ducking behind a tree to catch my breath. The sounds of McGonagall fussing over the petrified Ravenclaw were far behind me. It seemed I avoided being caught in the altercation. But by doing so, I had placed myself in another.

It was broad daylight, and not an inch of it reached the forest floor. The Forest didn’t look this dark from the outside. As soon as my eyes adjusted to the dim light caused by the dense foliage of the trees overhead, I mustered the courage to tread forward. 

There was no sign of where Draco had gone. There was, however, a bone-chilling echo reverberating through the trees. Stories of students who had seen disturbing beasts in the Forbidden Forest ran through my brain like a newspaper editorial. 

_ Beware the man-eating spiders, the centaurs, trolls, and wolves that lurk in the shadows of the Forbidden Forest… they will surely take your life…. _

My lip began to quiver more and more with each step I took. Some buzzing of unseen insects circled closely to my ears.  _ You can turn back now, Erica. Leave Draco alone like he wishes, and carry on minding your own business… _

My right foot did not meet the forest floor on my next step- for I was whisked back, an unknown assailant’s arms wrapping around my waist, and the other covering my mouth, dampening any scream I might have prepared. The grip was firm, and I fought against it while I was dragged back deeper into the forest. 

My captor paused when they reached the enormous trunk of a twisted tree, and I at least had a sense of relief knowing my attacker was bipedal- a human. 

The person’s breath was hot on my ear. “Did you follow me here?” I recognized the voice as Draco’s. I was unsure if he could feel my heart pounding in my chest, just inches above where his left arm had me securely around the stomach. 

“I thought I obliviated you, you stupid girl,” he spoke again, the tenor of his voice sending tingles down my neck. I brought one of my feet down atop his left shoe, stomping with all my might. His loosened grip allowed me to break free. I whipped around indignantly, taking a few paces to distance myself from the man who grabbed me. 

“My name is Erica,” I emphasized angrily, “And  _ you’re _ the stupid one.” My demeanor softened when I saw the trail of blood coming from his ear that ran in haphazard streaks down the side of his neck. “You got yourself injured again.” 

Draco covered his ear. “This doesn’t concern you. What I want to know is how you blocked my spell.”

“My mother is an Obliviator for the Ministry. I’ve known how to block memory spells since I was 12.”

Draco scowled at the ground, cursing. “Of course.” His eyes flicked up from the ground to meet mine. He looked furious. “I don’t need you. I can handle this myself.”

I crossed my arms. “I highly doubt that. You must have no idea how difficult it is to perform healing spells on yourself.”

“I’m well aware,” he said through his bared teeth. “Now leave.”

“You’re not a prefect anymore. I don’t have to take orders from you.” I located a flat rock to my right, and sat. “I want to see you do it.”

Draco scowled at me, the defiant, snarky 5th year that once again caught him in a moment of weakness. He remained stiff with his hand still clutching his bloody ear. “Go on. Heal yourself,” I commanded. 

Fueled by spite, or perhaps just trying to prove a point, Draco lifted his wand to his ear with determination. As soon as the tip of his wand met the hidden wound, he winced. 

I observed from my rock. “Are you going to clean the wound first?” I asked. Draco’s gaze snapped to me. 

“If you have a problem with how I heal myself, you should just leave.”

I rolled my eyes, then procured my wand. “It will be much faster and a lot less painful if you just let me do it.”

Draco’s shoulders dropped in defeat. A scowl plastered on his handsome face, he retorted, “Fine. Show me how, so that I can do it on myself next time.”

I rose from my rock and came over to the tall man. My height was meager compared to his- my eyeline only met the tip of his shoulder, where the trail of blood met the white collar of his shirt. 

“You’ll have to kneel,” I commanded. Draco curled his lip in annoyance, but obeyed. My hands made contact with the skin of his jaw, and I attempted to tilt the side of his face up to my view-

Draco recoiled. “What are you touching my face for?” 

A frustrated breath left my nose. “I’m trying to get a good view of the wound.”

Realizing I had a point, Draco reluctantly tilted his head. I made a note not to touch him again without asking first. I cast a small light spell to locate the source of the bleed. 

“You’ve burst your eardrum,” I informed him. “I’ll clean the wound.” Draco humphed a sound of affirmation.

I paused before casting the cleaning spell. “I don’t suppose you’ll ask for a bit of conversation to distract you?”

Draco’s brow twitched. “Not in the mood,” he growled. 

I positioned my wand a few centimeters from the entrance to his ear. “ _ Tergeo _ .” 

Draco’s entire body shuddered as the wound cleaned itself. Blood sloughed off, disappearing from his neck and jaw. His reaction to the spell was unprecedented-  _ tergeo _ was relatively mild. In fact, most people have said it gave them a tickling sensation. 

Amusement bubbled within me. “....Are your ears rather sensitive?”

“Yes,” Draco snapped defensively, casting me a glare. “They are. So be careful, would you?”

“Hmm,” I thought aloud, “This may hurt quite a bit. Your ears being sensitive, and all. Are you quite certain you don’t need a distraction? Maybe a limerick?” I teased.

Draco turned to me. “Would you just get on with it? I’m not in the mood to be poked fun of.” His eyes scanned my body, up and down. “And you should know that  _ obliviate _ is one of the tamer spells I know. I could cast much worse spells on you that I doubt your mum knows how to block.”

His scathing words made me freeze for a moment. I had almost forgotten just who I had before me; the most powerful wizard in our house, perhaps our whole year. The son of one of the most renowned families in the entire wizarding world, with ties to the Dark Lord. “Right,” I said hoarsely, suddenly feeling the weight of my lunch in my stomach. “I’ll just-”

Draco suddenly lunged for me, whipping me into his arms again and placing a firm hand over my mouth.  _ Again?! Really?! _ I wanted to say, but the sound of crunching footsteps coming closer made me understand why he had silenced me once more. As the footsteps came to the vicinity of the tree we were hiding behind, Draco held me securely between his legs, my head against his chest. His svelte torso pushed into my back. 

The footsteps stopped, and the person began to speak to the seemingly empty forest. I recognized the voice as McGonagall’s. “I won’t bother dragging you to my office, Draco. I have better things to do than root around in the forest. But you owe me a discussion. Sooner, rather than later.”

I could hear Draco’s breath slow as soon as McGonagall walked away. It seemed she was getting tired of Draco’s constant misbehaviors; so much so, that she didn’t even bother finding his exact location. Even McGonagall had limits to her patience. 

Draco released me. It was actually more of a push. I caught myself on a twisted root so as to keep my face from planting in the dirt. Just as I was about to turn and curse at him, Draco began to walk away. “This place is no good.”

He gave me no indication that I was to follow, but I did so anyway- if only because I was afraid to be left alone. He led me wordlessly along the outskirts of the forest on a long trek around the perimeter, always staying hidden from view of people on the castle grounds by a few layers of trees. I wanted to ask where we were going, but knew to keep my mouth shut, in case someone-or something- heard us. 

The question of our destination was answered when we finally arrived at the edge of the forest. Below us was a steep bank that led down to a secluded portion of the Black Lake. As if he had taken this route a million times, Draco began descending down the rocks onto the grey sand below. I followed, stumbling a bit as the gravel shifted below my feet, but Draco never offered a hand or so much as turned around. 

He situated himself atop a rock, taking a moment to look out at the water. It was like he was alone, contemplating something that I probably wouldn’t understand. It was tranquil here- the tips of the castle spires were distant, and the only sound was the loons skirting the water. I padded forward silently, allowing Draco a minute of peace. Peace that I think I needed, as well. 

After a long silence, Draco spoke, but his gaze never left the water.

“You must think I’m foolish for challenging Norwood to a duel.”

I stammered, surprised that he was addressing me in a statement that wasn’t a command. I allowed another silence to pass as I mulled over the options for my response. I wanted to be truthful, but not so truthful as to piss him off further. Finally, I replied, “That depends on what he said to you, exactly.”

“He only said that my father got what he deserved,” Draco said, his voice solemn. “I can’t say I disagree.”

I was unsure if it was even my place to offer my opinion, but nevertheless, gave it. “...But still. He doesn’t deserve to speak of him. That’s your father.” I allowed the words to spill out, as long as Draco was willing to listen. I said, “If someone spoke ill of my father, I would be rightfully pissed.” That statement was true. It was another reason why I protected his identity so vehemently; I wanted to leave no gaps in the armor, no opportunity for someone to wound me. 

Draco shook his head. “I don’t know why I’m talking to you about this. You wouldn’t possibly understand what it’s like to have a father like mine.”

My body tensed, and silence hung heavy in the air again. My face got hot as I spoke the truth I hadn’t offered to anyone, not even my closest friends. But I needed something, anything, to say to Draco, to heal his wounded ego. 

“...I wouldn’t know what it’s like to have a father at all, actually.” Every inch of my body protested, the worst being my eyes, that betrayed me by welling with tears. I dug my nails into my palm to force them to recede. 

The lake sparkled behind Draco as he turned to me, brows furrowed. “What do you mean by that?”

The first genuine question I had ever heard from his mouth.  _ Great, now he’s looking at me with pity. _ I was already regretting telling him. “My father’s not in my life. Left when I was a baby,” I shrugged, trying to play it off. “It’s not a big deal, really.”

“Do you know much about him?”

I replied with certainty, “I know he’s a pureblood. A rather scummy one.” I cast a nervous look at Draco. “Please don’t tell anyone. It’s quite embarrassing.”

Draco turned back to the water. “Wish I could tell you to do the same. But my private business is already common knowledge.”

I came over to his rock. “About time I fixed that ear, yeah? I’m sure you have places to be.”  _ And I don’t want to keep talking, in case I spill any more embarrassing secrets. _

Draco glanced at my wand that was out and ready. He looked disinterested. “I’m in no rush to get to McGonagall.”

A little smile played over my lips. “My friends will be looking for me.”

My statement seemed to pop the precious bubble of the moment. Draco turned his head and sourly muttered, “Fine. Do it then.”

I leaned in, wand up, practicing the incantation in my head- inhaling the gentle perfume of his hair as I did so. “ _ Timpani reparo _ ,” I said with a light tap on the ear. The spell caused him a great bit of pain. Draco’s hands flexed, his nails leaving white lines as he dragged them along the rock. I couldn’t help but picture those strong hands wrapped around my waist, imagining the trails his nails could leave on my bare skin.

_ Sensitive ears, indeed. _


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and Draco talk by the lake.

The girls were all abuzz with excitement for Adrian’s toilet meade party. They had all been asked by a boy to attend, and it was all they could talk about after dinner. I was a bit distracted, however, secretly keeping my eyes peeled for Draco all day. It was rare for him to come to meals in the Great Hall lately. I would maybe see him once a day, at breakfast, where we would pretend like we didn’t know each other. That was fine by me. As long as he kept my secret, I would keep his. 

“Dimitri asked me to the party in potions class,” Evelyn chirped from her bed. “Well, he was about to, until he spilled frog’s blood on his sleeve.”

Penny laughed, arranging her hair in a tight ponytail for the night. “Adrian said we could all come. I’m quite excited; this is going to be our first party as  _ fifth years _ .”

“It’ll be my first time trying meade,” Greta informed us with a twinge of nervousness. She always was nervous, that girl. “What’s it like? Does it make you feel drunk right away?”

“It doesn’t work that way,” Penny said, as if it should be obvious. “You need to drink a lot at first. Get a good buzz going. And then you can just sip for the rest of the night and you’ll get drunk. I know because I’ve had my parents’ wine on multiple occasions. Not that they knew, as I charmed it to look clear as water.”

I worked on my painting silently on my bed. I had nothing to contribute to the conversation; no past experience with booze, or boys. Penny picked up on my silence, and said to me, “How did Cade ask you to the party, Erica?”

I looked up from my painting, realizing I had already forgotten the exact details of the encounter. “He cornered me outside the hospital wing,” I said with a twinge of annoyance. Greta’s mouth popped open. 

“Ugh, that’s so romantic,” Greta whined. “I thought Adrian would invite me personally, especially because we spent so much time snogging in the owlery last term. But  _ Robbie _ was the one to tell me.”

“Robbie is fit,” Evelyn said to the distraught girl. “But if you don’t fancy him, we can switch.”

Greta and Evelyn started to hash out the pros and cons of each of their dates, debating whether they should switch boys or not. Penny adjusted to lay on her bed propped up on her elbows, looking at me with analytical eyes. “Erica, do you reckon Cade will kiss you?”

My paintbrush almost flew out of my hand. I uttered, “I have no idea.”

“Have you ever been kissed by a boy?” Penny inquired, like it was a question on an exam that I had to pass. I shook my head. 

Penny’s eyes squeezed shut as her body shook with laughter. Greta and Evelyn looked over from their discussion to see what was so funny. 

“Erica’s never been kissed!” Penny chortled. “Oh, I shouldn’t be surprised. If you had, you would have told us.” I looked down at my lap, feeling embarrassed. 

“That  _ has _ to change,” Greta chimed in excitedly. “At the party next weekend, for certain. You have to.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know if… if I want my first kiss to be with Cade.”

“Who then?” Penny asked, continuing her inquisition. I began to suspect that this was not light-hearted friendly banter, but rather, fishing for the answer to which boy I harbored feelings for. Even if I did want to tell her the truth, what could I even say? That I rather like professional Quidditch players and the twenty-something man that works at the bookshop in Diagon Alley? What about Draco, who gives me that nauseous pixies-in-the-stomach feeling whenever I think of him restraining me in the Forbidden Forest? None of these were good answers. Especially not Draco. Admitting to them that I thought he was attractive was practically handing them an invitation to tease and berate me for all eternity. 

“Well?” Penny prodded me again. I snapped out of my thinking fog. 

“I don’t know who I fancy yet,” I replied sheepishly. “I’m trying to keep an open mind, I suppose.”

“Well if your mind is so open, then why not just get it over with and do it with Cade?”

Feeling verbally cornered, I gave in, only to get her off my back. “Fine,” I sighed. “I suppose I might as well. But if he has ghastly breath, I won’t do it.”

Everyone chuckled at that. A smug smile crept upon Penny’s face. “I’ll make sure he takes a peppermint.”

The girls went to sleep not long after that. The room was stuffy, and when it was this warm Greta snored. The rhythmic inhalations from her side of the room that resembled a sputtering broomstick kept me from ever fully closing my eyes. Additionally, I was quite peeved from tonight’s conversation. Penny was getting pushier every year, treating us like actors in her make-believe play. 

_ Can I really endure two more years of this? Two more years of being nothing more than her dog?  _ I tossed and turned, the sheets falling to the floor. I let them stay there. My mind itched for something to do, to distract myself. I had to get out of this room, or else I might burst into tears. 

I shimmied out of my pajama bottoms and into corduroy pants. I put on some shoes, grabbed my notebook, wand, and a sweater, and went to the common room. 

It was late, so I was surprised to see that the common room was already occupied. Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise Zabini, and Pansy Parkinson were all sitting around the fireplace, leaning in like they were in some heated conversation. 

“It’s our duty to help him,” Pansy whispered, her dark brows furrowed just like her younger sister’s. “He can’t do it alone.”

“He doesn’t want our help,” Blaise responded angrily. 

“Well something has to be done-” Pansy began to say, but stopped when she noticed me standing in the corridor. All at once, their heads turned to look at me. My adrenaline spiked. They were a fearsome looking bunch. 

“Can we help you?” Pansy said to me, but I could tell it was her way of saying ‘ _ this room is occupied, so scram _ .’ 

I shifted uncomfortably. “I-I was just going to get some fresh air.” 

They continued eyeing me as I crossed the room to the exit. I expected Pansy to say something about me breaking curfew, but she said nothing; her only wish for me to leave. Even when my back was turned, I could feel the cold tingle of their gazes following me until the moment the door closed behind me. And in the dark hall outside of the Slytherin house, I was utterly alone. 

I could take the staircase up to the rest of the castle and risk being caught by a patrolling prefect or professor. Or, I could take one of the unknown doors in the basement I had never used before. I knew a few belonged to Professor Snape; but I always assumed the others were storage closets. 

_ A storage closet seems like a good place to hide in for an hour or so while I wait for Pansy and her lot to clear out, _ I decided, and opened the door closest to my right. 

To my surprise, it was not a storage closet; it was a passageway containing a staircase.  _ Why haven’t I used this before? _ I wondered. My curiosity drew me forward, and I used my wand to light the sconces lining the passage. As I climbed the stairs, I saw light at the top; and realized that this passage led almost directly to a secret path to the Black Lake. 

_ Perfect. _ I felt the relief of the cold night air on my skin, and tugged on my sweater, making my way to the sandy bank. There wasn’t another soul in sight, but I kept my wand out and ready just in case something were to be lurking in the shadows. If I wasn’t feeling so pissed, I might have turned back. But a part of me was kind of looking for a fight. 

I took a seat right on the sand, finding a good angle for the moonlight to illuminate the pages of my notebook. The lake was the perfect subject to paint tonight; it was a waxing moon, almost full; but shining so brightly it left imprints in my eyelids. I began to sketch my outline and felt the stress dissipate from my body. Penny, Evelyn and Greta were distant thoughts, as distant as the evergreen trees across the lake. I sketched three trees, naming them each in accordance to my friends. Then after some consideration, I erased them- making them miniscule little shrubs instead. 

“You shouldn’t be out this late. It’s dangerous.”

I whipped around, wand drawn, allowing my paintbrush to fall onto the page. I relaxed when I saw it was only Draco Malfoy, dressed head to toe in a slim black suit. He had somehow appeared at the edge of the bank. 

I frowned, lowering my wand. “The only dangerous thing I see is you.”

His eyes flicked to the notebook in my lap. “Studying this late? You must be crazy.”

“Not crazy. Just an insomniac,” I closed the book, not wanting Draco to see my mediocre paintings. “What are you doing here? Out to catch another Grindylow? Maybe a mermaid this time?”

Draco did not react to my teasing like I expected. He quietly replied, “I suppose you could say I’ve become a bit of an insomniac as well.” His gaze went to me. “I would ask if you have something for that, but clearly if you did you would be asleep right now.”

I let out a frustrated exhale. “The only remedy I know of is Sleeping Draught. Unfortunately, I’m shit at potions, and don’t want to attempt it and poison myself.”

“Is that what you’re studying there?” Draco asked, referring to my book. 

“No.”

Draco stepped closer to me, eyeing the book that I was hiding in my hands. “What is it then? Healing charms?”

I didn’t bother craning my neck to look up at him. “It’s none of your business,” I muttered.

That seemed to only bait Draco. He crouched, then swiftly took the book from my hands, keeping it out of my reach as he leafed through the pages. Embarrassment seeped through every bone in my body. 

“They’re just crappy paintings,” I said to him, not wanting to indicate that I actually put in quite a bit of effort in case he deemed them horrible. Draco flipped through the pages quickly at first, then slowed, analyzing each for a moment that felt like an eternity. 

“There’s no people,” he finally said, closing the book and tossing it back at my feet. “Only water and bushes.”

“....They’re called landscapes.”

“It’s Muggle art,” Draco said with distaste. 

I retorted sourly, “I use an enchanted paintbrush. Besides, I know I’m no good at it, that’s why I came here to do it in  _ private _ . The common room was occupied by Pansy.”

I realized I probably shouldn’t have brought her name up, for that seemed to pique Draco’s interest. Narrowing his eyes, he asked, “Was she alone?”

“No. Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise were there, too,” I said, which made him roll his eyes. 

“I suppose they were talking about me,” Draco muttered, glaring out at the water. 

“I-I don’t know,” I said. “Why would they be?”

Draco lifted a hand to his face, running his thumb and forefinger down the bones of his temple. “They’ve been worried about me, is all.”

I considered my response carefully. “You have been acting differently.”

Draco didn’t respond to that. He only remained standing on the bank, looking at the water. It seemed he was aware of his odd behavior. It was only natural for his friends to be concerned; I wasn’t even close to his inner circle, and even I had taken note of his absences at meals and in common areas. It was like he was trying to distance himself from something. The school, perhaps?

“I’ve been burdened with a difficult task,” Draco said suddenly. “It is something only I can do. No one else.”

Unsure of what he was referring to, I asked with hesitance, “... is this task quite dangerous?”

Draco shook his head. He’d said too much. “It’s none of your concern,” he muttered.

“It is of my concern if you’re going to get yourself injured again.”

An owl hooted in the distance. The night air was getting crisper, more chill. A shiver went down my spine, but beside me Draco seemed unaffected. I suspected maybe his blood ran cold. I wouldn’t be surprised. 

“What you said to me that night you healed me in the common room,” Draco began, “When you said you would heal me whenever I wished. Does that offer still stand?”

I was taken aback so much that I stumbled over my words. “W-well, for difficult wounds, you should go to Madam Pomfrey-”

“That’s no good,” Draco shook his head. “It has to be you. You did say she taught you all that she knew.”

“ _ Almost _ all-”

“Then learn it all,” he said with a commanding tone. I looked up and saw that he was looking down at me, his expression determined, lips taut- but his eyes were scared. This was all he was asking of me. To become a full-fledged Healer at the age of 15. 

“I’m crap at potions,” I blurted. “Madam Pomfrey said I would have to get Outstanding marks on all my subjects if I want to become a Healer.”

Draco’s lip curled. “I don’t have time to help you, if that’s what you’re asking.  _ You _ offered to help  _ me _ . So do more studying. Less Muggle art.” He turned on his heel and began to walk away. I almost let him leave, but I had more questions.

“Wait!” I called after him. “How will I know if you’re hurt again?”

He didn’t look back when he replied, “I’ll find you.”

And with that final remark, he trod back to the castle, leaving me on the edge of the freezing lake alone. 

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica tries meade for the first time, and runs into Draco.

“This is shit,” Penny complained, tossing a bundle of clothes onto her bed. “Everything I own is terrible. I can’t wear it tonight.”

A week had passed, and it was now the night of Adrian’s toilet-meade party. I had been studying medical magic until my eyes bled almost every free chance I got. My notebook of paintings remained untouched this week. As I dressed for the evening, I could almost hear it calling to me from my bookbag, begging to be painted in again; but I had made a promise to Draco that was cemented in my brain. It played over and over like a bad song. 

_ I have to be prepared to heal him. Whatever he needs, whether that be a burn, a cut, a jinx, I have to know how to fix it all. _ I knew it was a daunting task the second I asked Madam Pomfrey for her recommended readings, and she listed off at least twenty titles, all encyclopedias. Of course, she thought I was studying out of my own interest. My promise to Draco was our secret. 

“You can borrow something of mine,” Evelyn offered. She was wearing a cream blouse that accented what little curves she had. Otherwise, she was practically a rectangle. She was using her wand as a curling iron on Greta’s hair. 

Penny scoffed at Evelyn’s offer. “No, I can’t wear something of yours. It would never fit.” She gestured to her chest, which was quite honestly the biggest of all of ours. “Greta, let me see your clothes.”

“O-okay,” she gestured Penny to her wardrobe, but Penny was already on her way there. She rifled through the clothes. “Ugh, is this really all you have?” She turned around to look at me sitting on my bed. I was ready and just waiting for everyone else. “Is that what you’re wearing, Erica?”

I looked down at my denim pleated skirt and striped sweater. “Yes,” I replied, unsure what was the matter with it. I had even brushed my hair, and put on a bit of makeup, something I neglected to do most days. 

Penny sucked her cheek. “That sweater is a bit conservative, don’t you think?”

I replied, “W-well I have a top on underneath. I just didn’t want the prefects to see me in the halls and suspect something.” That was a lie. I had no intentions of taking off my sweater tonight. It wasn’t that cold out, but the thought of everyone seeing me in the tank top I was wearing under my sweater didn’t sit right with me. 

Penny considered my words. “Shit, that’s smart,” she said decisively. “If someone sees us looking like tramps we’ll be caught for certain.”

The boys had told us to come at half past ten, because that was when most people were either out already or asleep. We managed to head over right on schedule, even though Penny changed her outfit three times and Greta almost left with mismatching shoes. We tried to be sneaky, since girls going to the boys dorms was forbidden; but I knew people did it anyway. I kept my wand tucked into the waistband of my skirt just in case.

Penny knocked at the door three times. Adrian opened the door right away, and as soon as he did the smell of something horrible hit my nose. 

“Heeey,” Adrian greeted Penny, looking her up and down. “Come on in, ladies.” We all filed in, each of us being subjected to Adrian’s scans. I tugged the hem of my skirt down when I walked by.

The boys’ room was the same as ours; stone walls and floors, with four-poster beds with Slytherin tapestries hanging from the walls. There were no windows so the only light was from their bedside lamps and a teal lava-lamp on a shelf. Adrian’s roommates were seated in the center around a table and a decanter of some brown liquid. “Well, well,” Penny said, “What do we have here?”

“Homemade meade,” Adrian said proudly, shutting the door firmly and locking it. “My own recipe.”

Evelyn, Greta and Penny all shed their outer layers and took seats around the table, sandwiching themselves between Adrian’s roommates, Dimitri and Robbie. Adrian took a spot right between Penny and Greta that I was eyeing, but a seat was left open next to Cade, which I assumed was meant for me. 

I kept my sweater on and sat next to the long-limbed blonde boy.  _ Great. He already looks drunk, _ I observed when he tried to pour the meade into some goblets they swiped from the Great Hall. He offered me a cup.

“Cheers,” he said with a dopey smile. We not so gracefully clinked the goblets together, and I took a moment to look into the dark liquid. As I did so, I caught a good whiff- a mistake, I realized. My friends wasted little time in drinking theirs, and I wanted to gag. The idea of ingesting this concoction of old fruits and fermented bread crusts made my stomach turn. 

“Go on, Erica!” Cade encouraged, having finished his goblet already. Everyone in the circle looked to me. Penny gave me a silent expression that seemed to say ‘ _ don’t be the only one out and ruin the fun.’ _ I lifted the rim to my lips, trying not to breathe as I did so, and managed to force down two big gulps. It burned the whole way down. Like drinking mouthwash. 

“It’s… good,” I lied, which made the boys smirk. 

“You don’t have to lie,” Dimitri, the dark curly-haired one next to Evelyn said, “We know it tastes like sink water.”

_ Oh, thank god, _ I thought. “Then why are we drinking it?”

Robbie, the brunette who had his hair carefully gelled to the side and aftershave on his cheeks, said, “To prepare for the main event of course.”

I looked around, unsure what the ‘main event’ was. Adrian procured a deck of wizard cards; similar to Muggle cards, but with images that moved. “Strip poker.”

Greta, Evelyn and Penny exchanged looks of excitement. I tried to mask my nerves, and took another swig from the goblet. My mouth began to get this awful aftertaste, and my body tingled with its effects already taking hold. I whispered to Cade, “This stuff is rather strong, isn’t it?”

Cade smirked, seemingly satisfied that I had leaned to him. He replied, “We know. That’s why the boys got a head start.”

I took another sip. I was in for a long night, it seemed, and I needed all the liquid courage I could get.

As it turned out, I was rather good at poker. I had never played it before, but perhaps there was some kind of otherworldly being above looking out for me tonight, because I managed to sweep the floor for the next hour. I remained fully clothed while everyone else around me was just about down to their knickers; the boys had (somewhat too willingly) removed their shirts, and Cade his trousers as well; and Greta and Penny had both removed their socks, shoes, and finally their shirts as well. The meade did its job, as no one seemed to be the slightest bit embarrassed by this. In fact, Evelyn and Dimitri had snuck off to his bed for a snog and a bit of a grope. A part of me couldn’t believe that they were doing it only a few feet away from us, but the more dominant part of me was now drunk, and had little care for anything at all. That was the only reason why I had allowed Cade’s hand to stay on my thigh for the past ten minutes. 

“Could we play a different game now?” Penny suggested, pressing her flushed cheek to Adrian’s bare shoulder. 

“Of course. What did you have in mind?”

Penny took a look around the room. The sounds of Evelyn and Robbie giggling suddenly became the main focal point, and I felt like I wanted to gag.  _ Oh, wait, that could just be the meade, _ I thought to myself.  _ The stupid, stupid meade… _

“Greta, finish your goblet,” Penny ordered. Greta’s eyes widened.

“What for?” she asked. 

“Because I need it.”

Greta reluctantly lifted the goblet to her mouth and drank deeply. She made a sour face and handed the now-empty goblet to Penny, who set it on its side in the center of the table. 

“Let’s play spin the goblet,” she said with a gleam in her eye. My mind reeled while everyone else smiled.  _ Oh, no.  _

“I’ll go first,” Penny declared, pointing her wand at the goblet and giving it a spin. The goblet spun round and round, my vision blurring slightly. I shut my eyes to steady myself, still feeling the unwelcome weight of Cade’s hand on me. 

“Robbie,” I heard Penny say with playful satisfaction. I opened my eyes again and saw Greta looking dismayed as Penny leaned across the table to give her date a kiss on the mouth. Robbie didn’t complain. The boys ooh’d as Penny and Robbie kissed for longer than expected, but I couldn’t seem to muster the effort to say anything, especially when Greta looked so quietly disgruntled. 

“I go next then.” As Robbie spun the goblet, I prayed that it would not land on me. It seemed my luck hadn’t run out, as it landed pointing at Greta. 

“Robbie’s getting all the kisses tonight,” Adrian complained as Greta and Robbie exchanged a kiss. Greta took her turn spinning the goblet, and it finished its rotation by pointing directly at Cade. Greta raised her eyebrows, looking at me to check if it was alright, but Cade was already leaning over to plant one on her. He kept his hand on my thigh the whole time. I began to feel seriously sick. 

“Cade, it’s your turn,” Penny said, her eyes flicking to me, as if she already knew where it was going to land. I realized then that Penny had almost certainly enchanted the cup. Each spin was too convenient- too predetermined to be random.

_ I have to get out of here, _ I realized, my head throbbing.  _ At this rate, my first kiss will be during this asinine game, with a guy that swapped spit with my friend while still groping my leg.  _

If anyone else was aware of the enchanted cup, they didn’t seem to care. They were all too drunk to notice, anyhow. 

Just as I expected, the mouth of the goblet pointed right to me. Cade’s grip tightened around my thigh as Penny let loose a satisfied “ooooohhhh.” Slowly, I turned my head to look at Cade’s smile. His face was already too close to mine- and I didn’t want it to come any closer.

“J-just a moment,” I held up a finger before he could lean in. I groped for my goblet and took another big swig that I tried to make last for as long as possible. 

“Don’t be nervous Erica,” Penny urged, “Just do it.”

I set down the goblet. I shifted in my seat, turning to Cade, preparing to get it over and done with as quickly as possible. Cade, unfortunately, had a different idea. His other hand came around to my waist, and suddenly he was holding me in his hands. It was a tender gesture, quite romantic; but I didn’t want it. 

_ The only other person who has touched me here….  _ The thought of Draco came into my mind, along with the realization that the person I would much rather be kissing was, in fact, him. 

Thanks to my own inebriation my body was easily persuaded to lean in, and I shut my eyes, imagining it was Draco holding me instead of this other boy. The illusion managed to work until Cade’s mouth eventually met mine, and then everything was shattered. 

_ This… is kissing? It’s just putting your mouth on someone else’s. Nothing particularly special about it at all.  _ Disappointment mingled with my inner feeling of nausea. Cade’s mouth was utterly horrible, and tasted like the meade- and his tongue kept trying to break into the tight seal I had forced my mouth into. 

I pulled away, my insides tangling up, making me feel like I was about to burst. That was the worst kiss possibly in the history of all time. Cade looked shocked that I ended it so soon. But the lingering feeling and taste of his mouth remained. I had the overwhelming urge to cleanse myself of it. 

“I-I have to use the loo,” I announced, stumbling to rise from my seat. Cade attempted to help, but I swatted his hand away, and instead used one of the beams of a nearby four-poster bed to steady myself. 

“Are you going to be sick?” Greta asked with concern. I didn’t respond, my only goal to get to the door and leave this party. Penny was peeved that I was leaving, and called after me, “Erica, don’t  _ leave _ -” but I was already yanking at the door handle with all the strength I could muster. Remembering Adrian locked it earlier, I clumsily twisted the lock out of place, catching the tail end of Adrian berating Cade, “-Nice one, Cade, you made her sick with your twisted breath.”

I firmly shut the door with me on the other side. I wanted to be relieved that I was now free of them, my excuse of needing to throw up believable, but the walls of the corridor seemed to pulse before my eyes.  _ Shit. I’m utterly blasted. _

I wiped at my mouth with the sleeves of my sweater, but that wasn’t enough to eliminate the taste of his mouth. I decided to go to the women’s loo to wash my face. It was down the boys’ corridor and around the corner. I would have to walk past all of the boys’ rooms to get to it from here. Bracing myself by placing my hands on the stone wall, I began to walk clumsily down the corridor. My vision betrayed me, tilting things this way and that, and I was certain that if anyone saw me attempting to walk they would think I’d gone mad. I looked behind me. No one. 

The Slytherin boys’ dorms were arranged in an L-shaped hall, and the farther you went, the older the inhabitants got; the first-year’s were near the entrance, and the 7th years at the very end. I just had to make it past the last of the rooms, and then I would be able to sneak past the common room to the girls’ wing. 

I honestly had no idea if I was even going the right way. Everything looked the same; grey concrete with dim lanterns dispersed along the walls that only served to blur my vision further. I knew I made a wrong turn when I reached a dead end. 

_ Dammit. I only went deeper into the boys’ dorms, instead of leaving them- _ I made myself turn, and gasped when I saw a black silhouette emerging from their room. I was immediately spotted. 

“I thought I heard someone shuffling about out here.” The voice sounded so familiar, but in my drunken haze I couldn’t place who it was- and a shadow fell over their face, preventing me from identifying them. They came closer, backing me into the dark corner of the boys hall.

“I-I’m sorry, I got turned around,” I began to say, but felt ridiculous. There was no reason for me to be here. My heart thumped. This would surely mean whoever it was would report me, and some kind of disciplinary action would be taken; possibly house point deductions, or detention-

The person gripped my wrist. I fell back in surprise, the wall catching me just in time. The person stepped toe-to-toe with me, and I could finally make out facial features. My breath caught in my throat as I recognized the grey eyes and short platinum hair. 

Draco’s face loomed above mine mere inches away. He was dressed in that black suit of his again, which was what led me to believe he was a professor at first. But this was almost worse than if a professor had caught me. I didn’t want Draco to see me like this. 

I felt humiliated as Draco studied my face, then lowered his eyes to look down at my clothes. 

“It’s late,” his voice growled softly. “Why aren’t you dressed for bed?” I opened my mouth to reply, but he caught a whiff of the scent of meade and frowned. 

“Have you been drinking?”

I shut my mouth and didn’t reply. My eyes only shifted from side to side, practically affirming my guilt. 

“In the boys dormitory?” Draco inquired, this question a little angrier than the last. He didn’t wait for my answer before demanding, “Whose room.”

“A-Adrian and Cade’s.” At the mention of Cade’s name, my voice cracked, and my eyes began to water. Draco’s expression hardened, and he leaned in closer. 

“Did they do something to you?” he demanded. I didn’t know if it was the booze, or my own imagination, but he sounded almost… protective. 

“No,” I replied, feeling the weight of his stare. “I-I mean, just a kiss.”

Draco’s grip flexed where he held my wrist. “They forced a kiss on you.”

“It wasn’t like that. I-I was somewhat willing, but, I hated it,” I tried to explain as best as I could to get Draco to calm down. But what I couldn’t understand was why he was so upset in the first place. “Why do you even care?”

Draco’s lip curled. “Because you’re my matron.” He paused to take a deep breath, the irritation in his voice growing. “And you’re out getting drunk. What if I had needed you tonight?”

I didn’t have a response to give. I only sniffled and tried to block out the memory of Cade holding my waist and the way his tongue felt when it was trying to push its way into me.

I stifled a quiet sob with my free hand. The guilt I was feeling from Draco’s words shuddered through me. He had called me his matron. That was more than I deserved.

“I-I’m sorry,” I said to him as he watched me cry. “I didn’t want to do it. Any of it. Truthfully, I only want to serve you.”

Draco’s eyes widened. “Don’t say that.”

I didn’t know what it was that I said to make him react so badly, but all I knew was that Draco was beginning to pull away. The child inside of me didn’t want to let him go, and the woman inside of me longed for something to erase the troubles of tonight-

Draco let go of my wrist. And just as he did, my arms seemed to grasp his shoulders on their own, keeping him close to me. It all happened so quickly, it seemed neither of us saw it coming- I only caught a glimpse of his surprised expression before I lifted my face to kiss him.

I wanted to melt. My god, his mouth was so soft, his lips fitting into mine perfectly. And his smell… my body quivered, knowing that what I was doing was horribly wrong. 

Draco didn’t allow it to last much longer than a heartbeat. Pushing me from him, he backed away with a look of dismay. 

“What did you do that for?” he hissed. His glare was sobering. 

I remained glued to the wall, stunned by my own actions. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know… I don’t know what came over me.” 

Draco straightened, adjusting the collar of his black turtleneck. He looked surprised; and a bit offended. I expected him to walk away and leave me alone like he always did. Or perhaps insult me for having the nerve to throw myself at him. But he stepped closer. I waited with my back to the wall for him to say something, do something- but he came to me without saying a word. When our eyes met again, something in his expression had softened. 

I wanted to apologize again, but I didn’t get the chance. Every thought left my body as Draco placed his right hand on my face, his thumb just barely grazing the corner of my mouth. He took only a moment for us to linger here, hesitating before placing his lips on mine. I let it happen- rather, I wanted it to happen, with every inch of my body. Our eyes closed, and he slipped an arm behind the crook of my back to pull my torso into his. We kissed for one heartbeat, then two, my lips slowly parting to move with his. 

It was like my core was set on fire. Kissing Draco was, without a doubt, the most magical thing I had ever experienced. It felt like my whole body was being lifted from the floor from the strength of his embrace. Then, all at once, it stopped. 

Draco stepped away from me, keeping his eyes to the ground. I was finally able to catch my breath. 

“The deal is off,” Draco said in a low voice. “You are no longer my matron.”

_ Oh. _

I was without words. But I needed to know why Draco had kissed me like that, especially after he seemed so off-put before. The magic moment we had shared was now dulled by his sudden declaration. I had to know why- why was he breaking our deal?

I couldn’t ask him, for he had already left. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica sees Draco being suspicious at Hogsmeade.

I didn’t see Draco again for a long time after that night. 

My friends, particularly Penny, were upset with me for leaving the party early. I offered them no sincere apology, or an explanation of what had happened in the dark corner of the boy’s corridor afterwards. As much as I replayed that moment in my head, I couldn’t make sense of it. And it tore me up. 

I looked for Draco everywhere I went. I never sought him out, but I did notice how when I walked through the halls my eyes seemed to hunt for any tall man who was blonde, or how my heart jumped every time I saw a professor in a suit rounding the corner. But I didn’t see Draco in the halls; or in the Great Hall, or even in the common room. 

I began to reason with myself that Draco had relieved me of my position of his healer because he simply couldn’t stand to be dependent on some flouncy 5th year that threw herself at him when she was drunk. But that didn’t explain why he had kissed me so passionately, and with that soft expression- in the moment, I thought that perhaps he had desired me, too. But the longer I thought about it the less it made sense. Perhaps he pitied me. Wanted to show me what a real kiss was like. But if that was the case, then that was his mistake- for now, without any doubt in my mind, I was hopelessly and completely fixated on him. 

Snow began to fall the next month. By mid-October, it had coated most everything, making late night trips to the lake impossible. I had gone a couple more times to get a moment of peace from my friends and return to my painting, every time hopeful that Draco might show up again. But he didn’t. And all I could seem to paint was him. 

Cade ended up apologizing profusely for that night and making me supposedly sick. I accepted his apology half-heartedly, more inclined to do so because his group of friends and mine seemed to have melded into its own little incestuous dating circle. They did most everything together, including trips to Hogsmeade, which is where I found myself sitting in a booth alone at Hog’s Head with my notebook while everyone else chatted over butterbeers one table over. 

Greta waved at me to join them. But I saw the look in Penny’s eyes when Greta did so. An unmistakable glare. I rose from my seat, tucking my book under my arm. 

“I have to use the loo,” I said, gesturing to the restrooms in the back. “I’ll come back in a bit.” Greta nodded. But I knew most everyone didn’t care if I was there or not; after all, I wasn’t a part of a couple, and certainly wasn’t willing to canoodle with Cade. I would chat with them for a bit, then excuse myself to go back to the dormitory. 

I walked through the door that separated the dining room from the bathrooms and entered the quaint women’s restroom. Only two toilet stalls were inside, and I chose the closer one and carefully set my book on the floor. Someone else entered just as I finished, and I didn’t pay much mind to it- but as soon as they saw someone was already in a stall, they left. 

_ Odd. There was a second stall for them to use,  _ I thought. Maybe they wanted complete privacy. I washed my hands in the bowl-like sink and exited the restroom back to the tiny hallway, starting towards the pub lobby- but realized I had forgotten my book. 

“Dammit,” I cursed quietly, turning back around to re-enter the restroom. I stopped in my tracks as soon as the door closed behind me. Someone had entered the women’s restroom since I left. I blinked once. Twice. I thought it was maybe my vision playing tricks on me, making me see a ghost.

“Draco,” I said to the man standing in the middle of the restroom. He spun around to face me, eyes wild.  _ Not a ghost.  _

He had something tucked under his arm, a slim box wrapped over and over in tattered leather. I had so much I wanted to say to this man, to ask him; but all I could say in the moment was, “What are you doing?”

Draco’s facial expression morphed from surprise into guilt, and then anger. “You need to leave.”

“Actually,” I found my courage and clung to it, “You’re in the women’s restroom. I think you should leave.” My eyes went down to the box he had under his arm. “What is that-” I began to say, but Draco cut me off. 

“Get. Out.” he commanded, his tone lethal. I balked. Even when he was at his rudest, he never spoke to me like this. 

He watched me with careful eyes as I stepped towards him. “What is going on, Draco? Where have you  _ been _ ?”

His lip quivered. Almost like he couldn’t stand to look at me, his eyes went to the floor. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away from me.”

“Why?” I demanded, “Is it because I’m young and have moments of foolishness? Is it because you simply don’t need my help anymore? Do you simply not want me?”

My questions landed on Draco like bullets. His face twisted into a pained look. He shook his head slowly at the ground, but no words came out. 

“Tell me, Draco,” I whispered. 

“Leave,” he said again. 

“No.”

He bared his wand at me. “Leave, or I’ll hurt you.”

My mouth opened slightly, letting in a small gasp. I wouldn’t let him know this, but he had already hurt me. And now, I couldn’t even stand to look at him. 

I balled my hands into fists and stared down the hilt of his wand. “You know, Draco, you’re not as bad as everyone else says you are. You’re  _ worse _ ,” I spat. 

Tears brimmed my eyes as I rushed out of the restroom. I took the back exit from Hog’s Head back to the castle, so no one could see me cry. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanfic Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4KfxEOKDjIMbRNHbkZkqZs?si=RRuZDvF2TyucFbR9zampKA

Penny, Evelyn and Greta returned to the dorm earlier than expected. I looked up from the healing textbook on my lap, my substitute pastime since I ended up leaving my notebook in the restroom at Hog’s Head. I debated going back for it, but decided it wasn’t worth the trouble, and I would come back for it another day. 

“Erica,” Greta breathed, her maroon hair dotted with snow, “You’ll never guess what just happened.”

“Katie Bell was  _ cursed _ ,” Penny announced excitedly, not giving Greta a chance to break the news. 

“Huh?” I blinked, wondering if I heard them correctly.

Evelyn sat on her bed, peeling off her scarf and wool coat. “It happened just outside of Hogsmeade. Potter and his friends saw it all. By the time we got there, Katie had been taken to the medical wing.”

I paused to digest the news.  _ We were all just at Hogsmeade. And now a girl’s been cursed. _ “Do you reckon Potter did it?” I asked with uncertainty. 

“Why would he curse someone from his own house?” Greta frowned. 

“Because he’s a loon,” Penny remarked.

I had a bad feeling in my stomach. “Wasn’t Katie at Hog’s Head when we were there?”

“Yes, she was,” Evelyn agreed. “Though, I didn’t look at her too closely. I was busy looking at Dimitri.”

“Who cares who did it,” Penny chortled, “It’s hilarious.”

Greta looked at Penny with wary eyes. “Penny, she’s been sent to the hospital. She may have to stay there for the rest of term.”

Penny shrugged, checking out her nails. “Good. That means a vacancy on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.”

I couldn’t believe Penny’s blatant amusement at this horrible situation. I had been reading up on curses in the medical encyclopedia. They were torturous, some long-lasting; even fatal. Removing them takes a lot of work and often means a long recovery. 

“People said they saw her with a parcel,” Evelyn informed me. “Reckon that’s what cursed her.” 

_ A parcel. _ My heart stopped. I saw someone else with a mysterious parcel at Hogsmeade. But I couldn’t say who it was; not to my friends. Not to anyone. 

My brain began to piece things together. That’s what Draco was doing in the women’s restroom with that box; and if he gave the box to Katie, and now she was cursed- 

No, no. I stopped myself. There was no reason why Draco would do that. And I couldn’t be certain it was even the same parcel. 

_ But… remember what Draco said that night at the lake? _ My blood ran cold. Draco did tell me he was burdened with a difficult task. Something that only he could do.  _ Was this it? _ My thoughts wandered into dangerous territory. Perhaps that parcel that Katie Bell had was meant for Harry Potter. 

But then… Why was Draco in the women’s restroom?

“I’m going to get some dinner,” Penny announced, practically commanding all of us to come with her. Greta and Evelyn went with her, but I decided to pass. I doubted I could keep down any food right now. 

_ Maybe I should go to the medical wing to see if Madam Pomfrey needs help, _ I considered. I began to rise from my bed, and stopped myself, suddenly remembering the notebook I had left in the restroom. 

If someone were to find that and trace it back to me, I could be considered a suspect for planting that cursed parcel in the women’s restroom for someone else to find.  _ Oh, no. _

I had to tell someone, I decided. I owed nothing to Draco anymore, so exposing him to McGonagall was the best course of action. I had to protect myself. 

I rose on unsteady legs to the door, and was startled to hear a knock on the other side. My immediate thought was that it was McGonagall herself, come to tell me that I was being accused of planting a suspicious parcel in the women’s room which cursed Katie. My mind buzzed with momentary panic. But I had my own testimony to defend myself; all I had to do was expose Draco. 

I opened the door, and Draco himself slipped inside, roughly shutting the door behind him. I staggered back in surprise. He looked like he was on the verge of a complete breakdown. 

“Draco, you’re shaking,” I said, noticing the way his fingers trembled uncontrollably. I still was not happy to see him; I remained rather pissed, but seeing him like this… tugged at my heart. 

He stepped towards me. More pleadingly than I had ever thought possible for him, he implored, “I need you to help me.”

I scanned his body; his suit was a little disheveled, his face damp from melted snow or perhaps his own perspiration, but there were no visible wounds. I didn’t know why I even bothered checking. 

“I’m not your matron anymore,” I retorted, crossing my arms.

He let go of a breath. “Your roommates,” he glanced at the door behind him, “Will they be gone long?”

“They’ve just left for dinner. Tell me what you want.”

“I need you to vouch for me,” he replied. His usual demeanor of cocky arrogance was gone. All that was left was a frightened young man. 

“What?” I barked. “I can’t believe you. You’re so…” I flattened my lips, “You’re so self-centered to think you can verbally berate me and then beg for my help in the same day!”

Draco reeled, pressing his face into his hands. “I know. And I’m sorry.”

I paused. That was the first apology he had ever given me. To anyone, for that matter. Quietly, I asked, “Does this have something to do with Katie Bell?”

Draco looked away, his mouth taut. That was all the answer I needed. 

“What was in the parcel, Draco?” I whispered. 

His eyes shut tightly as if trying to erase the memory. “A cursed necklace. From Knockturn Alley.”

I raised a hand to my mouth. My suspicion was correct. “You… you’re the reason why…”

“It wasn’t meant for her,” he said angrily. “But Potter saw me carry the parcel into Hog’s Head. He accused me of planting the necklace for her to find. But I have eye witnesses who saw me carry the package out.”

Draco reached into the back of his belt, a spot concealed by his long coat, and procured my book. It was covered in one of the tattered layers of leather that had been wrapped around the necklace, in order to disguise it. 

“McGonagall and Snape accepted it as my proof,” Draco explained, “But I need you to go along with this. If they ask, tell them it’s your book, and I was just holding it for you.”

My eyelids fluttered. “You-you’re asking me to be your alibi? But won’t that raise suspicions?” 

“What suspicions?” Draco asked, not pleased that I was finding fault in his seemingly perfect excuse. “You and I are in the same house.”

“But we’re not friends,” I argued. “According to everyone else, we don’t know each other.” I wet my lips thoughtfully. “I thought you wanted to keep it that way.”

“I know I was cold to you before-”

“You were  _ horrible _ to me before,” I spat, glaring daggers up at him. “So unless you have an explanation for that too, I’m not helping you. I’m rather far from forgiveness.”

Draco exhaled through his nose in frustration. “You kissed  _ me, _ ” he snarled. “I didn’t know how to react.”

“You kissed me back!” I cried, “And then you  _ fired _ me. I was drunk, Draco. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“No?” he raised an eyebrow. He opened my book, flipping through the paintings until he got to the ones I had made of him. He turned the page, revealing more. “This seems to make it clear enough what your real intentions are.”

I growled and snatched the book from his hands. “I can’t believe you looked through my notebook.”

“I didn’t. McGonagall and Snape did,” he informed me. “She rather liked your paintings.”

My face flushed with embarrassment. I placed the book safely on my trunk, and turned back to Draco. “And… What did they make of the paintings of you?”

Draco shrugged. “I said I posed for them. They didn’t have to know that I had never seen them before.”

I hesitated. “So McGonagall and Snape think we’re…”

“Dating? I suppose,” Draco said with indifference. “I don’t think they particularly care.”

“I care!” I exploded, “I can’t go along with this if it means letting two professors believe that we’re together. I would never,  _ ever _ date the likes of you.”

Draco looked down at me with his head slightly tilted. He placed his hands in his pockets. “Wouldn’t you though?”

He stepped towards me, slowly closing the gap between us with every sentence. “After all, I’m the most skilled wizard in Slytherin. The most attractive one. Girls that have known me for years have gotten  _ on their knees for me _ .” He stopped, his chest closer than a ruler’s length to mine. “And yet I chose you to kiss that night.”

I was stuck in place by his presence, utterly unable to move. My eyes ran from the lapel of his suit all the way to the grey irises peering down at me. I took a breath. “Why did you?”

Draco bent at the waist, lowering his face inches from mine, never breaking eye contact. “I may be a powerful wizard, but I am still a man. So think of that the next time you decide to throw your body at me.”

I swallowed. I didn’t know how, but this encounter started with Draco practically begging me to cover for his shady activities, and now it has turned into him seducing me. 

“You’re being manipulative,” I said to his face, “You know how I feel about you, then, and you’re using it to get me to help you. But don’t think I’ll ever once say it out loud.”

Draco straightened. “You don’t have to. That would put me in a rather odd position. For I may have to say how I feel about you, as well.” His gaze drifted to my chest, and he admired it for a moment before looking back at my face with a smug expression. “And that will never happen.”

I roughly pulled up the neckline of my shirt, covering my breasts. “You only like me for my body, then,” I scowled. “So why did you care if I was drinking with other boys?”

Stone-faced, he replied, “Because. I’m rather protective of you. You are my matron, after all.”

I had nothing left to argue. My initial worries about leaving my notebook in the restroom were gone, since Draco had removed it from the scene and used it as his evidence. Coming forward now would only serve to incriminate us both. I had no choice but to go along with it.

“Fine,” I whispered, but loathed everything about this, “I won’t tell anyone about what I saw.”

Feeling assured that I would keep quiet, Draco gave me a fleeting but pleased smile. “Good girl.” Not taking my eyes off of me until he had completely turned around, he added, “The deal is back on.”

He didn’t give me a chance to reply, for he went to the door, and was gone. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape wants Erica to stay away from Draco. She doesn't.

Draco’s words echoed in my brain the whole time I was in Defense Against the Dark Arts.  _ Good girl _ . Just the thought of him saying it made my toes curl. It was a great effort to push it from my mind and pay attention to Snape’s lecture- but just looking at Snape reminded me of the secret Draco had coerced me to keep. 

_ Shady bastard, _ I thought, gripping my quill with unnecessary force,  _ using my attraction to him as leverage in keeping his dirty secret.  _ And as a consequence of using my book as evidence that cleared him from blame, Snape and McGonagall now believe he and I are… together. Perhaps intimately. 

I cast a shifty look at Penny to my right. She was mindlessly doodling spirals and moons on her parchment. It seemed no one in the student body was aware of me and Draco’s supposed fling. Good; it was my intention to keep it that way. 

“For homework, read pages 240 to 259,” Snape drawled, tapping his wand in the palm of his hand, “You would be wise to pay close attention to the footnotes. Class is dismissed,” he raised a brow, the lower half of his face unmoving. “Except for you, Miss Thorncroft. A word, please.”

I couldn’t conceal the wide-eyed expression of shock that was plastered on my face. Penny leaned over to me, interested. 

“Why is Professor Snape asking to speak with you?” she asked in a hushed voice, her eyes suspicious. 

“I-I suppose it could be about the last exam,” I replied. I didn’t attempt to hide my nervousness as I gathered my things into my bookbag, for any student would be scared if Snape asked them to stay behind class. Even though he was my head of house, my interactions with Snape have been few and far between. Honestly, I tried my best to stay away from the gloomy, intimidating man. 

Penny wished me pitying words of good luck which I don’t think she really meant at all and then went off to the dorms with Evelyn and Greta. Alone in the Dark Arts classroom with Snape, I made haste to come to the front of the classroom where he waited for me with a displeased expression. 

Words began to spill out in wake of my nervousness. “Professor, about the recent exam,” I began, “I promise I’ve been studying. I don’t know why I continue to get such bad marks. It’s truly my own fault, and I apologize- It is not my intention to be a poor reflection on Slytherin house- I wish to become a healer, you see, and Madam Pomfrey informed me my marks are of utmost importance- and so I’ve been devoting extra time to Defense Against the Dark Arts. I really have-” 

Snape waited until I was finished. When I was done berating myself, he spoke. 

“Your exam was acceptable, Miss Thorncroft,” Snape informed me, moving only his lips, “It is an improvement from last term.” He clicked his tongue. “Your effort is evident.”

I relaxed, smiling to myself from the relief. “Thank you, Professor.”

Snape blinked slowly. “I wish to speak with you on the matter of Draco.”

“O-oh.” I believe my face flushed a shade of red that would have made an apple look white. I tried to keep myself composed. “What about him, sir?”

Without turning his head, Snape’s eyes shifted across the room to make sure we were truly alone. Maintaining his hard stare, he uttered, “You’ve become quite close to the boy, haven’t you?”

I wanted to say no, but remembered that Snape saw the paintings I had done of Draco in my book. To him, we were friends- possibly more than that. I stammered on my reply. 

“I-I suppose so.”

Snape’s stare became lethal. I began to perspire under my cloak. From his taut mouth, he said to me, “I know that you are lying on his behalf.” My throat closed, panic-stricken. Snape paused as if to allow me an opportunity to come clean. When I remained quiet, he added, “You do not know what you are involving yourself in, Miss Thorncroft. You would be wise to distance yourself from the boy.”

“W-we are not… I-I mean…”

Snape’s eyebrow twitched with irritation. “I do not usually involve myself in the romantic affairs of my students. If that is what this is. Which,” he scowled, “I am not so certain it is. Nevertheless, you should not have contact with Draco,” He lowered his voice until it was almost a growl. “Whatsoever.”

He said the last word with lingering emphasis. The gravity of his words sunk into me like I had just been doused by a bucket of ice cold water. I wrung my hands behind my back. “Yes, sir.”

Snape turned away from me, which I assumed was my cue to leave. I gripped the strap of my bag if only to give me some sense of security as I exited the classroom to the corridor. I wasn’t sure where I was going next, but I chose a direction and walked. 

I soon found myself alone in the halls of Hogwarts.  _ Maybe everyone is by the Quidditch pitch for the game today. _ It was Slytherin versus Hufflepuff. Cade mentioned it to me whenever he could but I never gave him a promise to attend. I would have thought after the party when I ran out after he kissed me that he would get the hint that I wasn’t interested. But he persisted; leaving me to wonder what it was about me that Cade found so enticing. 

_ “I’m only a man,” Draco said. “So remember that the next time you throw your body at me.” _ A chill went down my spine. Draco wanted me for my body; so perhaps Cade was the same. 

I continued walking by myself and contemplated turning around, as it seemed I was headed for a dead end. This castle was much too large for the amount of students in it. Being alone inside was just as dangerous as being outside, as you never knew what lurked in the shadows-

An arm suddenly shot out, grabbing me by the wrist and yanking me into a hidden corner. I gasped, preparing to scream- but soon realized the person who pulled me aside was none other than the black-clad Draco. I wrenched my arm from his grasp. 

“What is your problem?” I demanded, looking up at the tall man, trying to make out his features in the dim light. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question,” he hissed, keeping his voice low. It seemed like he was trying to be covert. Sneaking around the castle, doing who-knows-what. 

“I was just going for a walk,” I replied. “Not particularly looking to bump into you.”

Draco put his hands in his pockets. “Oh? Had enough of me, have you?”

I scowled. “I’ll have you know that Snape just had a very strong-worded conversation with me.” Draco’s eyes widened. “He told me to stay away from you. That I didn’t know what I was getting myself involved in,” I glared at Draco with skepticism. “Care to explain what it is that I don’t know?”

“Keep your voice down,” Draco ordered, his eyes darting to the main corridor often. He put a hand on my arm and led me further into the dark nook that was about the size of a broom closet. I waited for Draco to explain. 

“I-it’s complicated,” he said with a frown. 

“So? Try to explain.”

“Snape is a family friend, you see,” he said, “He’s been butting into my business in my father’s absence. I’m sure all he’s doing is trying to make sure I don’t have any… distractions this year.”

I digested his words. “So Snape, as your… temporary father figure, is voicing his disapproval of our supposed relationship.” I paused. “Doesn’t that bother you at all?”

“Not really, no.”

I didn’t understand Draco’s self-assurance. “We shouldn’t even be speaking right now,” I said in a hushed voice, “What if he were to catch us?”

Draco shrugged, somewhat amused. “I don’t particularly care,” he smiled. “If he is so upset about the girls I’m snogging, that’s his problem.”

“We are  _ not _ snogging,” I said firmly. Draco seemed to be only pleased by my discomfort, and moved closer to me in a teasing way.

“We could be.” Draco’s deep tenor tingled through my bones. He loomed over me, close enough to where I could smell his cologne. “I don’t see what’s stopping us.”

I scoffed. “You’re incorrigible.” 

Draco leaned in, his eyes playful. “And you are…”

I flicked him in the ear. He recoiled from me, cursing. 

“I bet you get off on this,” I spat to him as he clutched his ear, his eyes wild with annoyance. “I am not a toy. You can’t just play with me whenever you wish.”

Draco straightened himself, his intimidating aura sliding back into place. “You have no idea the stress I’m under,” he hissed. “Must I remind you that you _ serve _ me. I can do what I want with you.”

Standing my ground, I retorted, “I agreed to  _ heal _ you. I never agreed to any of the other shit.”

“Oh, please. I know you must enjoy this.”

“Not as much as you, it seems,” I said with raised brows. Draco didn’t have a response to that; we just stood looking at each other for a moment, me glaring and him gazing at me smugly. 

“I’m leaving,” I announced, making towards the main corridor to go back to my dorm- but Draco stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. 

“Do you think you could retrieve a book for me?” he asked. I turned. 

“Why can’t you get it yourself?”

“I can’t go to the library,” he replied as if that should be obvious. “Potter’s bookish friend practically lives there. It would raise suspicions.”

“So send Crabbe or Goyle.”

Draco laughed. “Them in the library? That would be even more suspicious.”

I crossed my arms. “What even is this book that you need?”

Draco leaned in to me once more, keeping his voice at a whisper. “The Compendium on Toxins and Magical Blights.”

I furrowed my brow. “What-”

“Don’t ask questions,” he interrupted. “It is in the restricted section. I’ve gotten a signature for you to take.”

He forced a piece of paper into my hands. Snape’s signature was printed in ink. I looked up at Draco with uncertainty. 

“I don’t think I can do this,” I whispered. “Whatever you’re plotting… I don’t think I want to be involved.”

“You won’t get caught,” Draco assured me. “If anyone asks, say it’s research for your medical training. Deliver it to my dormitory. You have one week.”

Reluctantly, I slipped the piece of paper into my robes. I gave no words of affirmation, nothing of reassurance to Draco; I wasn’t even certain if I would follow through on this order. I left wordlessly. I had a week to decide. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica visits Draco's room.

“I am getting so  _ bored _ .” Penny complained from her bed. “This year really isn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.”

“What do you mean?” Greta asked, painting her toes with an enchanted bottle of purple nail polish. 

“Katie Bell was cursed,” Evelyn pointed out. 

Penny rolled over so that her head was hanging off the side of her bed. “That happened  _ weeks _ ago. Something new needs to happen.”

“I’m rather okay with this year,” Greta chirped. “I mean, things are going well with Robbie, so that’s all fine by me.”

“I wonder what Draco’s been up to lately,” Penny wondered aloud. I paused my reading as soon as I heard his name. But I didn’t raise my head or give any indication that I was listening. 

“I’ve barely seen him all year,” Greta complained. I wanted to say,  _ consider yourself lucky that you haven’t. _ My mind reminded itself of the presence of the restricted book in my bag. After much time grappling with the decision, I forced myself to fetch the book two days ago, but only out of my own curiosity. I had read the Compendium of Toxins cover to cover. It was a nasty book filled with nasty poisons that could be used in all sorts of ways. Draco was definitely planning something, most likely to harm Harry Potter. Handing this book to him would give him all the information he would need in order to sneakily poison him. And today was the final day to deliver it to his dorm.

“Do you think Draco has someone he’s been seeing?” Greta said suddenly. That piqued Penny’s interest, as well as mine.

“That would explain why he hasn’t been around lately…” she thought for a moment. “But who would it be?”

“Your sister, of course,” Evelyn said. 

“Not likely. She’s been in a sour mood ever since the term started. She’s got a wand up her ass, that one,” Penny pouted. 

Keeping my tone neutral, I suggested, “Perhaps he’s just busy.”

Penny looked at me. “So you’ve decided to join the conversation, huh Erica?” I flattened my lips. She said, “Funny how that always happens as soon as Draco is brought up.”

I rolled my eyes. “Can’t I state my opinion?” Digging for something to redirect the conversation from me, I offered, “Perhaps Draco is dating a 7th year.”

“But why would he hide it?” Evelyn made a face. 

Penny tapped a finger on her chin. “If he’s hiding it, that means it’s probably someone younger.”

“Who?!” Greta demanded. 

I set my book down somewhat forcefully. I spoke without bothering to filter my words. “You lot are tittering about nothing. Draco’s love life is none of our business, and speculating is nothing more than half-formed gossip.”

Penny, Evelyn and Greta looked at me with shock. This was the first time I had openly expressed my annoyance at their gossiping. Even though I had said what I really thought, I felt horrible. Before they could say something back, I decided to leave.

“...I’m sorry,” I muttered. I grabbed my bag and slid into some shoes. “I’m going to the library.”

Greta called after me, “Curfew starts in an hour-” but I closed the door without saying a word. I leaned against the wooden door for a moment, overhearing Penny say sourly, “What is  _ her _ problem?”

I walked down the corridor in my jeans and long-sleeved shirt, pausing at the junction in the common room that separated the girls dorms from the boys dorms. I could go to the library and return the Compendium. Or, I could go down the corridor to my right, and hand the book to Draco. 

_ He’s expecting the book tonight, _ I reminded myself. There was no telling what Draco would do if I ended up not giving him the book- and I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to find out. Although, it would send him a message. Giving him the book would be like telling him that I was his servant; that I would be complacent with whatever orders he gave me. 

_ I am going to return the book,  _ I decided.  _ But Draco at least has to know why. _

As if pulled by an invisible force, I walked down the boys’ dormitory corridor until I arrived outside of Draco’s room that he shared with Crabbe, Goyle, and Zabini. I didn’t give myself time to think twice before knocking. 

_ If he isn’t here and I have to talk to one of his friends, I’m going to be mortified. _ I gulped, waiting for only a couple heartbeats before the door opened, revealing Draco looking frazzled. 

He roughly pulled me by the arm into his bedroom, shutting the door with such might that the frame rattled. “Don’t just stand in the hall,” he barked at me. “Someone could have seen you.”

I looked around his dim bedroom; similar shape to Adrian’s, but considerably larger. Their room had a casual sitting space to the side, something that I guessed was a perk for the older students. Every bed was made, and there wasn’t another soul present. Draco and I were alone. 

He came over to me with a sense of urgency. “You sure took your sweet time. Hand over the book.”

I pulled the book out of my bag, but hesitated. “I don’t know what you were planning to do with this book, Draco. But I don’t like it.”

Draco attempted to snatch it from my hands, but I stepped back. Draco was in one of his frazzled moods again, and it reflected in his hair and his clothes. He wasn’t wearing his black overcoat, and his white collared shirt was unbuttoned at the top, revealing his slender collarbones. He scowled at me. 

“What I do with the book is none of your concern,” Draco hissed. “It is merely for informative purposes.”

“I read it,” I said, my appall apparent in my tone. “The information inside could kill someone, Draco.” I swallowed. The realization hit me like a train. “Is this… is this what you were tasked to do? To kill Harry Potter?”

Draco looked offended. He ran a hand through his messy blonde hair and snarled. “Perhaps asking you to do this for me was a mistake. I should have known you’d have a stupid moral dilemma.” His shoulders rose and fell with his unsteady breaths as he squared himself before me. “I’ll ask you once more. Hand me the book.”

“No, Draco!” I objected, “I can’t! Not when I have the good mind to know when something evil is occurring.”

It was at this point that I began to suspect Draco may try to take the book from me by force. He eyed me, and then eyed the leather-bound item I clutched to my chest. He stood between me and the door, looking ready to lunge forward and wrench The Compendium from my hands. 

In a final attempt to coerce him, I said pleadingly, “Whatever it is you think you have to do, you don’t. Killing him won’t solve anything. It will only make things worse.”

I maintained eye contact with him, thinking that I may have finally changed his mind. 

I thought wrong.

Draco rushed forward, causing me to yelp and clutch the book closer to my chest. His body collided into mine, his hands finding a grip around the sides of the book. 

“No!” I grunted, twisting my body away to effectively loosen his grip. I stumbled to the ground, landing on my knees before him. There were tears in my eyes. I folded myself over the book to protect it, and to also hide the fact that I was now crying.

Draco panted above me. “It is not my intention to hurt you. But you’re making this much harder than it has to be.”

I took in a shaky breath, looking up from the floor. “You’re not a killer, Draco,” I said between tears. “I don’t want to believe that you are.” 

Draco looked like I had just kicked him. He looked away from me, only giving me a fleeting glance at his hurt expression. 

“You’re wrong,” he muttered. “And here is the proof.”

Draco didn’t look at me as he began to roll up the sleeve of his left arm. I knew what the mark on his forearm was before he had even finished revealing it; but I didn’t want to believe my eyes. I began to tremble at the sight of the Dark Mark that blemished Draco’s once-perfect skin. 

“Do you know what this means?” he said through trembling lips. He was also shaking. “The Dark Lord himself ordered me to kill someone in this castle. He would not have done so if he thought I wasn’t capable.” His words were chilling. But his uncertain tone gave me the impression that Draco was grappling with the idea just as much as I was. 

He lowered his sleeve again, but the Mark was still imprinted in my mind. “Do you see now?” he raised his voice, “This is the person you’ve chosen to heal. By doing so, you’ve been serving the Dark Lord without even knowing it.”

Breath caught in my throat. He was right. If Draco was at Hogwarts to kill someone, then I had been aiding in his cause all along by healing his wounds. And I agreed to heal all future wounds… wounds that he may obtain while he attempted murder. But in-between all of that were the moments I spent with him just talking; confiding in each other about our fathers, discovering that he was more three dimensional than I previously thought. I wanted to believe that that was the real Draco. Not whoever it was that was standing before me brandishing their Dark Mark. 

“... I can remove it,” I breathed, rising from the floor. I left the book on the ground behind my feet.

Draco met my eyes for a moment before looking away. “It’s impossible.”

I stepped towards him. “I can try. I’ll study every book in the library if I have to.”

“I’m not asking you to remove it,” Draco snapped. “If you did, it would only serve to endanger you further.”

“Draco, you got me involved in this because you needed my help. So let me help you,” I insisted, speaking to the side of his face. “The Dark Lord can come for me if he wants. At least I’ll die knowing I did something good.”

Draco’s head snapped to look at me. His eyes boiled with rage. “Don’t you dare,” he started coming towards me. “I didn’t want you to get involved in the first place. I’ve been trying to protect you all this time to keep you from getting hurt because of me.”

I looked at him with a softened expression. His face was mere inches from mine.. Tension buzzed around us, seeming to pull our bodies closer together like magnets. I knew he could feel it, too. “If you got hurt because of me, I couldn’t forgive myself,” he breathed, his eyes lowering solemnly. “But it’s too late now. You know too much.”

He procured his wand. My breath accelerated. “N-no,” I whispered, watching as his fingers wrapped around the wand. 

“I have to obliviate you,” Draco said, his voice pained. “It’s for your own good.”

“Don’t,” I sniffled, looking pleadingly into his eyes, “Please…” I searched for the words, but my mind was unable to come up with anything.  
Draco remained unmoved. “I have to erase everything about me from your memory. Then you can leave, and continue your life as you should.”

My body trembled uncontrollably at the thought of having no memories of Draco. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and clutching the fabric covering his chest. He looked surprised, but didn’t brush me off. 

“Don’t… don’t erase those memories,” I cried, “The only thing more painful than knowing you would be having you suddenly become a stranger.” I pressed my face to his chest and continued to cry. “The memories I have of you are irreplaceable. You’ve become important to me, and I… I can’t-”

Draco placed his hands on my shoulders. I lifted my head from his chest, looking up into a face that was riddled with doubt. 

“You must think I’m pathetic for groveling like this,” I whispered. “And I know I said before I would never tell you how I feel. But…I...” His eyes became wide. Suddenly, he tore himself from me, backing away. 

“Don’t say it.” He warned.

I found the strength within me to summon the words to my lips. Words that weren’t a lie to get me out of this situation, but the truth I had been hiding for so long. “I love you, Draco,” I said to him, “And I don’t know if you feel the same way. But I know at least some part of you feels something more for me than just physical attraction.”

Draco looked at me. His expression was unreadable- just like at the lake, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking about at this moment. 

“I’ll go along with your plan,” I said quietly. “I’ll continue to help you whenever you need it. Because I can’t leave you alone now, Draco. I just can’t.” I swallowed my morals, looking away guiltily. “But I’m not going to stand here and tell you I condone what you’re going to do. I’m a healer. And you’re using me to hurt people.”

We were both silent. Our words hung heavy in the room, and I began to think that this was it- this was the end. But then, ever so slowly, Draco began to move towards me, and I tensed. I stood petrified as he stalked across the floor, coming closer and closer, his wand still drawn. He stopped before me, within arm’s length, his expression still that unreadable smolder. The unpredictability of it all overwhelmed me, and I reached an arm up to defend myself if necessary- but he gripped my wrist with his free hand. I gasped. 

He sheathed his wand with his right hand. After doing so, his arm came around to my side, creeping up my back and settling on my shoulder blade. He tightened us into a sort of embrace, and then rested his head on my shoulder. 

“I regret getting you involved. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to leave you alone.” He breathed down my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I was certain he could feel my heart thumping, as I could feel his beneath the thin layers of clothing that separated us. My gut pulsed to remind me to breathe. 

He released my wrist, wrapping his arm around my waist. “I don’t think I deserve someone like you. That’s why after I kissed you, I left. Because I was scared to feel something for someone so... innocent.”

I took a shaky breath. Draco removed his head from my shoulder, looking at me with intensity. I expected him to say something more, perhaps take back his words, but he didn’t. My hands slowly positioned themselves on his upper arms, completing our embrace. 

Draco’s mouth swooped down to mine with such ferocity it made me wonder if he had been longing to do it this whole time. My grip tightened around his arms in pleasureful response, accepting his kiss whole-heartedly. Our mouths intertwined, and though I tried to control myself, it was as if Draco himself was controlling me and exactly how he wanted my lips to open and close. I succumbed, leaning into him further, allowing his hands to run all over my waist, grabbing and rubbing me in such sinful ways it would make a Dementor blush. 

The kiss awakened something within me; that deep feeling of longing that I had always ignored, for it was unfamiliar and frightening. The spot between my legs tingled every time Draco’s hands came close to the hem of my shirt, and I fought the urge within me to bring one of his hands down to my pants. 

He parted my lips with his tongue, and the urge became an overwhelming wave. Our breathing became heavy; and Draco pressed his body into me, making me aware of a stiffness in his pants. I loosed one of my hands from his arm, and it made its way down between us, running across his stomach, and then down, down…

Draco pulled away when I did this. 

“We can’t,” he groaned, breaking free from the embrace. 

Dumb-stricken and blushing, I asked, “We can’t do what?”

Draco’s gaze slid to mine. His face was also slightly flushed. “I can’t let this go any farther. You aren’t ready.”

Displeased that our makeout was put on hold, I retorted, “I don’t think that’s for you to decide.”

“No,” he breathed, adjusting his shirt collar. “I can’t allow myself to defile you.”

“You seemed to have no problem teasing me with that before.”

Draco’s eyebrows furrowed. “That was before I knew you loved me.”

I wet my lips. “Would it really be so wrong?”

It seemed Draco was more open to persuasion in this area than any other. He took a long look at my body, his eyes flicking from my neck to my chest, and unbuttoned a few more buttons on his shirt. 

“I’m not gentle,” he warned, shedding his shirt and dropping it to the floor. I gazed at his chest in the dim light of his bedroom. It was so perfectly slim and defined; the only blemish being the Dark Mark that remained on his left forearm, which only served as a reminder of just who I was seducing. 

I lifted my shirt over my head and discarded it as well. Standing before him in nothing but my jeans and bra, I said, “I wasn’t expecting you to be.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and Draco get it on.

I supposed I had many opportunities to rethink my decision to have sex with Draco Malfoy. There was the instance he asked me if I was certain for the second time, then the moment we both took off our shoes somewhat clumsily. But I never said no; only a pleading, longing yes- and now I was in another position where I realized I could back out if I wasn’t so certain. 

I laid on Draco’s sheets while he placed a locking charm on the bedroom door. He wore only his pants, and I had discarded my own pants on the floor after climbing onto his bed. My underwear, I noticed, was not exactly up to par for what I expected to wear on my first sexual encounter. They were quite plain; something I had worn countless times before. It wasn’t perfect. But watching Draco set his wand down and stride to the bed only served to cement my previous mindset. I was going to let Draco Malfoy fuck me. 

I supposed I could have said something to him before he came into the bed; something along the lines of ‘ _ I’ve never done this before _ ’ or ‘ _ please excuse any mistakes I may make _ ’. For I was quite nervous. Draco was a man, and an experienced man at that- he didn’t say how often or with whom, but he had done this before. I took only a moment to marvel at the fact that me, quiet and sullen Erica Thorncroft, was welcoming him to his bed. 

Draco stood beside the bed and dimmed the bedside lamp, engulfing us in near darkness. 

“Does it have to be dark?” I asked. 

I heard the clinking of Draco undoing his belt. Smoothly, he replied, “I thought you might not like to have to see the Mark.”

I nodded, even though I don’t think he could see me do so. Somehow finding me in the dark, he climbed onto the bed with me, his hand lightly tracing the curve of my waist. 

Not wanting to let Draco do all of the touching, I reached out and found his chest. Sliding my arms over his shoulders, I brought my lips to his for another passionate kiss. Responding pleasingly to my advance, Draco’s hands gripped my hips and brought our bodies together, the bare skin of my stomach meeting the warmth of his naked torso. The warmth between us brewed, turning into a smoldering flame as our bodies pressed into each other. 

It felt so forbidden; so dangerous to be doing this. I wondered exactly how Draco felt about it all; being in bed with his matron, the person who promised to heal him as he carried out his dark deeds. Draco’s left arm, the arm with the Dark Mark on it, caressed my side with tenderness, reminding me of his promise to protect me. And I felt in a way, this was part of my duties as his healer. As his lips traced a line down my jaw to my neck, I realized I would do anything in my power for this man. Anything. 

Without asking me if it was okay if he advanced lower, his hand traveled below my belly button to the outside of my panties. I gasped as his fingers rubbed the outside of my most sensitive area, but as promised, Draco did not relent. Fighting through the haze in my mind, I decided to return the favor by stroking the outside of his boxers- my hand finding the outline of his hardness in the dark. 

Draco sighed in pleasure as I stroked the outside of his no-doubt expensive underwear. His fingers continued to press into my panties, then twisted their way underneath the fabric to my bare skin. He controlled his fingers with prowess, teasing me, and finding me slick. My breaths turned into pants as Draco inserted a finger, sliding it in and out with excruciating slowness. 

“I’ve wanted to fuck you for months,” he breathed into my ear. “I could barely control myself in the corridor that night.” The finger inside of me sped up, sending me into blissful pleasure. Draco’s mouth traveled down my neck to my chest, placing kisses just above my bra. “There are so many things I want to do to you in the dark corners of this castle…”

Draco continued to finger me until I thought I couldn’t handle it anymore. Just before my body tensed with ecstasy, he stopped. 

“Don’t stop,” I sighed. I heard the sounds of Draco moving, and the familiar sound of fabric hitting the floor. 

“Your bra and panties,” he said in a commanding tone, “Remove them.”

I did as I was told and unclasped my bra. Even though Draco likely couldn’t see much of my breasts, I felt even more exposed than when his finger was inside of me. I removed my panties as well, letting them both drop to the floor, rendering me entirely naked. 

“It’s a shame I can’t see you,” he said, positioning himself above me. “Your body is… exquisite.”

With a firm hand, Draco pushed my legs apart. His hands then took a moment to graze my breasts, teasing each, forcing a moan out of me. I silenced myself, but could clearly picture the smirk on Draco’s face right about now. 

He guided his tip to my entrance, and I felt it linger there for a moment, sliding in the lubrication I provided naturally. Without much warning, Draco began to push into me, something that felt so strange, so impossible, as my entrance was still so tight even after Draco’s finger. My nails dug into the smooth skin on his back from the discomfort. 

All at once, my body accepted him, and he slid inside. A light gasp left my lips, and my hands clenched even tighter. As he entered me, Draco leaned down to kiss my neck. For someone I previously thought cold-blooded, he was quite warm; and I felt that warmth grow the further he pushed into me. I had no idea if he was considered large, as I had no frame of reference whatsoever, but as he entered me completely I felt his length almost split me in two. 

I moaned into his mouth, enjoying the sensation of fullness- but it did not last, as Draco pulled himself almost completely out. But that was just in preparation for the next thing he did; which was thrust into me with so much force it made me cry out. 

Draco silenced me by placing his thumb over my lips, and my tongue gently licked at it. I could tell he liked that, because he thrust into me powerfully once more, a groan of satisfaction leaving his lips. “Fuck,” he groaned, pumping himself in and out in a haphazard rhythm. 

As promised, Draco was not gentle; he was merely warming me up for the past ten minutes. As his thrusts intensified, his speed increased- causing the four-poster bed to make considerable noise. Draco didn’t seem to care about it enough to stop and cast  _ silencio _ , and I was too caught up in trying to endure the intensity of Draco’s thrusts to do anything more than drag my nails across his back. 

Draco’s right hand moved from my mouth to my hair, where he grasped a handful and pulled my head back to give himself access to my open mouth. The pain caused by the tugging at my hair was eased by his tongue swishing across my own, all the while drilling into me faster, and faster, until a growing feeling of bliss crashed over me like a tidal wave. 

My moan was stifled by Draco’s mouth, but I knew he could tell I had arrived at some destination he had been guiding me towards. After that, he had only to finish himself off- and did so by lifting my legs over his shoulders, allowing him to reach even deeper inside me. 

It took only less than a minute, then, before Draco uttered a deep groan and his thrusting slowed. He released himself inside me, which was something I wasn’t completely aware he was going to do. 

Laying in the dark, Draco panting between my legs, I stammered, “D-did you just…”

“Yeah,” was his breathy reply. 

We couldn’t linger for very much longer. For someone was banging at the door.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco's roommates find out.

The banging on the door persisted. “Shit.” Draco leapt up from the bed.

“Who is it?” I asked, frantically groping the dark ground for my underwear. 

“Crabbe and Goyle,” Draco replied, quickly redressing. “No doubt pissed that I locked them out.”

I forced my panties back on and fumbled with my bra clasp. “What should I do?” There was no alternate exit, no invisibility spells, and nowhere for me to hide. 

“I’ll get them to leave,” Draco said, annoyed at the situation. “Keep quiet and don’t move.”

Even though my shirt and pants were out of reach still, I did as he said and stayed in the bed that was conveniently hidden from view when he opened the door just a crack. I heard a pissed off Crabbe say, “Christ, Draco, the hell are you locking the door for?”

“I wanted some privacy,” Draco replied scathingly. He stood right in the opening of the door to prevent them from entering. 

“This isn’t just  _ your _ room, you know,” Goyle grumbled. 

Draco began to retort, “If you two don’t get out of here-”

“Why are you standing in the door like that?” one of them pointed out suspiciously. “Have you got someone in there?”

There was a beat of silence. Draco scoffed. “No-”

A great bit of shuffling ensued as Crabbe and Goyle forced their way inside the room. One of them turned on a light. They stood in the middle of the room and scanned. “There’s no one in here.”

I stifled my breathing from under Draco’s bed. I had made the quick decision to hide almost as soon as I heard Crabbe and Goyle become suspicious. It was a piss poor hiding spot, for if anyone were to glance down from the side, they would see me lying on the floor in my knickers. 

“I told you,” Draco strode around the room and said with a mixture of anger and confusion, “There’s no one in here.”

“Is this a girl’s sweater?” Crabbe swooped down and picked up my discarded teal long-sleeve from the floor. 

“And pants,” Goyle said, spotting my jeans lying in a heap not far from my shirt. 

Crabbe, never the brightest, was only getting more perplexed. “Whose are these? They don’t look like Pansy’s. They’re too… bright.” I could picture Crabbe and Goyle exchanging confused looks right about now. “Draco, you should have just told us you had a girl over. We would have left you alone.”

“I don’t have a girl over,” Draco said sourly. He snatched the clothes from their hands. “I took these from a 5th year. They’re for a plan.”

“For the Dark Lord?” one of them asked.  _ It seems Draco’s friends are privy to his mission. Of course, _ I thought to myself from my hiding spot. “What on earth would you need girls’ clothes for?”

I heard the clunk of Draco opening and closing his trunk, stowing my clothes inside. “They’re not for me. They’re for you.” 

“What?” Goyle barked. 

Draco lowered his voice into a threatening tone. “You two said you would assist me in carrying out the Dark Lord’s mission. You’ve been practically begging me to give you something to do. So I am giving you an order. You would both be wise to follow it. Unless, of course, you want me to inform him of your insubordination.”

I was in shock at how Draco spoke to his friends like he was their boss. I knew Crabbe and Goyle were his lackeys- but I had no idea just how deep their dedication was to him until I heard them solemnly huff in agreement. 

“Good,” Draco growled. “I’ll tell you both the plan when it’s time.”  _ Plan? _ I wondered,  _ I wasn’t aware Draco had another plan…  _

I waited nervously for Draco to get Crabbe and Goyle to leave somehow, but to my dismay they stayed, readying themselves for bed. I wanted to scream. I knew by this point Draco was aware of me hiding under his bed; as he stood right between me and where Goyle was now shedding his clothes. 

“Draco,” Goyle spoke, “Why are you just standing there?”

“No reason.”

From the other side of the room, Crabbe said, “Oy, I got you some of that Sleeping Draught you were asking for.”

I could tell Draco wanted to cross the room to retrieve it, but couldn’t leave his post. “If it’s by your own hand, then forget it,” he said dismissively. “I don’t trust any potion you make since you paralyzed Goyle’s tongue with your Pepperup Potion.”

“But I swiped it from a Ravenclaw girl.”

Having no reason not to take it now, Draco hesitated and then reluctantly stepped away from his bed. Each second he was away felt like an eternity. I longed for him to make some excuse, order them to get out- but I began to believe I may be stuck here until Crabbe and Goyle fell asleep. And then there was the matter of Zabini, their fourth roommate. He could arrive at any moment. 

Goyle’s wand suddenly clattered to the floor only a foot from my head. “Curses,” he muttered, and bent down between the beds to pick it up-

Goyle and I locked eyes, and he screamed. I winced.

“Naked girl!” he fumbled backwards, falling on his bum while Draco rushed over, picking Goyle up by the lapel of his pajamas and shoving him away. 

“Cover your eyes, both of you,” Draco snarled. I scooted myself out from under Draco’s bed, seeing Crabbe and Goyle standing with their hands over their eyes. I thought I saw Crabbe sneak a peek through his fingers. 

Draco grabbed one of his cloaks and tossed it my way. “Cover yourself.”

I wanted to ask for my clothes back, but didn’t have the cheek at the moment. I fastened Draco’s Slytherin cloak over my body. His cloak smelled of mahogany, and reached all the way down past my feet to the floor. 

“I knew you had a girl in here,” Goyle said with a grin, still covering his eyes. 

“Who is it?” Crabbe asked, trying to peek at me again. 

“It’s none of your business,” Draco snapped. I kept my eyes to the floor, wearing embarrassment on my head like a dunce cap, and shuffled to where my shoes lay.

“It’s that fifth year with the great ass,” Goyle informed Crabbe. I damn near tripped over Draco’s long cloak as I slung my bookbag over my shoulder and quickly made for the door.

“Did you  _ imperio _ her into sleeping with you? Because I didn’t know we could do that-”

“I did not,” Draco hissed. I looked back at him only once before leaving. He looked back at me with his lips flattened into a line. His gaze seemed changed, somehow, when we locked eyes. I wondered if, from his perspective, mine had changed as well. I longed to speak with him about our previous act of intimacy, but couldn’t do so with his two roommates present. 

I ripped my eyes from his and left. Clutching the long bunches of fabric in my hands so I did not trip, I remembered I had left the Compendium of Toxins on the floor. 

And I had done so on purpose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh dearest Erica. Becoming a tad corrupt now, aren't we?  
> Thank you all for the reads. Here is the Spotify playlist for the fanfic again: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4KfxEOKDjIMbRNHbkZkqZs?si=RRuZDvF2TyucFbR9zampKA


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica becomes frustrated after a bad shift at the Medical Wing.

I was painfully aware of the soreness of my backside for a week.

I went another long stint without seeing Draco at all; allowing him to do whatever it was he needed to with the Compendium of Toxins. A part of me regretted leaving it after that night; but I reasoned that my brain simply wasn’t working properly thanks to the previous… rumpus. 

I gave no indication to my friends that anything at all had occurred that night. Evelyn did notice, however, that one of my cloaks was much longer than the others. Thankfully, she was the only one who took note of this, and I was able to stow the robe from view in the very bottom of my trunk. As a result, it made the rest of my clothes smell reminiscent of Draco. It drove me mad, and only fueled the embarrassment and anger I felt from being discovered in my knickers by Crabbe and Goyle. I spent the following days fretting about what would come of it- if Draco would inform them of the emotional aspects, or simply play it off as a one night stand. I didn’t know which I preferred, as both were embarrassing.

“More elderberry tea?” Madam Pomfrey asked. 

“Yes, please,” I replied, absentmindedly scanning a medical encyclopedia by the window next to her desk. The medical wing was previously occupied by a first year Ravenclaw complaining of a jinxed nose, but we soon sent him on his way when we realized it was only an allergic reaction to his roommate’s cat. It was just Madam Pomfrey and I in the medical wing now, waiting for new patients to come in. 

Madam Pomfrey cast a spell to fold the clean linens and then came to refill my cup. “You know, elderberries have many medical uses. It’s often been used by Muggles to absolve common colds,” she informed me, “Some suspect it may have contraceptive properties as well.”

“Is that so?” I replied innocently. I looked up from the book and saw Madam Pomfrey looking down at me with raised eyebrows, her lips pursed. 

“What?” I asked. 

“Is there something you would like to tell me?”

My fingers tensed around the mug’s warmth. “No,” I muttered, looking down into the dark water. “I just rather enjoy the taste of elderberries.”

Madam Pomfrey tapped a finger lightly on the desk. “You’ve always been a chamomile drinker until this week when you asked to switch to elderberry. Seemed a bit odd.”

“Madam Pomfrey, what are you suggesting?”

“Nothing,” she turned around to send the folded linens into the cabinet. “It is none of my business, dear. But as a practitioner of medicine, it is in my nature to notice these sorts of things. And as your mentor,” she slightly angled her head to me, “I take it as my responsibility to make note of your wellbeing. If there is something bothering you, or perhaps… distracting you from your studies, you may tell me if you wish.”

I paused. Madam Pomfrey almost never took interest in the private affairs of students. The fact that she was now opening up to me as a confidant meant she must really care about me. I flattened my lips into a line. 

“I must confess, I have been a bit distracted this year,” I admitted quietly. “As I get older, things seem to get more complicated in the strangest ways.” I sighed. “But I have been sticking to my studies. Professor Snape has noticed an improvement.”

Madam Pomfrey smiled reassuringly. “That’s good to hear. Erica, you are capable of succeeding and becoming a healer. I’ve seen how you interact with the patients; no prejudice, no judgment, only focusing on the task at hand.” Her blue eyes squinted with kindness. “You remind me a bit of myself. But then, of course, I was much more interested in romances than medicine at your age. So please, don’t make the mistakes that I did.”

I smiled softly. “Madam Pomfrey.”

She gestured innocently. “Forgive me if I am making assumptions. But whether it be a boy, girl, or giant, I won’t judge.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, the melancholy of not seeing Draco since the intimate encounter seeping in. “But I’m not so sure if there  _ is _ even a boy, girl or giant to worry about.”

The doors of the medical wing opened, and a group of third year Gryffindor girls entered, all fussing over their friend, who was clutching her stomach. I went on alert, as did Madam Pomfrey.

“What’s the matter?” she asked right away, guiding the girl to a cot. I closed my book and prepared to help. 

“She ate something,” one of her friends said. “Then she started clutching her stomach, like she had been poisoned, or something.”

_ Poison. _ My blood ran cold. I hastily rose from my seat and gathered antidotes from the cabinet. 

“Erica, would you fetch-” Madam Pomfrey began, but saw I was already bringing over three possible vials of medicine. “Right. Thank you.”

“We didn’t see what she ate,” the other friend said. “And she doesn’t have any allergies, or at least, we don’t think so…”

The girl in the cot clutched her stomach and groaned, unable to speak for herself. Madam Pomfrey closed the curtain to provide privacy, and then performed an X-Ray spell on the girl’s stomach. I stood nearby, ready to hand over the appropriate vial upon diagnosis. 

The girl’s friends side-eyed me. Quite cheekily, one of them muttered, “What are  _ you _ here for?” I frowned, shocked that they were talking to me, especially when I very clearly held the medicine for their friend.

“She is my assistant,” Madam Pomfrey said. 

The girl rolled her eyes, and looked to Madam Pomfrey. “You’ll be the one to administer the medicine, right?” she glanced at me again with distaste. “I don’t want her messing it up.”

“I’m quite capable,” I snapped. “And unless this wasn’t clear earlier, I’m only attempting to help.”

The girls standing by the bed exchanged a look. “But you’re a Slytherin,” the other said. 

I opened my mouth to speak, but was too incredulous to form the words. 

“You’re not really expecting to heal people, are you?” the girl said to me. Madam Pomfrey looked up from her patient to say something, but I had already set down the bottles. Anger boiling beneath my surface, I left the room in a huff. If I didn’t remove myself from that situation I might have said something nasty to those girls, and I couldn’t allow that to happen. Not in the Medical Wing.

Their misconception of Slytherins was unfair. I was well aware of the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin, but never imagined it would find its way into my life in the medical wing. There, I put aside any house affiliations and just tried to do my duty. It was infuriating that others couldn’t do the same. 

_ But could I really blame them? _ I wondered as I stomped down the hall, no destination in mind.  _ After all, if the girl really had been poisoned, I was the last one to check out the Compendium of Toxins, and I gave it to someone I knew had malicious intent… _ I wracked my mind, trying to come up with an explanation as to why I wasn’t guilty. 

But I came up with nothing. 

I made a loop around an empty corridor on the fourth floor of the castle. I told myself that I would return to the Medical Wing to help as soon as I rounded the corner, but found myself chickening out. I ended up walking the same nonsensical loop about five times. 

_ You’re being childish, _ I told myself.  _ Just go back to the Medical Wing already. Maybe by now the Gryffindor second years have cleared out- _ I began to set my path back to the Medical Tower, but stopped when I saw a black-clad figure at the end of the hall, just outside the door of the Medical Wing. Reflexively, I turned on my heels, thinking he perhaps didn’t see me. I thought wrong.

“Erica,” Draco called after me. I turned my brisk walk into a run, heading for a spiral staircase. I heard the patter of his shoes on the stone as he followed. 

“Erica, stop-”

I increased the speed of my gait, passing the 5th floor. I allowed myself a glance over my shoulder, and saw the blonde head gaining on me up the spiral staircase. 

“Stop, god damn it!” he ordered. 

“Go away, Draco!” I passed the 6th floor. There was only one last floor beyond this one. Having no other choice, I exited the stairwell and ran down a corridor of the 7th floor. This floor contained the Headmaster’s office, as well as Gryffindor common room. I made sure to avoid those portions of the floor as I searched for somewhere to hide. 

I didn’t make it very far past Flitwick’s office before Draco caught up to me and gripped my arm, effectively stopping me. I turned, giving him an annoyed look. He looked upset as well, and was panting after I just made him run up three flights of stairs. 

“You’ve got some nerve, making me chase after you,” he spat.

I turned my nose up at him. “I don’t wish to speak with you.” I spotted a few Gryffindors in the corner of my eye. Not wanting to be spotted, I continued walking. Draco let loose a sigh of exasperation and followed me. 

“Are you at least going to tell me why?” he hissed in a low voice. 

I didn’t turn around. “If you have to ask why, you must be daft.” I couldn’t even pick a reason why I was upset. There was the Gryffindor girl I suspected he poisoned, then the fact he didn’t come see me for a whole week after he… did what he did inside of me. 

Draco’s patience ran out, and he gripped me by the wrist again, bringing himself around and forcing me between him and the wall. I scowled when I saw his arms had barricaded themselves on either side of me to prevent me from escape. Thankfully, there was no one around to see us. 

“Don’t play games with me,” Draco said coldly. “Now, tell me why you ran from me.”

I held his gaze with determination and said nothing. Draco’s hand came up to my face and roughly gripped my chin, his fingers extending out to hold the entirety of my jaw. His cold gaze intensified. “Tell me.”

I wrenched his grip from my face. “Did you poison a Gryffindor second year?” I demanded.

His face tangled into disgust. “What? No.”

I cast a cursory glance around to make sure we were alone. “Well a girl came in with a stomach ache to the medical wing. Her friends claimed she was poisoned,” I whispered angrily. 

Draco gripped me by the arm, leading me further down the secluded corridor, stopping across from a tapestry. “Why would I poison a random Gryffindor girl?”

“Because Gryffindors hate Slytherins,” my voice cracked. “They made that awfully clear when I was trying to help them.”

Draco leaned in to me, his tone serious. “I don’t care. They can hate us all they want, it’s not going to change anything.” His eyes flashed with curiosity. “Is that why you’re so upset?”

“I’ve been angry all week.” I pursed my lips. “That was just the cherry on top, I suppose.”

Draco eyed me, trying to draw the real reason out. “Is this because we shagged? Because you should have just said so.”

I wanted to punch Draco in the arm. So I did. 

“Agh!” he hissed, clutching the spot on his bicep. “Bloody hell-”

“I’m not going to be one of those girls that demands your attention every waking moment,” I growled, “But a conversation afterwards would have been nice.”

Draco’s brow furrowed as he straightened. Incredulously, and quite stupidly, he asked, “What is there to talk about?”

I narrowed my eyes. “It seems Wizard sex-ed has failed you,” I hissed. 

Draco rolled his eyes and seemed unbothered. “Relax about that. Copulation between two pureblood wizards hardly ever succeeds the first time.”

“So you just thought it would be  _ okay _ ?” My voice raised to almost a yell. “And you didn’t bother to give me my clothes back, when I was in my knickers in front of bloody  _ Crabbe  _ and bloody  _ Goyle! _ ” 

Someone passed by in the conjoining corridor. Draco moved us further down the hall. 

“I can’t return your clothes,” Draco said to me. “I really do need them for something.”

“Maybe Crabbe will let you dress him up and you can fuck him instead.”

I made to leave, but halted when Draco murmured, “What, so you’ll never let me shag you again?”

“ _ Again _ ?” I turned, wide-eyed. “Draco, people are finding out about us- this- whatever you want to call it. Of course we can’t do it again. If Professor Snape sees us together right now, it’ll be both our heads.” 

“I’m not afraid of Snape. And Crabbe and Goyle won’t tell anyone what they saw.”

“Right,” I huffed, “Like they would keep their mouths closed about a one-time shag with the fifth year with a great ass.”

Draco suppressed a smile. “You do have a great ass.”

I scoffed and began to walk away. Draco caught up to me again, the persistent bastard. 

“And who said it was one-time?”

I glared at Draco. “Me. The person who is meant to be your  _ matron _ , and your matron  _ only _ .” I said each word for emphasis to make sure Draco understood. It was hard to tell by the way he was furrowing his brow. “We can’t have anyone thinking we’re more than that.”

Draco stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Well, that’ll be right awkward to tell Crabbe and Goyle we’re not dating. Because I already told them we are.”

My breathing halted. I stepped back, wide-eyed. “You did what?” I croaked.

Draco coolly replied, “I figured I might as well, seeing as I assumed we would be shagging on the regular from now on. You were a good lay, after all.” He lowered his voice, a smirk playing across his lips. “I didn’t have to see you to tell you enjoyed yourself.”

I was at a loss for words. I looked around open-mouthed for a moment before finally saying, “That’s quite presumptuous of you.”

“Is it?” He stepped towards me, gradually decreasing the space between us until he was practically whispering in my ear. I shivered, feeling his breath on my neck. “I saw the marks you left on my back. I would quite like it if you would make some more.”

I flushed. My lower abdomen began to throb from remembering that night and how good it felt to have Draco nearly pulverize me. Fully aware of what he was doing to me, Draco slipped a hand around my back, lightly stroking me through my robes. 

“If we were to do it again,” I muttered, “It can’t be in your bedroom.”

Draco crooned reassuringly, “I know of a place.”

“Where?” I certainly hoped he wasn’t referring to my bedroom. That was definitely not a viable option. 

“Here.”

I scoffed. “You’re delirious if you think I’m going to let you shag me in plain sight-”

Draco nodded to our left, where a mysterious pair of doors had appeared. They definitely hadn’t been there before. “The Room of Requirement,” Draco addressed my look of confusion. “It appears whenever someone has a need for it.”

I marveled at this information; the fact that there was a hidden multipurpose room in the castle, and I had never stumbled upon it before now. And the need was…

“I need you,” Draco whispered in my ear. His touch on my back lowered slightly. “Now.”

I leaned into his touch, feeling the thrumming in my skirt becoming ever more intense. It was still daytime, and the sun had barely reached the tip of the snow capped mountains. But I couldn’t say no when the opportunity to relive that night presented itself to me, clad in a black suit. 

“Show it to me,” I gulped. “But that doesn’t mean I’m agreeing to anything.”

Draco scanned the corridor. Placing one of his lily-white hands on the knob, he opened the door for me.

And like a fool, I entered. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and Draco find the Room of Requirement.

The room was filled to the brim with piles of crap. Lost treasures, perhaps, that have been forgotten by their masters; discarded furniture of all kinds, all towering to the lofty ceilings above. My eyes darted around, attempting to take it all in- but the room was vast and seemed to go on forever. Limitless items just waiting for someone to use them. 

Draco was not interested in the items. He took me by the hand and led me deeper into the warehouse, weaving through the piles of junk like it was nothing new to him. 

We stopped at an intersection of winding paths. Draco scanned, like he was looking for something in particular. “You’ve been here before?” I asked him. 

Draco peered around the corner, searching. “Yes. I have a… project of sorts here.”

My mind flashed with realization. “So this is where you’ve been spending your spare time.” I looked around again, my eyes landing on objects of brass, silver, and gold. “What is it you are doing?”

Draco’s face tightened into a grave expression. “I cannot tell you.”

“Why not?” I pressed. “I’m already an accessory to your plans.”

“It’s for your protection,” Draco replied, not willing to argue about this. “If I am caught, you need to be able to have deniability.” I began to speak again, but Draco had the final word. “The less you know, the better.”

He took my wrist again, leading me deeper into the stacks, and stopping before an alcove of books. Situated in the alcove was a magnificent four-poster bed that was the size of two dorm beds put together. The silvery sheets seemed suspiciously clean, but that may have been thanks to the magical properties of the room. And this spot did seem private enough. Nonetheless, I hesitated.

“Are you quite certain no one will find us here?” I asked with skepticism.

“In order to find the room, you have to have a necessity similar to that of the current occupants,” he informed me. “The likelihood of that happening is slim.”

_ Slim, but not zero. _ I began to say something, but Draco came up behind me to press himself into my back. His arms wrapped around my midsection as he whispered teasingly in my ear, “And is the idea of being seen with me really so horrible?”

My mind spun from the sensation of his low tenor humming down my spine. But my worries were not entirely gone. Quietly, I muttered, “If you knew my friends like I did, you would understand why this must be kept a secret.”

His hands roamed across my body, undoing my cloak at the front. “Perhaps they’re jealous that you have my favor.” As his voice purred into my neck, his hand came down to my skirt, rubbing the spot between my thighs firmly. His touch made me weak in the knees, and all worries from my mind seemed to vanish. I leaned into him, feeling his readiness poking at my backside. 

I said through shaky breaths, “I don’t suppose there’s a rubber in this place.”

“I brought one,” he rasped. 

_ Oh, thank god. _ I turned around, my inhibitions lowering completely, surrendering to a smashing kiss. His taste was becoming more familiar but never failed to excite me. The way he moved his mouth with mine- it was better than any food, drink, or remedy. I hungered for him and allowed my lips to become more aggressive than before, accidentally grazing his lower lip with my teeth. I worried that perhaps he would not care for that, but it seemed to please him in an animalistic way.

“Get on the bed,” he growled seductively. He was already undoing his layers, shedding his black coat, his fingers making quick work to undo his shirt buttons. I climbed onto the bed. Dim light surrounded the hidden alcove, and I realized that we would be without that shield of darkness that kept us from seeing each other before. I hesitated to remove anything more than my cloak when I laid eyes on his bare forearm and the Mark that lay upon it. 

Draco noticed my hesitation. Glancing at the mark, then at my expression, he asked, “Does it disturb you?”

I looked away from it. I realized I would have to deal with its presence if we were to carry on. I muttered, “Well, I don’t expect you to make love to me with your shirt on.”

Regardless of my last statement, he shrugged his shirt back on but left it undone down the center. He joined me on the bed, his pants not yet removed. He hovered above me with his arms on either side of my head. “You don’t have to look at it,” he said, even though I was fully aware that the Mark was only inches from my right cheek, hidden under his sleeve. 

I wondered if I should undress myself, but we were both eager to begin, and undressing wasn’t a priority. It seemed clothes were not an issue, as he was able to hike up my skirt around my waist, the only thing needing to be removed being my panties. Draco undid the button on his pants, allowing his hardness to come forth, standing up firmly towards his navel. I reached between us to stroke it gently, marveling at its length in my hand. 

Draco sighed deeply at the sensation. “I have one request,” he uttered. “Undo your shirt.”

I understood what he meant. He wanted to see my chest. I unbuttoned my white collared shirt, unclasping my bra as I did so. When I looked down again, I noticed Draco had put on the protection. My heart thumped as he reached a hand under my loose bra, firmly cupping my right breast, and then the left. Longing to see more, he pushed the bra up to my collarbone, exhaling at the sight of my bare chest. I wanted to cover myself; as no one had ever seen this part of me before, and I felt rather silly- but Draco lowered himself down, and took one in his mouth. 

I gasped lightly. The feeling of someone’s tongue on that spot was an unfamiliar sensation, but admittedly served to drive me wild. My hand came up to stroke the back of Draco’s hair as he moved to the next one, licking me like I was coated in sugar. 

_ This is… incredible, _ I thought to myself. Riled up by my pleasureful moans, Draco quickly positioned himself at my entrance, wasting no time before entering. 

We breathed a gasp in unison, his of pleasure and mine of pain. He didn’t bother warming me up this time, and I wish he had- for he went right into roughly thrusting inside. Quiet yelps left my lips every time he slammed into me, and I brought a hand to my mouth to stifle myself. My eyes shut in an attempt to withstand the vulgar sensations. 

This time, the sex was different- it was harder, more frenzied, less… tender. Perhaps he went easy before because I was a virgin. And now he was showing me how he really fucked. I was uncertain of how I should feel, for I mostly just felt like his doll; one of the props in this room for him to use. 

Draco suddenly slowed, then came to a complete stop. “Erica,” he spoke. “Why are your eyes closed?”

My eyes fluttered open, and I saw Draco sitting between my legs, looking slightly disgruntled. I considered lying, saying I was fine, that he should carry on until he finished himself, but the thought of remaining his fucktoy for even another minute was too demeaning. 

“You’re being awfully rough,” I said bluntly. “Is this really how you screw women?”

Draco kept one hand on his cock. “More or less, yeah.”

I sat up in the bed. “Might we try something else?”

Draco looked surprised when I gripped his shoulders and pushed him onto his back. I situated my hips on top of his and placed my hands on his chest. Draco had an expression of uncertainty, but as soon as I started grinding my hips that look melted into bliss. I leaned down, putting my mouth to his ear. 

“You can’t fuck me like other women.”

Draco shuddered as I slid myself onto him. I had all the control now, and I was going to make things as slow as I pleased. I enjoyed watching his eyes close as I granted him the delayed gratification of moving inside me. My hands slid across his chest, and I felt happiness grow inside of me, for it felt like he was all mine. 

His hand reached under my skirt to grip my ass. I watched his teeth lightly graze his lower lip, and it seemed like he was telling me ‘ _ you’re all mine, too. _ ’ 

His other hand, the one bearing the mark on its forearm, snuck under the front of my skirt. Unsure what he was doing until he was already doing it, I moaned as he rubbed me, as it wasn’t a rough, frenzied rubbing, but a deliberate kind. And it landed right where I needed it to. 

My body buckled as I was awash in spikes of electricity all across my lower abdomen. My eyes closed as Draco eased me down onto his mouth, kissing me wetly until the waves of bliss subsided. Holding me securely to him, he ordered in a hushed voice, “Keep going.”

My bare torso on his, I moved my hips quicker while returning his impassioned kisses. Something I was doing must have been working, for Draco’s grip tightened. I moved away from his mouth, planting kisses down his jaw like he had done to me before, and then traveling to his ear, which I knew was sensitive. All it took was one graze of my tongue, and he came crashing into climax. 

“Fuck,” he groaned, his arms crushing the air from me, “Erica-!”

I watched, satisfied, as his breathing slowed in the wake of release. After we laid together intertwined for a moment, his eyes reopened, and as soon as he saw my face he took it in his hands and kissed me deeply. 

“I think,” he said, keeping his face close, “Your body has healing properties.”

I removed myself from him after a few more kisses, allowing Draco a moment to discard the protection in a suspiciously convenient waste bin. Draco stood by the bed, tucking his shirt back into his pants as I buttoned up my shirt. We had to make sure we were presentable and didn’t look like we had just dug into each other like animals. I felt absolutely stellar. Glowing, even. 

As I righted my hair in a nearby mirror, Draco spoke to me. 

“You surprise me sometimes,” he said, doing his tie. “...Are you quite certain that you’re opposed to making this into something more?”

I turned to him with a frown. “What do you mean?”

I watched as Draco adjusted his shirt sleeves. He shrugged passively. “Crabbe and Goyle already think we’re together. I don’t see the harm in letting others know, too.”

I scoffed, not sure of what I was hearing. “You mean becoming an item? You and me?”

“Don’t give me that look,” he glanced down, his voice lowering. “You can’t just screw me like that and then act surprised when I ask you to be mine.”

“I am yours,” I said to him, “Slapping a label on things won’t change that. It’ll only let others in on our personal affairs.”

“It would let others know exactly who you belong to,” Draco asserted. “Everyone in this castle would think twice before speaking to you.”

My lips pursed as I took a moment to think.  _ If others knew I was Draco’s, that would make people stop treating me so horribly. They would speak to me with respect. Becoming his girlfriend would completely change how everyone saw me- even Penny, Evelyn, and Greta- _

“No,” I replied firmly. “Thank you for the offer. But I refuse.”

Draco came over to me, upset. “It wasn’t an offer. It was a request.” His stern expression softened in a way I hadn’t seen before. “You said something to me before that I wasn’t quite ready to hear. But things are so much clearer, now, Erica,” he reached out a hand to tilt my chin up to him. “I’m finally ready to return your feelings,” he breathed. “And I want you by my side.”

I was trapped in his gaze. The intensity of his words, the thundering in my heart, it was all wrong. How did things end up this way? I was only meant to heal him-

Draco suddenly jolted to attention. His eyes darted around suspiciously, and he motioned for me to stay put while he pulled out his wand. I had no idea what was occurring, but I soon heard the sounds of footsteps, and it became evident why Draco was suddenly tensed and ready to strike. 

There was someone other than us in the room. The intruder began humming a song as they searched through the piles. It was a woman’s voice, and the song sounded so familiar- but from where? And I could have sworn I recognized the voice- a professor?

Draco inched around the nearby stack of books. As soon as he had eyes on the intruder, he shouted in a hushed voice, “ _ Brachium! _ ”

I heard the sound of the woman yelping, and then the doors slamming shut. Draco returned to me, looking quite peeved. 

“Professor Trelawney came looking for her sherry stash,” Draco hissed. “I pushed her out.”

My eyes darted around, still quite alarmed. “What if she tries to come back?” I whispered. 

“We ought to leave,” Draco said somewhat reluctantly. He looked like he wanted to continue our previous conversation, but the mood was horrendously altered now, with no chance of revival. 

We hurried back to the lower levels of Hogwarts. The sun had set now, and there was no doubt my absence was noticed at dinner. Before we descended the stairs to the basement, I paused. 

“You go on first,” I said to Draco. He frowned, realizing what I was doing. 

“So that’s your choice, then?” he said with distaste. “You’re really going to let others' opinions keep you from being seen with me?”

I made sure I responded with an equal amount of disgust. “It’s for the best if we just carry on like we have been. You may be ready to declare our business to everyone, but I’m certainly not.”

Draco looked hurt by this. Straightening his suit jacket, he trod down the stairs, leaving me alone in the corridor, wondering if I had made the right decision. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simp!Draco has entered the building


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica isn't ready to go public; Draco does something drastic.

My thoughts had been circling the drain ever since my last encounter with Draco three days ago. It was hard to tell if he was avoiding me again because he was working on one of his plans to kill someone for the Dark Lord, or because I rejected his proposal to enter a public relationship with him. Even if he wasn’t plotting a murder, I was uncertain if I wanted to become the public armpiece of the Slytherin pureblood prince. Regardless of what we felt for each other, which seemed to be actual, genuine feelings of affection, he was still  _ Draco Malfoy _ , and being associated with someone of that much power just didn’t suit me. And now I wasn’t sure if there would even be another rendezvous. 

But still, I wanted him. I longed for him, especially in the late hours of the night, when I couldn’t sleep. I liked to believe he was thinking of me too. But he was most likely occupied with Death Eater business, plotting to carry out the task the Dark Lord had given him.  _ I wonder, which does he think of more? Me, or murder? _

“Erica, have you been asked to Slughorn’s Christmas party?” Penny reached across me to grab a dinner roll. I snapped out of my trance, remembering that I was having dinner in the Great Hall with Penny, Evelyn and Greta.

“What was that?” I blinked. Penny rolled her eyes. She hated having to repeat herself. 

“Slughorn’s Christmas party?” she enunciated, like I was deaf. “For the Slug Club? Everyone in the club can bring a guest.”

“I reckon Cade will want to ask you,” Greta leaned across the table, a gleeful smile across her face, rounding her cheeks. “I wish we could all go. But you’re the only one who has a chance.” She had a bit of jam on her lip. But it seemed she didn’t notice, even when Evelyn motioned for her to wipe it off. 

“Cade is in Slug Club?” I blinked again. I was sure this was a piece of information that had been discussed before, but lately I spent most of my time tuning out conversations unless I was directly spoken to. 

Penny said dismissively, “The party is in two weeks, though, so he has some time,” she paused, twirling pasta around her fork, “If he wants to ask someone else, that is.”

I flattened my lips into a line, not bothering to waste my breath responding to Penny. My lack of response wasn’t noted, however, because Adrian and his roommates joined us at the table, sandwiching themselves between us as usual. Cade decided to sit next to me. I carried on eating my meal as usual while my roommates canoodled with his. 

“Evening, Erica,” Cade said to me. He had that boyish nervosity about him again. I knew something was up; he got this way when he wanted to ask me something. 

“Hello Cade,” I replied, eating my meal faster.

Cade smiled at the table, and then looked back at me. “Quite impressive work you did in potions today. Your Wit-Sharpening potion was the most purple of all of ours.”

I offered him a good-natured smile after washing down my food with water. “Thank you.”

“I should be thanking you,” he laughed skittishly. “You lent me your spare newt spleens.”

I needed something to make the time pass faster so I could finish my food and leave. “How’s Quidditch going, Cade?”

Cade began his self-absorbed spiel of Quidditch feats, naming exactly which houses he has won against since the whole season began. I nodded when I was supposed to, muttered ‘wow’ at appropriate times, but wholly missed every word of it. 

The sound of Greta excitedly whispering to everyone caught my attention. “Look,” she whispered, her eyes locked on the person who had just entered the Great Hall. “ _ He’s _ here.”

I turned away from Cade for a moment. My eyes widened along with everyone else’s when I spotted Draco in his robes striding into the hall, with Crabbe and Goyle in step behind him. It was as if the entire room hushed, everyone’s heads turning to look at the proud man who hadn’t been seen at a meal in nearly two weeks. But that may have just been the blood roaring in my ears.

I didn’t look up to see if Draco glanced my way as he passed by my spot at the table. If he did, all he would see would be the side of my face as I pretended to be in deep conversation with Cade. I observed out of the corner of my eye as they seated themselves not far from us, the sight of Draco within my peripheral vision. _ I’m sure that was on purpose _ .

“Where do you reckon he’s been eating?” Evelyn whispered.

“He’s got Crabbe delivering food to his room, no doubt,” Dimitri replied. 

“But why is he here  _ now _ -”

I snapped out of my fog and focused my attention on Cade again. He had kept talking, unaware that I had been distracted. 

“-During the game against Hufflepuff, they totally thought they had us beat. But I was privy to their strategy, you see, and knew they used bludger-heavy tactics to take out the chasers.”

“Is that so?” I asked, my eyes flicking to Draco every now and then. He rested his elbows on the table, taking cool sips from his water. He looked exhausted, I observed sadly, noticing the way his posture sagged. I blinked, and the next time I took a glance at him, he was looking back at me. 

“Anyway,” Cade said. I quickly looked back at the boy beside me, trying to shake the image of Draco’s eyes.  _ If I ignore it, he’ll stop. _ “I have something I’d like to ask you.”

My heart beat quicker. I could see Draco in the corner of my eye. He was still looking. 

“What is it?” I asked, somewhat flustered. 

“Slughorn’s Christmas party is right before the term ends. December 20th,” Cade informed me. “And he said we ought to bring dates. I was wondering if you would come with me.”

Cade’s confident words were betrayed by the nervousness with which he spoke. I wrung my napkin in my hands, feeling something like pity for him. I thought I had made it clear I wasn’t interested in him after Adrian’s party, but here he was again, asking me to another party. I became conscious of the fact that almost everyone in our general vicinity at the table was listening for my reply. No doubt Draco was listening, too.  _ Saying no to Cade would be like saying yes to Draco.  _

“A-alright,” I muttered. “I suppose I can, if you’ve got no one else to ask.”

Cade reacted as if I had said a whole-hearted yes. “Fantastic,” he grinned. “That’s… fantastic. Thank you. I’m wearing something green, by the way, so if you wanted to coordinate- but lots of colors go well with green, I suppose…”

I nodded as Cade continued blabbering. Sipping from my goblet, I realized that if I did want to give off the impression that I was not secretly canoodling with Draco, accepting Cade’s invitation was the best thing I could have possibly done. I reassured myself of that fact, despite the lingering feeling of guilt telling me that I was somehow betraying Draco. 

_ I never agreed to be Draco’s girlfriend. So even if he overheard my acceptance, he has no right to be upset- _

“Erica.”

The familiar voice came from behind me. I set down my goblet and turned around somewhat alarmed, spotting Draco standing behind me. Cade ceased his blabbering and gaped at Draco like he was some kind of God. My friends and their boyfriends turned as well, ogling confusedly at the fact that Draco was addressing me. 

Draco addressed me like he had never met me before. “I know you volunteer in the Medical Wing, and it seems I cut my hand.” Draco presented his left hand to me, and I saw the gash that ran from the base of his thumb to his wrist, oozing blood. My mouth widened in shock. 

“You need an experienced healer,” Penny said to him, “I can walk you to the Medical Wing.”

“It’s urgent,” Draco said, making a face of discomfort. He looked only at me. His eyes were pleading with me to come with him. 

“O-of course,” I muttered, rising to follow him out of the Great Hall. I could practically hear the entire Slytherin table whispering amongst themselves as we left. I was mortified by the attention- but if Draco was hurt, it was my duty as Madam Pomfrey’s assistant to address it right away. Everyone in the castle knew that. 

“Let me see it,” I said to him as soon as we left the Great Hall. Draco did not obey.

“It’s on my left hand,” Draco said in a hushed voice, insinuating that I was aware of the significant mark he bore on his left forearm. He kept an eye on every person that passed us. “We have to go somewhere private.”

Draco found an empty classroom on the first floor, so we ducked inside, unseen by anyone. “How did it happen?” I asked as soon as he closed the door.

“Crabbe got sloppy cutting an apple,” Draco hissed, removing his cloak and draping it over a chair. “The oaf.”

I took Draco’s hand and studied the cut. It was deep and straight; and from what I remembered, Crabbe wasn’t even sitting on Draco’s left-

I looked up at Draco with suspicion. “Did you do this to yourself?”

He huffed. “That hardly matters. Just heal it, would you?”

I let go of his hand and backed away a step. My stomach had this nauseous, sinking feeling; like a rock dropped to the bottom of the ocean. “Did you hurt yourself to get my attention?” I whispered, not wanting to believe that he would do something so desperate.

“I did it because you agreed to go to that party with Sinclair,” Draco spat. His eyes were alight with fury. But so were mine. 

“I can’t believe you would do something like this,” my voice cracked. “You are so  _ possessive _ and  _ selfish _ and-”

“Love makes people do stupid things, Erica,” Draco replied. His words made me pause. That was the first time he had used  _ love _ in a sentence about me. Draco added in a threatening tone, “You aren’t going to that party with him. You’re going to heal me, because you’re  _ mine _ .”

I hugged my arms across my chest. “I’m not healing you this time, Draco. I refuse to encourage this behavior. It’s manipulative.”

He didn’t seem to understand the meaning of the word. Closing the gap between us with quickness, he forced his mouth onto mine. I allowed it at first, but felt wrong for doing so- and shoved him away in disgust. 

“Everyone else may allow you to treat them like slaves, but you will not do so to me!” I yelled. “Is this what you want us to become? Is this what  _ love _ means to you?”

Draco’s lips morphed into a twisted frown. Directly into my face, he yelled, “Well it certainly doesn’t mean going off with other boys who want to get you into their beds!”

I trembled from the power in his voice. His face was twisted into this horrible, cruel man that I didn’t recognize. 

“You’re not well, Draco,” I whispered, feeling tears well up in my eyes. 

“So  _ fix _ me!” he cried. The tremor of his voice indicated desperation; a helpless man stood before me, clutching the bleeding wound on his hand, but I saw within to the bleeding in his heart. There was a tear so deep inside of him that not even I could heal it. 

I backed away, shaking my head. I was done. Completely, utterly done. 

In a low voice, I said, “I can’t do this anymore.” 

Draco’s anger melted into pain; he fell to his knees, blood oozing from his hand onto the wooden floor. But I couldn’t allow myself to look at him anymore. The empathy inside wanted to console him, fix up his wound, and hold him to me- but I was the reason why he was hurting. 

“The best way I can help you is if I leave you alone,” I sniffled. Draco was also crying, his shoulders shuddering as he knelt on the floor. “You understand, don’t you. We’re not meant to be together.”

“I don’t care,” Draco said through gritted teeth. “I need you.”

My back pressed against the door of the empty classroom. My hand found the doorknob, and slowly turned it. 

“Goodbye, Draco,” I whispered. I turned away from the increasing volume of his cries, closing the door behind me. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and Draco's breakup doesn't last long- and Erica receives a concerning letter.

My friends had a million questions to ask about Draco. I answered them as neutrally as I could manage, giving no indication that I was actually torn up inside. I had told Draco that we were better off apart. It wasn’t a breakup, but it sure felt like one. 

They believed me when I told them I had only walked him to the Medical Wing and left him with Madam Pomfrey. I expected the questions to stop after that night, but it was unfortunately all they could talk about for the next two weeks. It was horrible having to hear the name of the man I was trying to forget. I couldn’t eat much, couldn’t focus on studies, couldn’t paint- whenever I tried, I found myself looking at the pages of my notebook with him on it. Even that became too much of a reminder of my painful longing for him. So I tore them out and fed them to the fire in the common room. 

I didn’t see Draco again, not even in passing. Whenever his friends were around, I left, fearing he may appear. I eventually stopped leaving my room altogether except to go to classes and meals. I spent many sleepless nights in that dark bedroom I shared with my friends- but the meaning of the word seemed to be lost on me. For what kind of friends were they if they didn’t even notice how deeply I was suffering?

After they all fell asleep, I would cry into my pillow. For I was alone. 

Greta had mentioned something before, a concept in the world of dating called a ‘rebound’. It’s someone you use to get over the person you were really interested in. That was why I still kept my word with Cade to attend Slughorn’s Party with him. I had a dress already picked out (with help from Penny, Evelyn and Greta). It was one of my mother’s that I had sneakily taken with me to Hogwarts this year. I never expected to use it, as it was admittedly quite mature. The dress was made of shiny grey fabric, and had a swooping neckline that revealed almost my entire chest. Greta was kind enough to make a few alterations, but it still hung a little too low for a 15 year old. I was going to make Cade my rebound, even if reluctantly. 

“Wow,” Cade’s eyes ran up and down my body as I emerged from the girl’s corridor. As he described in painstaking detail, he was wearing a velvety emerald green suit with a black lapel. Even though it was a little big on him, he looked quite dashing. “You look… good.”

I gave him a half-hearted smile. “Thank you. You do, too.”

Cade could hardly take his eyes off of me the whole time we walked through the castle corridors. He offered me his arm, which I took- mostly because the winter air coming through the windows was horribly frigid. Winter break began tomorrow, and then we would get to spend two weeks at home with our families. My plan was to go back to London and spend that week with my mum, as I always did. It was just the two of us in her quaint townhouse.  _ Two weeks without any chance of seeing Draco.  _ I knew I should be looking forward to it. But I wasn’t.

Cade and I had almost reached Slughorn’s party when I saw something flying towards the window. I stopped walking and stared. 

“What is it?” Cade asked, squinting at the spot in the night sky I was looking at. “Is that an owl?”

I watched as the owl, brown and tousled, perched on the windowsill. Its eyes were looking at me. So I stepped towards it, my eyes going to the letter in its beak. 

I took the blue envelope from the owl, noting the neat cursive handwriting on the front. “It’s from my mum,” I said quietly. Why my mum was sending an owl right now was beyond me. But I had a sickening feeling like something was wrong. 

“Go on ahead to the party, Cade,” I said, not taking my eyes off the letter. “I’ll only be a moment.”

Cade told me to hurry, and then left. As soon as I was alone in the corridor, I opened the envelope and carefully read the letter in the moonlight. 

_ Dear Erica, _

_ How are you, my dear? I hope your studies are going well. I am looking forward to seeing you next week for Christmas and hearing about what you’ve been doing at Hogwarts. Maybe now that you’re halfway through your fifth year we can have intelligent discourse on transfiguration.  _

_ I must admit, the aim of this letter is not to catch up. I must give you advance warning about something you may find quite… alarming. But please, dear, when you read this letter, don’t do that thing where you chew your lower lip to bits. I can practically see you doing it, and I haven’t even sent the letter yet.  _

_ I’ll cut right to the point, for I’ve equivocated for long enough. Your father has returned, and he is here with me in London. I know that this may upset you, especially because I have never talked about him much, which probably gave you the impression that I was cross with his absence. The reason for his absence was justified; but it was just not something I could have shared with you before. But we want to explain when you are home. Please understand that I hid this information from you in order for you to protect our family.  _

_ I want you to come home with an open mind and an open heart. Know that this man is one of the people that gave you life. Leaving you was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do.  _

_ I would like to believe that you will take this information well. But I know you, my daughter, and suspect this will cause a great bit of crisis. I allow you to be cross with me, to be cross with your father, but please, darling, do not be cross with others.  _

_ We will pick you up at the station at the regular time. Your father can hardly wait to meet you. _

I reread the letter over and over again. I didn’t process the information until about the second time through, and on the fourth time I finally had to take a seat to keep myself from falling to shambles. 

My hand hovered by my mouth, careful not to smear the lipstick Greta had so carefully applied. Unfortunately, my tears fell relentlessly, and I knew my mascara was done for. Had I known this letter was coming tonight, I wouldn’t have bothered with the makeup, the dress, or the party. How could I attend a party knowing this information? Knowing that my father had returned and was waiting for me at home? 

The sound of someone coming down the corridor prompted me to fold the letter into little bits and stow it in my bra. I wiped at my cheeks and lower lash line, attempting to hide the fact that I was crying. But as the sounds of footsteps drew near, I knew it would be no use; so I pretended to look out the window at the night sky until whoever it was passed. 

A chill ran down my spine when the person’s footsteps halted a few feet away from where I was sitting. A low, raspy voice said my name. 

“Erica?”

I turned around, recognizing the voice. Just as I feared, it was Draco- or at least, a shadow of him. He was dressed well in his fine black suit, but as I studied his face in the moonlight I saw that it was rather gaunt, and his eyes, framed by purple crescents, were wild with that tornado of nervousness I knew all too well. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. And yet, when he saw my tears, his face almost seemed to crumple. 

I turned away from him. “I’m not crying because of you, if that’s what you think.”

“Is it- is it something Sinclair has done?” he asked. I heard the sounds of his footsteps drawing nearer. 

“No,” I sniffled. “It’s none of your concern.”

The gentle touch of his fingers on my chin made my head turn to him. He gazed at my face with a familiar concern. I swatted his hand away. 

Draco let go of a shaky exhalation. “Pardon my concern. It’s just that it’s unbecoming of you to cry when you’re looking so…” his eyes grazed my body, the low neckline of my dress, and his breath caught in his throat. “Striking.”

“Why are you here, Draco?” I hissed through tears. “Don’t tell me you’ve come to Slughorn’s party knowing I’d be here.”

He shifted nervously, glancing around at the empty corridor. “I’m here on business,” he said in a low voice. 

I frowned. “Business?” Draco’s nerves were clearly written all over his face. It was easy for me to deduce that the business he was referring to was something evil; something murderous. 

“You look terrible,” I whispered, keeping my voice cold and neutral. “I assume the guilt of your plan has made that human part of you sick?”

Draco made a pained face. “That’s a fair assumption. But in all honesty, I haven’t been myself since our last conversation.”

“That makes two of us.” I swallowed. “I should probably tell you that I accused you wrongly before, about the poisoned Gryffindor girl. Madam Pomfrey said it was only a spoiled bit of meat. So… I apologize.“ I stared at him for a moment, at his suit and his pained face, and at the hand that didn’t leave his pocket. “I don’t suppose the real person you’re targeting is at the party I was meant to go to?” I whispered, frightened of whatever it was he was concealing in his hand. 

“No,” he immediately replied. “I would never do such a thing in your presence. Even if you made it clear you do not wish to be with me, I will never let any harm befall you.”

“Thanks,” I said somewhat pointedly. “Go on. I won’t tell anyone I saw you, as long as you don’t tell anyone you saw me.”

I thought Draco would leave then, do whatever he needed to do to carry out his plan, but he remained standing before me. “I cannot leave until you tell me what it is that’s upset you.”

I blinked, the tears threatening to come again just by thinking about it. “My mother sent me a letter.”

Draco came to the bench I was seated on. “Has something happened to her?” he asked with urgency, which led me to believe he thought my troubles had something to do with him and his Death Eater ties. 

“No,” I said, feeling his warmth beside me and longing to go towards it. But I remained folded in on myself, hugging my arms. “My father… he has returned to us,” I whispered. “And he wants to meet me.”

Draco didn’t know what to make of this information. He simply asked, “Are you going to see him, then?”

“I don’t know,” I said shakily. “When I was a little girl, I used to dream of meeting him. But at one point I gave that all up, and in the place of hope, resentment grew like a nasty, incurable disease. I don’t think I can forgive him so easily. I… I don’t think I’m ready to see him tomorrow.”

Malfoy’s right hand held mine. I let it; for I needed that bit of comfort. His touch was so familiar, and I recalled all the other moments we held each other, allowing our hands to roam freely across each other’s bodies. This was the man I most trusted. This was the man I needed beside me. 

Gripping my hand tight, he said, “Come with me to Malfoy Manor.”

My head slowly turned to look at him. His face was determined; he meant what he had said. And I was certain I had heard him correctly. 

“I couldn’t possibly do something like that,” I said dismissively, even though my heart thundered for me to say yes. “It would be inappropriate.”

“If you truly do not want to see your father, you can come home with me. No one will have to know,” he whispered. 

I was stunned. “I-I couldn’t. Not after what I said to you before. I don’t deserve it.”

Draco’s hands cradled my face. “I deserved those words, for I was being a fool. Taking you for granted was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made. I vow to never do it again.” He said each word with painstaking earnestness. “I have been beside myself with sadness since we parted. For with you lies a piece of myself. And I never thought it was possible for me to love someone like I do you. It drives me mad.”

I listened to every word, his breath warm on my face. My hands came up to cradle his, for I had also been mad with sadness since we parted. It was lovesickness in its purest form. And the cure was right within reach. 

I closed my eyes and accepted him, feeling the tender warmth of his mouth, and the lips that moved with mine, and the silent affirmation of love that exchanged between us. Our mouths continued to brush against each other as his hands went to my waist, pulling me closer to the warmth of his torso. I longed to be even closer, so I placed my hands on his broad shoulders and leaned into him, feeling the softness of his hair on his neck, and the hungry way his hands ran down the sides of my satin dress. Cade, the party, and the letter were long forgotten, as I was now lost in the shared heat of the forgiving kiss Draco so lovingly gave me. And all at once, I started to feel myself beginning to heal. 

I pulled away with a newfound clarity. “Draco, it was very kind of you to offer for me to stay with you,” I whispered, still holding each other close, “But I must meet my father.”

Draco nodded. “I understand.” Looking at nothing in particular, he added, “I’m rather cross with my father, but if I could see him, I would.” 

“Could we write to each other?” 

Draco shook his head, looking suddenly very concentrated. “No. I cannot send or receive any owls at the Manor.” He did not explain why. I figured it was Death Eater business, so I let it be. 

Draco turned to me, clutching me once more to him like he was afraid I would disappear if he did not keep me in his arms. “I suppose I just didn’t want to imagine going two weeks without you,” he murmured. I held him just as tightly, and realized I had played with this poor man’s heart long enough.

“Draco,” I whispered with my forehead against his chest, “I have been considering your offer. To be with you.”

I heard the thump of his heart quicken. 

“I-I still need some time to think about it. After all, it would be a big change- and no doubt would raise some suspicions. But,” I sighed, “I’ll tell you my answer when we return from Christmas.”

Draco held me tighter. “I would love nothing more than for you to say yes,” he whispered. “I want you to be mine. Forever.”

Our lips locked again in another kiss. Draco’s hands gripped me with desire, and my body warmed from the inside out. His hand reached down to grip my ass, and I locked my arms around his neck, giving myself to him wholly. I could tell we both longed to go farther, but our moment of passion was cut short. For someone was watching.

“Draco. Remove your hands from Miss Thorncroft.”

Draco jolted to attention, and my eyes shifted to locate the source of the bone-chilling drawl. Snape stood in the corridor, having appeared without a sound. 

“Snape,” Draco snarled. “What are you here for?”

Snape scanned Draco and I with a look of neutral distaste that I recognized as fury. I righted my dress with unsteady hands, fearing the repercussions of being caught with Draco’s tongue down my throat and his hand on my behind. I couldn’t believe the tone Draco was taking with a professor. But Snape seemed unfazed by it. 

“I thought I made myself clear,” Snape drawled with threatening slowness, “You two are not to fraternize.”

“What does it matter to you?” Draco snapped. “It’s not like she’s helping me do it.”

“Isn’t she?” 

“She’s not involved in it,” Draco asserted, remaining protectively by my side. “So leave us be.”

“I cannot. For her presence alone is enough to make her an accessory to whatever you were planning to do in these halls.” Snape’s gaze went to me. “Miss Thorncroft, you would be wise to leave. Now.”

Realizing that Snape was in on whatever Draco’s plan was, I shook the shock from my bones and quickly rose from my seat. If I left now, I would not be punished- but Draco remained holding me by the arm. Snape’s eyebrows raised. 

“She’s fine where she is,” Draco hissed. 

Snape stepped forward, his threatening glare illuminated by the moonlight coming in through the open window. “If she was aware of the dangers, she would know better than to be seen in your embrace.”

I looked back at Draco with uncertainty. What Professor Snape knew of Draco’s ties to Death Eaters was beyond me, but it seemed to get through to Draco enough for him to let me go. I didn’t bother saying goodbye as I slithered past Snape and went inside to the party. 

“Where have you  _ been _ ?” Cade came rushing to my side. He squinted at my face. 

“What is it?” My fingers prodded my face, and I longed for a mirror to assess the damage to my makeup. 

“Nothing,” Cade dismissed, handing me a goblet of pumpkin juice. “You just look flushed, is all.”

I glanced over my shoulder and saw my reflection in the mirror. My makeup had miraculously stayed put, probably thanks to the fact that Greta only bought her makeup from magical shops. Absolutely tear- and kiss- proof. 

The party was quite drab. It was just lots of mingling with people that I didn’t much care for. Even though I’m sure they were all lovely, the conversations fell deafly on my ears. All I could think about was Draco. So I made a pointed effort to shy away from any of Cade’s physical advances; grabbing a pumpkin pasty when he tried to put his arm around me, suddenly becoming very interested in a Ravenclaw girl’s jewelry when his hand inched near mine. 

The party came to a screeching halt when Snape entered the room, dragging Draco by the collar. Slughorn and the rest of the guests gawked. 

“I caught him snooping around the halls.” Snape declared. I hid behind Cade so Snape wouldn’t see me. Luckily, Snape didn’t mention that Draco wasn’t alone. 

“I was gate-crashing, okay?” Draco sniveled. My heart thumped in my chest. I knew that wasn’t true. Snape had caught us while we were in embrace. So why was Snape acting so accusatory? Was it actually… to protect Draco?

“He can stay,” Slughorn decided. Bless his heart, he was a good professor- very kind, and forgiving. I hoped that he wasn’t the target of Draco’s assassination. Harry Potter was here as well, joining in the crowd that was ogling Draco’s clumsy entrance. I still suspected Harry was the real person Draco was after. But I couldn’t be certain. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to know. 

The party returned to its previous hum. I kept an eye peeled for Draco as Cade and I returned to our conversation with a few Ravenclaw guests. 

“This year has been rather quiet, hasn’t it?” A Ravenclaw 5th year boy said. 

“Yes, it has,” Cade agreed. “I assumed Potter would be up to one of his regular schemes.”

“Doesn’t appear so,” a Ravenclaw girl with a bit too much jewelry pointed out. “There was that incident with Katie Bell earlier, but… otherwise, it’s been a perfectly normal year.”

I nodded in agreement, even though this year for me personally has been quite unusual. And it was all thanks to…

“Draco,” Cade said incredulously as Draco joined our circle, standing right beside me. The Ravenclaw couple blinked, shocked by his sudden appearance. I blinked as well, trying not to make my blushing obvious. 

“Draco, has this year been good to you, too?” Cade asked good-naturedly. “I’ve hardly seen you.”

Draco straightened his tie. “I’ve been rather busy. Personal matters.” Draco glanced at me, and my breath caught in my throat. I surreptitiously sipped my pumpkin juice. 

“I can imagine,” Cade sniffed, smiling. “The coursework this year has been nothing to shake your wand at. Has anyone else noticed how Snape assigns more reading than all of the other Defense Against the Dark Arts professors put together…”

Cade began his charismatic tirade of his own opinion, completely overshadowing everyone else in the conversation. I sipped my drink, fully aware of Draco at my side. The sudden sensation of a hand on my back made my eyes widen- but I managed to maintain my composure as Draco’s hand began its descent down my backside.

Nothing was behind us except for a thin curtain, so it was improbable that anyone saw Draco’s sneakily placed hand. But if I wasn’t blushing before, I sure was now. Draco’s face remained that neutral sneer that he always wore, looking down his nose at the others as his hand traced the curve of my ass under my dress. Every hair on my body rose. 

“Draco, tell us about what you’ve been doing,” the Ravenclaw boy whose name I didn’t catch asked. “I’d be fascinated to pick your brain.”

Draco scoffed. “I don’t let just anyone be privy to my matters.” The grip on my ass tightened. “But I’m planning something that will change the entire structure of this castle.”

Everyone was taken aback. “W-what do you mean?” Cade asked. 

Draco was about to respond, but the silent appearance of Snape made everyone stiffen. 

“Draco,” Snape drawled, “A word. My office.”

Draco’s hand reluctantly released the ass cheek it had been clutching. I relaxed. Draco excused himself from the conversation to follow Snape out of the party. 

The Ravenclaws sighed in relief. The boy complained in a hushed voice, “Whenever he’s around, I feel like I have to be on edge.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” the girl amended, “His presence alone is… staggering.”

“Imagine being in the same house as him,” Cade added, a hand on his chest. “It’s like living with a viper.”

I had nothing to contribute to the conversation other than occasional nods. Listening to how they talked about Draco when he wasn’t around was jarring. They spoke of him like he was some kind of evil presence. I wanted to tell them that they were wrong- that he was just misunderstood, and beneath that hardened exterior was a man of means, of honesty. But I kept my lips sealed. I waited for Draco’s return, but he did not come back. The party came to an end, somewhat awkwardly, and Cade escorted me back to Slytherin dorms. 

I was ready to say goodnight, but Cade lingered. 

“You looked splendid tonight,” he said earnestly. “Thank you for coming with me.”

I pursed my lips, thinking of the relief I would feel when I finally got out of this dress. “Thank you. It was a… pleasant time.”

Cade looked to his feet, clad handsomely in brown loafers, and then looked back up at me. “Um… I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but… is there someone else you’re interested in?” Cade’s brows formed a pitiful arch, which made my heart cry.

I paused, mouth open. I glanced around, seeing no one else in the common room. Slowly closing and reopening my eyes, I admitted, “Yes.”

Cade nodded slowly. “I see.” 

Silence hung heavy in the air.  _ Should I just go to bed, then? It feels wrong to leave him here like this. He looks like a little boy that might cry. _

“But you should know, Cade,” I summoned my best confidence, “You did not make me sick before. On that night when we kissed.” He blinked. “You were rather nice. So thank you for that.”

Rouge spread across Cade’s pale, freckled cheeks. His Adam's apple bobbed once. “Yeah.”

I think that Cade wasn’t fully aware of my desire to just remain friends with him until now, but that concept seemed to be cemented in his brain in the wake of tonight. He gave me a hug goodnight with a firm pat on my back. One that I had seen him give his friends countless times. 

“Th-thanks,” I stammered. 

“No problem.” Cade smiled, like he had just done me a favor. We locked eyes for only a moment, and seemed to have a mutual understanding that we simply just weren’t meant for each other. Cade and I would go on appreciating each other’s existences, but only as friends. 

Cade’s lips flattened into a line, and he waved goodbye for a moment before returning to his dorm, and relief washed over me that that predicament seemed to resolve itself. But the rest of me was wrought with worry. 

_ Was Draco able to execute his plan? Just how long would I have to wait to find out?  _ We all go on Christmas break tomorrow. Perhaps I should have taken Draco up on his offer to go to his Manor; if only to have him close to me. 

But my father was waiting for me at home. And my mother… I couldn’t just blow her off to spend the holiday with someone that I wasn’t even willing to admit was my boyfriend.

And I had two weeks to decide if that was what I wanted. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica meets her father. (backstory/character development; no Draco)

I nervously tapped my suitcase, waiting in the lobby of the train station. The reek of Muggles was all around. I had changed out of my robes on the train, and was now in a sweater and jeans that allowed me to blend in with all the other people at the London station. My stomach was wracked with nerves. I didn’t think I would be missing the castle quite this soon. 

_ Will I be able to recognize my father as soon as I see him? _ My eyes darted about, landing on every man that passed by me. But I had a feeling I would know him as soon as I saw him. 

After about ten minutes, I spotted my mother emerging from the crowd in her wool coat and pencil skirt. Her dark brown hair was up in a librarian-esque bun. I smiled, grabbing my luggage and coming to her for a hug. 

“Erica,” she greeted me joyfully. 

I hugged her tightly. “Hi mum.”

She pulled away, scanning me from head to toe. “You seem different.” In her typical analytical manner, she was able to pick up on the slightest changes, whether they be mental or physical. I blushed, unwilling to give details in such a public space. “A lot has happened, I suppose.”

“I want to hear about it all,” she spouted. “But first, there’s someone you should meet.” She looked behind her, waving at someone to come forward. 

My body locked up when I saw him. A man with brown hair shaved close to his scalp walked towards us. Something was off about his gait, and when I looked at his legs I noticed he was favoring his left. His stern face was etched not with age, but experience; lines that I recognized as scars were found all over his forehead, nose and chin. He looked at me, and in his eyes I saw my own greenish-brown irises. 

A shiver ran down my spine. The child inside of me longed to weep; for he was just as I imagined, just a little more damaged than expected. He was really here, before me.

_ My father. _

“Erica,” he rasped, a smile spreading across his face. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you.”

I didn’t hug him. I stayed put, keeping my burgeoning questions at bay. I muttered, “It’s nice to meet you, too… erm…”

“Xavier,” he said to me. “Xavier Sloan.”

My mother nodded, standing beside us observing our awkward meeting. A tentative smile came to her face. “How about we get to the car? We can all get to know each other over a cup of tea.”

Xavier-my father- thought that was a good idea. I trailed behind them with my luggage, and observed in surprise as my mother linked her arm in his. I pretended that I wasn’t listening, but I heard her whisper in his ear, “She didn’t swear at you. That’s a good sign.”

\----

I found it hard to conceal my surprise at how effortlessly my mother and Xavier behaved around each other. She brought him tea, kissed him on his shaved head, and settled onto the couch in our living room right beside him. I sat in an armchair on the opposite side of the room, still skeptical of the man that had been mysteriously absent for fifteen years with no explanation. I wanted to yell at my mother,  _ ‘how can you just accept him again? After all this time? After he left us alone?’ _ . It was unnatural. Disturbing, almost. Especially because his scars and limp were concerning factors. I began to suspect that he was a wizard convict that probably spent the past years in Azkaban. Perhaps he had  _ imperio _ ’d my mother, or given her some kind of love potion. 

Because I had never seen her this happy. 

Conversation started slowly. For a while, the only sounds in the townhouse were from the busy London traffic outside the window.

I sipped my tea, ignoring the expectant looks from my mother and father. Xavier turned to my mother and muttered, “Is she always this stoic?”

“She can get into these quiet moods sometimes,” my mother replied, folding her hands neatly in her lap. “Erica, don’t you have anything you would like to ask?”

I glared at them over the brim of my teacup. I did have questions, but all of them involved some sort of expletive, so I thought it best to keep those to myself. 

Xavier chuckled deeply. I raised my eyebrows. 

“Smart one, she is,” he said to my mother. “Got that from you.”

“Erica, I know this must be quite strange,” my mother said to me in a gentle tone. “But once we explain everything, I’m sure you’ll feel differently.”

I set my teacup down carefully. Glaring daggers at the man seated next to my mother, I spat, “Why don’t you start by explaining where the hell you’ve been for the past fifteen years?”

My mother frowned. “Erica,” she scolded, and then looked accusingly at my father. “She gets  _ that _ from you.”

Xavier smiled briefly, his eyes crinkling. In a calm tone, he said to me, “I’ll start by saying that it was not my intention to be gone for so long. If I had known when I left that it would be the last I would see of you or Gwendolyn for fifteen years, I would not have gone.”

I continued glaring. “Why did you leave, then?”

“I was fighting in a war,” he said. “I was a Field-Marshal in the British Army when I met your mother. We fell in love instantly,” he glanced at her, who was gazing at him with her lips taut, as if remembering the exact moment. “I decided to retire, so we could start a family. It was all I ever wanted from life. When you came, we were very happy.”

“Xavier doted upon you,” my mother said. “Never left your side, even while you were asleep.”

Xavier looked at me. “However, right after you were born, I got a call. I had to ship out to lead our struggling front, that no one else could do the job. They promised me it would be a short assignment. A year at most.” His eyes glazed over slightly, regret coloring his voice. “Your mother assured me you two would be fine. That I should go, because they needed me. But unfortunately, one year turned into two. I told the higher ups that I was done. But a week before I was scheduled to leave, my squadron and I were ambushed, and I was taken prisoner there.”

My expression softened. His story made sense, and explained the scars on his face. He gripped his left leg. 

“They tortured me for years,” he informed me. “At one point, I attempted an escape. So they took my leg.” He pulled up his pant leg, revealing a prosthetic. “It was only four months ago that I was finally able to be rescued and brought back to England.”

I frowned, the information not quite adding up. Hesitantly, I asked, “Why were you fighting in a Muggle war in the first place?”

Xavier and my mother exchanged a nervous look, which made my stomach drop. My mother shook her head, looking solemnly at her lap. 

“I’m not a wizard,” Xavier said bluntly. 

My heart nearly stopped beating. My hands gripped the scarf around my neck as I digested the unwelcome news that I wanted to believe was a lie. “W-what?” I whispered. 

“Your father is a Squib,” my mother informed me. “He knows all about wizards and how our society functions. But he cannot use magic, and never will.”

I had heard of Squibs before. Filch was the only one I had ever known personally, but from what I’d heard around the Slytherin common room, Squibs were just as bad as Muggles. I shut my eyes tightly, wanting to go back in time to before I knew this information. 

“I don’t understand,” I said flusteredly. “I’m in Slytherin. I would not be in Slytherin if I wasn’t a…”

“Pure-blood?” my father completed my sentence. “My family were all pure-blood wizards. Because I was not a wizard, they rejected me at a young age, hence why I joined the army. They could reject me all they wanted; their blood still runs in my veins. And it runs in yours, too.”

I began to feel light-headed. “A person’s blood purity doesn’t determine how capable they are of loving,” my mother said earnestly. “It doesn’t determine their worth. It is unfortunate that we live in a society that cannot see past heritage. That is why I never told you about him, Erica, because I didn’t want you to feel any different from your peers. Because you aren’t.”

I took a few steadying breaths. Perhaps they were right; a pure-blood Squib is a pure-blood nonetheless. I was evidence of that. And yet, my entire body shuddered at the concept that I was…  _ half-Squib _ . I couldn’t simply carry on with my life as normal knowing this. 

_ I couldn’t possibly tell Draco. _

“I… I think I need to lie down for a moment,” I murmured, rising from my chair. All of a sudden, the room around me began to fade. I tumbled to the floor, consciousness slipping from me like I was dying. 

And when I woke up, I would be in a new life.

\---

I didn’t leave the bed for days. 

On the first day, my mum brought me tea. 

“Erica,” she said in her motherly coo. “How are you doing, sweetiebeetie?”

_ Sweetiebeetie. _ The pet-name my mother used for me whenever I was in a bad mood. She sat the tray down between us, and then went to open the drapes. Light illuminated my childhood bedroom, painted this circus purple color (a choice I had made when I was nine), and my Slytherin memorabilia upon the wall. I had been forced to look at the pennant flags and posters all through the sleepless night. A reminder of the boy I longed for, and the place I now felt a bigger detachment to than ever before. 

“You suck, mum,” I grumbled from under the covers. My mother turned around, placing her hands on the hips of her blue a-line dress. 

“That’s not fair,” she whined. We always talked to each other more like sisters than mother and child. 

“I knew you were lying to me about something,” I said angrily. “But  _ this _ was kind of a lot.”

She sat down, defeated, at the foot of my bed. “What was I supposed to do, Erica?”

“Not lie to your only daughter.”

“I didn’t lie,” she said defensively. “You never asked.”

I sat up in a huff. “Talking about him always made you sad, so I didn’t bring him up. And because of that, I had to make up my own stories about who he was, and I’ve lived the past few years thinking he was a horrible person. But at least I knew, because I was in Slytherin, he was a pure-blood wizard. At least I had that.”

My mother flattened her lips into a line. She started unpacking my clothes with a flick of her wand, sending the bundles of clothes flying into my closet in neatly folded stacks. My mother always did like to organize things a little more than necessary. 

“I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain to you why blood status is not as big of a deal as everyone seems to make it out to be.”

I placed a frustrated hand against my face. “It’s not important to me, mum. But it’s really important to some people.”

My mother folded her legs. “Like who?”

“All of my friends,” I said, “Most of my classmates. And… certain important people.”

“Certain important people?” My mother echoed, her eyes widening when she realized what I meant. “Erica, I knew something had changed about you.” She grinned. “You met someone.”

“Yeah,” I grumbled, “And blood purity just so happens to be pretty important to him. I’m pretty confident that if he knew I was half-Squib, he wouldn’t want to touch me with a ten-foot wand.”

The clothes finished putting themselves away, but one item lingered in my trunk. My mother leered at it. 

“This robe isn’t yours,” she said suspiciously. She picked it up and inspected it, smelling the lapel. Her jaw practically hit the floor. 

“...That’s his,” I said shyly. 

She began to fold the robe neatly in her lap. “Well he smells… good.”

I rolled over onto my side. “I really like him, mum. I don’t know what I’m going to tell him.”

“I’m going to be very blunt here,” she warned. I nodded for her to go ahead. “If he really loves you, then blood purity should not change that. If it does, perhaps he’s just not the right person.”

I sighed in exasperation. “I’m almost certain he’s the right person.”

My mother looked at me dolefully. Her lips flattened into a line in the way that they always did when she was about to give advice. 

“Then maybe it’s not the right time,” she suggested. “If he really is the right person…. Like how your father is for me, then the right person will find their way back to you.”

I wished her advice helped. It only made me burst completely into tears. My mum rubbed my back as I sobbed into my pillow. 

\---

The next day, my father brought me tea. And a sandwich. 

I was wary of him at first. But I also didn’t want to let a handicapped man carry me tea and food without helping him. 

“Thank you,” I muttered, taking the tray from him and setting it on my bedside table. I was just in the middle of re-organizing my paintings, setting aside a few I may want to get framed. This room needed updated decorations. 

My father noticed the landscapes laid out on the floor by my bed. “Do you mind if I look?” he asked, and I nodded for him to go ahead.  _ He’s a Muggle, so he’d like my ‘Muggle art’, as Draco called it.  _

My father slowly bent to the floor, and I wanted to ask if he needed any assistance, but he only silently stared at my paintings, his face completely focused. Delicately, he picked one up, holding it up in the light. 

“They’re absolutely beautiful,” he said in awe. “Truly. Some of the best work I’ve ever seen.”

Not knowing how to respond to compliments, I stammered, “Th-thank you. Just a hobby I do.”

“We should get these framed,” my father asserted, looking over each and every one. 

“...I was thinking the same thing.”

“Are you considering doing this professionally?” he asked. My eyebrows arched, as I was not even aware that being a professional painter was an option. 

“A-actually, I was planning on becoming a Healer,” I said.

My father smiled. “Medics were always my favorites. I believe I have an aunt who’s a Healer. Always loved the profession.”

I asked reluctantly, “Do you still talk to your family at all?”

“No, not really,” he said, still kneeling, “I mean, there were a few that did take notice of my prolonged absence. My younger brother was the only one who was really glad to hear of my return. My parents didn’t really care that I was gone.” 

_ As disgusting as they are, those people are my family too now, I suppose.  _ I awkwardly said to him, “I want you to know that I am not personally offended by the fact that you’re a Squib. What I’m angry about is the fact that I made you into some horrible deadbeat in my mind for years.”

He rose from the floor. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” I said nervously. “So I’m sorry. I know I behaved quite cross earlier. But that’s because I was expecting to hate you. And I don’t.”

My father chuckled. “I definitely worried about the whole no birthday presents for 15 years thing,” he shook his head. “I have a lot of catching up to do.”

I snickered. “You certainly do.”

\---

It turns out I actually rather liked my father. 

He didn’t hover, or push, or pry. We gradually increased the length of our conversations throughout the week until eventually he had an idea of who I was, and I knew him. He had a cold demeanor, but on the inside was a pleasant, somewhat soft spoken man whose laugh lit up his whole face. It also helped that since he was from a wizarding family, I didn’t have to stop and explain everything to him, for he already knew what Hogwarts was, and was well aware of the tension in wizarding society about the separation between pureblood wizards and those with Muggle lineage. 

The more we talked, the more frustrated I became that I had only just met him. For he was splendid. I understood why my mother had waited so long for his return, never dating, never considering anyone other than him. 

My mother never mentioned when, or if, she would be returning to her job as an Obliviator. The Ministry of Magic was pretending like The Dark Lord hadn’t returned. But it was obvious that Muggleborns and Muggle sympathizers were getting increasingly nervous. Seeing as my mother was married to a Muggle, I wasn’t so sure if her continuing work at the Ministry was such a good idea. I asked her about it at Christmas Eve dinner.

“Mum, when do you go back to the Ministry?” I asked. My mum’s eyes widened slightly when I brought it up. 

“W-well…” she began tentatively, swishing cider around in her clear goblet, “The thing is… I have already sent them my letter of resignation.”

Potatoes almost fell out of my mouth. “W-what?” I stammered. 

She waved her hand nonchalantly. “It’s fine. I never liked that job much anyways, and I thought now that your father is back, it was time for us to make a fresh start.”

I eyed my parents suspiciously. I got a creeping feeling that they had already discussed this without me. “A fresh start?” I echoed. 

My father said, “I’m afraid my presence as a non-magical person puts you and your mother at significant risk. We’ve been considering certain… options.”

I nodded. “That’s… fair.”  _ It was good to take precautions. Especially because Muggle sympathizers are dropping like flies in wake of the Dark Lord’s return. _ “What are you thinking of?”

My parents exchanged another look. They seemed to know that whatever they were about to say would upset me. I waited with bated breath for one of them to tell me what it was they were hiding. 

“We’ve been thinking of moving to the United States,” my mother finally admitted to me. “It would be much safer there-”

“The United States? You can’t be serious,” I interrupted incredulously. 

“Let me explain,” she urged. “In America, they’re much more progressive about the mixing of Muggles and wizards. We could live there without fear of prosecution. And I know that you have two years of schooling left, but there’s a wizarding school in Massachusetts that I’m certain you could transfer to-”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Are you really suggesting I leave Hogwarts?”

“I know it would be a big adjustment, leaving your friends,” My mother said sympathetically. “So you could stay in England, if that’s what you really want. We would support whatever decision you make. But Xavier and I…. we’ve made up our minds.” She seemed resolute about her decision to move. I could hardly wrap my head around it.

“So I could stay in England, but you two are…. Leaving,” I said sadly. My parents looked at me with immutable expressions. There was nothing I could say to change their minds.

“When are you moving?” I muttered. 

“As soon as possible,” Xavier said gruffly. “The longer I’m here, the more danger it puts you both in.”

My mother clarified, “We were hoping to move next month. But we could stay until you finished your fifth year.”

I gripped my fork, weighing my options- the wise choice would be for me to move with them to America. But I couldn’t possibly do that right now. Not when Draco was waiting for me to return, so we could be together. 

_ But once he finds out I’m half-Squib, will that even be an option? _

I swallowed hard. “You two should go to America. But I would like to stay in England and finish my schooling at Hogwarts. I’ll be fine on my own.”

My parents were fine with my decision. They assured me I could visit them whenever I wished. My mum knew that I was already on my way to near independence, and that living in England alone for two years wouldn’t be a big deal. 

And it wouldn’t be so lonely here. After all, I would have Draco. 

I hoped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *disclaimer: not every Slytherin is a pureblood, like Erica assumes. That's a common misconception she most likely believed in order to make herself feel better.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and Draco tell each other their deal breakers.

“Erica. You’ve changed your hair again.”

Penny gawked at my hair at dinner in the Great Hall. Over the break, I had removed the enchantment from my hair that made it that dirty blonde, and had returned it to its natural walnut brown. The same color as my father’s. 

“Yeah,” I replied, “I decided I liked it better this way. Besides, the enchantment was beginning to wear off.”

Penny made a face of uncertainty. “I liked it better before.”

“Happy belated birthday, by the way,” Greta chimed in from across the table. “I got a gift for you. Ordered it in the mail.”

“I chipped in,” Evelyn added, elbowing Greta to include her. 

I thanked Greta and Evelyn shyly. I didn’t know that any of my friends remembered my birthday was over the Christmas break. Even though I had spent the day helping my parents pack up the house for their move to America, it was the best birthday I had ever had. 

My eyes scanned the hall for any sign of Draco. I had made my decision; I would tell him about my Squib father, and if he accepted it, we could be together. I kept anticipating his arrival in the Great Hall on the edge of my seat. Nerves made it difficult for me to stomach any food, or even hold my utensils without trembling. But he didn’t appear for the entire meal. 

Uncertain when I would run into him again, I decided to seek him out after dinner. Not seeing him for two weeks had left me with this intense longing. I brought out his cloak sometimes over the break just to be able to smell his cologne. But the real thing… the real thing was so much better. 

After looking around the Slytherin common room, I summoned the courage to knock on his door. No one was in there, it seemed. I was about to go back to my room when I realized there was another place I could look. 

I silently moved through the halls to the 7th floor. Night had fallen early tonight, making the corridors creepy and dark. I recalled the location of the Room of Requirement and went to it, only to be shocked by a Hufflepuff 4th year standing right outside the entrance, playing with some kind of ball. 

I continued walking, giving up on the idea of entering the room for fear of being reported by her. But as I walked past, my eye got caught on a bit of teal that peeked out from under her robes. 

_ That… looks like my shirt. _ I shook my head. It was just a coincidence that the girl had my exact same shirt that I had left in Draco’s room. Huge coincidence. There was no way that Draco gave this girl my clothes...

I was just about to loop around to head back down to the basement when the girl spoke. 

“Erica?” she said in a small, uncertain voice. I turned around, and the girl’s eyes were alight with recognition. 

“I thought that was you,” she beckoned me to come forward, carefully balancing the ball in one hand. 

“Do we know each other?” I said accusingly. The girl leaned in, glancing over her shoulder once to make sure we were alone. 

“It’s Crabbe,” she whispered. “I’ve drank polyjuice potion.”

I blinked, grasping the idea that the small, unnoticeable girl before me was actually Crabbe in disguise. At least I had an answer now about what Draco was using my clothes for. 

“Why are you out here?” I whispered. 

“I’m keeping watch for Draco.”

I glanced back at the empty wall. Draco was inside of the room right now. I could see him, finally.

“I wouldn’t go in there,” the little girl Crabbe warned, but I was already pacing before the door, urging for it to reveal itself to me. When I turned around, the doors had appeared. 

I grasped the door handle. “Just keep watch, would you?” I didn’t give Crabbe another chance to speak before I slipped inside. 

I was greeted by the same warehouse room as before. Not bothering to look at the slovenly arranged objects around me, I tread forward, seeking out Draco. 

The bed we had made love on was still there in the alcove of books. I took only a moment to look at it, remembering the passion with which we had held each other as we climaxed.  _ Perhaps we will be using you again soon, _ I thought to the bed. 

My ears detected the sound of someone swearing under their breath on the other side of a wall of junk. I walked toward the sound, knowing the voice belonged to Draco. With every step, I grew more excited- but nervous at the same time. I had prepared what I would say to him over and over. But now that I was so close to seeing him, my brain couldn’t remember the words. 

“Stupefy!”

I gasped, ducking behind a wall of loveseats. “Draco, it’s me,” I breathed, my body threatening to give out from fear. 

I heard a choked voice say, “...Erica?”

I moved out from behind the tall stack, finally laying eyes on the tall, thin man in the black suit. When he saw me, Draco’s grey eyes flashed with recognition. He put away his wand and came to me, putting his hands passionately on my face and bringing himself down for a long-awaited kiss. I wrapped my arms around his back, responding to his kiss with pleasure. My heart leapt with a sensation that superseded happiness. We remained in our embrace for a while, making out until we were out of breath. 

“I didn’t recognize you,” he breathed, his eyes darting all around my face, examining it. “You’ve changed your hair.”

I blushed. “I… had an enchantment on it before.”

Draco’s face melted into perplexion. “Crabbe should not have let you enter.”

I paused, confused as to why he was suddenly unhappy to have me here. “I wanted to speak with you. I didn’t realize that your project was to be kept secret, even from me.” I looked over his shoulder at the 10 foot tall cabinet behind him.

Draco pursed his lips, thinking for a moment before saying, “I suppose it doesn’t have to be a secret to you anymore.” He led me to the cabinet, allowing me to examine the outside. It looked much older than either of us; older than our parents, even. 

“It’s a Vanishing Cabinet,” Draco explained. “Whatever is placed in here will vanish, and then appear in its twin.”

Slowly, I opened the cabinet. Inside was just a small, brown bird stiffly laying on its side. Its eyes were black and lifeless. I couldn’t keep myself from uttering a gasp of sorrow when I laid eyes on it. 

I looked to Draco. “Is it dead?” He nodded.

“The link isn’t working yet,” he muttered. “I’ve been attempting to repair it.”

“What for?” I whispered.

Draco’s demeanor changed when I asked that question. Any bit of love or happiness drained from his face, and in its place was a grim expression. 

“I’m afraid if I tell you, it would put you in danger,” he said with seriousness. “So you mustn’t tell anyone. Not a single soul. Or else I would be forced to do something to you I wouldn’t want to do.”

I held my breath. “You can tell me, Draco.”

I was certain he heard my words, but he still wrangled with his answer. Dragging a hand down his chin, he finally spoke. 

“You see, the cursed necklace didn’t work. That was my original plan. Then, I needed the Compendium of Toxins to research the right poison to slip into a brandy Slughorn was going to give as a gift. But… Seeing as that may fall through, I needed a back-up plan,” he glanced at the cabinet. “So I’m planning to use this to sneak Death-Eaters into the castle, to support me while I carry out the execution.”

I was still as a rock. Slowly, my eyes raised to meet his. Hoarsely, I asked, “...Who is the target?”

“Dumbledore.”

I gaped at Draco. I had no words, no reaction to give other than one of complete and utter shock. The bird- Dumbledore would be still and lifeless, just like the bird Draco sacrificed for his Vanishing Cabinet test. Draco was aware the news was jarring, and wrapped an arm around my waist to soothe me. 

“This is the task the Dark Lord has given me,” he said quietly into my ear, “It is for his greater plan. You have to trust in me that this is what’s best for our society. I am going to assist him in cleansing this school and making it a place just for people like us.”

I wished that his words made me feel better. But they just made me sick. 

I angrily released myself from his grip. “Draco… you can’t do this.”

Draco looked at me with confusion. “You’re not thinking straight, Erica. This is what I’ve been planning to do all along. I’m letting you in on it now because you’ve joined me.”

With as much disgust as I could muster, I spat, “I have  _ not _ joined you.”

Draco frowned. “But you’ve come here to tell me you’re ready to be with me.”

“I do want to be with you, Draco,” I said pleadingly, “I thought that was what I wanted.” I backed away a step. “I… I don’t know if I can now.”

Suddenly angry, Draco came towards me. “What, so you’re changing your mind because Dumbeldore is going to die? The old coot is hundreds of years old. His time has come.”

“That’s not the reason.” I reached a hand up to my face and found it wet with tears. “It’s because… it’s because I don’t think I’m the right person to help you anymore.”

He gripped me by the shoulders roughly. “Yes you are,” he assured me. “You’ve helped me countless times over. You’ve given me something to adore, something to love. I can’t imagine carrying on without you, Erica. I need you by my side when the Dark Lord takes over this castle once and for all.” His gaze softened. “I need to make sure you’re safe.”

I shut my eyes tightly, sending tears rolling down my cheeks. Through a gasping breath, I uttered, “My father is a Squib.”

I opened my eyes and saw Draco’s face fall into dismay. He released my shoulders. 

“No,” he said softly. His hurt expression begged for me to take it back, to say it was a lie. The girl he loved was a product of the exact thing he stood against. 

“You can’t bear to touch me, can you?” I said, tears falling. Silence hung heavy in the air. I wanted him to hold me, say that it didn’t matter, tell me that he wouldn’t carry out his evil deeds in the name of blood purity. But he did no such thing.

After a prolonged silence, Draco muttered, “I’ve made my promise.” His eyes glazed over with melancholy as he hung his head. “I must stand with the Dark Lord.”

I waited for a moment for him to say something else. For him to look at me, even. But his gaze never left the floor. Even though we were mere feet apart, he felt miles away. 

I stepped forward, finally making his eyes go to me. I held his pained gaze as I commanded in my shaky voice, “Obliviate me.”

Draco let go of a few unsteady breaths. I could tell he was considering it, but he was still holding onto the whisper of the love that had freshly vanished. And he couldn’t do it. 

“You’re a coward, Draco,” I spat.

Draco gazed at me with betrayal. My very body felt like it was being torn into pieces when he turned away from me.

“Leave.” 

I stalled, mouth open to say something, but no words came out. 

He said again, in a stronger tone, “Leave, Erica.”

I turned away, stifling my sobs. Before I walked away, I growled, “I love you enough to never tell anyone about you or your plan. But in return, you can never, ever go after me or my family.”

I heard him mutter bitterly, “....I won’t.”

Not looking back, I quickly fled the room, leaving behind any desire to ever see Draco Malfoy ever again.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Draco!! Stop being an idiot!! Aaahhh!   
> Don't worry, this is not the end- much more to come.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica gets called to McGonagall's office.

Nothing felt real after that day. Food lost its flavor, my hands refused to paint, and any songs that I heard fell flat on my ears. I wished I could say I used this heartbreak as an excuse to throw myself into my work. But I often found myself mindlessly clawing at my own fingertips during class, ripping them to shreds, unable to pay attention.  _ Textbook symptoms of anxiety.  _

I had never had anxiety before- at least, not like this. But the knowledge that Draco was now aware I was half-Squib kept me from ever getting a mental moment of peace. It was always a question of when, not if, something would happen and I would have to protect myself. For I couldn’t count on Draco’s protection any longer. 

My parents sent me a letter alerting me that they made it safely to the United States and were settling into their new home in New York. I reread the letter thoroughly before burning it. No one could know that my mother, a Muggle sympathizer, had escaped with my Squib father to the United States to avoid persecution from the returning influence of dark wizards. They had offered for me to do the same, but I refused, stupidly holding out on the idea that Draco and I could be together. 

I could still see the ice that glazed over his eyes after I told him the truth. 

His eyes were the last thing I saw before I fell asleep. Even though it hurt, I replayed that scene over and over in my mind, whittling my sanity down until I cried and cried. I became an expert at stifling my sobs in my bed at night, or in bathroom stalls, or even in the backs of classrooms. Whenever the thought of Draco entered my mind, the tears inevitably came, too. For he didn’t want me anymore. I was just another person on his prospective hit list for when he “purifies” the student body. 

“Hell, Erica. Your eyes.”

I awoke in my bed with a sniffle. Penny was looming over me, her tweezed eyebrows upturned in an expression I couldn’t discern as concern or disgust. 

“What?” I croaked. I touched my fingertips to my eyelids, discovering they were swollen and puffy. I must have cried in my sleep last night. 

Greta paused her dressing to come over and see. “Is that some kind of allergic reaction?” She tilted her head to get a better look. 

“I’m just homesick,” I grumbled dismissively, slowly rising from my bed to dress for the day.  _ How long has it been since Draco rejected me? Give or take, about a week.  _ I exhaled a warm breath of air in the frigid room.  _ It only took my friends a week to notice I’m a complete mess. _

“I have some eye cream you can borrow,” Greta offered sweetly. “And why don’t we all get some hot chocolates today?” she asked, her eyes specifically looking to me. 

I smiled a little at her overture of friendship. I could always count on Greta to try and cheer me up. But Penny ruined the moment by remarking, “I don’t think you need any more of those, Greta. If we go on having hot chocolates whenever we feel like it, we’re going to balloon up.”

I retorted, “If you don’t like it, Penny, then you don’t have to get one.” Penny turned to me, no doubt with a frown, but I ignored her and worked on fastening my skirt. 

“Fine, then. You all can get fat like a bunch of Hufflepuffs.” Penny closed her trunk with a huff and went off to the women’s loo. Greta, Evelyn and I were left standing in the tense air Penny and I created. 

“You don’t have to provoke her like that, you know,” Greta said to me softly. 

“Yeah, what’s gotten into you, lately?” Evelyn chimed in curiously. “I mean, Penny can be a bit much sometimes, but lately it’s like you have a problem with everything she says.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I’m just speaking my mind. I’m sorry if it makes you all uncomfortable.”

Greta and Evelyn exchanged a look. Greta wrung her hands and meekly said, “I know we’re all stressed about OWL’s, but something’s changed about you, Erica. We’re just a little concerned, is all-”

I chuckled a little as I arranged my brown locks. “Maybe you guys should try saying what you really think. It’s very revealing.” I stole a glance at their surprised faces and smirked. “Trust me.”

\---

My Devil-may-care attitude vanished as soon as I got the summons to go to McGonagall’s office. I had no idea why she wanted to speak with me on a Saturday afternoon, but my anxiety was at an all time high as I knocked on the large wooden doors to her office. I wished I could have blown her off, but McGonagall was someone I didn’t want to piss off. Penny, on the other hand, I enjoyed provoking- like a cat playing with a mouse. I was a new Erica; a Draco-less Erica, with very little to lose. 

“Come in.”

I closed the doors behind me and spotted McGonagall in the corner of her office at her desk. I hadn’t spoken to her very much outside of transfiguration classes and was frankly quite intimidated by her- even just the back of her head made me stand up a little straighter than usual. 

“Wh-what is it you wished to see me about, Professor?” I stammered. She gestured at an upholstered chair. 

“Take a seat, Miss Thorncroft,” she said in her chillingly neutral voice. I did as she said. Her office was quaint, with a large globe and chalkboard dominating most of the space. She turned around in her seat, nodding to a platter of sandwiches on the table before me. “Help yourself.” 

I wasn’t hungry, but didn’t want to appear rude, so I took one. 

Before I took a bite, I blurted, “U-um, Professor, I apologize if my marks in transfiguration have been suffering lately. I’m afraid I’ve been a bit distracted- but I want to assure you it’s a temporary mental block.”

Professor McGonagall blinked at me. “Your marks are fine, Miss Thorncroft. Quite extraordinary, in fact.” I sighed in relief. She adjusted the long sleeves of her robe. “I only wished to speak with you to say how surprising you’ve been this year.”

My eyes widened. “H-how so?”

“Professor Snape has informed me your marks have exceeded last year’s,” her soft mouth parted in a slight smile. “And that has not gone unnoticed. He would tell you himself, but he finds it difficult to relay good news to students, especially the girls.”

I nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. If I heard this compliment from Professor Snape it wouldn’t seem nearly as sincere. But an itch in my brain told me that they didn’t give such flagrant pats-on-the-back to all the students who improved their grades. There was an ulterior motive for this meeting. 

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips. “And on the matter of Severus, I’m sure he has made his disapproval of your relationship with Draco evident.” 

My breath caught in my throat at the mention of Draco. My eyes darted about, unsure where to look. If McGonagall was about to give me a similar talking to that Snape gave to me about Draco, there was no need- for Draco and I weren’t together anymore. But before I could tell her that, she spoke again. 

“When Draco showed us your paintings, Severus was quick to share his reservations about your relationship. But I do not feel the same way,” she spoke. “Although it was quite unexpected, I believe you are a good match for him.”

“Wh-what makes you say so?” I asked hoarsely, still clutching the uneaten sandwich in my hand. 

McGonagall looked at me wisely. “Well, for one matter, Draco openly admitted you two had taken a liking to each other. Not only is that kind of honesty rare for Draco, but it is rare for teenage boys in general.” She paused. “You must be quite special to him, Miss Thorncroft.”

I thought about that for a moment.  _ Draco only openly admitted to us “dating” when he got caught with those paintings I had done of him. He only did so in order to get himself out of trouble. I hardly think that makes me special. _

McGonagall lowered her voice. “Draco is a troubled boy. I’ve been keeping a particularly close eye on him this year, but there’s only so much that I can do. I believe someone like you, with a good heart and your experience helping others in the Hospital Wing, will be a good influence on him. I hope you will continue to be there for him.”

My blood ran cold. Not only was I far from his perfect match, I was an accessory to the trouble I was supposedly keeping him out of. I was one of the few people who was aware of his horrible plan to kill Dumbledore and “purify” the school. And here McGonagall was, giving me words of encouragement for supposedly staying by his side and keeping him on the straight and narrow.

I began to tremble.  _ I could tell McGonagall the truth right here and now. But that would no doubt mean Draco would be expelled.  _ It suddenly felt like I was dangling from the cliff that was Draco Malfoy- he had already loosened my grip for me, and I was almost ready to let go for good. But I couldn’t seem to take the plunge. 

“Draco is a difficult person to be with,” I said quietly.

McGonagall nodded. “I understand. He is the type of boy who does not know what is good for him, hm?”

I forced myself to nod. 

“Regardless, please do not stop being there for him,” she said earnestly. “I worry about what would happen were he left alone.”

“Me, too,” I whispered. I wanted to tell her about Draco’s plan. But how would I even begin to tell her? _ Why is this so difficult? Is it because my feelings for Draco are still fresh? _

_ Is it that I still love him, despite everything? _

McGonagall looked at me with curious eyes. “Is there something else on your mind, Miss Thorncroft?”

I looked down at the uneaten sandwich I had been clutching. I slowly placed it back onto the table. “No,” I said hurriedly. “Um, I think I should excuse myself. Thank you for your time.”

I was practically bursting with guilt when I finally left her office.  _ I had plenty of opportunity to say Draco’s plan just then. Why couldn’t I bring myself to do it? Especially after I gave Greta and Evelyn such an earful about speaking my mind earlier today- _

I couldn’t be there for Draco like she wished, and that made me ashamed. I supposed I would rather have her think I was Draco’s savior of a girlfriend than be his broken-hearted snitch. I was disgusted with myself. Utterly, entirely disgusted; for even though it was clear he was not on my side, I still remained on his. 

_ It would be easier to communicate what I want to say in writing. Yes, I’ll write McGonagall a letter, as soon as I get back to my room.  _

I hurried back to the basement, grasping the doorknob of my bedroom- only to find that some sticky, foreign substance was on it. I pulled back, inspecting the clear goo that stuck to my palm. 

“What on earth….” I mumbled, pushing the door open regardless and going inside. I had a napkin I could use to wipe this viscous liquid away; Greta probably got some grease on the doorknob after breakfast. 

I saw that the room was not empty. Penny was laying on her bed on her side. I braced myself. 

“Penny, I’m sorry about earlier,” I sighed, talking to her back. “But you should know that I’m not going to put up with your derogatory comments anymore. And that goes for Greta and Evelyn as well-” I stopped. Penny didn’t so much as lift her head. 

I came around to the other side of the bed to see if she was sleeping. It was unusual for her to sleep in the middle of the day, but I wanted to believe that over the notion that she was flat out ignoring me. 

Penny was laying on her side in full uniform, her eyes closed. She appeared to be deep in some kind of slumber. But I knew Penny, and thought it was strange that she was sleeping with her shoes on, when she was usually so anal about having shoes on her bed. Uncertain and a little scared, I placed a finger under her nose to see if she was still breathing. She was. 

I exhaled in relief and told myself I was being paranoid. I had to find a quill and some paper and write my confession to McGonagall. But as soon as I started rummaging through my things, I began to feel faint. 

_ Shit. What’s going on? _ I definitely hadn’t been sleeping well lately, but my body felt heavy enough to drop at any second. My head… my head felt like it was full of cotton. 

Quill in hand, I attempted to write.  _ Dear… Professor… _ I didn’t make it farther than that before my hand slipped from the page and braced for impact as I tumbled to the floor. As I fought to keep my eyes open, I pieced together that I was most likely under the effect of some kind of magic.  _ The fluid on the doorknob… Penny must have gotten to it first...  _

My eyes closed against my will, but I managed to keep them open just long enough to see the tip of a polished black shoe. 

I wanted to say something, anything- but I slipped into unconsciousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Erica. She still has a soft spot for Draco, even when they're broken up. Like, sis, he wants to kill you.


	22. Malfoy Manor: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica awakes in a strange mansion.

I curled my hand around soft sheets. Slick, high thread count sheets. As I enjoyed the sensation of the smooth sheets on my bare legs, I returned to awareness, the clouds in my brain lifting one by one.

_ These sheets are wonderful. But… my sheets are flannel. So whose… whose sheets are these? _

All at once, my eyes shot open. The unnerving feeling that something was wrong was affirmed by the unfamiliar room I was in. I spotted medieval paintings on the walls; ancient rugs and animal fur throw blankets, and a reflection of myself in a mirror with brass embellishments in a canopy bed big enough for a king. When I looked out the window to my left, I saw a view of a grey sky over a topiary garden. My stomach sank. 

_ I don’t know where I am, but it’s definitely not Hogwarts. _

I threw the sheets off of me and stumbled to my feet. The icky feeling inside me grew when I looked down at a long-sleeved wool nightgown that I had never seen before. Whoever kidnapped me had taken my wand and changed my clothes. At least my kidnapper had the decency to leave me a robe strewn over a wooden chair. 

“Hello?” I banged on the bedroom door. The handle was locked, and my wand was nowhere in sight. My banging increased. When no one came to the door, or even so much as replied, I began to look to the window. 

Sprawled out beneath the second story window were snow-dusted hedges lining a long driveway. From the large shadow in the snow below I could tell the house was massive- and it was a precarious height from my window to the ground. But what other choice did I have to escape my kidnapper other than this window?

I pried the window open and shivered at the winter air that came rushing in. I put a knee on the windowsill to hoist myself up- realizing I didn’t have any shoes, but not caring. 

“Oh, sh-sh-shit.” My teeth chattered as I stuck the top half of my body out of the window. I eyed the snowy sill below, anticipating exactly where I would put my bare feet.  _ Everything is icy. I’m no Gryffindor- but I’ll climb down this roof if it means escaping a worser fate. _

“Erica!”

Before I could make the first step from the window, arms yanked me down and threw me onto the bed.

I shook the hair from my face so I could get a look at my kidnapper. My hands curled into fists when I recognized the short platinum hair, the shoulderpads and lily-white hands peeking out from black coat sleeves. Disgust painted my voice like mud. “Draco?”

I watched as he firmly shut the window and locked it before turning to me. “Were you about to jump from this window?” he demanded, his lips curled into that familiar snarl. 

I didn’t bother asking how he got into the room; he must have apparrated. “Where is my wand, Draco?” I growled. “And where have you taken me?”

Draco ran a frustrated hand down his tired face. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping again. “I told them it was a bad idea to bring you here.”

“Who?”

Draco scowled at me. “The Death Eaters. They’re the ones who insisted you come here.”

I scowled right back at him. “And where, exactly, is  _ here _ ?”

“My house. Malfoy Manor.”

Panic seeped into my bones.  _ Malfoy Manor- Death Eaters. _ Hoarsely, I rasped, “...You’ve brought me here to kill me.”

Draco stepped forward, hands in his pockets. “You’ve got it all wrong. You see, Crabbe and Goyle are apparently incapable of keeping their mouths shut when it comes to my personal affairs. They informed their parents of our… relationship. Other Death Eaters caught word, and unfortunately the Dark Lord himself took an interest. He insisted you be brought here.”

The mention of the Dark Lord made my eyes widen. “I can’t be here, Draco. You and I aren’t even together anymore. Why the  _ fuck _ did you let them bring me here, when you know that I’m…” I trailed off, petrified as to what could happen if I even spoke the word  _ half-Squib _ aloud. 

“I’m well aware of the risks,” he grumbled. “Unfortunately, I didn’t have a chance to explain our separation before the order was given. They believe we’re still together.”

I scowled at him from the bed. “So you were the one who put that knockout fluid on my doorknob.”

“It was a harmless Consciousness Thinner from the Compendium of Toxins. I had to use it because I knew you wouldn’t come willingly.”

“You didn’t have to  _ kidnap _ me,” I growled. “Is it really so humiliating to admit you had a girlfriend but it didn't work out?”

Draco side-eyed me condescendingly. “You clearly don’t know what happens to people who disobey an order given to them by the Dark Lord.”

I didn’t know; and I didn’t want to find out. “So that means… the Death Eaters believe I’m a pureblood?”

“Of course,” Draco snapped. “Do you really think I would allow them to know I was shagging a half-Squib?”

“Keep your voice down,” I begged, glancing at the bedroom door. 

“There’s no need. This whole room is soundproof. You could scream all you want in here and no one would hear you,” he informed me. I shivered. This manor was just as wicked and dangerous as he was. 

“In case it wasn’t clear earlier, while you’re here you need to play along and be a good little pureblood girlfriend,” Draco said to me, the threat of impending doom behind his words. “And before you complain, know it’s uncomfortable for me, too. But the only other option is to sell you out and leave us both at the mercy of the Dark Lord.”

I rose from the bed onto my bare feet. “I want to go home.  _ NOW. _ ” 

Draco pressed another hand to his temple. “You’ll be returned first thing tomorrow morning.”

I stepped closer to him, teeth bared. “That’s not good enough. My friends will be looking for me-”

“Will they?” he challenged coolly. 

“Yes,” I snapped, but my confidence faltered. I did just tell everyone how homesick I was. If I was gone for a night, they would most likely assume I was visiting my family for the weekend. 

“I’ve given you your choices,” Draco eyed me with disdain. “You could give up your morals and stay here in my luxurious guest bedroom, or confess to a household of Death Eaters that you’re half-Squib and become one of the Dark Lord’s casualties.” We locked eyes. “And I’d rather not have to see you lying lifeless on our dining room table.”

I held furious eye contact with him while I hissed, “I despise you and everything you stand for. I wish you had obliviated me when I asked.”

Draco clicked his tongue and looked away. “Me too.”

My nerves began to settle. Draco didn’t want me dead- at least, not for the time being. He was only asking me to return to the person I pretended to be before our breakup. I was an expert at playing that part.  _ But even so… I’m trapped in a house full of Death Eaters. Even old Erica would be shaking in her boots right now.  _

“...I’ll do it, then,” I grumbled, sounding like I was about to attend my own funeral. “I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend for the night, as long as you promise I won’t be harmed.”

“Just do as I say and you won’t.” Draco took a seat on the canopy bed. “We’re having dinner soon. You ought to change,” he said casually, avoiding my gaze. 

I tread barefoot to the wardrobe on the other side of the room. Inside were men and women’s clothes, all black or white.  _ What a charming color palette they have here at Malfoy Manor. _ I found a plain black dress and a black overcoat and decided they should do just fine- like something one might wear to a funeral. 

I slightly turned my head, ever aware of Draco’s presence right behind me. “Might I have some privacy?” 

“I would love to leave. But I’d rather not risk you attempting to exit through the window again,” he said bitterly, as if it was my own fault for needing to desperately escape the strange room I had woken up in. 

Seeing as Draco would not let me out of his sight, I began to slowly take off my clothes. I kept my back to him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me naked. I discarded the robe on the floor and lifted the wool nightgown over my head. 

“Might I ask who changed my clothes?” I muttered. 

“...That would be me.”

It was a good thing he couldn’t see my blushing face. I didn’t like it, but I would rather he be the one to change my clothes than another Death Eater or a House Elf. 

“...I thought you couldn’t bear to touch me,” I said as I slipped into the knee-length black dress. 

Coldly, he replied, “I will do so when necessary. Such as tonight.”

I felt his hands upon my back and tensely whipped around. “Don’t,” I croaked. 

His eyes remained ice cold and distant. “I was only attempting to help fasten the back.”

My lip trembled. But I allowed myself to turn back around, holding my hair to the side so it didn’t get in the way. Draco’s hands firmly fixed the buttons into their holes one by one, his hands steadily moving up my body from my waist to my neck. 

“Just because you can touch me doesn’t mean I can do so just as easily,” I rasped. “I was actually resolved to never let you touch me again.”

“You don’t have to touch me,” he said, still standing right behind me. “But you have to let me touch you, Erica. If you don’t, it won’t be believable.”

The pain in my chest throbbed. I thought I would never see Draco again; and now here we were, forced to relive our relationship. Except this time it was different. Draco wouldn’t ever again speak the lovely words he once uttered to me while he held me in his arms, for now I was a half-Squib, and he was a lackey for the Dark Lord. My very existence disgusted him. 

I was resolved to leave it at that. But now I was thrown into a situation where we had to pretend like we still loved each other. And to make things worse, I was uncertain if I even had stopped loving him yet. It was cruel, playing with my heart like this. 

I shrugged the long black overcoat onto my shoulders. “I’ll never forgive you for this.”

I heard him exhale. “I know.”

  
  



	23. Malfoy Manor: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica dines with Death Eaters.

“When we enter the dining room, say hello to no one. Sit on my left, and don’t make eye contact with anyone at the table but me. Don’t touch the food until I do so, and don’t you dare place your elbows on the table. Someone will ask if you want some wine. Say no. Even if they offer it again, say no. Speak only when you are spoken to, and any conversation should be as neutral and brief as possible. Actually, just let me do all of the talking.”

“This is degrading,” I hissed to Draco in the dim corridor outside of the guest bedroom. “I don’t suppose you also want me to service you under the table?”

Draco leaned in, his voice lowered to a menacing whisper. “I’m doing this to save both of our asses. Every witch and wizard present tonight is deadly. Don’t think that I’m doing this because I want to.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Bullshit. You wanted me so badly before that you were willing to beg. I bet you get some sick, twisted satisfaction out of forcing me to finally be your girlfriend because the only other choice is death.”

I thought for a second I had gone too far, for Draco’s face twisted into an expression of alarm. His arm raised, and I flinched, but his hand landed firmly upon the wall behind me. I inhaled, ready to demand what on earth he thought he was doing, but before the words left my mouth, his face swooped down to kiss me firmly on the lips. 

I should have struggled. Draco’s decision to kiss me in the middle of a heated argument made my blood boil; but the reality of it was, it completely swept my mind blank of any thoughts. His taste was so familiar, and the warmth of his mouth excited every nerve in my body.  _ There’s no way he could kiss me like this and not mean it. There’s just no way... _

“Am I interrupting something?”

A woman’s voice made Draco pull away, and I realized then that she was the reason why Draco had kissed me so suddenly. I stifled a gasp when I beheld the sight of her. Her dark curly hair was a mass around her head, resembling a crow’s nest, framing her pale, scarred face. And her eyes were crazed, darting about while she grinned mindlessly at the sight of us. 

“Out for another stroll around the Manor, Bellatrix?” Draco asked, not moving from his spot between me and the woman. It was evident he didn’t like this person, but nevertheless spoke to her with a kind of neutral respect. 

She laughed, but it was more of a guttural crackle. “Just seeing all that there is to see.” Her tongue peeked out between her teeth when she spoke. “Pretty thing you got there.” She eyed me up and down. I remembered what Draco told me about eye contact, and I avoided her gaze by looking at the floor. 

“I would like some time alone with her, if you’d be so kind,” Draco said to the woman. A nice way to tell her to scram. 

I heard the swishing of her long gown as she walked past us. “Of course, of course. Wouldn’t want to get in the way of young love.” She cackled again. “I’ll see you two bunnies at dinner.”

Draco held his position over me until Bellatrix left. As soon as she was out of sight, Draco’s hand dropped and he backed away, putting some space between us. 

“Don’t look so distraught,” Draco spat, noticing my pale expression. “I only kissed you so you’d be quiet.”

I shook the remaining tingle of the kiss from my body and uttered a hoarse, “fine,” giving no indication that the kiss had actually been quite earth-shattering. 

“I believe dinner is ready,” Draco said with a frown. An indication that it was time for us to make our appearance before the Dark Lord. The knots in my stomach clenched even tighter.

My mouth was dry as bones. “I don’t think I’m ready to see him,” I whispered, referring to You-Know-Who. Draco exhaled through his nose in contempt. 

“He’s a busy man, you know,” Draco informed me, “There’s a good chance he may not even be there.”

I took a few shaky breaths, but I still didn’t feel better. “Give me my wand, Draco.”

He shook his head. “You’re safer without it. Trust me.”

He extended an arm, gesturing for me to take it. I forced myself to loop my left arm through his right. We walked arm-in-arm the whole way to the dining room. He didn’t have to keep me on his arm the whole time, but he did- and I was secretly grateful for the knowledge that he was on my side in this. He wouldn’t let harm befall me tonight.

_ No, he’s only going to force a kiss on me every chance he gets. _

We stood before the closed doors to the dining room. Before Draco opened the door for me, he leaned in my ear and whispered, “Stand up straight. Don’t let them know you’re frightened.”

_ You jackass, that only frightens me more, _ I wanted to say, but he opened the large door without warning, giving me just enough time to brace myself by straightening my back and tilting my chin forward. 

All at once, everyone’s deadly stares were upon us. Led forward by Draco’s arm, we entered the room of Death Eaters seated around one of the longest dining tables I had ever seen. As per Draco’s instructions, I forbid myself to look at any of them, so I feigned interest in the lavish, timeless decorations of the dimly-lit dining room. 

Whispers ensued after our entrance. “That’s the girl.” “So young…” “I thought Crabbe said she was a blonde?” “Who cares, she’s cute.”

Draco pulled out a chair for me.  _ I would say thank you, but I’m pretty sure if I did, I would be breaking one of his “rules”. _ I sat wordlessly, letting my curious gaze lower slightly to finally view the people I would be dining with. 

Upon scanning the crowd, it became clear why Snape had warned me to stay away from Draco- for these were the people he chose to associate with. There were about thirteen of them; all deep in conversation with one another, but some stealing pointed glances my way. The scary woman we encountered earlier, Bellatrix, was sitting on the farthest end of the table from us, grinning wickedly at me. The chairs at either head of the table were left empty, presumably for Draco’s father and the Dark Lord- who wasn’t here.  _ Thank goodness. _

It was obvious within seconds that I didn’t belong. Draco himself hardly belonged with these people; tough-as-nails aficionados, all of which looked like they could kill even without a wand.  _ I bet every person here has uttered the killing curse. But try not to think about that.  _ Draco sat stiffly beside me, his expression hardened and unreadable. He mechanically took a sip of dark red wine from a goblet. I also had wine at my place setting, but decided it was wise to abstain as per Draco’s rules. The warnings he had given me earlier only made me jumpy and nervous- which was only made worse by Draco acting so damn sulky for some reason. He wasn’t behaving like how he did when he was at Hogwarts; at school, he walked around like he owned the place. But here, he literally  _ did _ own the place- so why did he look so dead-eyed?

“Draco,” a woman to Draco’s right leaned over to him. She was quite pretty in an elegant way, with dark hair that was pulled back to reveal the platinum hair beneath. I recognized her instantly as Draco’s mother. “Aren’t you going to introduce your guest?” I allowed myself to look her in the eye, and as I did so, her red lips curved into a kind smile. 

Instantly the whole table hushed to listen, making me feel more self-conscious than ever. Draco gripped my hand under the table. He cast a quiet, subdued glance towards me before he looked back to his mother. When he spoke, he spoke to her. “This is Erica. My…” a pause to clear his throat, readying himself for the upcoming word, “...Girlfriend.”

Upon hearing his declaration, the table of Death Eaters ooh’ed and ahh’d like rowdy perverts catcalling people on the street. I looked down at my lap, embarrassed. 

“Look at him blush,” a man remarked. I glanced at Draco, and saw that his face was indeed a shade of red I had never seen on him before. I think I was beginning to understand why they wanted to bring me here; Draco was like their little pet, the youngest one of the bunch that they all regarded as something of a source of entertainment. And I was the pet of the pet. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Erica,” Draco’s mother said to me, and it seemed like she actually meant it. “My name is Narcissa.”

Figuring that this was one of those instances that I was allowed to speak, I replied humbly, “Thank you for hosting me.”  _ Although I doubt she’s aware I’m here against my will. _

“Tell us about yourself, Erica,” a thin, tough-looking man in a large wool coat commanded. My mouth opened to speak, but Draco squeezed my hand firmly. 

Draco spoke for me, immediately coming to my rescue like a guard dog. “She doesn’t have to answer to you, Amycus.”

Amycus raised his eyebrows at Draco’s back-talk. “Forgive our curiosity, but it’s rare to have a newcomer at the table,” the woman beside him hissed, a gruesome smile on her lips. “Praytell, is she joining us… permanently?”

I gulped. I most definitely was not. Before Draco could come to my aid, his mother interjected, “I don’t think that would be appropriate. She’s still so young.”

“Just how young  _ is  _ she?” Bellatrix blurted. “Why, she’s as small as a second year.” She cackled at her own joke, and a few other Death Eaters around her joined in. 

“I’m sixteen,” I said bravely, perhaps stupidly. The Death Eaters ceased their laughter to stare at me. Amusement twinkled in their eyes. Draco’s grip tightened on my hand. I wasn’t meant to speak out of turn. 

Narcissa ignored the rudeness of her dinner guests and turned her torso to speak only to Draco and I. “How did you two meet?” A harmless, genuine question that most mothers would probably ask their sons when they bring home their girlfriend. I figured it would be best to let Draco take this one. He probably had some kind of concocted lie at the ready. 

“She found me wounded in the common room one night, and healed me.”

I blinked at Draco’s words. He actually said the truth. Draco scoffed to himself and added, “I attempted to obliviate her afterwards, but she blocked it.”

That story roused the Death Eaters once more. 

“Ah-ha! She doesn’t look it, but she’s got some fight in her.” 

“Is that how young romances start nowadays?” 

Narcissa looked at me. “You’re familiar with healing magic?” she asked, her eyes alight with interest. 

I nodded, quietly replying, “I would like to become a Healer.” Draco looked at me, and in his expression I thought I saw something like approval. But that look was wiped clean as soon as Bellatrix spoke again. 

“A Healer? We could use one of those,” she said as she toyed with her wand in her hands. The other Death Eaters nodded in agreement. My stomach dropped. It seemed these people were eager for new recruits. And I was a prime candidate. 

“She’s not becoming a Death Eater,” Draco stated, perhaps a bit too angrily- and the offended dinner guests blinked at his rousing display of insubordination. This time, it was me who gripped his hand tighter. Almost enough to cut off his circulation, in fact. 

Narcissa stepped in and alleviated the tension. “I think what my son is trying to say,” she addressed Bellatrix and the rest of her compatriots around her, “Is that you do not have to be a Death Eater to love one. I am proof of that.” As she spoke, I hung on her every word, admiring her ability to remain so calm while commanding the room. “And I’m sure you all are well aware of the fact that a Death Eater’s commitment to the Dark Lord is one that is not to be taken lightly. For who’s to say it is not a commitment more serious than that of marriage?” 

I gawked inwardly at her eloquence. I never guessed that Narcissa Malfoy, someone who was a mother and wife to two Death Eaters, was not one herself. 

“Whatever,” Bellatrix quipped, “It’s not like we need a sissy little sixteen year old girl to serve Him, anyway.”

Narcissa finished the conversation with a, “Right, then. Let’s not let the food get cold.” 

After that, the chatter resumed, but it was no longer directed at me or Draco. He and I had plenty of opportunities to quit our hand holding; in fact, it made sense to use both hands when at a meal- but I could not seem to let go of him. He surprisingly permitted me to clutch his hand through the entirety of dinner. Maybe it was my nerves; or the constant mention of the Dark Lord, or maybe the pleasurable feeling of Draco in my hand again; but my body couldn’t seem to let go. He never so much as flexed his hand or attempted to break free. 

We only broke free when, after dinner was done and the plates were cleared, Bellatrix announced that the Dark Lord had just arrived. 

“He’s waiting for ya,” she said, staring straight at Draco. “He’s asking for an update on your mission to off the old man.” Another gross, guttural laugh rose from her throat. 

Draco cast a look to me, one that I knew was telling me to stay put. I let him rise, knowing that as long as I stuck with his mother, I would be alright. 

“Oh, and he wants your little girlfriend, too.” 


	24. Malfoy Manor: Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica meets You-Know-Who; and a surprise family member shows up.

I was lucky to have Draco help support me as we stood before the one I’ve known as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. And by support me, I mean literally support me- for the appearance of the Dark Lord was even more fearsome than I had imagined. I had heard of his mask-like face and sallow, blue skin, and the abyss-like pupils the shape of a cat’s. But seeing him sitting on a couch in the Malfoy’s parlor almost made me expunge the meal I had just eaten. A man with facial features resembling a rodent’s was standing at his side, and he was almost equally as gruesome-looking. The last presence in the room was an admittedly beautiful snake that was wrapping itself through and around the legs of the sofa, and although it also made me afraid, I imagined how I would paint every detailed, glistening scale.

“Draco,” The Dark Lord rasped, his voice breathy, “Thank you for bringing your guest. It is always nice seeing a… fresh face.”

I could feel Draco’s heartbeat increase through the shared contact of our linked arms. My own pulse wasn’t anything short of frantic, either. Blood roared in my ears as the Dark Lord scanned me with his red stare. 

“I’ve heard a few things of you, companion of Draco,” the Dark Lord addressed me. He did not use my name; I didn’t think I was important enough for him to remember. “It seems Draco has trusted you with sensitive information regarding the task I have given him. My curiosity as to who this...person could be overcame me. I requested your presence to ensure you could be trusted.”

“She can,” Draco said insistently. Despite the breathiness in his voice, he definitely seemed confident. Was Draco that good of an actor, or did he actually believe that a half-Squib like me could be trusted with Death Eater business?

The Dark Lord ignored Draco and spoke to me again. Bone-chillingly, he asked, “Is it true you do not know of your lineage?”

“That’s incorrect, sir,” Draco answered for me. “She is of pure blood.” He delivered it so believably that I was finding it hard to remind myself that he was telling the Dark Lord a huge lie. 

“I’d like to hear the girl speak for herself,” the ratman commented. Draco scowled, his stiff jaw turning to me slightly. His arm tightened into a vice-like grip around mine. 

Somehow finding my voice, I croaked, “I-I have never known my father.”

The dark wizard’s eyes were alight with intrigue. “What if I told you, Erica Thorncroft, that I could show you your father, right here and now?”

My blood ran cold. “What?” I whispered. My father was in New York. I was absolutely certain of that. But now that I heard The Dark Lord speak my full name, I was thrown off. 

The Dark Lord said in a near-hiss, “It is of utmost importance that Draco’s plan not be compromised. Vow to me that you will never speak of his plan, and I will reveal your father to you.”

I looked to Draco, who looked pale. His lips were pulled taut into a line, and he was unable to give me any guidance one way or another. It should be no problem for me, a supposed pureblood, to agree to these conditions. But if they did somehow have my real father here, he and I would both certainly be tortured and killed, and Draco would be punished for hiding a half-Squib. I couldn’t tell right from wrong anymore- it was a real-life Schrodinger's Cat situation. 

_ I have to know if he has my father here. Even if it means I have to swear my discretion to the Dark Lord. _

I faced forward once more. “You have my word.” My voice wavered, and was weak. I thought I might throw up. 

The Dark Lord and his assistant smiled. “Very good.” The ratlike assistant scurried from the room, returning quickly with a man not far in age from my father. But to my relief, it was not him. 

“Malachi Sloan,” The Dark Lord’s assistant introduced him. The man, who shared the same last name as my father, locked eyes with me. He was about 35 years old, and although rugged, he was handsome. His black overcoat was dotted with flecks of snow, some of which stuck to a brown beard along his jaw. 

_ My father did mention he had a younger brother, didn’t he? _ I said nothing, petrified from the fear that any words would give away the fact that the Dark Lord did not get my father, but rather, my uncle. 

“Erica,” my uncle smiled, a twinkle of genuine love in his eye. “After all these years…”

I wrenched myself from Draco’s side and stared at my uncle, unsure what to do. 

“Go on,” the Dark Lord rasped, “Hug your long-lost child.”

Malachi came to me, and wrapped me in an embrace. All at once, emotions flooded over me. His hug felt just like my father’s. I could hear the Dark Lord laugh, and my blood curdled.

“I will allow you both some time, while I speak to Draco,” The Dark Lord announced. “But Malachi… do not forget our agreement.”

Malachi looked to the Dark Lord with an expression of grim understanding. My heart sank, wondering exactly what kind of agreement they were speaking of. “Thank you for reuniting me with my child,” he replied. “I will never forget this act of kindness.”

With that, my uncle led me from the room. I tried to catch Draco’s eye as I left, but everything happened so quickly, I couldn’t seem to think straight. 

We found a private room that looked like it served as a ballroom. The curtains were drawn, letting natural light into the chilly room. We only spoke to each other after we were certain we were alone and the door was firmly shut. 

After he placed a  _ muffliato _ spell upon the door, I said, “You’re not my father.” 

Malachi turned to me, his eyes solemnly resolved. “No, I am not. My older brother, Xavier, is. But they don’t know that.”

“Why are you here?” I meant to demand, but it came out as a sputtering whine.

Malachi sighed, his lips terse underneath a groomed brown beard. “I’ve been in hiding ever since I heard the news of Voldemort’s return. I knew they would try to recruit me to join the Death Eaters. But when they came to my home in Barbados, they told me all these things about how they could reunite me with some long-lost daughter. I immediately knew it had to be Xavier’s child. They told me that they could bring me to you if I swear my allegiance. It was a sick plan devised by Voldemort himself- he doesn’t care about reuniting families. He only cares about getting as many people on his side as he can.” Malachi inhaled sharply. “Forgive me. But I agreed to their deal because I feared they would kill you if I revealed who your father really was.”

“So you thought posing as my father would protect me.” I looked at him regretfully. “Thank you for that sacrifice.”

Malachi laughed nervously. “I don’t have any children of my own, but when they told me I had a daughter, I seriously began to rethink if maybe I had made some kind of slip-up. The 80’s were a blur for me, after all.”

“How were they able to track you down?”

“Your mother’s Ministry records, no doubt. The Ministry keeps track of every wizard’s marriage. It was likely that the record only left a last name.”

That would explain how they tracked down Malachi. “They must have assumed both of my parents were magical. I suppose it’s fortunate that they found the wrong brother.” Adrenaline pricked at my fingertips.  _ It was more than lucky. It was a miracle. _

“Yes,” he agreed. “Things are becoming dangerous here, Erica. I don’t know exactly what their stance here is on pure-blood Squib children, but I don’t want to find out. Are your mother and father safe?”

“They’re in America.”

“Good,” he nodded to himself. “It’s important that we keep this up, posing as father and daughter. It’ll keep you and Xavier from harm.” He paused, thinking. A sad smile spread across his face. “I never thought I’d get to meet you. I’m sorry for not being around before. But, I’m sure you know the Sloan family is….” He trailed off. “It just wasn’t my place.”

“It’s alright,” I said to him, hiding the fact that I was actually quite peeved that he never so much as made an overture to make me aware of his existence. “My mother and I got along fine.”

Malachi relaxed a little. “So, you’re in Slytherin, huh? I’m not surprised. Rosario and I were both Slytherins ourselves. Rosario is, uh, our eldest brother.”

“Where is he?” I asked. 

“Dead,” Malachi answered flatly. “He was a tried-and-true Death Eater himself. Got caught red-handed not long after Voldemort disappeared. Rather than spend his whole life in Azkaban, he decided a cliff was the better option.”

I flinched. “I’m sorry.”

The corner of Malachi’s mouth twitched upwards. “Don’t be. He was an ass.”

I crossed my arms and shifted uncomfortably. “Will you be alright? It doesn’t seem like becoming a Death Eater was something you wanted to do.”

“I’ll be fine,” he said, but as he did so, his eyes shifted nervously, and his voice lowered into a near-whisper. “But I have a pocket full of floo powder. We could escape right now,” his eyes flicked over to an unlit fireplace in the center of the room. “I could take you to Barbados, or to America. I don’t know what exactly you did to get involved with these people, but it’s not safe for you here.”

I stalled, wide-eyed, considering his offer. But there were too many issues with his plan. “They could follow us,” I whispered. “And… I can’t just leave. I’m here because… because I’m a guest of Draco Malfoy.”

“Lucius’s son?” Malachi frowned. 

“We’re classmates,” I clarified, but the title of ‘classmates’ seemed like a misnomer, and hardly encompassed the complex relationship Draco and I had. “He would be… upset if I left.”

Malachi picked up on my hesitance and cocked an eyebrow. “A little more than classmates, it seems.” He pursed his lips. “How long is he keeping you here?”

“I’m returning to Hogwarts tomorrow morning.”

“Good,” he nodded. “Listen, I know my help is a bit... Too little too late, but when you go back to school, contact me with anything you need.”

“Thank you.” I gave my uncle a grateful look. Although it was unexpected, it was nice to meet a new family member. 

“And, on a separate note, what the hell are you doing running with the son of a known Death Eater?” Malachi frowned at me. “Do you have a death wish, or something?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ve been asking myself the same thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing, Malachi Sloan (pronounced Mal-uh-kai)


	25. Malfoy Manor: Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and Draco discuss their feelings.

Malachi and I remained talking in the safety of the ballroom for almost an hour. I had more questions to ask him. There was so much I still didn’t know about his side of the family. 

Malachi was a retired Auror. He held the position briefly, he said, as a job was wholly unnecessary thanks to the money given to him by Gregory and Marta Sloan. Those were my grandparents, by the way. After leaving his position as Auror, he decided to use their money to travel. That was one of the reasons why he was unavailable during my youth. That, and the fact that Gregory and Marta made it clear that if anyone from their family were to make contact with Xavier or any of his offspring, they would be shunned. Malachi respected them enough to keep Xavier at a distance, but “god dammit, that’s my older brother. Was I supposed to pretend like he didn’t exist?”

Malachi was the only person Xavier told about the birth of his daughter. “We kept contact in secret. Check-ins every year or so. He told me one year that he was putting military life aside to start a family with a witch. To this day, I regret that I didn’t so much as send a card. But I was afraid our parents would find out somehow.” Malachi insisted over and over that I was better off not knowing my grandparents, that they were “bigots in every sense of the word”, and “incapable of loving anything that wasn’t their idea of perfect”. Thankfully, Malachi didn’t seem to inherit much of their prejudice. 

Malachi kept bringing up how much I looked like Xavier. The same brown hair, green eyes, and sharp canines. He spoke of Xavier with respect. But there was that veil of sadness hidden behind his words. He spoke only briefly about how worried he was when Xavier was taken captive. “I searched for him for about a year just to make sure he was still alive. But wizards weren’t meant to meddle in Muggle affairs. To do so would mean breaking the rules and revealing our world. But god dammit… if it didn’t keep me up at night, thinking about him all alone, missing out on the life he was so eager to start.”

“Maybe, when all of this is over…” I said hopefully, “You could come see him. Be with us for a while.”

Malachi smiled forlornly at my words. “I would love that. But..” he trailed off, not finishing his sentence. The vacant look in his eyes told me all that I needed to know. That this wouldn’t be over soon. Thanks to his deal with the Dark Lord, he might never be free.

“You’re better off going to America,” Malachi said decisively. “Be with your parents. Hogwarts might not be safe for much longer. I mean it.”

My eyes widened. I knew in my gut he was right. I couldn’t keep up this pureblood ruse forever. It was becoming much clearer now what I had to do. 

The door to the ballroom opened, and we halted all conversation. 

“Draco,” I said, surprised to see him enter the room. “What is it?”

Draco looked at me with an expression I could only describe as relief. “I wanted to make sure you were alright.” He looked at my uncle. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Sloan.”

Malachi and Draco shook hands. “Likewise. It seems I’ll be in your care until I find a permanent residence in England,” Malachi said to him. 

Draco met my eyes. “Might I speak to Erica alone?”

\---

I followed Draco through the manor up to the third floor. I wanted to stay with Malachi, but Draco informed me he would be busy for the rest of the night, most likely acquainting himself with the other Death Eaters. 

Draco swiftly closed the door to a bedroom I guessed belonged to him. It was much bigger than the guest room I had woken up in; but the same style of canopy bed dominated the center of the room. It had green wallpaper with elaborate crown moulding, and even a balcony. It was dark except for the gentle glow of the setting sun outside, which cast shadows everywhere. 

_ Draco’s private bedroom. _ My heart thumped. 

“Is that man your father?” Draco demanded. I stalled before him, unsure what to say. “You can speak freely here,” Draco said, “I’m certain no one is on this floor but us.”

“He’s not,” I muttered quietly. “He’s my uncle.”

Draco collapsed into a high-back armchair. “That’s a relief,” he breathed. “I was beginning to suspect he was an imposter hired to get information out of you.”

I crossed my arms and stood on the other side of the room, glaring at Draco. “He’s a good man, Draco. He agreed to come here and help keep my identity a secret. He only wants to protect me and my father.”

“Are you so certain about that?” Draco challenged. 

His suspiciousness made my blood boil. “Yes,” I snapped. “He even offered to help me escape from this manor.”

“That was clearly a ploy,” Draco insisted. “He was baiting you.”

My trust began to falter.  _ I just met this man. I suppose it is possible that he may not have been entirely truthful to me… _ I shook the thought from my head. “It doesn’t matter. I said I wouldn’t leave with him.”

Draco’s fingers dug into the armchair. “Well, that’s certainly surprising, seeing as you nearly jumped from a window earlier to escape this place.” He slightly cocked his head. “Why didn’t you take his offer?”

“I couldn’t just leave you here alone,” I replied. Draco’s eyebrows raised, but I quickly added, “After all, I’m here covering for you just as much as you’re covering for me.”

“You were a fool to make a deal with the Dark Lord,” Draco said through gritted teeth. 

“What choice did I have?” I snapped. Draco was emanating a powerful aura of anger from his armchair. I could tell he was displeased. “I was never going to tell anyone of your plan, anyhow,” I grumbled. “It’s always been about protecting me and my family. That’s all it’s ever been about.”

Draco nodded in subdued affirmation. “Right. Well, your job here is done. Speak nothing of all that you’ve seen or heard tonight and we can carry on our separate business about the castle,” he said with finality. 

He began to rise from his armchair and walk towards the door. “I’ll show you back to your room. I’ll come get you in the morning-”

“Malachi told me to go to America,” I blurted out. Draco stopped dead in his tracks. 

“What?” he uttered as if he didn’t hear me correctly. 

“I’m going,” I said, my tone firm and decisive. “My parents moved there after Christmas, and I didn’t go with them because I thought we were going to be together.” I bit my lip, reopening an old wound. “But after seeing You-Know-Who tonight, and talking to my uncle… it’s clear that I can’t stay in England.”

Draco’s lips flattened into a line as he digested my words. “I thought I told you that you wouldn’t be harmed,” he said in a low, almost hurt voice. 

I shook my head. “I don’t think I can count on that anymore. You have no idea what I have to live with every day, keeping your secret as well as hiding my identity, and spending every waking moment in fear that I’m going to get caught in the crossfire of your plan.” There was a beat of silence where Draco didn’t reply. He only stood with his forehead pointing to the floor. 

“I could have sold you out to McGonagall today, you know.” My hands curled into fists. “I didn’t tell her. I don’t know why. I wish I had, because now that I’ve made some kind of verbal promise to the most evil being on the planet I don’t think I have a choice anymore.” I paused to sigh, realizing that my anger at Draco was almost entirely misdirected. “But you could have sold me out, too. It seems we both have some kind of sense of obligation to each other, perhaps because of everything we’ve been through.” My heart would not quiet, and my chest couldn’t seem to stop hurting. “But I can’t go on like this,” I added, my voice breaking.

Draco was standing only a couple feet from me, but I wasn’t sure if my words were getting through to him. He seemed utterly unresponsive.

“There’s nothing keeping me here anymore,” I muttered. And that was the final word on that- the lid on the coffin, the clasp on the book that was our story. It hurt, but I was ready to leave it at that. 

But then Draco spoke. 

“What if I told you to stay?”

He raised his gaze from the floor to look at me. When I met his eyes, I saw that something in his expression had changed. That coldness that was once there between us had seemed to disintegrate. The Draco that had begged for me to stay by his side was emerging from the thaw. 

“Did you ever stop to think about why I kept your secret? I mean, really, truly think about it. A guy like me, it’s out of character.” His eyes narrowed slightly, and he gazed at me with an indiscernible expression. “You make me behave like I’m a stranger to myself. I don’t know what’s right to me anymore, it’s all become so… muddled. And I know that you’ve endured so much of me already,” he said, his voice breathy and raw, “Much more than any girl should have to deal with. But being with you tonight… having you by my side… It was like I had a moment of clarity.” I understood exactly what he meant, I just couldn’t believe that the cold, proper man with a strong allegiance to blood purity was saying it. He added, somewhat pitifully, “So if you still feel for me the way you did before, you should stay.”

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. There was no denying that I had strong feelings for him; ones that I had never truly buried. And it seemed he was feeling the same.

Utterly helpless, I tried to bring us back to reality. “Draco, we can’t. We stand for different things.” I shut my eyes tight. “It’s impossible.”

I reopened my eyes when I heard the swishing of fabric moving towards me. Before I could react, Draco had his arms around me, pressing my torso into his. He rested his chin on my shoulder. 

Holding me firmly in his embrace, he uttered, “I don’t think that matters to me anymore. Nothing matters except you.”

As naturally as putting on an old glove, my arms slowly ascended up the broad back of his suit. I held the young Death Eater in my arms with as much familiarity as someone holding their long-time lover.

“What are we doing…” I whispered, not only to him, but to myself as well. 

Any reservations I was clinging onto seemed to fall away as Draco placed his lips on my neck. I voiced no complaints. So he placed another, and another. His kisses along my neck warmed my cold, nerve-wracked body and made me cling tighter to him, feeling as if I might melt away if I let go. 

The kisses didn’t stop when he reached my jaw. He placed a firm hand to my cheek, cradling my face as he placed a long-awaited kiss on my lips. I kissed him back, inviting my better judgment to leave swiftly out the door, as I was too busy getting lost in the darkness that was Draco Malfoy. For I was in love with it. I was in love with the way he kissed me hungrily, forcing me to move my mouth with his. He didn’t think twice before grabbing my ass, something that I made easier by quickly shedding the overcoat I was wearing. 

Draco also began to undress, taking off his coat as well, and then pulling his shirt off over his head. I didn’t stare at the Dark Mark on his arm this time. I wasn’t afraid of it anymore. 

Our bodies landed with a thud onto his bed. It was like we couldn’t get to each other fast enough, even though we were as close as we could possibly get, with me panting breathlessly on top of him, rocking my hips against his. 

He pawed at the clasps on my back and undid them hastily. I allowed the dress to fall from my shoulders, exposing my chest. Draco took me into his large hands, forcing a moan out of me. He bucked his hips, egging me on. 

Draco flipped me onto my back and began undoing his pants. “I always wanted to touch you,” he said, “Even when you told me everything. All I ever wanted to do was touch you.”

“Show me.” I placed my hands around his neck and brought him down to me. “Show me how you want to touch me.”

Both of us now in only our knickers, Draco ran a hand down the curve of my flank. His hand descended lower, crossing my midsection and reaching its destination between my legs. My eyes closed in bliss as he lightly pressed into me, teasing me with such deliberate slowness that made me believe he was really savoring this moment. He rubbed the outside of my panties, his hand going in careful semi-circles that made my head tilt back. 

His fingers found their way around my panties and to my entrance. He coated his fingers in my wetness, gliding into me while he lowered his mouth onto my breast. The sensation was mind-bending, and I became a slave to his hand and mouth, unable to do anything more than quietly whimper. 

He brought his head up to look into my eyes as he pumped his fingers slowly in and out. “Do you want more?” He asked, fully aware that he was teasing me cruelly. 

I moaned a quiet, “Yes.” 

Draco forced his fingers as far into me as they could possibly go. I braced myself by latching my hands onto his bare shoulders, allowing a breathy “A-ah,” to escape my lips. He pressed his forehead to mine as he moved deeper inside of me. 

“You can moan louder,” he whispered, his eyes determined. “No one will hear you but me.”

He pressed into me, his fingers increasing in intensity. My unstifled moans came out of me in accordance with every stroke, raising to pitches I didn’t know I could reach. I felt like my release was near, but I didn’t want to come just yet. 

“Please,” I breathed into his ear. “Please…”

He knew that I wanted him inside of me. He ceased fingering me to hook his fingers into my panties and pull them off, letting them drop to the floor. He discarded his own underwear, the shadows in the room revealing only a glimpse of his svelte naked body before he descended upon me again, kissing me deeply. 

Being loved by Draco was almost too much for me to handle; for he loved teasing me, giving me pleasure and then taking it away, fucking me roughly and then filling me to the brim until I nearly burst. But nevertheless, I craved him, longed for him, needed him. And he needed me, too. The thought of me leaving seemed to awaken that in him.

Draco pulled away from our kiss to ask me a question; one that I thought didn’t need to be asked. 

“Do you want to continue?” he breathed, his face hovering above mine. 

“Yes,” I took his face into my hands. “Isn’t the fact that I’m naked in your bed obvious enough?”

“I just want to be certain,” he replied, running a hand up and down my thigh. “I don’t want this to be the last time.”

I swallowed, looking at the shadows that fell across his face. I never thought I’d see sadness like this. 

“It won’t be the last time,” I said to him. “It won’t.”

Draco’s grey eyes pleaded with mine in the dim light of his bedroom. “Tell me you’ll stay.” 

I considered his words. But this time, I had to also consider my own feelings- and if I would be able to live the rest of my life without him.  _ Could I really move away and leave him behind? _

“If I stay, what will that make us?” I asked him softly. 

“Something real,” he said. “You and me, against everyone else.”

My fingertips lightly traced his lips. I took in what I could see of his face; the hollows of his cheeks, and the curve of his chin, imagining that it was all mine. 

“I’ll stay,” I whispered. “I’ll stay and be with you.”

Upon hearing my words, Draco lowered his mouth to mine with a passion I had never felt before. Slowly, he eased himself to my entrance. 

“I’m not letting you get away again,” he promised. “You’re mine.” I waited for Draco to enter me, but he paused, lingering. “Say it.”

I kissed him once more. “I’m yours.” And I meant it. 

All at once, Draco entered me, filling every inch with his hardness. 

“A-ah!” My moans only seemed to encourage Draco. He slowly made love to me while I held his face in my hands, kissing him intermittently and releasing my cries of pleasure into his mouth. He had never fucked me like this before. It was deliberate, lovely, and so gentle that it almost made me wonder if this was the same man that had pounded into me so hard it made the bed shake. 

It seemed it wasn’t the same man. Not on the inside, at least. 

We slept naked in his bed. This was our first time sleeping together in the literal sense, and he seemed a bit nervous to do it, explaining to me that he had been having night terrors lately. He warned me that if he woke up to pay no mind. 

I told him it didn’t bother me, which it didn’t. I slept draped across his chest the entire night. We both didn’t wake up until the light of morning came streaming through the windows. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And IIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuuu -Draco to Erica  
> Thank you all so much for the kind comments! I love reading them!  
> This fic is turning out to be much longer than I first anticipated- but I'm so happy I get to write more of Erica and Draco's story. (Is it messed up for me to say it brings me joy to write their toxic relationship?)


	26. Malfoy Manor: Part V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco shows Erica more of his manor; Erica researches a questionable charm.

I awoke slowly. The sunlight that came in from the small crack in the velvet curtains hit my face as I blinked myself to awakeness. It felt like I was in a dream, as I had to reorient myself to where I was; the unfamiliarity of the green wallpaper, the high thread count sheets on my naked body, and the strange arm that was laid across my waist. I blinked again, realizing that the arm was not strange at all, and belonged to Draco, who lay sleeping beside me. 

Usually right now I’d be woken up by Penny harping at Greta for dropping something, or Evelyn humming a song she was doing in the Frog Choir. I had to admit, it was much more pleasant waking up in the arms of the man I cared so deeply about instead of my noisy roommates. I adjusted myself to look at Draco. He looked so peaceful when he was deep in slumber, as he had been for the entire night. I had never seen him so vulnerable before. When his eyes were closed, and his shoulders relaxed, he didn’t look so intimidating. He looked like a 17 year old boy. An overwhelming sense of emotion came over me all at once. I was so in love with him it almost brought me to tears. But in the back of my mind was the nagging feeling that something was wrong… like I had somewhere to be.

_ Sunday _ , I reminded myself.  _ Today’s a Sunday… and by the position of the sun, I’m guessing it’s around 10 in the morning. I never get to sleep in like this. It’s nice, but... _

I inhaled sharply, and the moment of peace burst. “Shit,” I hissed. I threw Draco’s arm off of me, causing him to awaken with a start. I located my underwear on the floor and started dressing myself with urgency. 

“What?” Draco sleepily brought a hand to his face. He sat up in the bed, the sheets sliding off of his torso and covering the lower half of him that was still bare. 

“Hogwarts,” was all I said as I hunted for more clothes. 

Draco checked a clock on his nightstand and also swore. Surprisingly, he didn’t leave the bed- instead, he slumped back down into the sheets. 

“Get up,” I commanded. “You’re supposed to take me back, aren’t you?” Draco didn’t respond, and only closed his eyes again. “Right?” I said with an edge to my voice, standing over his bed in my knickers. 

“We’ve missed the train,” he muttered. By his defeated tone I could tell that was how he was planning on getting us back. Now it was hopeless, and he was now resigned to staying in bed. “I haven’t slept like that in… ages,” he said, the growl of morning deepening his voice.

“Same here,” I admitted. “But come on. We have to leave. You can apparate, right?”

Draco tossed his arm over his eyes to shield himself from the daylight. “You can’t apparate into Hogwarts. The only way to get close is the damned train.”

I huffed a sigh of exasperation. “B-but you  _ promised _ -”

“I know,” He interrupted. “But it seems like we’ll be stuck here another day.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I can’t stay here another day. I can’t be in the same house as that-” The Dark Lord’s venomous face flashed through my mind like a glimpse of a nightmare- “that  _ thing _ .”

Draco retained his relaxed disposition, slowly sliding his arm down below the covers and gazing at me with a soft expression. His eyes flicked from my panties up to my chest, finally landing on my flustered face, which made him smirk lazily. “Can’t you just enjoy the morning? Come back to bed.”

I scoffed, shaking my head. “I can’t be here, Draco. Last night- last night was… enjoyable.” Draco smiled slightly. Smugly. “But I can’t interact with those people again. What if I slip up, say something-”

“We don’t have to stay here.”

I frowned. “I thought you said-”

“We can’t go back to Hogwarts today,” he clarified, running a hand through his blonde locks, “But we don’t have to remain inside the Manor.”

His words were like riddles to me. “What are you saying?” I asked with a mixture of frustration and perplexion. 

He shrugged from the bed. “Let’s go on a date.”

I stood staring at him in my knickers for a moment before scoffing. Then I realized he was serious. 

“A date?” I echoed. Before I could filter myself, I blurted, “That's ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous? I’m offering to take you on a date.” He chuckled a little, perhaps at himself. “Isn’t that what couples do?”

The word  _ couple _ hit my ears like a splash of cold water to the face.  _ That’s right. I agreed last night to be his… officially. _ I stood by the bed and attacked my lower lip with my teeth. “Just because we’re a couple doesn’t mean we have to do couple-y things.”

Draco’s hand gripped my wrist, tugging me back down to the sheets. “A red rose is still red,” he crooned into the naked crook of my neck. “I promise it’ll be fine. Just trust me, would you?”

I meant to object, but he started placing kisses on my bare shoulder, and I found it hard to form words. Especially when we were barely wearing anything. 

“I have nothing to wear,” I managed to say, but my voice came out breathy and weak. 

“That’s not a problem.” He continued kissing my bare chest, holding me firmly to him. I was sure that my face was blushing. 

I situated myself atop his lap, watching as he fondled me in his hands. I had never felt like this before- waking with a man, allowing myself to be touched by him so comfortably, unashamed of my half naked body. It felt entirely adult. “Where would we go?” I breathed. 

He smiled, satisfied that I was becoming more complacent to his proposition. “Wherever you wish,” he replied. His hands traveled down to my waist, gripping me in place atop the hardness I could feel through the sheets. 

“Why don’t I begin by showing you one of my favorite places?” He rocked his hips against mine, and I rested my head on his lithe shoulder. “It’s somewhere no one else will be. We can be completely alone.” 

It turns out that his favorite place was the shower. 

I objected at first. Said that it was too strange, too intimate; but I was slowly losing feeling in my fingers and toes from how cold I was, and I didn’t complain about a warm shower for long. Even if it meant he would be in it with me. Naked.

If the idea of sleeping with Draco Malfoy wasn’t bad enough, seeing him wearing nothing but a towel around his waist as he turned the gilded knobs of his green tiled walk-in shower was somehow even more personal. I clutched one of his large, luxe towels to my body, thinking about how if my friends could see me now, they would probably lose their minds. I could practically see Penny’s eye twitching. 

“You first,” he nodded to the stream of water. 

I was feeling too vulnerable in the moment to say anything snarky, so I shyly moved past him to place the towel on a hook and stepped into the stream of already-hot water. I shut my eyes, feeling the euphoria of the water hitting my body, marveling at how it was somehow soft against my skin. 

“Is it too hot?” Draco was suddenly behind me, running a knuckle down my bare back. 

I couldn’t bring myself to turn around and face him. “N-no,” I stammered, “I like it hot.”

A sigh of pleasure. “Me, too.” He pressed his naked torso to my back, freely running his hands across my slick stomach and chest. 

“I-I know that I should be used to this by now,” I said breathily, “But in here I feel so much more... exposed.”

His mouth was at the nape of my neck. “Why do you think you’re the first person I’ve done this with?”

“The first?” I repeated, a little shocked. I supposed I assumed that the things that occurred in the Prefect bath were a little more sinful than in reality. 

The fingers of his left hand traveled down across my hip bone, and the contrast of the cool skin of his Dark Mark against the warmth of my stomach was accentuated under the hot water.  _ The Mark is cold. Why have I not noticed this before? _ There was a strange sensation on the curve of my ear- his lips, I realized- and then his teeth. 

“A-ah,” I breathed. Him nibbling at my ear from behind me made me feel helpless, and I pressed myself up against the wall of the shower instinctively. “D-don’t…” I objected feebly, but whatever space I attempted to put between us in this shower was immediately closed by him enveloping me in his broad torso, his masculine scent all around me. 

“I-I’m going to smell like you,” I stammered. 

In a deep, serious voice, he replied, “Good.” I bet that excited him- I had spent so long denying him, rejecting his demands to be his, and now he had me in his house- in his  _ shower _ \- and I was going to smell like whatever shampoo he used, and every inch of my body that the water touched was his to explore. 

He had me effectively pinned against his shower wall, and I couldn’t move; his arms were wrapped around me so tightly. As he slid lower across my pelvis, my knees began to feel weak. I was sandwiched between him and the shower tiles as his left hand pressed and  _ pressed _ . My hips, seemingly on their own, bucked back, making me aware of his hardness. His breath hitched a little as I did so. As a bit of revenge, I continued moving against him as he played with me. It didn’t take long before we were both panting. 

“Spread your legs,” he commanded. 

“W-wait.” I turned around, “W-we can’t do it in here-”

Water droplets ran from his hair onto his cheeks. My heart fluttered, seeing him like that- entirely naked, wet, and steamy. I had admired his build many times before, but it was like I was seeing it in a new light; a man so tall and perfectly trim. His muscles were ever so slightly defined, and he had the physique of an athletic teenager that was close to becoming a fully-grown man, and the flatness of his stomach led into the V shape between his square hips. 

He noticed me checking him out and smirked. “I’m not going to take you in the shower. Not like that, anyway.” His hands kept my back firmly in place against the tile as he began to kneel. His mouth kissed the inside of my thigh. An objection was ready on my lips, but I watched through the haze of the shower steam as Draco made his way up my inner thigh to the apex of my legs. 

“I assume no one has done this to you,” he paused to say before pressing his mouth to my pelvis. 

I felt as though I may faint. “N-no.” I had dreamed about it, of course- but for some reason, receiving oral sex always seemed like an out-of-reach fantasy. 

“Open your legs more.”

I did as he instructed. It seemed that wasn’t wide enough for him- so he positioned my leg over his shoulder, leaving me wide open for his mouth. 

“Th-this is embarrassing,” I stammered, unable to look down at the sight of his head between my legs. “Why do you want to do this?”

“Because,” he replied, “I want to taste you.” And with that simple statement, he pressed his tongue to me, giving me a sensation I had never felt before. 

I squirmed, a sharp inhalation getting caught in my throat. But he did not stop; continuing the same licking motion again and again. 

“Be still,” he instructed. “I’m not done.”

Indeed, he wasn’t done- and I was just beginning to get acclimated to the sinful feeling of his licks when he began doing something else. His mouth began sucking on me, making similar motions to when we french kissed, except it was  _ down there _ , where my most sensitive nerves were. I wanted to moan and cry at the same time. It felt so good. 

It didn’t take much more of the french kissing motion before the imploding feeling deep in my pelvis appeared. I came fast and hard, subconsciously gripping Draco’s hair in my hand as I did so. I wanted to apologize for clutching his hair-but he didn’t seem to care about that. 

He rose from his kneeling position, the hint of a smile on his wet lips. His hair was soaked and slicked back. “Don’t look so embarrassed,” he said to me seductively. “You taste good.”

I pressed my fingertips to my lips to hide how they trembled. “I- I think I liked that.” That was an understatement. I  _ loved _ it. I wanted him to do it again. 

Gently, Draco removed my hand from my mouth and kissed me. I could taste myself on his lips and tongue. The flavor was somehow sweet yet bitter. I threw my arms around his shoulders, tangling my tongue with his.  _ I used to be so reserved, so closed off- Draco is slowly breaking down every one of my walls.  _

Without warning, Draco gripped my ass and hoisted me up, using the wall as leverage. “Hold on to me,” he breathed. 

My legs instinctively closed around his hips, feeling his tip poised and ready at my moistened entrance. We hadn’t used contraception last night, I realized- and we weren’t going to use it now. Was it my responsibility to remind him? I frankly didn’t care. I wanted him. 

I clung to his body as he entered me. This position was one we hadn’t done before, and the angle of penetration alone was staggeringly better than any other. I wasn’t even aware he was strong enough to lift me like this, but as I felt his muscles undulate under my touch every time he sheathed himself in me I had no doubts he wouldn’t let me fall from his grasp. 

“I know I said I wouldn’t,” he panted, pressing his forehead to mine, “But I can’t resist you.”  _ Thrust. Thrust. _ “You’re like the most addictive drug. Everything from your body, to your face-”  _ Thrust. Thrust.  _ “-to those fucking sounds you make when I’m inside you…” Our eyes held each other with intensity. The grip on my ass tightened. “...It makes me want to fuck you until you can’t stand.”

He kissed me deeply, and I whimpered into his mouth, feeling the full force of his final powerful thrusts as he arrived at his own climax. 

“We can’t keep doing that,” I muttered as we toweled off in his bathroom. Every mirrored surface was covered with condensation from the steamy shower. 

Draco was running a comb through his hair, easily removing the water droplets from a gilded mirror with a simple swipe of his hand. He murmured, “Shagging in the shower might be difficult to pull off at Hogwarts, but I’m sure we could-”

“I’m talking about our lack of contraception.” My tone was colder, more medical. “I know you said a chance of two purebloods conceiving is rare, but knowing what we know now, we should be more careful.”

A troubled expression came over Draco’s face. It seemed he hadn’t opened his mind to the idea that continuously shagging the same girl over an extended period of time would require reliable contraception. I got the impression that he had never been with just one girl for this long before. “I don’t want to be bothered to use those damned rubbers every time. If there is something else you prefer, then-”

“I- I think there may be a spell,” I thought out loud. “I encountered a restricted chapter in a healing textbook I read in September. The text was all blurry, so I skipped over it, not really paying any mind…” When I asked Madam Pomfrey about the chapter, she replied that the hidden pages contained information restricted to students and was glamoured to not appear without a professor’s supervision. “The chapter was on reproductive healing magic. Madam Pomfrey said if she showed it to me she could get in a fair bit of trouble.... Seems rather stupid that it isn’t taught in our damned conservative sexual education at the castle, but it should be in an advanced healing encyclopedia.” I finished my spiel and looked at Draco. 

“Is there a library in your manor?”

\---

A House Elf brought clothes for me to Draco’s room. I was uncertain if the Elf had picked them out themselves, or perhaps Draco- but I put them on without objection. They were lovely, and much more professional than clothes I would have picked out myself. I could tell I wore the extravagant clothes well by the way Draco kept checking me out like a horny businessman at a bar as we made our way to the Malfoy Manor library. 

The library, like the other rooms in the Manor, was too large for just one family. It was comparable in size to the bookstore I used to go to in London, but the texts lining the mahogany shelves were all magical in nature save for a few classics such as  _ The Odyssey _ and what looked like one of the first paper copies of  _ Gilgamesh _ . I was in awe of the whole library, but Draco was indifferent to it, saying that “he never uses this room” and that he wouldn’t know where to begin looking for an advanced healing textbook. 

I had my work cut out for me. After fifteen minutes of perusing the shelves and making Draco fetch books from shelves that were too high for me, I brought a few books that looked promising to an oval desk. Draco had tea brought to the library and drank while he watched me read. 

“I’m sorry our date is starting with a trip to the library,” I muttered glumly, clutching tea in one hand and flipping through  _ Modern Magical Medicine Volume XLVIII _ with the other. 

Draco shrugged from across the table. “I would imagine we’d be doing this when we return to school.”

I blushed at that thought. Could I really bring Draco with me to do my mundane 5th year tasks such as studying? And what’s more, it seemed like he was  _ willing _ to do so. 

I scoffed lightly, flipping straight to the glossary. “Do you really have the time to sit and watch me study?”

“You’re not the only one who has to study,” Draco pointed out. “Well, granted, there will be a change in leadership at the castle by the end of the year. But I have every intention of remaining a student, unless the Dark Lord wishes otherwise.”

I looked up from my book quizzically. He returned my look by rolling his eyes. 

“It’s for my mother. She wants me to finish school.”

I nodded with a sly smile. “So Narcissa will allow you to become a Death Eater, but she draws the line at drop-out.”

Draco almost choked on his tea. In a didactic tone he said, “Plenty of respectable wizards did not finish their schooling. And… let’s just say, my mother wasn’t too keen on the first idea, either.” His eyes narrowed, voice lowering to murmur, “She still isn’t.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Does she not believe in blood purity?”

“She does. I don’t think she could come from a family like hers and marry into a family like my father’s if she didn’t share the same ideology. No- I think it’s the Dark Magic that she shies away from.”

“...Understandable.” I flipped through the book, feeling like I was close to finding the spell. “I like your mother.”

“I believe you made a good first impression last night,” Draco remarked, his way of saying  _ she likes you too. _

My lips flattened from a smile into a hard line. “I suppose if she knew the truth of my bloodline that her opinion of me would change.”

My eyes flicked up to see Draco contemplating that. Finally, he said, “I know the truth, and I still like you.”

I couldn’t contain my smile as I scanned the page; and with perfect timing, I spotted the contraceptive spells tucked into the thick page of text just under an epidural charm. 

“Yes!” I exclaimed, the teacup falling ungracefully from my hand. I winced in preparation for the sounds of glass shattering, but Draco uttered, “ _ immobulus _ ” before the teacup made contact with the tile floor. 

After uttering a humbled “thanks” and Draco moving the teacup with his wand far out of my reach, I described the spell to him. 

“There is a female spell and a male spell,” I said, “And it seems like you only need to use one of them for it to be effective before intercourse.” I flattened my lips as I hastily read. “I wished we had looked into this earlier; because now we will have to use this post-coital one… which looks complicated. It can only be done on the female, of course.” I looked to Draco expectantly. “I need my wand.”

I thought that Draco would have enough faith in me by now to trust that I wouldn’t use my wand to attack him and escape. But he objected. “I can cast the spell. I am the more experienced spellcaster, after all.”

My eyes narrowed. “But I’m the more experienced Healer. And this is a healing spell.”

“Are you forgetting that only one of us is 17, and allowed to do magic outside of school?” Draco challenged coolly.

My jaw locked angrily. “Healing spells are different from the kinds of combative spells you probably favor. They require a certain finesse that I only trust myself and Madam Pomfrey to have.”

Draco sneered. “You don’t even know about my finesse.”

I slumped in the wood and leather chair. “I’m not going to argue with you any further. But I’m administering it next time.”

Draco took a few minutes to study the book, mumbling something inaudibly under his breath as his eyes flicked about the page. I stewed in my seat nervously. I wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of a healing spell. 

Draco cocked an eyebrow, and looked up from the book. “Are you quite certain you would like me to perform this spell on you?” he asked. 

I frowned at him. “Unless you would like to become a father at seventeen, these medical spells are our best option.”

“Listen to me for a moment,” Draco leered at the translucent pages and frayed binding of the book. “This book is ancient. And there are some footnotes written in a language I don’t fully understand.”

Oh, no.  _ I was so excited to have found the spells, I didn’t even look at the footnotes. It is possible they may contain something important- but if they’re in a language Draco doesn’t know, I most certainly wouldn’t know it, either. _ I balked, but then sunk into determination. I was unwilling to back down after coming this close. “Please trust that I would not tell you to use a spell that I thought would hurt me.” 

Draco’s eyes flashed with alarm at the words ‘ _ hurt me _ ’. I tried to soothe him. “You’re a fantastic spellcaster,” I insisted, “Just follow the instructions that you  _ can _ read, and we’ll be golden.”

Draco was unaware that I was using his pride against him. Draco pushed the book from him and stood, his demeanor hardened into determination. “Right, then. Are you ready?”

I rose from my seat and stood before him in the library. As we positioned ourselves exactly one meter away, as the book instructed, I assured myself that those additional footnotes were unlikely to make a difference. Draco and I had been careless twice, and we needed these spells to make sure we didn’t turn ourselves into teenage wizard parents. 

_ I would feel better about it if it was me casting the spell on myself, and not Draco. If anything goes wrong, I don’t want him to blame himself... _

I considered shutting my eyes, but decided it was easier to watch him position his wand and point it right at my stomach.  _ Please don’t mess it up _ , I begged silently _. Please don’t mess it up. _

I thought he might never cast the spell by the way he kept just  _ staring _ at my midsection. It looked like he was concentrating. I supposed I really must be important to him if he took this much care before casting an untested spell on me. 

Finally he uttered, “ _ advorsor totalus ovarium _ .” 

A mild burning sensation entered my body through my belly button, dissipating through my lower body. It felt reminiscent of a flat iron, but it was not necessarily painful- just uncomfortable. 

“Agh,” I let go of a groan and placed a hand on the table to steady myself. Draco rushed to me, taking me in his hands. 

“What’s the matter?” he pressed, his voice colored with real, grave concern. 

The discomfort passed after a few deep breaths. I looked up at him from lowered brows. 

“You are definitely getting this next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties in creating "birth control" spells- so just to break it down, there are three spells. Two of them can be done before sex, one for male and one for female. Only one needs to be done for it to be effective (i.e. either the man or woman can take it, they don't both have to do it). The third spell is like a "plan B" pill, and can only be received by the female (to cease fertilization of the egg). Not a lot is known about these spells, and their use can be dangerous... this becomes important later.   
> Happy reading!


	27. Malfoy Manor: Part VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and Draco explore the Manor grounds, and talk about their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading- again, this is nowhere near the end. I'm currently writing/editing at least 8 chapters ahead, and I have more planned beyond that....  
> Happy reading!

Draco felt guilty enough after the discomforting contraceptive spell to return my wand to me. It turned out that he had it on his person the whole time, tucked into his belt. I lightly smacked him on the arm and threatened him with a jinx or two, but he only laughed. 

My next request was a bit of an odd one; but Draco had left it up to me to decide what we would do on our date. “I would really like to see the gardens,” I said to him. “Seeing them from the windows has made me curious as to just how much land you have.”

Draco’s response to my request was only a slight nod and soft chuckle, leading me to believe that perhaps they were not as impressive as I assumed. I was soon proven wrong. 

Draco’s land was huge. 

Snaking gravel pathways ran from all exits of the house into the expansive gardens and wintry grounds surrounding the Manor. Beyond the tall iron fence that bordered the perimeter were frosty moors that went on as far as the eye could see. I gravitated wordlessly to the neatly trimmed hedges that retained a deep emerald green against the cloudy grey sky. Draco followed me into the hedge maze, watching me touch what I wanted to touch like a child in a museum. 

“You know, for our first date I was expecting you to suggest Diagon Alley, or maybe a restaurant,” Draco said teasingly. “But instead you want to see some bushes and flowers.”

I gazed around at the tall foliage. “I always need more inspiration for paintings,” I murmured, picturing exactly how I would paint the angles of the maze with the tip of the Manor peeking over the miniature poplar trees. 

Draco snorted. “It’s the middle of winter. Everything is dead.”

“Even dead things can be beautiful,” I said, absentmindedly gazing at the empty frame of what was once a bloom-heavy rose bush. All that was left on the twisty branches were red-tipped thorns. 

“Who cares for the gardens?” I inquired. “They look immaculate.”

Draco lazily strolled a few paces behind me with hands in the pockets of his cloak. He was uninterested in looking at the plants. He was likely used to seeing them in the summer when it was beautiful and bright, and now they bored him. “Don’t know,” he drawled, “Perhaps the House Elves.”

“Do House Elves do everything around here?” I asked in a jokingly condescending tone.

“So what if they do?” Draco replied. “Don’t tell me you don’t have House Elves of your own.”

“We did,” I nodded, going deeper into the maze. “Nonny. She was quite helpful when I was younger, but when I went off to Hogwarts my mother decided she wasn’t needed anymore.”

I could tell that bothered Draco by the huff of contempt I heard rise from his throat. “A wizarding household freeing their House Elf is unnatural.”

“My household was just my mother,” I reminded him. “There was not much housework to be done that she wasn’t happy to take care of herself.” I thoughtfully pressed a leaf between my fingers as I passed. “Besides, we never freed Nonny. We gave her to a neighboring family.”

I paused to allow Draco to fall into step beside me. There was a chill in the air, and I needed his warmth. I leaned slightly against his arm as we walked along the tall walls of the maze. 

“It must have been lonely, just you and your mother,” Draco said. 

“It wasn’t,” I replied. “I mean, at times, yes. I did want the presence of a father. But I think it allowed my mother and I to become very close.” I smiled to myself, thinking of all the times my mother had to be both the woman and man of the house, but no matter what, she always sat herself at the foot of my bed and vented to me at the end of the day. “Sometimes she acts more like a sister to me than a parent.”

I wanted to bring up my father, to tell Draco all about him and how wonderful he was- but we were out in the open air, and it was likely that our voices carried. There was no knowing who was listening. So I kept it to myself. 

“Do you reckon your mother gets lonely when you’re at school?” I asked Draco. His expression darkened. 

“Yes,” he stated. “Even with her sister here and a house full of Death Eaters, I can tell my father’s left a gap.” His troubled expression grew. “I try to visit when I can.” He was silent after that.

It seemed Draco and I had another thing in common. The guilt of not being there for our families.

“I know what that’s like,” I said to him as we tread along the gravel path. “When I was a first year, I cried the entire train ride. I couldn’t stop thinking about my mum all alone. When I told her I wanted to come home, she scolded me and told me that all she wanted was for me to become a well-learned witch so that she could finally have someone smart to converse with.” I scoffed a little, remembering the exact letter she sent me in response to my desperate plea for her to put me on the train back home. “Apparently, when I was eleven, I was too dumb to understand her theory on physiological alchemic properties. She was always happiest when she knew I was doing my best at my schoolwork.” 

I glanced at Draco. His gaze was lowered to the gravel crunching beneath his feet, but it appeared he was still listening. “My point is,” I continued, “I focused so much on feeling guilty and worrying about her that I didn’t even consider that she was more than willing to handle solitude if it meant I got the life she thought I deserved. I’m sure your mother feels the same way.”

Draco and I rounded a corner that led us directly to the maze’s core. At the center was a circular pond with a spout for a fountain in the middle- but no water was running. There weren’t even any birds. 

“Your mother sounds kind,” Draco murmured, looking at his reflection in the opaque water. “And a little intense.”

I smiled at his remark. “She _was_ a Ravenclaw.”

Draco made a sound that sounded like a slight gag of disgust. I laughed at that, remembering his immediate distaste for anyone who was not a Slytherin. We lingered around the pond for a while longer, sitting upon a stone bench.

“Seems like a waste of a day,” Draco muttered glumly beside me. I was taken aback. 

“What do you mean by that?” I griped. Draco retracted his statement instantly, realizing my misinterpretation. 

“Not that being with you is a waste,” he said sternly, “Because it isn’t. But it’s rare when we get time alone. And we’re spending it here, in my ugly courtyard.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, please. I wished I had a yard that looked like this, even if it is the middle of winter.”

Draco clasped and unclasped his hands. “I know, but… it’s not really romantic, is it?”

I considered his words. It was quite obvious that Draco was used to glamor, expensive dinners, and high class society. He wasn’t accustomed to seeing the hidden beauty of things. 

“It’s plenty romantic for me,” I replied, shifting closer to his warmth. “Being alone with you is enough.”

Draco turned his head towards me. He lifted a gloved hand to my face, and with more gentleness than I thought possible for him, ran his thumb across my cheek. That same hand went around to the back of my head, leaning me in to meet him for a kiss. Our faces and lips were cold, but his breath warmed me.

He pulled back suddenly. “Close your eyes for a moment,” he commanded, rising from the bench. 

I was confused by this out-of-the-blue order, but shut my eyes. I heard the sound of him shifting around on the gravel and wondered what it was he was doing that he didn’t want me to see. My natural skepticism told me to keep one eye open, but I kept them closed until Draco returned to the bench. 

“Alright. You can open them now.”

When I opened my eyes, I almost couldn’t fathom that I was looking at the same garden. Orbs of golden light had appeared out of nowhere along the base of the pond, which was now running with crystal clear water. All of the bushes around us that were previously thin and barren were blooming with roses, peonies and lilacs. It was like I was looking at a little bit of captured summer.

I gawked at the scene, and then gawked at Draco. 

“That’s how it’s supposed to look,” he said, a bit of a smile tugging at his lips. “Much better, in my opinion.”

My heart was fluttering in my chest. “You didn’t have to do that,” I smiled. 

“It’s only temporary,” he said dismissively. “But… I thought it was a more suitable ambiance for this.” He turned to me, taking my face in his hands and kissing me deeply. The gentle background noise of the fountain was in my ears as I kissed him back, wanting to express nonverbally how grateful I was for his enchantment on the garden. I wished I could paint that moment, but I doubted I could do it justice. 

He overwhelmed me with kisses, wandering from my lips to my cheeks, my chin, even my temples. Slowly, we began to sink back into a reclined position on the bench, lowering me down until he was on top of me. His hand found its way under the front of my cloak, working through the layers of clothing to grasp my chest. 

A giggle escaped my lips, realizing that we were practically dry humping each other in an open space where anyone from the Manor could find us. 

“I doubt we could get away with this at Hogwarts,” I said to him in-between kisses. 

“I don’t give a damn,” Draco replied, hitching his thigh between my legs. “I’m going to do this to you whenever I want. Everyone can watch.”

We continued snogging on the bench for a while longer, even after the glow of the orbs began to fade and the flowers retreated back to their dormant state. Kissing him was addictive. I could do it all day. But I finally had to take a reprieve from his lips. 

“You still have more land to show me,” I pointed out.

We exited the snow-capped hedge maze and walked along another snaking path to a creek that ran along the inside of the iron fence. The water was low, and so still that I thought it was frozen. A crow perched on a barren tree observed us as we stood looking down at the remaining trickle of water. 

“I used to play here as a child,” Draco commented. His face was gaunt and serious. “Due to all the protective charms around the Manor now, the creek has gone dry. Cut off from its source.”

I tried to picture the creek full, with a young Draco doing things that little boys do at creeks, like throwing stones and drawing pictures in the dirt with twigs. But I couldn’t. The creek was too dry, and the Draco I knew was too focused on behaving like an adult. Even if I had known him as a child, the detachment from whoever that boy was and the Death Eater that stood beside me was too big. 

“You know, Draco, I don’t think I ever told you what it is about you that I find so attractive,” I said to him. 

He frowned slightly, tilting his head to me. “I hardly think I need an explanation,” he said.

I sucked the inside of my cheek, unfazed by his cockiness. “Well, you told me before you liked me because I had a good body.” Draco grinned at that. “It’s true,” he affirmed, looking me up and down unnecessarily. I rolled my eyes.

“The root of my attraction to you is a bit embarrassing,” I looked down at the pointed boots on my feet, and the dead grass beneath. “I’ve never told anyone this before. Not even Penny, Evelyn and Greta. According to them, I don’t particularly fancy most boys. I never dreamt of being with any of the boys from our year like they did. I never wrote my name next to a boy’s in enchanted love ink in my diary, or even so much as had a crush on another Hogwarts student.” I frowned to myself. “My god, they probably think I’m a lesbian.”

Draco smirked. “I know for certain that’s not true.”

I playfully smiled at him. “But the reason I liked you was because you weren’t like the other boys; boys like Cade Sinclair. Sweet, but clumsy and much too unaware of the world around him. You have a maturity about you that was unusual. In a sea of boys, you were a man,” I stated simply, watching Draco’s mixed expression. 

“So, not my dashing good looks and top marks, then?” He asked. 

“Nope.”

Draco’s smile faded, and he looked a little forlorn. “My maturity is a double-edged sword,” he said to me. “I may have grown up faster than my peers, but it was due to the rigid hand of my father and an early devotion to the Dark Arts.” The wind howled in the moors beyond as he paused. “I can’t say I’m particularly proud of my so-called maturity. But I’m glad you see it as a redeemable quality. That does make me feel a bit better about it, actually.”

I squared myself before him, my face as rigid as stone. “I’m sorry that your childhood was ripped from you too soon. But the person you are right now… that’s who I fell in love with. Who I continue to fall in love with more and more each day.”

I thought my words would ease Draco. But they seemed to only make him more troubled. He looked at the ground.

“Sometimes I think I don’t deserve you.”

My heart fell. “Why would you say that?”

“Please. Sometimes all you do is remind me how I’m wrought with imperfections. Just like that night when we first kissed. Your very essence is purity and I’m sullying you like a white flag strewn through mud.”

I took a step back, as if pushed by his words. “I’m not a perfect person either,” I insisted.

“You’re a Healer!” He said fervently, as if that made me an automatic Saint. 

I hugged my arms to my chest, fretting that I let this conversation get out of hand. “But I’m still corruptible,” I insisted, my voice heightening in volume. “If I were truly morally aligned and pure, I would not be standing here right now-”

My voice caught in my throat and I suddenly stopped. A sharp pain in my abdomen was ebbing. I staggered where I stood. 

“Erica- what-” Draco started to speak, but I stumbled into his arms, and he had to grip my upper arms firmly just to help keep me upright. 

“I’m fine,” I said, but it came out weak and breathy. “I’m fi-”

I glanced at the ground and saw drops of blood between my feet. One after another, they fell, painting the snow and dead grass a sickly dark red color. My head began to feel faint.

_Something’s wrong. Something is definitely wrong-_

My feet could no longer support me, and Draco was forced to take me further into his grip. He tried but failed to get me to respond. It was like I was looking at the world through a pane of glass- I could hear everything, but any words I tried to say were lost on my lips.

“Erica!” I heard someone shout- an older man’s voice; Malachi’s. A woman was also coming.

“What’s happened now?” She shouted. I saw the shadow of a black mass of hair. _Why is everyone here? How did they come so fast-_

“Quickly, get her inside-” Was the last thing I heard before losing consciousness. 


	28. Malfoy Manor: Part VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When their families find out they're having sex, Draco and Erica are forced to listen to a very awkward conversation.

I slipped in and out of trepid consciousness, catching only snippets of conversation as my body was levitated into the Manor. 

“ _ What _ is wrong with her-”

“I don’t- I don’t know-”

“She dropped like a bag of flour, she did.”

I felt the smoothness of a wooden table beneath me as the flustered conversations of Malachi, Bellatrix and Draco swirled around me like a noisy television show. I wanted to chime in, give them orders as to how to treat me- but my body felt painfully leaden, and my vision was a blur. I couldn’t focus enough to even hypothesize what my issue was.

_ I was bleeding. But it wasn’t a kind of menstruation bleed- it was a dark, heavy, sudden bleed.  _ And I was still losing blood. I could feel it pooling around my thighs. 

“She’s going to ruin the carpet-” I heard Bellatrix complain. 

“Who gives a damn about the bloody carpet?” Draco snapped. 

I couldn’t concentrate thanks to everyone’s arguing. If I were in charge, I would have ordered everyone out, or told them to be quiet. Thankfully, Malachi remained calm, taking control of the situation. 

“Draco, get Narcissa,” I heard Malachi order, “And Bellatrix, shut up. You aren’t helping.” Malachi cast a cleaning spell over me, but it didn’t stop the blood. “The blood thickening charm…” Malachi grumbled to himself. “What was the goddamn blood thickening charm?”

“ _ Densissima _ ,” I croaked, but it was much too quiet. I forced the blood-thickening spell out once more, louder. “ _ Densissima. _ ” I could feel the stream of blood still coursing between my legs.

Malachi performed the spell I gave him, and I felt the pain in my lower abdomen subside. My breathing returned to normal. I slowly began to regain my strength, but I still felt weak. Malachi performed an additional  _ tergeo _ spell to clean up the rest of the blood. 

“Erica,” Malachi said to me, “Are you alright?”

My eyes fluttered open. My uncle was peering over me, his eyebrows arched in concern. I groaned as he helped ease me into a sitting position. I noticed Bellatrix observing from a dining chair, her arms crossed, looking amused. 

“Thank you,” I rasped to Malachi, still shaken by the event and feeling woozy. “...How were you able to get to me so quickly?”

Malachi looked nervous. “Ah… forgive me, but… I was watching you and Draco all day. I wanted to make sure you were safe.”

“Quite a doting father, isn’t he?” Bellatrix sneered. 

“What’s your excuse?” Malachi turned to Bellatrix. “Don’t think I didn’t see you also following them.”

Bellatrix shrugged nonchalantly. “My excuse is  _ boredom _ , Sloany. And I must admit, I find it rather entertaining to see your daughter and my nephew doing unspeakable things in the courtyard.” She snickered. “Young love is quite shameless, don’t you think? Reminds me of Rosario and I, when we were their age-”

“Shut it,” Malachi hissed. 

“You two were spying on us?” I said incredulously, and not with nearly as much anger as I wanted. 

“No-”

“Yes,” Bellatrix said in a sing-song voice. “We were.”

Malachi became angrier at Bellatrix. “We weren’t spying together, it was completely separate spying-”

I heard the clacking of heels along the tile floor. Narcissa had entered the room.

“What happened?” She demanded, her doe-like eyes flicking between Malachi, Bellatrix and I. I was still sitting upon their dining room table, looking and feeling humiliated.

“Erica’s lost some blood. We don’t know the cause,” Malachi informed her.

“Looks like she’s gotten her womanly affliction,” Bellatrix said bluntly. “Seemed like her first time, seeing as how she fainted as soon as she saw a bit of blood.”

Narcissa came to my side, and with a flick of her wrist summoned an elixir. “Drink this,” she handed it to me, and placed a comforting hand on my back. I sullenly drank the potion that tasted like iron, and recognized it as a blood replenishing potion, like the kind we used in the Medical Wing. 

“What might have caused this?” Narcissa asked me with urgency. I recoiled into myself, unwilling to give a room full of me and Draco’s relatives the play-by-play of exactly what I did that day that involved my womanhood. I was versed in medicine, and knew that being honest was always the best. But as a teenaged girl, I was mortified by the entire situation, and kept my lips sealed. 

Narcissa picked up on my silence and body language. “Were you and Draco doing something dangerous?” she pressed.

I wanted to implode in on myself and disappear. “I was observing them all day,” Malachi informed Narcissa. “They didn’t do anything like that. Just a bit of snogging.”

Bellatrix snorted again. “A bit of snogging? They’re doing much more than snogging, if they had to use the contraceptive charm.”

Narcissa and Malachi silently gawked. My stomach dropped. 

“The- the contraceptive charm?” Narcissa said hoarsely. 

Bellatrix seemed pleased to have everybody’s attention. “I saw our lovebirds in the library this morning. Thought they was studying like good little children. But then I heard whisperings of the contraceptive charm. The post-coital one,” she added with raised eyebrows. 

Narcissa looked at Malachi not as a witch, but as a concerned mother. Malachi, as my stand-in father, looked flustered and uncertain as to how to proceed. I pressed the palms of my hands to my eyes, wanting desperately to disappear from this nightmare.

“It’s my fault.”

I removed my hands from my eyes to look at Draco, who had appeared in the doorway. A few of his hairs were out of place. He looked visibly upset. 

“I performed the spell on her,” Draco said to them. “I made a mistake, butchered the spell...” he pressed a hand to his head. He was obviously wrought with guilt that the spell had adverse effects on me. I myself felt like the responsible one.  _ Don’t look so upset, Draco. You were only doing what I asked. _

Malachi heaved a heavy sigh. “Why didn’t you just tell us that’s what it was?” He looked at me with disappointment. Whether it was disappointment from being sexually active, or disappointment from using the contraceptive spell, I couldn’t tell. Draco came to my side, scanning me to make sure I was alright. The only thing wrong with me now was the horrible embarrassment and guilt we were both feeling. 

Narcissa looked overwhelmed. “Draco,” she addressed her son in a betrayed voice. “What were you thinking? You didn’t tell me you and Erica were... “ she exhaled, trying to calm herself from the shock. It seemed she was unaware that her son had been engaging in sexual relations with anyone. “This is inappropriate for you two to be doing such things. You’re both much too young.”

Draco Malfoy- who never let anyone talk down to him, received his mother’s beratement sourly. It seemed his mother was the only exception to his sharp tongue. 

“So the kids are shagging,” Malachi gestured casually. Narcissa glared at him. That seemed to remind Malachi that he was supposed to behave like my father. In a forced fatherly tone, he said, “Not-not that I approve of my  _ daughter _ -” he emphasized, “doing such things. But at least they had the sense to use preventative measures.”

“The contraceptive charm is much too dangerous for a sixteen year old girl,” Narcissa replied angrily. “They don’t teach it in schools because of the side-effects.”

Bellatrix disagreed with her sister. “What is the big deal? I used it all the time when I was her age.” She considered her own words. “Maybe even younger.”

“Then you are aware that it can cause uterine hemorrhaging,” Narcissa said pointedly. She glanced at Draco and I, and something in her face softened. “I’m sure it wasn’t entirely your fault, Draco,” she said to the sulky boy at my side. “The side effects could occur for a number of reasons.”

“I should have researched it more properly,” I said, admitting my own guilt. “I-I was foolish to tell him to use it. I’m sorry for causing you all such worry.”

Narcissa crossed her arms, looking humbled by my confession. “I know you both didn’t mean for this to happen. But perhaps you wouldn’t have been inclined to act so rashly if you weren’t…” she almost couldn’t bring herself to say the word, “If you weren’t  _ copulating _ .” 

Draco made a disgruntled scoffing sound and looked to the side. Narcissa addressed Draco softly. “Draco, I’ve always given you as much guidance as I could while allowing you to make your own informed decisions, whether I agree with them or not.” Narcissa paused. She sounded more sad than angry. “I just wished you would have come to me first.”

Draco’s head hung slightly. Narcissa crossed her arms, looking sadly at her son. “It’s times like these that I wish your father were here.”

I could practically feel Draco’s hurt radiating off of him at his mother’s words. 

“Well, I know you don’t want to hear this Narcissa, but the kids are having sex,” Malachi said bluntly. “I doubt that they’re going to stop now that they’ve started.”

“It can be so hard to stop, can’t it, Sloany?” Bellatrix said teasingly. Malachi glared at her, nauseated. 

Narcissa seemed swayed by Malachi’s words. “...I suppose you’re right, Malachi. I never expected to be having this conversation like this-” she looked to Draco apologetically. “But we need to have a talk.”

Narcissa insisted we all go to the parlor, which was no longer occupied by the Dark Lord. I didn’t know where he and his rat and snake companions were, and I didn’t ask, for fear of somehow making him appear. Narcissa insisted Bellatrix not be present for this part of the conversation, mostly because she wouldn’t stop crudely alluding to baby Death Eaters. I think we all wanted to cast  _ silencio  _ on her. 

Draco and I sat on a loveseat much farther apart than we would have usually sat. The fact that the topic at hand was regulation of our reproductive parts effectively dulled any desire to touch each other. Additionally, before all of this happened, we  _ had _ been in the middle of a heated argument about my morality. I highly doubted that Draco had forgotten.

Malachi and Narcissa sat in high-backed upholstered chairs facing us like tight-lipped judges. A fire roared behind them. I found myself considering the fire, and calculating how long it would take them to pull me out, were I to throw myself upon it to avoid this conversation. By the unpleasant, glowering expression on Draco’s face, he was likely thinking the same. 

Narcissa sat with her legs tightly crossed, hands tightly clasped, and lips tightly pursed. Malachi attempted to put on an air of parental authority, and sat with either arm sternly positioned on the arms of the chair. Malachi hardly seemed as bothered as Narcissa. I said silent thank you’s in my head for his patience in dealing with his newly-acquired, troublesome niece. 

Narcissa broke the silence by clearing her throat. “I’m aware they educated you on this topic in the castle in your third year,” she said stiffly. “Lucius and I did not take it upon ourselves to educate you because they insisted their methods had not changed from when I was a student. No sex before marriage, no fraternizing indecently with those of the opposite sex, and no use of contraceptive charms or elixirs. As a last resort, Muggle contraception was to be used. I’m under the impression you were each given a similar lecture.”

I nodded solemnly.  _ That was pretty much it. But from a medical perspective, and as a teenage girl with a sex drive, I’m realizing how out-of-date and conservative our sexual education at Hogwarts is.  _

“I was a year above you, Narcissa, but we received a similar talking to,” Malachi affirmed. “But I have to admit, not many of us took that seriously.”

Narcissa gave him an appalled look. She obviously had been one of the people who did take it seriously. 

“It’s as Bellatrix said,” Malachi continued, getting more and more casual as he spoke, “The contraceptive charms were advanced and forbidden, but people still found out about them and used them.” He took note of Narcissa’s continued frown and added, “C’mon, a bunch of kids confined to a school with changing bodies and nothing to hump but their broomsticks? We may be wizards, but we’re still bound to these mortal vessels. Isn’t it the natural inclination of wizards to want to experiment and explore?”

Narcissa tilted her head a bit in annoyance, acknowledging that Malachi was presenting a fair argument. “I’m not scorning them for having desires,” Narcissa retorted. “But let’s not forget that restraint is a golden virtue.”

“If only restraint could be bottled,” Malachi muttered. “Then we’d all have a lot less problems.”

Narcissa averted her attention to me. “I do not blame you for my son’s lack of restraint, Erica,” Narcissa said sweetly. I blinked. “After all, he is your older peer. I apologize on Draco’s behalf for any pressures he may have put on you. You likely did not even know what you were doing-”

“I initiated it,” I said bluntly. Narcissa stopped talking, and both she and Malachi got these dumb-struck looks on their faces. I thought I saw the corner of Draco’s mouth twitch. 

“I’ll admit it was foolish,” I said. I forced myself to keep my chin high. “But I knew what I was doing.”

Draco covered his mouth, hiding a fledgling smile. I saw Narcissa fumble over her own tongue as she attempted to wrangle her newly-emerged anger and prepare her response. _ Shit. I may fall out of her favor a lot sooner than I expected. _

“I’m partly to blame here, as her father,” Malachi said to Narcissa, attempting to appease her. “I’m afraid my prolonged absence from my daughter’s life may have had a bigger impression than I thought. I’ve heard of instances where girls who grew up without a father feel the psychological need to attach themselves to older boys. It’s no fault of yours, Erica. You didn’t know any better.”

My lips flattened into a hard line. My lack of a father figure growing up had nothing to do with the desire I felt for Draco- but the more I thought about it, the more I came to consider that my attraction to him- to maturity, could in fact be psychological. Narcissa certainly seemed to buy it. 

Draco had previously been suppressing a smirk, but any remnants of a smile were lost on his face. He now sat beside me looking cold as ice; near violence, even. We were both at our limits, and I worried how Draco was going to react when he inevitably burst.

“I would like to say something,” I bravely spoke, looking Narcissa right in the eyes. She was looking at me so analytically that I had to force myself to swallow dryly before getting on with my point. “I-I love your son very much. Whether you want to deem that a hormone-driven mistake, or a psychological complex, it doesn’t matter much to me. But… I am quite certain that we love each other. And I don’t think we have to dissect that any further.” My voice wavered, but my words were firm and decisive, leaving the room in tense silence. 

Draco cleared his throat, and everyone’s gazes snapped to him. He reached over and took my hand, interlocking our fingers without hesitation. Our earlier argument didn’t seem to matter to either of us now. 

“This year has proven to be a challenge,” Draco admitted quietly, while Narcissa watched him with careful eyes. “And although I am capable and willing to fulfill my mission, it has not been without its troubles. Erica helps me with all of that. It’s rather nice to have someone beside me. She makes me… happy. And I cherish her.” He wet his lips momentarily. “More than anything.”

Narcissa was taken aback. Blinking twice, then swallowing, she deflated slightly in her seat. She cast a momentary glance at Malachi, who had nothing to add. I had seen Narcissa’s defeated expression on my own mother’s face many times before. I could tell she was missing the presence of her husband, Lucius. Parenting on your own was a challenge. It felt like no matter what you did, you were making the wrong decision. I felt deep sympathy for her. 

Malachi cleared his throat. “Ahem, Narcissa. If you would like, I have no problem explaining the proper use of the charm.”

Narcissa looked relieved. Nodding slowly, she rose from her seat. “I think that would be best.” She coolly walked from the room, passing by Draco’s blank expression without saying a word. My stomach sank. _ This is my fault, isn’t it? I’ve pissed off Draco’s mother.  _

After Narcissa left, Malachi shifted himself onto the edge of his chair, adapting a more casual posture. “The thing about the post-coital contraceptive charm is that you can’t cast it like you would cast another spell. You have to approach it like a healing spell, and be gentle and conservative with its use. You should administer it when the subject is laying down…”

We listened to Malachi talk, stiff as statues. I could tell Draco was bothered by his mother’s difficulties with coming to terms with the news. But he continued holding my hand, even when Malachi’s contraceptive monologue came to an awkward halt. 

“Muggle contraception is the pits. Trust me, I know. So when it’s time for you two to do your thing, use the pre-coital spells.  _ Ovarium _ is supposed to be a last resort.” Malachi clasped his hands together. “Got it?”

Draco and I both nodded. “Got it,” Draco grumbled. 

We exited the parlor, and I gave my uncle a solemn nod which he returned. I was grateful to him for being such a good advocate, but felt guilty for burdening him further with my problems. I wasn’t sure how Draco was feeling. After hearing his mother’s reaction, he seemed pensive and a little tense. I was seeing so many different sides of Draco lately; the more vulnerable sides. This was my first time I had ever seen Draco effectively embarrassed. It was unusual for someone who usually seemed so infallible. It made him more human. 

Draco and I didn’t exchange a single word with each other as we walked through the dimly-lit Manor halls. Just as we reached Draco’s bedroom, I paused. 

“If you wish to sleep separately tonight, I understand,” I said flatly. “I can return to the guest room.”

Draco replied, “What are you going on about? We can still sleep together.”

My eyebrows lowered in perplexion. “You really want to have sex tonight after all that?”

Draco’s face twisted into disgust. “No, of course not. But that doesn’t mean we can’t share a bed.” He unlocked his bedroom door. “I sleep better with you there.”

I entered Draco’s bedroom. The sun was setting on the day once again, casting blue shadows across his room from the balcony. I let go of a heavy sigh, remembering that in the morning we’d be returning to Hogwarts as a couple.

I crossed my arms and looked out at the setting sun through the balcony windows. I contemplated what kinds of reactions I would receive from Penny, Evelyn, Greta, and the rest of Slytherin house.  _ And the rest of the student body, too. _ A chill entered my body and went all the way down to my bones despite my numerous layers.  _ Our business will be public. Everyone will know, either by first-hand account like Crabbe and Goyle, intuition, or word of mouth that Draco and I have intimate relations.  _ It felt icky. The whole thing felt entirely, completely  _ icky- _

“Do you understand now why I didn’t want to go public?” I turned and glanced at Draco, who was shedding his suit coat and hanging it up in a tall wardrobe. “People knowing about our private business… it’s embarrassing.”

Draco came up behind me to join me in looking at the darkening sky, enveloping me in his warmth. “If anyone at the castle so much as raises an eyebrow at our personal affairs, I’ll maim them,” Draco said.

“Then I would have to heal them in the Medical Wing,” I pointed out. Draco scoffed, but it sounded a bit like a laugh. 

_ You and me, against everyone else.  _ I remembered Draco’s words from the night before, and eased myself into his arms. 

Draco said sullenly, “I should have taken better care of you today. It was my fault that our families intervened in our personal affairs.”

“I am rather mortified that my uncle had to get involved. But, still, I’m glad he was there. I don’t think someone hired by the Dark Lord would have done what he did today.”

Draco held me tighter, pain and regret coloring his deep voice. “I don’t know what I would have done if Malachi hadn’t stepped in. I watched you bleed out right in front of me while I stood there, clueless… I couldn’t watch. I was too angry at myself.”

“I was the one who told you to do it,” I reminded him gently, my hands resting on his arms. “You’re not entirely to blame here. Stop thinking you’re the only one who is capable of making mistakes.”

Draco kissed the top of my head. “You could make a million mistakes, and you’d still be perfect in my eyes.”

I squeezed his arm gratefully. “I want you to stop believing you’ve sullied me somehow. Because, like I told your mother, I asked you for it.”

Draco scoffed. “I still can’t believe you said that to her.”

“It was the truth, and you know it,” I pressed. “...I think you should talk to her before we leave, Draco.”

“She and I have talked enough,” he said sourly. 

I watched as the daylight faded from the land, turning the green hedges into shadowy black walls. “But do you really want to leave it like this?” I asked him. Draco was silent for a minute or two.

“I’ll speak with her,” Draco said finally. “I may be a while.”

Draco was gone for a long time from his room. I kindly asked a House Elf to bring me something to sleep in, and was shocked at all the options they presented. I told them that a simple night shirt should do fine. Even in its simplicity, the night shirt was softer than most shirts that I owned. I sank into Draco’s bed, thinking about how I would miss the luxuries his home provided, but that I would definitely not miss the people inside of it. 

I was lucky to not have another run-in with the Dark Lord today. If I had to choose between getting the sex talk from my uncle and facing He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, I would choose the former in a heartbeat. And Malachi was very good at pretending to be my father. It made me believe that I really could last in England for a while longer without my identity being revealed. 

But Bellatrix… something about her didn’t sit right with me. She had been following us all day, supposedly out of boredom. But what if she was following us because she was suspicious of me? She did seem familiar with the Sloan family- and who’s to say that she didn’t already know about the third, non-magical brother? After all, she knew my eldest uncle, Rosario; and now that Malachi was joining the Death Eaters, she would be working with him closely. All it would take would be a little digging, and she could connect the dots from me to the disowned Sloan son-

I couldn’t let my guard down. 

I might never be able to let my guard down, for as long as I live. 

I effectively worked myself into a near-panic just thinking about all the possible ways things could go wrong. I instructed myself to focus on the smell of the sheets, which smelled like Draco. Burrowing my face in-between the soft goose-feather pillows, I drifted off, reawakening to the presence of a warm body spooning me. 

“Hmm,” I stirred, and opened my eyes to see Draco’s Dark Mark wrapping around my midsection. 

Draco nuzzled into my neck. “I talked to my mother. She just needed time. And reassurance that I wouldn’t make her a grandmother.”

I hummed my sleepy affirmation and burrowed myself into his warmth. 

“She likes you a lot, Erica.”

I chuckled sleepily. “I can’t imagine why.”

“Because I like you,” he said, gently placing a kiss on my neck. I smiled, and drifted off to sleep in his arms.

_ You and me, against everyone else. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, that was kind of a long awkward chapter wasn't it? The main takeaway is that Malachi, Erica's uncle, can be trusted. Also, I didn't want to portray Narcissa as a mean mom- I just picture her being very strict and traditional. But she always has a soft spot for Draco.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and Draco return to the castle; Erica has a run in with Ginny Weasley.

Many steps had to be taken for us to return covertly to the castle. After waking at the crack of dawn, I dressed in my school robes that Draco said had been cleaned and pressed by House Elves. He provided me with a heavy black cloak and gloves from his family’s wardrobe that almost matched his, but were not quite as expensive-looking. My black shoes shined like his, and now I even smelled like him, too. 

Draco and I took a car to the train station, getting off at Hogsmeade- and finally, once we made it through a closed, quiet Hogsmeade undetected, a boat was going to take us across the Black Lake. I was certain that this was the way Draco had taken me from the castle on Saturday. And I was so tired by the time we reached the sandy bank of Hogsmeade that I almost wished I were unconscious again.

“How did you take me from the castle by yourself?” I asked as I followed Draco to a thickened area of trees around the lake shore of Hogsmeade. My feet slid every now and then due to the wetness of the melted snow on the dirt. “I was unconscious through it all, and I can’t imagine you’d carry me all this way.”

Draco began removing purposely placed tree branches from a mound that I assumed concealed the boat he spoke of. “The Consciousness Thinner allows the person to stand and walk on their own. I only had to guide you. But-” his voice tightened into a sort of jest, “You were so clumsy, you got mud all over your robes. That’s why I changed your clothes.”

I peeked over his shoulder, and then looked back at the increasing sounds of the town of Hogsmeade. It was early morning, and the shops were just beginning to open. 

“T-this boat,” I began, still skeptical, even though we had made it this far, “What if someone sees us from the castle?”

Draco used his wand to cast a digging spell to remove the mounds of snow. I offered to help, but he lifted a hand to signify that he could handle it himself. “This isn’t an ordinary little dingy like the kind they use to get the first years across. This boat is enchanted to look like a crocodile- so if anyone were to spot us, that is all they would see.”

That was perfect, I realized. The Lake was so huge and filled with mysterious creatures that it was unlikely anyone would even notice a crocodile. And if they did, the eye would likely pass it off as a log. 

My breath froze in my throat when Draco unearthed a bit of snow and I saw a reptilian eye looking back at me. I stood in frightened shock staring at what appeared to be the head of a living, breathing crocodile. I had seen them before, in zoos; and they had always fascinated me in a scary way. After most of its yellow, scaly body was free from the snow cover, I almost expected it to open its jaws and devour us both. But Draco was unfaltered by the sight of it. He pointed his wand at the creature and hissed, “ _ Nazra” _ . 

Upon Draco’s command, the reptile shook off the frost and began to crawl- placing one claw after another in a march towards the shore. 

I was about to tell Draco that I was too afraid to mount that  _ thing _ and ride it all the way across the lake when it transformed into a moderately sized boat the second its body took to the water. Draco placed one foot in the boat to keep it anchored and then extended a hand to help me in. 

“Where are the oars?”

“Don’t need them.”

Draco eased my nerves by telling me that this boat was not in fact a crocodile but something in Arabic they called a  _ bateel selek _ ; a smaller boat made in the Middle East _.  _ I never expected him to know so much about boats, but it did serve to calm me a little- and ridded me of the fear that it would turn back into a crocodile halfway across the lake. 

Being in the enchanted  _ bateel  _ reminded me of that dingy ride I took my first year. Of course, we were approaching Hogwarts from the back, and in the foggy mist of early morning instead of nighttime. But the feeling of wonder was there. Excitement and nervousness tingled in my fingertips, for I was coming to Hogwarts to start my real relationship with Draco. With him, this place was finally going to feel like a home to me. 

The boat moved on its own across the water at a slow but steady pace. Draco and I sat facing each other on opposite ends of the boat, our knees almost touching in the middle. 

“Draco,” I said, breaking the look of concentration he had on his face as he looked out across the water. 

“Hm?” His gaze went to me, and he looked at me with the same expression he’d been looking at me with all morning. Like a lovesick puppy, or some newlywed. It was obvious that this weekend meant a lot to him. As it did to me- and I wondered to myself if from Draco’s point of view, I also had that lovesick expression on my face. 

“Why is it that the Death Eaters aren’t using these crocodile boats to get into the castle?” 

Draco’s expression darkened. I began to regret bringing the matter up. “Only three of these boats exist in the entire world. This one was gifted to my grandfather by a sorcerer in Egypt, and the other boats’ whereabouts are unknown. It’s one of my family’s most precious heirlooms.”

“I-I see.”

“I’d rather not discuss Death Eater business right now,” Draco said. “I’m thinking of how our return to Hogwarts will go over. Crabbe and Goyle know already, and I’m assuming they’ve told Blaise… Pansy might not react too well, but that hardly matters…”

As Draco went on naming all of the people he would want to tell of our relationship, the reality of the situation began to sink in. I would have to inform Penny, Greta and Evelyn. Today. 

“I rather enjoyed the secrecy of sneaking around,” I murmured. “I’m going to miss that.”

In a warning tone, Draco said, “Don’t tell me you’re rethinking things.”

“I’m not,” I uttered hastily, “I’m just not sure if I’m ready for all of the... Changes.”

“Changes?” Draco echoed. “I think you mean to say improvements.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but Draco added, “People will treat you with respect. And I don’t just mean students- I mean professors, as well. Those Gryffindor girls who insulted you for being a Slytherin would know to keep their mouths shut the next time they visit the Hospital Wing. And if those friends of yours have a problem with it, then, screw them.” He sucked on the inside of his cheek. “You better not get cold feet now. Because I’d rather like to be able to walk with my own girlfriend around the castle instead of ducking into broom closets and such just to have a conversation.” The corner of his mouth twitched upwards in a smug smile. “Honestly, Erica. I don’t think you’ve thought about this nearly as much as I have.”

I blinked at him and his candid words. It seemed that he had thought about this quite a bit, and wanted more than anything to just be with me without having to hide it. And the word  _ girlfriend _ \- he had said it before when introducing me to his mum, but the title still felt so unnatural to me. Like how the title  _ Slytherin _ didn’t begin to resonate with me until long after the sorting ceremony. 

The boat rocked back and forth, steadily cutting a V shape across the placid lake surface. “You know, I didn’t think I would get placed in Slytherin,” I admitted to him. “I came to Hogwarts assuming I would be placed in Ravenclaw, like my mum. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I wished I were in another house. But there were times I wondered why I was sorted the way that I was.”

There was a pause. Draco looked at me with curious eyes. “I think I was meant to meet you,” I said, feeling the sudden chill of the icy air around the lake penetrating the wool of my cloak. “You’ve given me a purpose that is much greater than my own. And taught me things about the world I was unwilling to learn.”

I scoffed lightly to myself. “I suppose I should thank that old hat.” I smiled at the stupid thought that the Sorting Hat was playing matchmaker with me all along. 

Draco’s hand slowly slid from his chin down to his lap. “Don’t thank the hat,” Draco muttered. “It was you. It was all you.”

\---

Draco docked the boat on the private shore that I recognized- he had brought me here once before, in the fall. After he stowed the crocodile in an alcove of seemingly insignificant rocks close to the water, he and I lingered on the shore before starting our trek up to the castle, perhaps wanting to remain in our own little bubble for a while longer.

“Do you remember healing me here?” Draco said, looking out at the water. 

I recalled the encounter he was referring to- after the duel when Norwood ruptured his eardrum, he brought me here to heal him in private. It was the second one-on-one encounter we had with each other.

“Yes,” I replied, a hint of amusement in my voice, “I remember you being a wimp about me touching your ears.”

Draco scoffed to himself. “You’re the first person I’ve ever allowed to do that.” The water rippled, lapping at the shore and just barely reaching his shoes. He added quietly, “You’re probably the only person I’ll ever allow to do that.”

I joined him in looking out at the shore. The water really was quite beautiful. Whenever we were around the water, Draco seemed mesmerized by it. 

“What is it about the Lake that captivates you?” I asked him, looking at the side profile of his handsome face. 

“I read somewhere that water calms you,” he replied. “I didn’t believe it at first. But when I want to be alone I come here.”

I understood what he meant. Medical journals confirmed that water had calming effects on patients suffering from anxiety. Not that I was qualified to diagnose Draco in any way, but it was quite obvious that he was dealing with pressure much greater than that of the average 17 year old.

I didn’t want to pull him away from the Lake prematurely, so I asked, “Do you want to be alone often?” 

There was that lovesick look in his eyes again. Draco was looking at me now, instead of the water- and a smile that was as pure as a child’s spread across his lips. 

“Not so much anymore,” he stated. 

As we made our trek up the grassy hill to one of the side entrances of the castle, it finally occurred to me to ask for the time. Draco held up his right wrist to glance at an extravagant watch. 

When I heard the time, “Eight twenty,” a guttural sound unbefitting of a woman left my lips. 

“I have herbology in ten minutes!” I cried, hurrying into a run. Draco increased the pace of his stride to catch up to me. 

“And I have charms,” he hissed, like he didn’t really care. “And slow down, god dammit- what if you start bleeding again?” 

We reached the threshold of the castle, and he gripped my wrist, preventing me from going any further. “What’s the rush?” He asked. From his tone it almost seemed like he was suggesting we just blow the whole day off. 

It was tempting, but I couldn’t allow myself to slip. “Are you forgetting I need top marks on my O.W.L.s to become a Healer?” 

That seemed to convince Draco that he should permit me to go to class. I began to walk away, but stopped when he said, “I could walk you.”

I turned, not sure if I was hearing him correctly. I was pretty sure I was grimacing. 

“...Nevermind,” he muttered. 

\---

I needed no materials for Herbology as my textbook and gloves were stored in the classroom, so I went straight to the greenhouses. Regardless of that, I ended up arriving just a bit past on-time, so Madam Sprout put me on spade-shining duty.

I worked glumly in the back, listening to the lecture on magical vines and pole-beans. I could see Penny, Evelyn and Greta glancing back at me intermittently with pitying, curious eyes. When class was dismissed, they came to the back of the greenhouse. 

“Erica, where on earth  _ were _ you-”

“You missed the best weekend ever!”

“Oh, it was  _ brilliant! _ We so wished you were there.”

I was unable to get a word in while they spilled to me about their weekend. Greta and Evelyn said something about Robbie, and a funny game of strip poker after ‘too many butterbeers to count’, and a drinking song that a ghost taught them, but I was unable to follow their excited tittering. Penny stood beside them, not bragging with them- but not scowling at me, either. I knew she and I left things on a tense note on Saturday and I was still a little worried that things were awkward between us. 

“How is your mum, Erica?” Penny asked me. I blinked. There was no edge to her voice, no smirk in her mouth. She was genuinely asking about my mum because she thought I had gone home for the weekend. 

“Sh-she’s great,” I replied.  _ Not technically a lie, but not the whole truth. _

“Girls, clear out so Miss Thorncroft can finish,” Madam Sprout said to my friends. Sprout was being tailed by a red-haired girl in Gryffindor robes. “Miss Weasley, get started on those pots in the corner.  _ Then _ we can discuss your late assignment.”

My friends glared at the girl’s back as the redhead dejectedly marched to the towering piles of dirty mandrake pots. Ginny Weasley- younger sister of Harry Potter’s best friend, Ron. Another person at the top of Slytherin House’s most-hated list. We’d had a few classes together but I never had any conversations with the girl, and aside from her propensity to whine, I didn’t have any personal reasons to dislike her. My friends cleared out quickly after she appeared; leaving the two of us to do Madam Sprout’s busywork. 

I worked on the last of the garden spades as I heard Ginny muttering swears at the pots. 

_ I wonder what Draco would think if he saw Ginny and I in the greenhouse together?  _ I supposed the more appropriate question would be, what swear words wouldn’t he use? 

“ _ Scourgify! _ ” 

A pot hit the ground, shattering into sharp fragments of terracotta. I looked up from my garden spades and saw Ginny wincing. 

“... _ Shit _ .” She hissed, reassembling the pot with a flustered “ _ Reparo _ .” I saw where the mistake was made- she was attempting to clean all the pots at once, instead of one by one. The drudgery of the task was part of what made Madam Sprout’s duties such good punishments for slacking students. 

I went back to my garden spades, figuring that Ginny wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. But I nearly sliced my palm with a garden spade when I heard another pot shatter. 

“Merlin’s Beard,” Ginny cursed, stomping a foot at the sight of another shattered pot. She uttered another angry  _ reparo _ and glared at the still-dirty stacks of pots before her. 

“...Would you like some help?” I asked. Ginny whirled around, her eyes alert. She looked at me like a deer in headlights. “...It’s easier to do them one by one,” I informed her. 

“O-oh,” Ginny said, glancing at the pots and then back at me with an uncertain expression. “You don’t have to help me. You’re busy.”

I shrugged. “This is my last garden spade.”

Ginny reluctantly agreed to let me help her, and uttered a meek “thank you”. It was funny to think that she was intimidated by me, when from my perspective, I was equally as intimidated by her. She was well-known by every single one of our professors thanks to her older brothers’ legacy. On top of that, she was on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, a member of Slug Club, and popular with boys. She was an absolute gem of a 5th year. 

Between the two of us, the pots were done in eight minutes when it usually took twenty. “Thanks,” she muttered to me once more. 

“No problem,” I gave her my best smile, as it really wasn’t any inconvenience to me at all. “Us bad students have to help each other out sometimes.”

Ginny smiled at my remark. She did look cute, with her rounded cheeks and long red hair that framed her face. I could see why the boys liked her. 

“I’m Ginny,” she said, extending a hand. I took it. 

“Erica,” I replied. 

“I know,” she said. “You healed me last year after the final Quidditch match.”

I recalled that incident; she had surface scrapes on her foot that required dittany and stitches. “Oh, yeah. Believe it or not, but that was actually one of the milder Quidditch injuries I’ve seen.”

Ginny laughed. “I believe it. You must see some nasty things.”

I smiled at her. “Yeah. It’s worth it, though.” I went to pick up my bookbag and heard Ginny chuckling to herself. 

“Sorry for acting so nervous before. I’m not used to meeting Slytherins that are actually kind,” Ginny said. 

I knew she meant it as a compliment, but it made me balk for a moment.  _ Of course she would think that. The only Slytherins she probably knew were Crabbe, Goyle, and…. Draco. _ If she were aware that I was Draco’s girlfriend, would she have treated me differently, instead of forming an opinion of me on her own? I got an uneasy feeling when I realized that others would most definitely make presuppositions about me once they knew I belonged to the most polarized boy in the castle. 

“We’re not all snakes,” I replied simply, closing the spade cabinet with a thin-lipped smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hullo~  
> I hope you all enjoyed the little detail I added about Draco's family having an enchanted crocodile boat, I felt that was very on point with his family's aesthetic. Also I'm kind of a huge crocodile/alligator nerd.   
> Isn't Draco so cute, trying to be a good boyfriend and offering to walk her to class? Poor Erica, she has a major simp on her hands....


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pansy has some pretty harsh accusations when she finds out about Draco and Erica's relationship. Erica and Draco talk by the lake.

I would be lying if I said the brief interaction I had with Ginny Weasley hadn’t bothered me. It was like one of my worst fears had presented itself to me in a clandestine parcel, placed right at my doorstep. As soon as word of Draco and I spread, I would no longer be Erica Thorncroft; I would be known throughout the castle as  _ Draco’s girlfriend _ . Being his was easy when I didn’t consider the strings that came attached to the title. 

I kept quiet about the matter for the rest of my courses; sitting right next to Evelyn, Penny and Greta in transfiguration and charms classes like today was any other day. I kept waiting for someone to cast me a dirty look in the halls, or perhaps catch a whisper of someone saying “ _ That’s her. That’s Draco’s girl. _ ” The anxiety was nauseating. I was well aware of the propensity at this school for people to gossip; for instance, I had heard many things through the grapevine about Harry Potter. So even though they weren’t talking about me now, they would be talking about me later. And I was determined to remain in normalcy for a little while longer, even if it meant putting off telling my friends the truth. 

_ I have so many secrets I’m keeping from them. At this point, I might have to start keeping a log. _

I just about collapsed into the safety of my bed when we returned to our room to get ready for lunch. 

“Robbie does this thing with his tongue that I’m beginning to hate,” Greta complained, brushing her rust-colored waves in a levitating hand mirror. “I’m thinking of casting  _ langlock _ upon him just so I don’t have to deal with it anymore.”

“I wish Adrian would use tongue,” Penny griped, helping Evelyn apply a wrinkle-eliminating charm on her clothes. Evelyn had dozed off in charms class, so the front of her uniform was disheveled. “He kisses me like a bird eating chicken feed. Always peck, peck, peck.”

“Birds can be quite charming,” Evelyn said dreamily, holding out her arms so Penny could straighten the sleeves. “I saw a stork on the astronomy tower once that I thought was quite handsome.”

“But do you really want to be kissed by one?” I quipped playfully. “A fish might pop out of its mouth and into yours.”

Evelyn rolled her eyes as Greta and Penny chuckled. “Well, it could have been an animagus for all we know,” Evelyn said with earnest naivety.

“Ah, the greatest love story ever untold,” Greta mused. “Evelyn and her dreamy astronomy tower stork animagus-”

The door to our bedroom suddenly flew open. Pansy Parkinson stormed into the room, her glossy black hair pulled back into a stern ponytail, looking like she was ready for a fight. She was scowling at me. 

“Pansy?” Penny looked at her older sister with alarmed confusion. “What are-”

“You whore,” Pansy spat at me. My entire body froze. My roommates looked between Pansy and I, completely perplexed. A feeling of dread spread throughout my body. 

_ She knows. _

“Pansy, please-” I began to say hoarsely, but she interrupted me, coming menacingly closer. 

“I hope you know that he’s only using you as a distraction,” she hissed, her eyes glowing with fury. “You’re just some young, dumb thing who’s volunteered herself to be his slutty little stress ball.”

I gritted my teeth. I couldn’t think of a response- I was too caught off guard. 

Penny gripped her sister roughly by the arm. “Who are you talking about?” 

Pansy laughed dryly, her penetrating gaze never leaving my face. “This little slut seduced Draco.”

Penny blinked, standing beside her sister with a look of quiet disbelief on her face. Greta and Evelyn burst into dismayed cries. 

“Erica… you-!”

“ _ Draco _ ?”

“I thought he was off-limits to all of us!” Greta whined, her levitating mirror dropping deftly to the ground. “That’s not… that’s not  _ fair! _ ”

I attacked my lower lip as Pansy relaxed into cool indignation. “It seems you haven’t told your friends yet. Good. You ought to be  _ ashamed _ .”

I curled my hands into fists. “I’m not the one throwing a tantrum, Pansy,” I replied, biting back rage.

Pansy inhaled stiffly through her nostrils like a bull preparing for a fight. “You’re nothing but a phase. A toy for him to play with until he gets bored. And you-” she exhaled shakily, pointing a finger right at my throat, “You should know better than to take advantage of him like this.”

I began to tremble, trying to keep my back straight and my head high. Pansy’s words- they weren’t words from a jealous ex-lover like I initially thought. They were words from a protective friend. And she thought I was using Draco’s stress as leverage to get myself into his life. That I was just a momentary distraction. 

My friends stood by and said nothing as Pansy continued to tear into me. 

“What is it that you want from him?” Pansy accused, crossing her arms. “Is it power? Money?” Her eyes narrowed. “You’ve always been a quiet girl. You actually struck me as rather naive and bland. I never would have guessed that underneath that dull exterior you’re actually a scheming, whoring-”

“He pursued  _ me _ ,” I finally said, with a rising viciousness that made everyone’s eyes widen. “So you should be asking him that question, instead of grasping for excuses and calling me a whore. He was the one that wanted to go public. Not me.” Pansy stepped back. She looked like she wasn’t expecting me to defend myself. 

In a chillingly level-headed voice, she said, “...It will never last.” She turned quickly and left the room, slamming the door behind her. 

Penny, Greta, Evelyn and I weren’t laughing anymore, or even looking at each other. It was like someone had poured an ice-cold bucket of lake water over us all. 

I clutched my bedsheets in my fists. My mouth was dry as bones. “I didn’t mean for you all to find out this way,” I croaked quietly.

I raised my head to find Penny looking at me coldly. She wasn’t filled with rage like her sister; no, the look in her eyes was worse than anger. It was pure, unfiltered betrayal. And it made me want to cry.

Without saying a word, Penny roughly picked up her wand and left the room. Evelyn silently followed, casting me her own silent look of hurt. I stared at Greta hopefully, wanting to hear her comforting words, or at least get a glance of reassurance. But she silently set down her hairbrush, rose from her bed, and walked to the door. 

With her back to me, Greta whispered, “...I can’t believe you didn’t tell us.” 

The door closed, and I was left sitting alone on my bed, feeling anguish like I had never felt before. 

\---

I didn’t go to lunch. It was unnecessary, seeing as I couldn’t imagine stomaching any food knowing that my friends were upset with me. Even if I did go to the Great Hall, it was unlikely that my friends would allow me to sit with them. The thought occurred to me that I might be able to sit with Draco; but the possibility of Pansy being nearby made that thought infinitely less appealing. So I took my notebook to the Lake, piling on the layers and hiding myself underneath a large beanie and a green scarf pulled over my mouth so I was just an unidentifiable bundle of wool sitting on the lakeshore. 

The wind bit at my cheeks, and I quickly lost feeling in the tip of my nose. It was a beautiful winter day. There was no snowfall, and the sun was shining between fluffy white clouds. I opened my notebook to a blank page. My brush hovered above the paper. It never made contact.

_ Paint. Paint something, god dammit. _

I wanted to paint something. My mind was swimming with the beautiful things I had seen at Draco’s Manor; the angular hedges, the snow-capped roof of the mansion, the glittering scales of the Dark Lord’s pet snake. But it was like my creativity was tethered to my emotions. I was so emotionally wrought by Pansy and my friends, any ability to bring the images to the page were choked like a dog on a chain. 

I closed my book and pressed my palms to my eyes. I was making a mistake. I loved Draco, but was sacrificing my friends and neutral public image worth it? At the very least, I should have been able to own up to it and tell my friends before they had to find out from Pansy. What Pansy had said to me really stung. But Penny glaring at me vacantly, at a loss for words for once in her life… that had hurt more than any insult. 

I finally allowed myself to choke out a sob. 

_ “You’re nothing but a phase. A toy for him to play with until he gets bored. And you- you should know better than to take advantage of him like this.” _

Was Pansy right? If Crabbe and Goyle were aware of Draco’s task, Pansy must know too. They may not know the full details like I do, but she certainly spoke like she knew. And she thought I was distracting him from the mission. 

“ _ It will never last.” _

That was the part that bothered me the most. For even though Draco and I loved each other, it wouldn’t change the fact that I was a half-Squib and he had that damned tattoo on his arm tying him eternally to The Dark Lord. Even if we made it past Dumbledore’s assassination without anyone knowing of my lineage, just how long would we continue this relationship? 

_ I don’t think I can keep this up for two more years. I’m not strong enough to live out my life here with no friends, and my mother and father miles and miles away. And my only close relative, Malachi, is a soon-to-be Death Eater.  _ It was all too much. I wanted to crumple myself up and fling myself into the lake like a piece of parchment. 

“Skipping meals, are you?”

I didn’t have to look up to know it was Draco who had found me. I remained sitting on the lakeshore with my knees hugged to my chest and my hands on my eyes. I heard him sigh, then seat himself beside me on the sand. His hands grasped my wrists, pulling my hands from my tear-rimmed eyes. 

“Tears?” His frown was hard, but his voice was soft. I pulled my arms free from his grip, wiping the wetness away with my sleeves, only paving the way for new tears to fall. 

“It was a mistake to tell people about us, Draco,” I said bitingly, looking away from him.

Angrily, he muttered, “Pansy found you, didn’t she?”

I humphed an affirming response into the sleeve of my cloak. “She cares about you very deeply,” I said with a bitter undertone.

Draco swore under his breath. “She’s just a friend, Erica. There were instances in previous years where I led her on, but it never amounted to anything more than a few shags. She’s a bull-headed person with a proclivity to be possessive over things that weren’t hers to begin with.” I listened to Draco’s explanation with my jaw locked firmly in place. I had a feeling that Pansy was one of his past lovers- but that didn’t bother me nearly as much as what she had said to me. “Whatever she said to you, I assure you it was born of jealousy.”

My head snapped to look at him. “She burst into my room and called me a whore.”

I saw his eyes flash with fury at that. “Did she now?” His jaw was rigid, and his tone was bone-chilling. “Perhaps I ought to silence her.” I could practically see the cogs in his head turning with all of the horrible jinxes and curses he knew. It was admittedly comforting to have him so ready to come to my defense, but the thought of him doing something cruel to Pansy because of me was something I just couldn’t allow.

“You will do no such thing,” I ordered. I held his gaze firmly, letting him know that I meant it. “It was nothing more than a tantrum. I just wished she had talked to me privately instead of confronting me in front of my friends.” I retreated back into my melancholy mood. “Because now they aren’t speaking to me,” I muttered.

Draco’s lips flattened into a line. “I almost envy you. Crabbe, Goyle and Zabini welcomed me back to the room with a horrible rendition of  _ Kiss From a Rose _ .”

I blinked. “What?”

“Because your name is Thorncroft- roses have thorns, it’s a romantic song-” Draco stopped himself, realizing the explanation was humiliating and off-topic. “Nevermind. They’re bloody idiots. Everyone in that castle is a bloody idiot.”

“So  _ why _ are we telling them?” I gripped Draco’s arm pleadingly. “Pansy thinks I seduced you for power, or your money. I could care less that she called me a whore, but the other assumptions she made actually made sense. What’s stopping others from assuming the same?”

Draco placed his hand over mine. His grey eyes held my gaze as he lifted his other hand to my face, running a thumb across my dampened cheeks to wipe away a tear. He leaned in to place a kiss on my face. As he did so, I relaxed into his hand, feeling his warmth save me from the frigid air of the lake. His tongue met the soft skin of my cheek, and I bit my lip as he licked away a fallen tear. The hand that I had on his arm tightened its grip in the folds of his cloak as he moved from one cheek to the other, licking me with seductive deliberateness. 

He pressed his forehead to mine. “You and me, against everyone else. Remember?”

I allowed myself to breathe again, feeling myself calm down. Draco had this ability to make me feel secure when I was with him. Like nothing could ever hurt me. 

My gaze dropped. “Just how long do you see us lasting, Draco?” I whispered.

That question made him pull back, his jaw stiffening into a hard line. “What possessed you to ask that?” He asked curtly. 

“You must have thought about it. I’m a half-Squib, and you’re a Death Eater. Malachi can only play father for so long before someone is bound to find out, or I slip-up. I don’t understand why you’re bothering going to all these lengths to defend a castle made of sand.”

Draco didn’t look surprised at all to hear my concerns. He actually snarled slightly, and pulled me by the arm so we were face to face. He kissed me passionately, his tongue slipping past my lips. I wanted to chastise him for thinking he could distract me by kissing me, but the feeling was too good for me to object. It was like he was reminding me that this- being together, being near each other, touching, kissing- that it was worth the trouble, and that I was a fool for believing otherwise. 

He broke away from the kiss, but held me close. “I will love you until the stars turn cold,” he said in a low growl. “I would not insist on going public if I thought this was something that would fizzle out in a matter of weeks. No, you’re too good for that. You’re a goddess among mortals. And I want you beside me, always.”

I gripped him tightly on the shore. My tears had stopped, but his words were enough to almost make them start again. 

“Now would you not skip any more meals?” He implored in a commanding tone. “You make me worry when you disappear.”

I gave him a look. “I could say the same to you.”

Draco laughed lightly, his grey eyes squinting and creasing at the corners. “You know, the House Elves deliver food to your room if you ask.”

“You’ve been getting food from the House Elves this whole time?” I said, amused. “I really don’t think they’re supposed to do that.”

Draco shrugged, and folded me under his cloak into the crook of his arm. “So I exercised my power a bit. For a while, the idea of going to the Great Hall was just so… unappealing.” He curled his lip, his blond hair getting whipped by the wind. “Too many nosy people there. It started to make me feel on edge.”

I looked up at him from under his arm. “Well, you should probably start eating meals there again. Give the House Elves a break.”

“It’s their job,” Draco murmured sourly. 

“If I have to eat in the Great Hall, you do too,” I retorted. He kissed the top of my head. I buried my face in his cloak. 

“Just a warning, you may have to restrain me from using Potter as target practice,” Draco muttered. 

I wasn’t sure if he was serious or not, but I smiled and scoffed, wanting to give Draco the benefit of the doubt that he wouldn’t attack Harry Potter publicly in the Great Hall. The man holding me warmly on the frigid lake shore wasn’t capable of that. There was just no way. 

He held me tighter. 

No way. 


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica confronts Madam Pomfrey about the school's sexual education methods; Draco and Erica dine together in the Great Hall.

It was a welcome relief from the day to be back in the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey and I were on shelf stocking and unpacking duty in her office, which smelled of rubbing alcohol and medicinal herbs. A Murphy bed was built into the wall; and doubled as Madam Pomfrey’s bed and a workstation. I sat marking inventory as Madam Pomfrey magically refilled my cup of chamomile tea. I had no need for elderberry tea anymore now that the pre-coital and post-coital contraception spells were under my belt. 

“We’ll have to stock up on Pepperup Potion,” Madam Pomfrey said, thinking aloud to herself as she stocked the glass-door cabinets in her office. “This time of year, there’s always a bug or two spread around the castle…”

“Madam Pomfrey, why doesn’t Hogwarts provide a more comprehensive education on contraception?” 

Madam Pomfrey nearly knocked over a whole shelf of neatly arranged dittany vials when she heard my question. 

“A more comprehensive education on…” Madam Pomfrey echoed my words to herself, slowly turning to look at me with bemusement. “Erica, where ever is this coming from?”

I gave her a hardened, purposeful look and hoped she could connect two and two. “Do you recall when I seemed a bit distracted a few months ago? Well, that distraction has become… a bit more distracting.” Madam Pomfrey’s eyes widened.

“Erica,” Madam Pomfrey said with soft gasps, “Are you… with child?”

“No, no no,” I shook my head, looking her earnestly in the eyes. “I’ve been doing everything in my power to  _ prevent _ that. And by everything, I mean…” my voice lowered to a murmur and winced, “the post-coital contraception charm.” 

Madam Pomfrey looked down at me with a mixture of emotions. Her grey eyebrows arched, and her kind, watery eyes caught the reflection of the glittering potion bottles on the shelves. Her unfalteringly steady hands were clamped together in a position I knew all too well as worry. Guilt; and worry. 

Madam Pomfrey magically brought a stool over and sat beside me. 

“Contraceptive spells are very easy to abuse,” she tutted. “It was always the best effort of Hogwarts to keep students from using them. That is why I am permitted to only teach abstinence-only education.” She said those words as if they left a bitter taste in her mouth. “The assumption was that if we inform students of the contraceptive charms’ existence, students would begin to use them freely and without restraint, causing potentially irreversible long-term injury.” Madam Pomfrey’s eyes clouded. “There were…. incidents, many years ago. Older students got their hands on the charms and used them multiple times a day. Then, many years later, a number of females found themselves left permanently infertile.”

My stomach clenched at the word.  _ Permanently infertile. _ The reason why the spells were kept a secret was beginning to make more sense to me. 

Madam Pomfrey straightened. “I have been advocating for more in-depth, honest sexual education at this school for… I don’t know how long. But the incidents of the past loomed over Hogwarts for a long time. The most I’m allowed to recommend is Muggle contraception. I wish I could change things, but ultimately, this is what the parents of students are most comfortable with.”

I cupped the warm chamomile tea in my hands, listening to Madam Pomfrey’s explanation. “If you could teach what you wanted to teach… what would you say?” I asked hesitantly.

Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips, deciding between whether to speak her mind or keep it inside. After a moment of deliberation, she waved her hand and magically shut the door of her office. In a lowered voice, she said to me, “The pre-coital charms are relatively harmless. They can be performed on either the man or woman to be effective, but should not be used more than twice a day, or else it may cause nausea. Ultimately, I have not heard of a single case of long-term detriments caused by the pre-coital charms. However…” her voice grew more serious, “It is the post-coital one that causes such long-lasting damage when abused. It was created to be used as a last resort, as it is very physically taxing. The recipient should be in a reclined position, and the caster should deliver the spell in a gentle voice, barely moving the tip of the wand. This can be done no more than three times a month.”

Based on Madam Pomfrey’s description, Draco and I had done the charm all wrong- which would explain why I started suddenly bleeding later that day.

“When performed by untrained, unknowing teenaged wizards multiple times a day…well, let’s just say, some girls were lucky to be left with any uterus at all-” She stopped herself, looking at me warily. “Just who performed the charm on you, dear?”

I chewed my lip, looking sullenly into the yellowy color of the tea in my hands. “Draco Malfoy,” I said in a half-whisper. 

I looked up and saw Madam Pomfrey’s expression of absolute shock. It was like her face was frozen for a moment, and I fretted that maybe I had broken her- but then she sighed worriedly. 

“Of all people…” she said under her breath. Her lips were terse as she said, “You know, Erica, I remember every single injury I’ve treated in this school. And quite a few of those injuries were caused by the young Mister Malfoy.”

I stiffened. Silence hung heavily between us. Madam Pomfrey would know better than anyone just how disliked Draco was. I couldn’t deny that he was dangerous and had a reputation in this school as a villain. But he was the person I chose to fall in love with. 

“You said it didn’t matter if it was a man, woman, or giant. That I could confide in you,” I pointed out to her. Madam Pomfrey’s expression softened. She did have a soft spot for me, her one and only apprentice. 

“I insisted that we use the contraceptive charm- because we were depending on the presupposition that pureblood conception was rare and unlikely. But then we began spending time together more…. Regularly.” I blushed, feeling embarrassed to be admitting this information to my mentor. 

She smoothed her apron and leaned in towards me slightly. “You were wise to suggest it, then,” she said kindly, her tone insinuating that this was information to be kept just between us. “I know that you are smart enough to use discretion in these matters. My only advice to you, dear…. Is that you do not allow things to get out of hand. You best not use the post-coital charm again, unless in an emergency.” Her lips flattened into a line. “I do not want you to be yet another person Mister Malfoy has sent to the hospital wing.”

“I trust him,” I said earnestly to Madam Pomfrey.

She rose from the stool, quickly going back to her restocking. “Well, if his taste in girls is any indication of his character...there may be good in him yet.”

\---

I was surprised to see Draco waiting for me outside of the Hospital Wing. He was leaning against the stone corridor wall, hands in the pockets of his cloak, glowering at anyone who looked at him. But when our eyes met, his mouth turned up at the corners in a handsome, self-assured smile. I swiftly walked past, pretending like he wasn’t waiting for me. He followed me, chuckling. 

“You don’t have to escort me to the Great Hall,” I muttered as he fell into step beside me. “As much as I’m dreading it, I have to eat eventually.”

Draco leered at some students ogling him, his shoulders braced and head high. “Just another inconvenience caused by the flesh prison we call a body,” he remarked sarcastically. Slowly, more and more students that we passed in the halls turned and gawked at Draco and I walking in-step with each other. Their shocked faces were close to comical. But any laughter that bubbled in my throat was swallowed when we entered the Great Hall. 

I had almost forgotten how commanding Draco’s presence was; but when we passed through the threshold of the Great Hall together, it was like a synchronized hush fell over the four tables. As I shyly followed Draco down the aisle between the Ravenclaw and Slytherin tables, hundreds of curious eyes landed on Draco, the villainous Slytherin prince whose appearance in the Great Hall was rare nowadays. Then after landing on him, their eyes slid to me.

_ This must be what deja-vu feels like, _ I thought to myself, remembering how icky it felt when Draco and I presented ourselves before the dining room of Death Eaters at his Manor. The Death Eaters had leered us like we were meerkats in a zoo- but the students at Hogwarts gawked at us like we were lions. A few people dismissed our appearance together as coincidence and went back to their meals. But others- namely, every single person at the Slytherin table, knew that Draco and I walking into the Great Hall together meant something. They just weren’t sure what. 

I dared myself to look back at the spot in the corner where my friends sat. Penny, Evelyn and Greta were watching me like bloodthirsty, vengeful hawks- as if finally seeing me with Draco had affirmed their right to be furious. I averted my gaze quickly. 

“So then I said, Millicent, why don’t you suck it and see?” Blaise Zabini said, finishing a story that he was telling to a captive audience of Crabbe and Goyle. Goyle banged a fist on the table and laughed until his face turned red. Crabbe snorted, making pumpkin juice come out of his nose. 

“Please, try not to act like animals for once,” Draco said to them, taking a seat beside Zabini, who was the least messy of the bunch. Zabini looked at me curiously and smiled.

There was something about his smile that was so contrived- like he was luring me in, and hiding venom in his teeth. “Glad you’re joining us, Thorncroft,” Zabini said to me. I took a seat beside Draco, the weight of everyone’s stares hot and heavy on the back of my head. Zabini continued, “Or, do you prefer Erica-”

“Only I get to call her Erica,” Draco replied firmly. “She’s Thorncroft to you.”

Zabini’s eyebrows flexed, and he returned to his food. 

“I’m surprised to see you here, Draco,” Crabbe remarked. 

Draco looked annoyed by Crabbe’s statement. He set down his goblet with menacing slowness. “I’m here because I need to eat. And Erica needs to eat.” He glanced over at me. “Why aren’t you eating?”

I was actually feeling very nauseous, but I started to take small bites of my food, still painfully conscious of all the vindictive eyes that were still upon me. I glanced up and saw Goyle staring intently at me- and then it occurred to me that he was likely staring because he’s seen me in my knickers. I quickly returned to my food, trying to imagine that he wasn’t there. 

_ I doubt I’ll ever get used to this, _ I thought sourly. 

“Uh, Thorncroft?” Goyle addressed me. I looked up from my food, imagining that I likely resembled a frightened gazelle. 

“Yes?” I blinked.

“You’re quite good at illustrations?” Goyle asked. I opened my mouth, a little surprised that he was bringing this up, or how he was even aware that painting was a hobby of mine. “Draco said you were quite good,” Goyle added. I looked over at Draco, who was spearing a tomato and moving it to the side of his plate. He glanced at me smugly, as if to say ‘ _ so what if I bragged about you a bit? _ ’ 

“I-I suppose,” I stammered weakly. “Why do you ask?”

Goyle put a hand to his neck. “I’m in a bit of a bind. I took Art as a blowoff course this year. I have to turn in a painting of a tree before term ends, or I’ll fail.” He leaned in across the table slightly. “Do you think you might help me out?”

“She’s not going to do your homework for you, Goyle,” Draco growled. “Draw your own bloody tree.”

I shrugged. Seemed easy enough. “I could certainly make something for you. I would make it reasonably amateurish, of course.”

Goyle beamed at me gratefully, which was possibly the first time I’ve seen him smile at something other than someone else’s pain. “Splendid. I owe you.”

Zabini chuckled to himself. “Shiiiit. Maybe I should get myself a younger girlfriend, too.”

“Piss off, Blaise,” Draco snapped. He looked irked, but beneath the table, Draco’s hand found mine. Concealed beneath our robes, our fingers intertwined. 

Before I knew it, Draco’s mouth was at my ear. “You’re too good for these heathens,” he whispered. I bit my lip, feeling butterflies in my stomach. I wished we weren’t in public so that I could kiss him. 

A guttural hocking sound caught my attention. Pansy Parkinson had seated herself at the table not far from us, Daphne and Millicent by her side. The 6th year girls side-eyed me with venom. 

“I don’t understand what all the fuss is about,” Pansy said not-so-quietly to her roommates. “She’s just some boring 5th year. Millicent’s cat has more personality than her.”

Daphne and Millicent chuckled, but I seethed and pretended to be bored. I wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of seeing me react. 

Unfortunately, Draco was on a different page. 

“Oy, Parkinson,” he said. Pansy looked over, feigning surprise at hearing her name called. My stomach twisted into knots.  _ Don’t cause a scene, Draco, _ I begged, but my silent prayers could not stop what came next. 

Draco held Pansy’s vicious stare, his voice smooth and dark as the polish on his shoes. “If you really must know,” he said, his lips curling into a satisfyingly sinister smile, “Her cunt has healing properties.”

My hand flew to my mouth to hide the smile that had appeared on my face. Pansy Parkinson made a noise of disgust that sounded rather pitiful, and her friends simply gawked as Zabini let out an amused, “ooooooh.”

Pansy’s eyebrows arched furiously. “You-,” Pansy began, but her words got caught right at her lips. She exhaled in frustration and tried again. “That is the most  _ vulgar _ thing I have heard in my life!” After seeing Pansy’s face, Crabbe and Goyle hollered with laughter.

It came to my attention then that everyone at Slytherin table was looking at us. I pressed my fingertips to my lips, feeling a sort of twisted joy at Pansy’s despair. What Draco did for me- that was one of the boldest things I had ever seen. And it made me feel, as Draco had said many times before, powerful.

I reached out and moved Draco’s jaw towards me, everyone else falling away to the background. Without giving it a second thought, I thrust my lips upon his. He growled in delight and pulled me closer. I had intended for a quick but passionate kiss- however, it seemed my sudden act of affection had excited Draco, and he was unwilling (or perhaps unable) to tear himself from me. We made out like animals in the middle of the Great Hall, his hands running down my arms, my flanks, my hair; and his tongue lashed at mine as we twisted up in each other, entirely shameless. It was so unlike me to do such a thing- but I was high on power, and feeling invincibly bold. Like a true Slytherin.

I don’t think the Great Hall had ever been that quiet before. The only sounds my ears picked up as Draco and I nipped at each other like Hungarian Horntails in heat was a utensil clattering to the stone floor, and then someone whispering, “ _ My god, is that Malfoy snogging a 5th year? _ ” 

Our moment of public snogging was ended by a sobering, stern, “ _ Aguamenti _ .” We pulled apart from each other when a freezing sheet of water dumped upon our robes and the sides of our faces. Droplets ran down Draco’s cheek as he glowered up at Professor Snape. 

“Malfoy. Thorncroft,” Snape said with menacing slowness. “Come with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of animal analogies in this chapter lol. Also- I've had that line "her cunt has healing properties" in my mind FOREVER and I finally got to use it.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and Draco talk to Snape.

Draco and I followed Snape to his basement office, leaving a trail of puddles in our wake. 

Snape’s office was, in one word, creepy. It was even more dimly lit than the rest of the basement, with countless vials lining every inch of the claustrophobia-inducing walls. I looked around at the bottles and jars, making mental notes of interesting medical potion ingredients. The ones that I couldn’t identify- particularly the ones with eyes, or fur, unnerved me. 

“Dry yourselves,” Snape commanded. “My seats are dragon hide.”

Draco took it upon himself to perform the drying charm on me, despite my cheeky “I can do it myself, thank you”. We sat facing Snape, and Draco seemed a little too relaxed and casual; like he had been here for scoldings a million times before. 

Snape looked at us from under lowered brows which cast shadows across his eyes and cheeks. It almost looked funny- like he was just a nose on an otherwise featureless face. It was quiet for a long moment, and the only sound in the cramped office was the faint clicking of something in a jar far above my head. 

Through gritted teeth, Snape finally said, “You two are giving me quite a headache.”

“Have you tried varian balm?” I suggested. Snape’s eyes flashed with indignancy, and Draco chuckled. 

“It seems you have a newfound ego after your encounter with the Dark Lord, Thorncroft,” Snape said viciously. 

I was effectively mollified. “H-how do you know about that?” 

“I receive certain… intel,” Snape said flatly, almost like it bored him. “I have heard all about you two traipsing about Malfoy Manor, sullying the house like it was a common brothel.” His voice contained a bit of a growl. “And now you’ve set off to do the same to Hogwarts.”

I retreated into myself, slouching in my seat. Draco remained unabashed. “What’s the problem?” he snarled, “Plenty of students snog about the castle. Why did we get the cold water treatment?”

Snape glared at Draco icily. “Coupling is not permitted on castle grounds. If certain acts go unseen by me or other faculty, then… that is not of my concern. However… what you two were doing in the middle of the Great Hall was on par with soft porn.” Dryly, he said, “There were children present. I had to intervene.”

“I-I’m sorry-” I began to say, but Draco stopped me.

“Don’t apologize,” Draco hissed. “Severus, you and I both know I’m above regular castle rules. If I want to snog my girlfriend, I’m going to do so. I don’t care who sees.”

It startled me to see Snape’s eyebrow twitch a little; like a ripple upon a water’s surface. He leaned forward. “Do you not realize,” Snape hissed through clenched teeth, “That your little love affair is practically announcing to everyone, including the Dark Lord, that you have a very obvious, exposed Achilles Heel?” 

It was tensely silent in the office again, and I thought I had said ‘ _ oh, shit _ ’ aloud. But no, I was just thinking it. A lot.

_ Oh, shit. Oh, shit.  _

“You have a mission to complete, Draco. If the Dark Lord suspects she is a hindrance, she will be eliminated without a second thought,” Snape continued. “He will not hesitate to snap a twig that you wave in his face. Is that really the fate that you want for your beloved?”

Draco glowered silently, his shoulders slightly trembling. Snape had warned me about this before; that getting involved with Draco was dangerous. That I would be wise to stay away from him. But it was too late- I was in, and I was in deep.

“I am not a twig,” I said bitterly. “I have sworn my secrecy to the Dark Lord. He should have no reason to believe I will interfere. And- and my own father is a Death Eater.”

The corner of Snape’s mouth twitched. “Ah, yes. Your father- Malachi Sloan? I must admit, the news of him suddenly returning to claim his estranged offspring was shocking.” Snape’s eyes were alight with intel that went deeper than I could understand. “I would have expected Rosario to have abandoned a child, but Malachi…I didn’t think he had it in him.”

My lower lip quivered. I didn’t like the fact that Snape was looking analytically at my story for gaps. “He wasn’t aware of my existence until the Death Eaters tracked him down.”

Snape smiled patronizingly, like something was amusing. It unnerved me. “Yes, of course. I’m happy for you. Elated.”

Draco began to rise from the chair. “I’ve heard enough. Let’s go, Erica.”

I had also had enough of this conversation with Snape. I rose to follow Draco out of the office, casting a sour parting look at the mysterious professor. I wasn’t sure if I could trust Snape. It made me uneasy how he spoke of Malachi like he knew more than he was letting on. Almost like- he knew we were lying.

I followed Draco through the halls until we got to a spot where I was certain we were alone. I grabbed Draco roughly by the arm, turning him towards me. “Does Snape know?”

“What?”

“About my… lineage.”

Draco cast a cursory look around before replying, “The only people in this castle who know of your real father are you and me.”

“But… he seemed suspicious.”

Draco hissed. “He was just trying to intimidate me into accepting his assistance. He wants to take all of the credit and glory for the task.” Draco’s hands gripped my wrists, and he lowered his face to be inches above mine. “You know that I would never let anything happen to you.”

“Please,” I replied, my hands shaking, “Don’t worry about me. Not when you have… much bigger things going on.” Draco lightly kissed my forehead. “I-I thought that Snape was trying to stop you,” I murmured.

“Snape is acting as a double agent in the castle, pretending to be one of Dumbledore’s faithful staff- but his true loyalty lies with the Dark Lord. Whatever suspicions he has about you, he won’t let that get in the way of the task.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” I muttered.

“Despite what he says, you are not a weakness,” Draco spoke with soft intensity. “You are the very thing that gives me strength.”

I allowed Draco to kiss me, but my mind reeled. Everything I had done to help Draco assassinate Dumbledore- being his alibi for the cursed necklace, and fetching the Compendium of Toxins for him, I had done so unknowingly. The idea of Draco killing someone- anyone- still made me sick. But I couldn’t possibly attempt to interfere. If I tried anything to stop Draco, it would put a target on my back. Then Draco would be left alone. 

The thought of that scared me more than the thought of my own death. 

\--- 

One of the longest days of my life was coming to a close, and I had to return to my dormitory. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t sleep with Draco; for the thought of sleeping in the same room as him and Crabbe, Goyle and Zabini felt gross, and I missed my own bed.

_ I might have to fight off a few vultures once I get there. _

One thing was for certain- I would not be the first to apologize. Perhaps that was thanks to my newfound ego, as Snape called it. I would not grovel to them and beg to be friends with people that hardly treated me well in the first place. 

The light was still on when I arrived in my dormitory a few minutes before curfew. Penny, Evelyn and Greta sat facing each other on their four poster beds as they usually did, except this time, I wasn’t included. I could tell by their sudden silence that I had been the topic of conversation. They didn’t acknowledge me as I entered and made a beeline to my trunk to dress for the night.

I heard Penny cast a  _ muffliato _ upon herself. A purposeful choice, I realized, so that she could continue whispering to Evelyn and Greta just quietly enough so I couldn’t discern individual words, but that I was still aware they were talking. I didn’t turn around and continued putting on my pajamas as they whispered to each other, my ears burning every time my name was dropped.

I climbed into bed and briskly turned off the lights, figuring they would stop when the room was dark. To my chagrin, they continued their muffled conversation. It was like overhearing people have giggly discourse below an open window- it was incredibly distracting, and quite annoying.

Penny said something which made them giggle softly. I shot up in bed and uttered a disgruntled, “I can still hear you.”

They stopped. I laid back down, begging for sleep to come quickly.

As I shut my eyes, I heard Penny utter a muffled, “Bitch.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco tells Erica about his past relationship with Pansy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally published chapter 35 when I wrote this! Oops! This is the correct Chapter 33 :)

I woke up to an empty bedroom. 

My roommates didn’t wake me up with their loud clamoring like they usually did. I was late to transfiguration because of it- and when I arrived, I had to sit in the seat that no one else wanted, because it was behind a particularly tall Ravenclaw 5th year. Penny, Evelyn and Greta didn’t speak to me whatsoever, even when the four of us were grouped together for potions. They carried on as if I didn’t exist. 

I had considered many times in years past to cease being friends with them, and now that my wish had come true it surprised me how much it actually stung. I was reminded of the bitter irony of it every time Greta almost said something to me but didn’t- like she was attempting to break the old habit of talking to me. She was the only one who seemed to have even an inkling of trouble ignoring me. I thought she might crack at one point when she was struggling in potions, but she remained astutely silent, even when her cauldron bubbled over.

_ That’s the thing about Slytherin girls. We’re stubborn as mules. _

It wasn’t just my friends who were acting differently- the girls in each of my classes would cast me wary glances, peeking curiously over their books at me and then whispering to each other. It may have been my imagination, but it was almost like they were sizing me up, determining if I was some kind of secret succubus or veela. But the boys were the worst. They seemed to be looking at me more intensely than before, like they were evaluating what it was about me that made Draco intrigued, and whatever it was, it attracted their eyes to me like sharks drawn to blood. I longed desperately for someone to talk to- Greta perhaps, because she seemed like she would be the easiest to break. But when potions class was dismissed, Penny whisked Evelyn and Greta away before I even finished cleaning my cauldron. 

“Good work today, Miss Thorncroft,” Slughorn said to me as I finished putting my things away. I nodded and said a subdued thanks. Slughorn had never complimented me personally before, and I had the icky feeling that it was because he was now also aware of my association with Draco. I was suddenly a student of interest. 

To my chagrin, Draco was outside of the potions classroom. He looked casual enough- he was wearing a form-fitting Slytherin sweater over a white collared shirt, with his black-pants clad leg propped up against the wall, and a book open in his hand. But no matter how casual he looked, it was obvious to me and everyone else in the potions class that he had been waiting for me. My face flushed furiously as I strode over to him. 

Draco glanced up from his book, pretending like it was a coincidence that we had run into each other in the dungeons. 

“Why are you here?” I whispered to him, keeping my voice low so the students walking by couldn’t hear. “It’s embarrassing.”

Draco looked at me with a snide smile. “Oh- did you assume I was waiting for you? You’re mistaken. I was just reading my book.”

“Uh-huh. What’s it about, then?”

Draco’s eyes shifted to the side. “Arithmancy.”

I glanced at the spine of the book before Draco closed it. “Hm, I didn’t realize Newt Scamander wrote books on arithmancy. I’ll leave you to it, then,” I said cheekily, turning away from him and striding down the corridor. Draco followed me with a dark chuckle. 

He caught up to me easily thanks to his long stride. “Do you have somewhere to be?” he asked. 

I realized then that my course was mindlessly set back to the Slytherin common room, where I usually spent this free period with Penny, Evelyn and Greta. I stopped in my tracks, and Draco looked at me curiously as I stared blankly at the ground.

“I…. I don’t know.” 

“Come with me, then.”

I didn’t object as I followed Draco through the castle. He was conscious about walking slower than usual, for his stride was easily twice that of mine. For every step he took, I had to take two. I did not consider myself a short person, but compared to Draco, I was practically a chihuahua. And as I walked with him, I did feel a bit like a dog; if the dog had an owner who was an infamous, handsome prince. After a while I learned it was easier to keep my gaze at the floor. But I could still feel people staring. 

I was alarmed to feel a cold hand brush against mine, and I realized that it was Draco attempting to hold my hand. I shied away from it, embarrassed. 

I heard Draco scoff. “Let me hold your hand, would you?” he said in a low voice. “You look like my prisoner, with your head down like that.”

Draco’s left hand found my right; determinedly encapsulating my palm with his long fingers. I straightened my back and lifted my head. It was shocking how that one point of contact made me feel infinitely more confident, safe, and  _ powerful _ \- for now when people stared at us in the halls, they weren’t looking at Draco and Erica; they were looking at us  _ together _ , as a whole nother entity. 

Draco Malfoy and his Healer. 

Draco brought me to the Astronomy Tower, where we were the only people there. It was empty because it was a freezing cold day. Brisk air was coming in through the wide, circular balcony, making me glad that I was wearing a scarf. When Draco and I breathed, puffs of warm air were clearly visible before they disappeared. 

I broke away from Draco’s grip to breathe warm air into my hands. He laughed, cocking an eyebrow. 

“You seemed to want to hold my hand quite a bit at Malfoy Manor,” he said, amused. 

“That was because I thought I was going to die,” I retorted, stuffing my hands into the warmth of my cloak. “Here, it just feels… exhibitionist.”

“I like to show off what’s mine,” Draco said matter-of-factly. “You’ll have to get used to it.”

I wanted to slug him in the arm, but I was too cold to do anything but glare at him accusingly. “I hope you aren’t expecting me to turn into some kind of floozy, flouting our public displays of affection all about the castle. Because what occurred in the Great Hall was a one-off occurrence. That’s just not me.”

Draco stiffened his shoulders, becoming more business-like in countenance. “Alright,” he said sternly, but with that undertone of sarcasm he always had, “Do you mind preparing a list of acts that are permitted?”

I was surprised to hear him actually ask- I assumed Draco would do as he always did, which was whatever he wanted. I considered my conditions for a moment. 

“I’m fine with hand holding,” I said decisively. “But hugs are just…. No. No hugs unless we’re in private. And absolutely no kisses,” I added, shuddering at the thought of turning into one of those couples that obstructed the way by snogging in the middle of the corridor.

Draco stepped closer. I could see the grey in his eyes. “No kissing whatsoever?” he challenged.

I blushed as he took my face in his hands. “No. It’s unseemly. Especially for someone as proper as you.”

Draco smiled, and my heart fluttered. “Proper men can still kiss.” And to cement his point, he placed his cold lips upon mine. I opened my mouth to eagerly take in his warmth. He held my face firmly in his hands as our tongues met, and every inch of my body flushed with heat. I don’t know why I blushed- the only things that could see us here were the birds flying past the Astronomy Tower window.

He ceased the kiss, leaving my mind reeling. I nearly forgot what we were even talking about in the first place. 

“...Proper men don’t kiss like  _ that _ ,” I objected softly. 

“Fair point,” he said, looking down at my flushed face. “Kissing you is like teasing a dragon with fresh meat. It would only make me hungry for more.” 

His mouth lowered to kiss my neck, sucking gently at where my jaw met my ear. “E-exactly,” I stammered, feeling hot and bothered. “S-so, no kisses.”

Draco’s cool lips lightly traced along my face, stopping at the apple of my cheek. “What about here?” he whispered in a gravelly voice. “May I kiss you here?”

“I-I suppose…”

I could feel Draco smile against my face. He lifted one of my hands, and gently held it to his face. “And here?” he asked, placing a teasing kiss upon my palm that made my knees weak.

“Would you quit teasing me,” I requested weakly. 

“I don’t think I can, Erica.” He pressed my palm to his cheek. He was ice cold. 

I gasped slightly. “You’re freezing.” Of course he was cold- he was in the open air of late January in only a sweater. I pressed the back of my hand to his forehead. “You know, wizards may be impervious to most Muggle illnesses, but hypothermia is a real thing.”

Draco pulled away, scoffing at my sudden switch into Healer-mode. “It’s fine. I’m sure you have a remedy for that, don’t you?”

I did; a gradual infusion of room temperature blood replenishing potions and reapplication of warming charms on bedrest. “You still need to be cautious,” I warned him. “You need to take care of yourself.”

After hearing me say that, a shadow fell over Draco’s eyes and he suddenly looked very troubled. He silently shifted himself to the edge of the Astronomy balcony, resting his hands on the bannister. I worried that my nagging had upset him, so I quietly joined him along the breezy lookout point, following his eye gaze down to the distant courtyard below. 

“Pardon my reaction,” he said finally. “I suppose I’m not attuned to having others actually care about my wellbeing in this castle. Before I met you, that is.”

Hearing Draco say that was like having an arrow shot into my heart. “But Crabbe and Goyle-”

“No,” Draco replied immediately. “I hardly consider them friends. Even when we were children, they gave me their companionship out of obligation to my family name. That’s all it’s ever been.”

I sympathized with Draco; it was difficult to find real friends in this castle, especially when a person’s house and lineage carried so much weight here. I could relate to that. 

“Pansy cares about you,” I pointed out, somewhat sourly. 

Draco scoffed. “Pansy is just like the rest of them. She only cares about me because I gave her attention when I was young and impulsive. If I had known her infatuation would persist, I would not have led her on.”

“So... you were never interested in her?” I found that hard to believe. Up to this year, Pansy and Draco had been damn near inseparable. Wherever Draco was, Pansy was there too, doting upon him viciously. 

Draco cast me a wary look. “Do you really want to discuss her?” he said distastefully.

“I really do.” I was curious to hear about what their history was- not because I was jealous in any way, but because I wanted to understand him better. 

Draco’s jaw stiffened, and he continued clutching the railing of the Astronomy Tower, the wind whipping his blonde hair across his forehead. 

“There was a time in my life when I longed for companionship that wasn’t borne of obligation. A person needs that, you know, more genuine kind of intimacy. I thought I could find that with Pansy. She was, of course, aware of my family name. But she valued my looks and success more than my lineage. I assumed that was good enough. So eventually, in our 4th year, I stopped resisting her advances. I ended things with her when I knew I would be receiving the Mark.” Draco paused, watching my facial expression carefully. He was tense; like he expected me to storm out at any second.

I lightly touched his arm. “May I ask a question?”

Draco nodded, his lips flattened into a stern line. 

“Why were you two keeping it a secret? I mean, anyone could tell you and Pansy had something going on. But not even her sister knew the full extent of it.”

“Because I broke Pansy’s heart. Multiple times over. I would kiss her and then tell her to piss off; I asked her to the Yule ball and then ignored her. She would come running back to me, even if she knew I had shagged other girls,” he said plainly. “So was it a secret? No. I believe it was shame, and anger.”

His head lowered slightly, voice darkening with regret. “I believe… I was incapable of loving anything other than myself. I do regret treating her so horribly.” His hands flexed on the bannister. He paused solemnly, and then uttered, “You probably think I’m a monster.”

I blinked. I could see why he thought I would react badly; but I quite honestly had no judgment to pass on him.

“I’m not going to condemn you for wanting love, Draco.” I said to him. His eyes went to me, a little shocked and uncertain. “Everyone needs companionship. It’s… it’s painful, being alone.” 

As I said those last words, I thought of my own friends- or rather, ex-friends. I hadn’t liked them very much in the first place. But they offered me camaraderie, and although it wasn’t perfect, they did care about me on a superficial level. And Draco- he also had that superficial friendship with Crabbe and Goyle, which led him to seek human connection in the arms of other women, wanting love that he wasn’t able to give in return. 

Draco removed his hands from the railing, and reached for me. He tightly held me in his arms, his face lowered to rest in the crook of my shoulder. 

“I was alone, until I met you,” he said quietly. “You give me everything I could ever need. I wish… I wish I could be alone with you, far away from this castle. Away from everything.”

Tears welled in my eyes. For I wished for that, too- I wanted to be in a place with just Draco, with no surface-level Slytherins, no Snape, and no Dark Lord. 

_ You and me, against everyone else. _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that finals are over I can focus on finishing this fanfic! We are in the final act. Act I was Erica and Draco meeting, Act 2 was the Malfoy Manor arc, and we are finally in the middle of Act 3, the longest one, in which Draco and Erica work things out and deal with the external forces on their relationship.


	34. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentine's Day at Hogwarts, which is never normal. For Erica, Valentine's Day means a busy day in the Hospital Wing curing students drugged with love potion. But fortunately, Draco makes this day a little less horrible for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter initially as a kind of bonus, but it's actually one of my favorite chapters now. Hope you enjoy it, it's pretty lighthearted and free of a lot of the angst that other chapters have :)

It was the norm for whoever the prefects were, usually the girls, to decorate the common room for Valentine’s Day. In years past the Slytherin common room had been adorned with tasteful arrangements of green roses, lacey white tablecloths knit of buffalo-spider silk, and French music from the 1940’s playing softly from an enchanted gramophone. 

Pansy Parkinson made sure no such thing occurred this year. 

The common room remained untouched by any semblance of romance this February 14th. It could have been an honest oversight- but, more realistically, it was Pansy’s attempt to stifle any reminders of her own romantic shortcomings. If Pansy was anything like her sister Penny, I could clearly picture her saying ‘ _ If I can’t enjoy today, then no one else can’ _ . 

I almost felt bad for her- but I really didn’t give a Gremlin’s right nut about whether the common room was decorated or not. Valentine’s day didn’t mean much to me. In fact, I rather hated it. Students gazed a half-a-second too long at each other today, sending each other romantically charged glances with as much accuracy as a drunk playing darts. Greta, Evelyn and Penny always tried to sneak chocolates into the bags of the boys they liked while I watched, wholly disinterested and uninvolved. 

On top of that, on Valentine’s Day the Medical Wing was overrun with sufferers of love potions. Love potions were forbidden to be brewed outside of class, but students still got their hands on them somehow. Last year Penny had shown me a catalogue of store bought love potions, so I knew almost all of them, as well as their effects.

Cupid Crystals had the ‘love at first sight’ effect on the user which made them temporarily lust after the first person they saw. Kissing Concoction caused an obtrusive, nagging urge to snog just about anyone, and was often used in practical jokes. Beguiling Bubbles was another one used to embarrass its victim, as it could make anyone overly flirtatious and raunchy, even if they were usually reserved and shy. And lastly, there was Twilight Moonbeam. Penny was most interested in that brand, as Twilight Moonbeam was akin to veritaserum. Whoever ingested Twilight Moonbeam was inclined to profess their love to the person they truly desired. All of these store bought potions were scandalous, but Twilight Moonbeam especially caused some students quite a bit of heartache last year. 

I didn’t understand why someone would feed someone else a love potion; whether it be for a practical joke, or wanting actual love, it seemed cruel. They always ended up getting dropped off at the Hospital Wing by the end of the day, leaving Madam Pomfrey and I to wrangle the lovesick victims.

There was also a strict ‘no visitors’ policy in place today. There were too many humping incidents last year. 

I waited at a table in the Common Room for noon to roll around, which was when Madam Pomfrey told me to come by. I had to get ahead of my schoolwork before then, as I would likely have no time for anything but Medical Wing duty once students started exchanging their gifts.

“Rather depressing in here, isn’t it?”

I looked up from my transfiguration reading as Draco took a seat across from me, neatly crossing one black clad pants leg over the other. 

“The common room always looks like this,” I stated, turning the page of my textbook. 

“I know. But today is that… holiday,” Draco said distastefully. “Usually there are doilies and such strewn about.”

“I never took you as a fan of the romantic aesthetic,” I replied with a raised eyebrow. 

“I’m not,” he replied sharply. “I despise most things about this holiday. Tacky ambiance, desperate characters, the constant nagging fear of having my food poisoned with Amortentia….” he trailed off with a snarl, likely remembering all the past lunacy this day has wreaked upon him. As one of the most attractive boys in the castle, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had his fair share of love potion horror stories. 

“Oh, good,” I sighed, “I’m relieved to hear you say that, actually.” Draco hated Valentine’s Day just as much as I did- so his expectations for the day were low.

“At least things won’t be entirely torturous this year.”

I absentmindedly scanned the page of the textbook with my finger. “How so?”

“Because I’ll have you.”

I looked up and met Draco’s eyes, blushing furiously. Draco held my gaze, his expression glassily placid, resting his chin in between his thumb and forefinger.

I shook my head, lowering my view back down to the textbook on the table. “I’ll be busy in the Hospital Wing. I’m sorry.”

Draco seemed slightly disgruntled by that. After a stiff pause, he asked, “Well, can I come with you?”

“No, you can’t,” I said, almost laughing at the fact that Draco was so smitten with me that he was willing to spend Valentine’s Day in the Medical Wing. “We have a strict no visitors policy today. Someone like you would get eaten alive- which, reminds me-  _ don’t _ eat anything anyone gives you today.”

A smile edged its way up his cheek. “I won’t. Not unless it’s from you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Drugging my boyfriend. How romantic.”

The large, iron-hand clock upon the fireplace mantle chimed. It was noon. 

I closed my textbook and shoved it into my bag. “Time to wrangle some horny toads.”

Draco stopped me before I left. “Will I see you at all today?” he demanded. 

I sucked my cheek rather regretfully. “It takes a long time for love potions to wear off,” I informed him sadly. “Last year I was working until well after curfew.”

Draco let me leave, gloomily muttering something about spending extra time on the Vanishing Cabinet today. Despite our mutual indifference to the holiday, I felt a little bad for leaving him high and dry when he very clearly wanted to be with me. But medical work waited for no one; and I had a job to do. 

The Hospital Wing was absolute chaos when I arrived. 

The room was noisy with the whines of boys and girls crying out for those who bewitched them, their arms and legs strapped to the beds and unable to move. Every other bed was already occupied, some with  _ two _ people, and to my dismay somebody’s robe lay on the floor right inside the entrance. 

“Erica!” Madam Pomfrey cried out to me. She had a 6th year Hufflepuff boy restrained with a binding charm in one arm, and was holding a Hufflepuff girl in a headlock with the other. “Thank Merlin you’re here! Almost all of Hufflepuff House has ingested cookies laced with Kissing Concoction!” 

She wasn’t exaggerating- it seemed someone had thought it was hilarious to bake chocolate chip cookies spiked with love potion and leave them in the middle of the Hufflepuff common room. At least twelve Hufflepuffs unknowingly ate them; and some even ate more than one. Now they were running around the Medical Wing wildly, snogging anyone they could find- and as soon as I wrenched them apart, they somehow found their way back together like a bunch of loose magnets. 

Professor Sprout came by and offered to help, but the poor woman was immediately scared off by the sight of a room teeming with aroused teenagers. 

After helping Madam Pomfrey get everyone restrained and into a bed, I immediately got to work lining up antidotes that Slughorn had dropped off that morning. There was just barely enough for everyone currently in the Medical Wing to get a full dose. 

“Oh, dear,” Madam Pomfrey looked at the 14 antidotes, and then at the 15 patients. And more students were trickling in every hour. Although I was already exhausted, I rushed off to Slughorn’s office, collecting additional antidotes and begging him to please make more. When I returned, more beds were filled. I continued hustling about the castle for countless more trips to Slughorn’s office to fetch antidotes as soon as he brewed them, returning always to find more lovestruck students in the Hospital Wing. It was like we were fighting a war with Cupid and losing. 

“Take the medicine, Theodore,” I implored Theodore Nott, a 6th year Slytherin boy who had ingested not one, but two love potions today. 

Theodore gazed at me with dilated pupils and laughed. “I don’t need it, darling.”

“I think you do,” I grumbled, gripping the vial in one hand, getting ready to shove it down his throat if he continued resisting. 

Theodore’s eyes roamed all across my face, and then down at my body. “My god, what did Draco do to win himself such a gorgeous creature?” he said flirtatiously. 

I frowned. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“What?” he grinned. “Surely you must know how cute you are. Even before you started dating Draco, every boy in Slytherin had their eyes on you.” He saw my irritated expression but continued blabbering. “Please- a shy little healer like you? With that  _ ass _ ? You could have had any boy you wanted.” His voice lowered to a raw whisper. “ _ Any _ boy you wanted-”

“ _ Silencio _ ,” I snapped, silencing Theodore. Theodore Nott was usually so quiet, never causing any trouble for anyone- so seeing him under the effects of what I assumed was the Beguiling Bubbles love potion was vexing. 

I leaned over Theodore, who was strapped to the bed. “I’m going to pretend I never heard any of that,” I said to him quietly. I forced the antidote into his mouth, and ignored the stiffness in his pants. He would likely be very embarrassed when the love potion wore off. 

“Erica, you’ve been running around like a rabbit all day,” Madam Pomfrey said to me as I gathered up the empty vials of antidote from everyone’s bedside tables. She dabbed sweat from her brow with her sleeve. “You skipped supper, didn’t you?”

The day caught up with me, then, when I realized that the sky outside the large windows was dark. 

“Wh-what time is it?” I asked groggily.

“Eight-thirty, dear.” 

I flattened my lips, thinking sadly about how I had somehow let the entire day slip by me. The thought of Draco also spending the day alone made my heart ache. 

Madam Pomfrey smoothed her apron. “You’re relieved for the day,” she said to me. “I can handle the rest.”

I frowned. “But- there’s still more students who need antidotes-”

“No, there aren’t,” Madam Pomfrey smiled. “You’ve cured them all.”

I looked around at the now quiet room and could feel my shoulders crumple with relief. “There may be a few extra stragglers who wander in during the night, but… I’ve got it. You’ve done your job, now go,” she said, the corners of her eyes crinkling.

I slowly set down the vials I was holding, unsure what to do with my newfound freedom, but thinking only of Draco, and where he could be-

“Mister Malfoy stopped by earlier,” Madam Pomfrey informed me with a lowered voice and a sneaky gleam in her eye. “He said he would be waiting for you in the Astronomy Tower, whenever you were ready.”

My heart fluttered. I hurriedly thanked Madam Pomfrey, then checked again if she was certain she would be fine if I left. After she almost pushed me out of the Hospital Wing, I ran straight to the Astronomy Tower, my robes billowing behind me. 

I breathlessly climbed the final flight of stairs to the tower and gasped the freezing night air into my lungs. It was dark in the Astronomy Tower, but I could see the outline of Draco’s slim, black silhouette standing on the balcony in the moonlight. He turned, the whites of his teeth glinting like stars.

“Glad you could make it, my love.”

I ran to him, throwing my body onto his and wrapping my legs around his midsection, pressing my open mouth onto his, so happy to see him I could have cried. His hands firmly gripped my thighs, holding me tightly in his arms as he returned the impassioned kiss. 

“Careful where you throw yourself, Thorncroft,” Draco chuckled. “You could have knocked us both off the tower with that flying leap of yours.” 

“I’m sorry,” I breathed, a cloud of hot breath rising between our faces as he held me onto him. “I came straight from the Hospital Wing. I-I just wanted to see you.”

Draco chuckled darkly. “If I get a say in how I die, being taken out by one of your kisses is how I would like to go.”

“You have a talent for saying things that are so sweet, yet so morbid.”

Draco’s mouth crashed into mine again, and he pushed my back up against the wall of the Astronomy Tower, still keeping me on his hips. My hands went to his soft platinum hair, and one of his hands grasped my chest, the other slipping under my robes and skirt to hold my ass.

As Draco’s mouth wrapped around my neck, I purred, “Did you invite me up here just so we could shag?”

Draco rocked his hips against mine. “No,” he replied, his hands holding me firmly in place, “But you have to be a good girl for me before you get your gift.” 

“Gift?” My eyes widened. “I-I didn’t get you anything-”

Draco smirked, kissing me along my jaw. “Letting me fuck you atop the Astronomy Tower is a gift enough.”

I hastily uttered the contraceptive charm, barely getting the final word out before Draco unzipped his pants and pressed himself against my groin. 

“I’m so hard for you, darling,” Draco said through gritted teeth, but he didn’t have to tell me, for I could feel him poking against me. 

“Does fucking me in a public space turn you on?” I whispered teasingly, which made him press into me harder. 

“Yes,” he growled, his eyes flicking from my eyes, to my lips, to my throat. “I want the stars to watch while I make you scream.”

Draco made love to me against the wall. I cried out as he entered me, and then moaned into his shoulder, singing what I knew was his favorite song. He asked for more, rolling his body against mine, and he forced every moaning note out of my throat each time he thrust into me in the dead of night. I was cold before, but it was impossible to be cold now, with Draco’s arms wrapped tightly around my body, and his breath breathing life into my mouth, my neck, and my chest. 

Draco slowed, looking into my eyes in the moonlight. “You’re so pretty, baby,” he whispered.

I blushed. He sounded so earnest, so gentle- this wasn’t like the usual teasing sex talk we had. 

“D-don’t say those things while you’re inside of me,” I objected softly. “Did you accidentally take a love potion today after all?”

Draco’s lips parted into a smile. “I can’t help it, Erica. I don’t think you understand, exactly, how much I adore you.”

I wrapped my fingers around his neck, shyly burying my face in his shoulder. “The adoration flows both ways, you know.” 

Draco’s grip upon me tightened, and he continued making slow, passionate love to me until we were both arriving at exquisitely powerful orgasms, the kind that made our eyes shut tightly and our lips tremble. Draco gradually set me down, placing gentle kisses across my cheeks and nose. 

“I think you deserve to see your present now,” he said. 

“O-oh,” I stammered with uncertainty. “You...you really shouldn’t give me anything.”

Draco smirked, leading me back to the Astronomy Tower balcony where the cold air whipped at our faces. “Relax. It’s nothing big,” he said, producing an old-looking vial on a string from his inner coat pocket. 

I gazed at the glowing, diamond-shaped vial. Inside was gelatinous liquid that was dark as ink, sparkling with gold and silver specks of light that swam around like little fish. I was mesmerized. 

“Wh-what is that?” I asked. “It looks like… unicorn semen.”

Draco threw his head back in laughter, making me feel foolish. “It would be easier to show you,” he said, taking out his wand. 

He pointed his long wand at the entrance of the vial, and one of the specks of light floated out to rest at the tip. He capped the vial, put it away, and pointed his wand to the sky. 

“ _ Stella Nativita _ .” 

I couldn’t help but gasp as a powerful but thin beam of light shot out from Draco’s wand. The light fragment travelled at a breakneck pace like a bullet from a gun, headed into the inky abyss of the sky, leaving yellow strings of light in its wake. 

It was like a shooting star. 

My eyes followed the fragment of light until it faded into a pinpoint in the atmosphere, and I thought that was it. 

“Wow,” I said, completely awestruck. “That was-”

“Wait for it,” Draco muttered. 

Just as he finished his sentence, the beam of light he shot into the sky flared. I covered my eyes with my hand- it was glowing even brighter than the moon. The point of light flared for a few seconds, and then settled into a flickering luminosity, remaining as a brand new freckle amongst all the other stars in the sky.

I gawked wordlessly up at it for a full minute, before finally asking, “Is- is that  _ permanent _ ?”

Draco also looked at the star, and then at me. “Of course it’s permanent,” he said, as if that should have been obvious. 

“Draco, you…. you just made a  _ star _ for me,” I said, hardly fathoming what occurred before my eyes. “You said your gift was ‘nothing big’!”

A smile found its way onto Draco’s face. “Making stars isn’t as hard as people think. My family’s been putting stars in the sky for generations. All it takes is a little  _ lux aurumque _ .”

“...The unicorn semen?” 

Draco laughed again. “Yeah, that. It’s liquid light and gold. That’s what stars are made of.” He side-eyed me. “Don’t ask how much it’s worth. You wouldn’t like the answer.”

I crossed my arms, feeling joyfully irritated. “This isn’t fair. You’ve given me something priceless. How can I possibly measure up to that?”

Draco smiled at me, and reached out to stroke my hair. “It was the only thing I could think of that was even close to your worth.” His smile turned smug. “And I just so happen to be the best gift giver in the world. You just have to deal with it.”

I lightly bumped a fist against his chest. He pulled me close to him, gazing down into my face. 

“It does need a name,” Draco said, nodding to the beacon shining above our heads. 

“What- I get to name it, too?” I asked incredulously. My mind buzzed, not knowing what to choose. “That’s a lot of pressure, Draco.”

“Well, Muggle scientists will likely give it some boring name that’s just numbers, if that makes you feel better,” Draco said to me. “So whatever you want to call it, it’ll be known only by us.”

Picking the name wasn’t too difficult. I had to think of something that reminded me of both of us. Salazar would be the obvious choice, after the founder of Slytherin house- but I had the feeling that this star was feminine. And then I remembered a portrait in Madam Pomfrey’s office of a healing witch who was killed by her father in the 7th century, and was immortalized as a saint. 

“Dymphna,” I said finally, after many long minutes of deep thought. “I want to name the star Dymphna, after the Saint of Healing.”

Draco tilted his head, considering the name. “Dymphna,” he repeated, feeling it out on his tongue. “Good name for a star. But a horrible name for a person.”

“Well, it’s a star, not a child,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “By the way, don’t you have a star up there somewhere?” I asked, knowing full well that my teasing question was going to get a rise out of him.

Draco looked extremely offended by my feigned ignorance. “It’s not just a star, it’s a whole constellation,” he retorted. He pointed to the sky, and I followed his finger as it traced around the stars. “It’s the constellation of the dragon. The head begins there, with the stars Eltanin, Rastaban, and Thuban….”

I had top marks in astronomy, and already knew most of what he was telling me, but it sounded so much better coming out of his mouth, so I let him talk. I listened to Draco rant about astronomy until we couldn’t feel our fingers and noses. I memorized the placement of our new star, Dymphna, gazing at how it flickered steadily, like a heartbeat. I didn’t want to ever stop looking at it. 

The permanent reminder of our love, immortalized in the sky for all to see. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> St. Dymphna is a saint associated with healing; specifically, mental disorders, depression, and anxiety.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's now late February. Draco and Erica visit the Room of Requirement; Draco tells Erica exactly how he's planning to kill Dumbledore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains fellatio and sex :) I apologize in advance for using the word cock  
> Also- this chapter was originally published as chapter 33. The correct chapter 33 has been published! Thank you to all who caught it :)

I had endured two entire weeks back at the castle, and my roommates still hadn’t said a single word to me since they discovered my relationship with Draco. It was almost impressive, actually, how flawlessly they were able to dodge my eye contact and write me out of their conversations. I became an expert at ignoring them as well; feigning boredom when they spoke, and returning only to the dormitory to sleep or change my robes.

When I was not in classes or assisting in the Hospital Wing I was at Draco’s side. He wanted me with him when he studied, dined, and strolled around the castle. Over time, I became better acquainted with Crabbe, Goyle, and even a little with Blaise Zabini; but Draco would always send them away so that we could be alone. It was like we existed in this reality where we were the only two people on earth. 

I discovered that Draco was right- allowing ourselves to date publicly was incredible. We could allow ourselves to do romantic things without fear of being seen by anyone. And Draco was a lovely person to be with.

His hand would often find its way to mine when we studied together in the library, and he would absentmindedly stroke my fingers, which I found quite charming. When we walked, he had to walk slightly behind me, always staying in my peripheral vision, but never falling more than a step behind. I suspected he did this because he was making the conscious effort to slow down his long-legged stride to match my gait- but I did look back at him and catch him protectively glaring over my head at others a few times.

Belonging to Draco both helped and hindered my work in the Medical Wing. Almost every patient I helped was overly compliant because they were intimidated by me. When I asked a sick second year to sit up so I could take his temperature, he shot up with a tense “yes ma’am”. Not only was every patient in the Hospital Wing tense, but Draco himself was growing more and more agitated as the days went by. 

Draco was still obligated to visit the Room of Requirement every evening to do his necessary repairs on the Vanishing Cabinet. He insisted that I come with him, and either Crabbe or Goyle would accompany us, disguised as whichever harmless young woman whose hair I surreptitiously collected from the Hospital Wing for the Polyjuice Potion. I did feel bad for doing so; but I wanted to help Draco however I could, and I figured that a few hairs left upon pillows would not be missed. 

Draco and I walked together through the darkened 7th floor after dinner. Crabbe, disguised as a 3rd year Hufflepuff who had accidentally gotten African Red Pepper in her eyes, followed fifteen paces behind us. It was a Saturday so we could dress casually; but I felt horribly underdressed in my black and white striped jumper and jeans beside Draco and his slim black suit. Crabbe was forced to wear one of the only yellow shirts I owned and one of my smallest skirts, which I could tell he wasn’t too pleased about, but they were the only clothes that fit the girl’s body. Crabbe asked for my knickers as well, but I refused. 

We arrived at the secluded corridor of the 7th floor just outside the hidden entrance to the Room of Requirement. “If anyone passes by, drop the scales,” Draco instructed Crabbe, who listened with a pouty expression upon his girlish face. 

“Why can’t I come in sometime? I want to see what you’re doing in there,” Crabbe complained in a whiny feminine trill. 

Draco scowled at him. “You don’t need to know what I’m doing. Your job is to keep watch.”

The girl, Crabbe, rolled their eyes. “You know, I’m starting to think you’re just using the room so your girlfriend can polish your knob.”

I had no idea what ‘polish your knob’ meant, but I got the impression it was something sexual. Condescendingly, Draco retorted, “It must have taken you all week to arrive at that crude theory. Why don’t you think harder, Crabbe. You’ll have plenty of time while you’re waiting for us in the corridor.”

The door appeared before Draco, and we slipped inside, leaving a glowering Crabbe behind to play with the scales. 

I followed Draco through the haphazard path through the warehouse of junk, where he located the tall cabinet and immediately got to work. There was nothing I could do to help with Draco’s repairs, so I plucked a book from a pile and read on a nearby chaise lounge while he mumbled frustrated repairing spells at the cabinet. I think Draco just liked having me there as a bit of moral support. Besides, it wasn’t like I had somewhere else to be. 

Draco had a routine he cycled through. He would mutter the spell, open the cabinet, curse, and then pace around a bit before muttering the spell again. Every time he repeated the cycle, he grew more and more frustrated, until he finally retired into dejection. I knew better than to interrupt him when he was in the frustrated phase, but as he came around to the gloomy phase, he would sit beside me, giving up his work for a while to just be alone with me in the quiet room.

Draco sat on the chaise lounge beside me, stewing in the lackluster results of his spellwork on the Cabinet. He lightly stroked my hair, reading my book over my shoulder. 

“Draco,” I said to him. 

“Yes?”

“What does polish a knob mean?”

Draco’s face must have flushed at least two shades darker upon hearing my innocent-sounding question that was clearly about something lewd. 

“I know it’s something dirty,” I said to him. “But I never… I’ve never heard of it.” 

Draco ran a hand across his chin, glancing at me. “Surely you must know what a blowjob is.” 

“O-oh,” I stammered. “I suppose I’ve heard my roommates mention it a couple times.” The only person I knew who had actually given one was Evelyn. I distinctly remember her demonstrating her so-called ‘brilliant technique’ on an icy pop, but I was too embarrassed to pay much attention at the time. 

“I take it you’ve never done it before, then?” he asked in a gravelly voice.

“Of course I haven’t,” I said with enough indignancy to make him crack a smile. “You-you’ve been my first time for almost everything.” 

Draco leaned in, his countenance shifting. “ _ Almost _ everything?” he asked coolly. 

I flushed, feeling his hand possessively creeping up my back. “Cade Sinclair was my first kiss, remember?”

“Hmmm,” Draco hummed, sending tremors down my spine. “Is it villainous of me to take the rest of your firsts?”

Draco’s hand found its way under the back of my sweater, and he stroked my bare skin with a cold hand, making me tremble. Half-whispering, I said to him, “I’ll gladly give you all of my firsts.” 

Draco leaned in to my ear. “Then get on your knees.”

I did as he said, my heart pounding. I supposed I never offered to give Draco oral sex until now because I was afraid I would be rubbish. Evelyn had said that men hated it when girls were rubbish at blowjobs. I knew what felt good from a woman’s perspective, as Draco had done it to me quite well in the shower, but I hadn’t the faintest idea what to do when it was my turn to return the favor. 

Draco’s dick was suddenly out of his pants and in front of my face, hard, and huge. 

I immediately got the sinking feeling like I was in over my head. I had never seen it like this before; so up-close, and in the light. I looked up at Draco, who was slightly reclined on the chaise lounge chair, looking like he was expecting me to begin at any moment. 

“I-I don’t know what to do,” I said, feeling rather stupid. Draco scoffed lightly, and leaned forward to place his hand on my jaw. 

“Open your mouth,” he instructed softly. My lips parted, and Draco slowly traced his thumb along my lower lip. He slid his thumb into my mouth, and my tongue instinctively swirled around it. “Yes, like that,” he said. I watched his mesmerised expression as I sucked, realizing that if this was all I had to do, it was not as difficult as I thought it would be. 

With his thumb still in my mouth, he told me to open my mouth wider. Still holding my jaw firmly in his palm, he guided my mouth to his tip, transferring me from his thumb to his cock. He sighed as I closed my mouth around the tip, swirling my tongue around just as I had done with his finger. 

“Yes,” he sighed. His voice was much softer than before. “Just like that.” 

I slid my mouth further onto him, feeling him tense beneath me as I did so. There was just so much of him- I couldn’t fathom how it had even fit inside me. My mouth drew back, keeping my lips closed tightly around him. 

“Go deeper, love,” he said breathily. His hand went to the side of my face, wrapping his fingers into my hair, guiding my mouth back along his length again. I allowed the guidance of his hand to steadily ease me back and forth along his dick, feeling him harden even more in my mouth.

I went slowly, testing how far I could go before his tip hit the back of my throat, and then sliding back before his hand guided my face back down again. I was careful to keep my teeth out of the way. 

I heard Draco sigh again. “You look lovely with your mouth around me like that,” he said, his voice lowered into a growl. Feeling good that I was satisfying him, I gradually increased in speed. 

“Oh, fuck,” his breath hitched.

His hand firmly held the side of my head as I continued my deliberate sucking motions. I didn’t know when he would want me to stop, or what would happen when he came close to climax, but I was unwilling to pause. 

My answer came soon enough when his breathing sped up to excited pants, and his hand tightened in my hair. I knew he would be climaxing soon, and I wanted to pull back, but I was determined to see this through to the end, curious to find out what  _ he _ tasted like. 

A sensual, deep sigh left his lips as his entire body tensed. I didn’t know what else to do, so I kept sucking- only slowing when I tasted salt on my tongue. 

His hand released the grip on my hair, and he nearly collapsed onto the chaise lounge, breathing heavily. I didn’t know what else to do with the liquid in my mouth, so I swallowed it, and then finally inhaled a gasping breath. It was unlike anything I had tasted before, and though it wasn’t unpleasant, it was unexpectedly salty. I looked up at Draco, who was leaning back on the chaise lounge with a blissful expression on his face.

“...My God,” Draco breathed, gazing down at me lovingly. “Are you quite certain you’ve never done that before?”

I shook my head. “Was it…. alright?” I asked, still uncertain if I measured up to Draco’s standards. Draco scoffed, leaning down to unabashedly kiss me right on the mouth. 

“You are incredible, Erica,” he said. “And your mouth feels like heaven.” 

\---

We returned to the Room of Requirement the next day, this time with more urgency than before. Draco was eager to be alone with me again, and kept hungrily glancing at me as Goyle trailed behind us, disguised as a 12 year old girl who came into the Hospital Wing for ingesting an expired Pepperup Potion. 

“Keep watch, Goyle,” Draco commanded Goyle, who grumbled. Goyle was not as dim as Crabbe and could tell Draco and I were almost certainly going to do indecent things to each other inside. 

When we were inside, Draco didn’t immediately go to the Cabinet- he kissed me deeply, his fingers unfastening the buttons of his suit. 

I forced myself to pull away and remind him why we were here. “Draco, you’re supposed to be working, remember?”

“Come on,” he whispered teasingly into my ear. “I’m starving for you. The Cabinet can wait.”

I ultimately gave in, as I was also longing for him. We hurried to the silver-sheet bed, Draco undoing his tie faster than I’d ever seen, and then helping me take off my own clothes. I performed the contraceptive charm on him, and we immediately began making love. 

_ This doesn’t count as getting in the way of the task, does it? _ I asked myself as Draco’s hands ran along my naked flanks.  _ No, I don’t think it does… _

Draco tore into me with passionate urgency, kissing my chest, neck, and face as he entered me. He was admittedly rougher than he had been in the Manor, going so deep inside me with quickening repetitions that made me know I would be sore afterwards. But it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. My nails dug into his back, leaving red streaks along his perfectly white skin- he moaned, whispering in my ear that I was a “good girl”, and then kissing me with an open mouth, his tongue swirling aggressively with mine. I wondered if his change in lovemaking had something to do with the growing frustration of repairing the Cabinet. If it did, it didn’t bother me much; for I was getting my own selfish desires fulfilled. And crazy, passionate, rough sex with Draco was nothing short of euphoric. 

But still- even as we came down from breathless orgasms, I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something was on his mind. 

Draco and I dressed, and he began his usual unsuccessful cycle of flinging repairing spells at the Cabinet. I sat upon the chaise lounge, scanning the copy of  _ A History of Magical Portraits _ that I had found in a stack of books. 

Draco hissed a curse at the cabinet, clutching his wand in his fist. Wordlessly, he marched to the chaise lounge and sat beside me, resting his head frustratedly in his hands. 

I set down my book. “No luck?”

“No,” Draco grumbled. “That old coot Borgin said it would be a long repairing process. But he never said just how long. I’m getting tired of looking at that damned dusty cabinet and chanting a spell that I don’t even know is working.”

I gently placed a hand on his back. “It will work.” I knew that the Cabinet was important to Draco; it was his contingency plan for if the other assassination attempts fell through. The necklace was already unsuccessful, and the poison obviously had yet to work. So the Cabinet was it. 

Draco let go of a frustrated sigh, and turned to face me. “I’m glad you’re here. You make this Sisyphean task more bearable.”

“Of course,” I replied reassuringly. “I wish I could help, but I don’t know anything about repairing artifacts. Only healing.” 

That piqued Draco’s attention. “I don’t see how repairing spells and healing spells could be that different,” he muttered, the cogs in his head turning. “Tell me more.”

“Well, with healing spells, it’s important to have the right frame of mind. The human body is fragile, so you need to be gentle with both the incantation and wand movement. It requires lots of patience, because the results aren’t always immediate, or visible…” I trailed off. “Is this helping at all? I feel like I’m rambling.” 

Draco shook his head, looking terse and thoughtful. “No, it makes a great deal of sense.” He rose from the chaise lounge. “It’s possible I’ve been going about this all wrong…” he said to himself, standing before the Cabinet again. 

With forced tranquility, he uttered the long repairing spell over and over, until the Cabinet creaked loudly, like something in its frame had shifted. Draco took two large steps back, looking like he was suddenly very frightened. 

“...My god,” Draco muttered just barely loud enough for me to hear. 

My eyes widened. “What is it?” Then, with more hesitancy, “Is it- is it working?”

Draco glared at the Cabinet. “I’m not certain. I’ll have to test it on a living subject,” he said hastily. 

“But it finally did something,” I said to him, unsure why he wasn’t more excited. “That’s good, right?”

Draco sat beside me, looking strangely worried. “It’s not ready,” he muttered. “I made progress today, but… it’s not ready.”

I was confused by Draco’s disappointment. Fixing the Cabinet had been his goal for months, and now that he was a step closer, he was looking admittedly… scared. Like something could come out of it at any second. 

I lightly touched Draco’s shoulder.

“Draco. What exactly will happen when the Cabinet is fixed?”

Draco exhaled shakily, straightening his back. 

“... After the Cabinet is repaired, Bellatrix and other Death Eaters will come into the castle to begin the Dark Lord’s takeover,” he said, his eyes hard as stone. “I’ll make sure someone looks after you while I disarm Dumbledore.”

I bit my lower lip. I wasn’t worried about myself in this scenario; I was more concerned about Draco. “But… say that you are able to repair the Cabinet, and sneak in the Death Eaters, and disarm the Headmaster. How are you possibly going to kill him?” I didn’t have to explain to Draco that Dumbledore was one of the most powerful wizards to ever live- by the troubled expression on his face, he was well aware. 

Stiffly, distantly, Draco said, “I plan to use the killing curse.”

I gawked silently, suddenly feeling dizzy, even though I was sitting down.  _ Why hadn’t I realized this before- the only spell that could possibly eliminate Dumbledore was the all-powerful killing curse.  _

“Y-you can’t,” I stammered, making Draco’s brows furrow. “The killing curse requires a significant amount of power and intent. In Defense Against the Dark Arts they taught us that it was more difficult than just pulling a trigger of a gun- it was like driving a knife into someone, and twisting it.” I couldn’t believe that Draco would be capable of such a thing. “And- and even if you were capable of performing it, the Dark Magic would wreak havoc on your body and soul- and this isn’t even considering the possibility of Dumbledore fighting back-”

“I’ll depend on you to heal me afterwards, then,” Draco said curtly. I could tell by his stiffness that he didn’t appreciate me questioning his plan, or his power. I looked at him helplessly. 

Draco’s shoulders rose and fell as he breathed, growing in irritation at my dismayed silence. He said bitterly, “I’m capable of performing the killing curse, Erica. That’s been the plan all along; considering that the poison I planted may not work.” He sounded confident, but his worried expression was the looking glass into how he actually felt. 

He was nervous.

My lip quivered. I couldn’t speak my mind, because I had sworn to Snape that I wouldn’t do anything to get in the way. But the truth was, I didn’t want Draco to have to do something so evil as using the killing curse. It tore me up inside. 

Seeing my distraught face, Draco wrapped his arm around me. I pressed my forehead to his chest, my hands gripping his suit like a sad child. 

“I just hope that the poison works,” I said quietly, “For your sake.”

Draco kissed the top of my head. “...Me, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor souls... I wouldn't count too much on that poison, if I were you....


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late February. Erica researches murder, and receives an unexpected gift.

The next day, I went to the library alone.

When I arrived, I pulled every book on murder that I could find, starting with the killing curse.

As expected, there was not much. Only the bare minimum regarding the killing curse was present in the scholastic texts that I could access. The rest was locked away in the restricted section. 

“ _ The Killing Curse [see: Appendix U; Unforgivable Curses] is regarded as one of the most difficult, and sinister, curses for a spellcaster to produce. In addition to the requirement that the spellcaster be a skilled wizard, they must also possess the intention and malice to kill. The Killing Curse was deemed Unforgivable in 1717…” _

This information was useless. I already knew that the spellcaster needed the intent to kill- but just what did that mean? Murder confounded me. As a Healer, the idea of killing somebody was foreign and just flat-out inconceivable. The very thought of it made me shiver. 

I opened a book I pulled from the small Muggle section of the library. It was a criminal psychology journal by the British Psychological Society. It was published in 1927, so it was likely long overdue for an update; but I nonetheless flipped to the index and searched for murder.

I had more luck with this book than the last one, even though this text referenced only Muggle criminals. A Swedish psychologist had conducted multiple interviews with Muggle murderers to try and understand why they committed the crime. The psychologist had a few theories; he cited selfishness as one potential reason, and antisocial tendencies as another. But, the psychologist concluded that regardless of the motive for murder, the decisive force behind it stemmed from a person’s weakness. 

“ _ This weakness, or general unfitness, is found among murderers in various forms, which, superficially regarded, most certainly do not appear to possess any psychological affinity, but which are all, at bottom, means of escape from the realities of life, with which the socially unfit are unable to cope _ .”

I continued reading stiffly, hunting for anything concrete that could differentiate these murderers from Draco. But the more that I read, the more I came to realize that I did not know Draco’s mind as well as I thought I did. I used to regard Draco as invincible. But now… after seeing how worried he was, I found myself questioning if he did have, as this journal described, a weakness. 

I closed the book. I don’t know why I was trying so hard to justify to myself that Draco was above murder when I’ve known this whole time that he had the intent to kill. I think I was just fooling myself this whole time because I didn’t want to believe it.

But... even though Draco insisted he was capable, I saw the look of dread in his eyes when he thought for a moment that the Cabinet was fixed. There must be a part of him that believes he can’t do it. And that was a good thing, right?

Draco had said something to me at the Manor, which at the time I regarded as cryptic and not of any importance. But it made me wonder now if it actually was a clue as to why Draco was so hell-bent on completing his task even though it troubled him greatly. 

_ “You clearly don’t know what happens to people who disobey an order given to them by the Dark Lord.” _

Maybe- just maybe…. The Dark Lord was threatening Draco with something. He was exploiting one of Draco’s weaknesses. But even as one of Draco’s closest confidants, I didn’t know of any weakness of his. 

I felt helpless. I couldn’t change anything about the task, and I certainly didn’t have any other ideas as to how Draco could kill Dumbledore without using the killing curse. All I could do was attempt to distance him from it, distract him as much as possible while still not interfering too much. I had to give him the love and support that these murderers in the journal did not have. 

I could give Draco strength. That much I could do.

But it still didn’t feel like enough.

\---

I returned to my room after the discouraging trip to the library to find all the lights off. Penny, Evelyn and Greta were likely at dinner. I didn’t feel like eating, so I went to my bed, prepared to mull in my frustrated thoughts. 

A sniffle in the dark made me stop. 

I drew my wand and lit the lamps in the bedroom, revealing Greta hunched over on her bed, her bed sheets drawn around her shoulders like a cape. There were tears streaming down her red face. 

When Greta saw me, she squeaked in surprise, and then turned her body away from me. 

If she hadn’t been crying so pitifully, I would have ignored her. But the empathy within me made it impossible to disregard my ex-friend when she was so obviously distraught about something.

“Greta?” I said softly, the first words I had spoken to her in almost three weeks. “Is something the matter?”

“...Leave me alone,” she snapped sadly, and then sobbed. 

I hovered at the foot of her bed. I knew Greta well, and knew that she was never usually one to bottle up her feelings. And even though I was upset at her as well for following Penny’s lead and ostracizing me, a part of me still cared about her.

“...I was going to go to bed, but I can’t sleep if you’re going to be crying. So you might as well just tell me what’s wrong,” I said plainly. 

It didn’t take much persuasion for Greta to give in. She looked up at me with sad green eyes, her walls coming down faster than Jericho. “Robbie’s dumped me,” she wailed, her fingers forcefully wiping snot from her nose.

I sat beside her, summoning a tissue and handing it to her. “Oh, Greta,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

“He’s gone and snogged Tracey Plumwright,” Greta cried, pressing the tissue to her upturned nose and then under her mascara-heavy eyelashes. It was a good thing she was wearing her magical waterproof makeup; otherwise, her cheeks would likely have been covered with black streaks. 

“Oh, no…. That 4th year?” 

Greta shuddered with a sob, and I regretted bringing age up. It probably hurt Greta that Robbie decided to pursue a 14 year old girl.  _ Maybe the Slytherin boys are taking a page from Draco’s book and going after younger girls now.  _ I pushed that concerning thought aside and continued summoning tissues. 

“That’s horrible, Greta.”

Greta glared at me. “Oh, please, don’t pretend to be sad for me. No one could possibly understand my pain. Penny and Evelyn have already tried telling me that Tracey’s nothing but a tramp, and that Robbie will eventually come around once he’s tired of her. But they’re too busy with their own relationships to care about mine.”

It stung a little to hear that Tracey was receiving the blame in this situation. It was a lot like what Pansy had said about me when she found out about me and Draco’s relationship. Somehow, it was always the girl’s fault. 

I flattened my lips. “Robbie’s an ass. He doesn’t deserve you, Greta. If he can’t see that then he’s blinder than a Basilisk.”

Greta sniffled, finally calming down. “...You’re right. I best move on. I should get myself an older boyfriend- that would show him.” I was about to tell her that fooling around with an older boy wouldn’t solve anything, but Greta looked to me with teary, hopeful eyes and said, “Say, Goyle’s kind of cute, isn’t he? Do you think he would want to snog me?”

“Greta, maybe you should take it easy for a while,” I advised her, my gut twisting at the thought of setting sweet, affection starved Greta up with perverted Goyle. 

Greta’s shoulders slumped. She murmured something that sounded like a defeated “ok”, and then glanced warily at me. “I hope you aren’t expecting me to apologize. I am still quite cross with you. I’m just confiding in you because Penny said being around crying people makes her uncomfortable.”

I blinked, not pleased to hear that Penny was being her usual discourteous self, but understanding that Greta was in a tough position. I had betrayed her trust, and she wasn’t ready to forgive me just yet. 

Greta reached into her bedside table and procured a velvet pouch. “Your birthday gift came in the mail last week. I wasn’t ever going to give it to you, but I have no use for it, and it was frankly just taking up space.” She dropped it into my lap like it meant nothing. 

“O-oh,” I was caught off guard by her passive-aggressive gift. I undid the tie on the pouch, taking out a simple silver ring. 

“It’s a Ring of Ataraxy,” Greta said dismissively. “It makes you feel calmer when you wear it. I noticed you were dealing with some mood swings, and thought this could help with your homesickness.”

Gratefulness overwhelmed me. I had no idea that Greta actually noticed how sad I had been this year. It was an extremely thoughtful gift, and could not have come at a better time. 

“Thank you,” I whispered. 

“I don’t want your thanks. Just put it on.” Greta retorted sourly, but I could see a gleam in her eye. I did as she said, and slipped the ring onto my finger. 

I wouldn’t say that I immediately felt different. My worries and stress were still there, but I could think about them without feeling a deep thunder cloud of despair in my chest. My body instinctively took a deep breath. The feeling of calm hugged my mind like a warm blanket. 

I looked down at the silver ring and knew I had to give it to Draco.

“Anyway, the magic doesn’t last long, and it’ll wear off if you wear it too much,” Greta said to me, covering herself in her comforter and laying down. “I’m going to wallow in private now.” She drew the curtains of her four poster bed, shutting me out.

I suppressed a smile and went to my own bed. Greta was being quite rude, but even in her anger, she still couldn’t completely hide her compassion. It may be awhile before she and I could return to being friends again. If ever. 

I said silent thank you’s in my head as I peacefully laid down with the ring on my finger, and slept soundly through the storm in my mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote about murderers is from "The Psychology of Murder: A Study in Criminal Psychology" by Andreas Bjerre :)


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late February. Erica paints another portrait of Draco; they discuss their middle names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda long but it's nice and fluffy, and one of my favorites.

Draco threw the door open as soon as I knocked, and yanked me into his arms. 

“Draco,” I laughed as he spun me into his room, “It’s barely been a day since you’ve seen me.”

Draco closed the door with a simple wave of his hand. “I know,” he said, his face buried in my hair, “But it felt like an eternity.”

“Is that so?” I challenged playfully, running my hands along his shoulders. He was wearing an incredibly soft sweater; but even if he had been wearing rags, the feel of him in my hands was more soothing than any Ring of Ataraxy. 

I heard a throaty scoffing sound in the room. I looked up and saw that Blaise Zabini was lounging on his bed, a copy of The Daily Prophet in his hands. I flushed, not aware of the fact that Draco was not the only occupant in his room. 

“Please, don’t stop your frolicking because of me,” Blaise sneered. “I rather like the show.” I wriggled free from Draco’s arms, regaining my composure and crossing my arms over my chest. 

Blaise swiftly closed the newspaper. “Thank Merlin you’re finally here, Thorncroft. I thought he’d never get out of bed. In fact, you may want to check it for mushrooms-”

“Some privacy, Blaise?” Draco interjected, as one of his hands reached up to smooth the back of his hair. Blaise rose from his bed, not arguing, as he was familiar with hearing that request whenever I came around. 

“I was already leaving.” Blaise plucked his coat from a hook on the wall and threw it over his shoulder, swiftly exiting the room while casting a slightly irritated glance at us. 

Before closing the door, Blaise quipped sourly, “Say, don’t forget to clean up after you’re done. I would like to return to the room without seeing mysterious stains.” Draco chucked a book at Blaise, but Blaise anticipated Draco would do that and closed the door just in time for the book to collide loudly with the wood. Blaise chuckled to himself in the corridor. 

“Ass,” Draco said under his breath. 

Blaise had a tendency to poke fun at us, and I got the impression that he hadn’t quite warmed to me yet. “It was just harmless banter,” I said.

“Yeah, yeah.” Draco stewed with a frown on his face for a moment. “I just don’t like how he looks at you.”

I scoffed. I didn’t notice anything at all unusual about how Blaise looked at me. “What? Come on, Draco, is any man allowed to look at me?” I said lightly. 

“Not if they want to keep all their limbs.”

“Oh, please, don’t be irrational-” I stopped mid-sentence, noticing that something was strange about the room’s scent. I grimaced. “Why does it smell like a Muggle train station in here?”

Draco had likely never been to a Muggle train station; so he didn’t know what I was talking about. “Muggle train station?” Draco sounded slightly offended as I sniffed around, trying to place what the unpleasant smell was that I associated with London Muggles. The room looked as it usually did; Crabbe and Goyle’s half of the room was a bit of a contained mess thanks to the House Elves, and Draco and Blaise’s side overly neat and organized, thanks to Draco’s peculiar affinity for minimalism. I thought the weird odor would be coming from Crabbe and Goyle’s side of the room; but to my surprise, it was concentrated on Draco and Blaise’s. 

My eyes landed on a green jade ashtray, where four cigarette butts were inside, bent at frustrated angles like little white check marks. 

“Cigarettes?” I looked at Draco under lowered brows. “Please tell me they aren’t yours.”

Draco drew his wand and banished the ash, clearing the air with a  _ klaero _ spell. “They’re Blaise’s.” His voice lowered with guilt. “...But I smoked a few.” 

“Draco,” I pressed a frustrated hand to the side of my face. “Are you really so stressed that you’re willingly ingesting toxins into your body?”

“You’re talking to someone with Dark Magic in their skin,” Draco replied sourly. “Muggle toxins are merely a way to pass the time.”

I firmly replied, “Well it’s a nasty habit and I’d rather you not start. I mean this as your girlfriend  _ and _ as your Matron.”

Draco guiltily placed a hand on the back of his neck. “...I probably should tell you, then, that today was not the first time I’ve had a cigarette.”

“Oh.” I glanced down at the floor with a dry mouth. “I didn’t realize it was a habit of yours.”

Draco’s hands stuffed themselves in the pockets of his slacks. “It started as something Blaise gave me to take the edge off of OWLs last year. Now it’s a crutch I lean on when I’m stressed. That’s all.”

I was about to object, say that that couldn’t possibly be true, but then realized just how little I knew of Draco before we returned to Hogwarts together. All the times before that we were “broken up” or arguing with one another, I rarely saw him, and when I did he always looked a little sicklier than before. It was a definite possibility that he had been doing this all along without my knowledge. 

“I want you to stop,” I said firmly. “Even wizards can get sick from smoking. Lung tissue restoring potions are nasty and I’ve heard they taste like liver and loam.” Draco listened to me with a stone face.

“I have something for you, actually...” I reached into my bag and produced the Ring of Ataraxy, which I had worn most of last night, until the effects wore off after about four hours. Draco’s eyes flashed in surprise when I pressed it into his palm. 

“It’s a Ring of Ataraxy,” I said as he eyed it carefully, turning it over in his fingers which were already decorated with silver rings. “Wearing it will help you feel… calmer.”

“....I know. I had one of these as a child,” Draco said, brows furrowed in deep thought, his eyes darting between me and the ring. “But my father confiscated it. He thought I was becoming too dependent.” 

“Well, it’s yours now. I’m officially prescribing it to you as your Matron.” Draco looked extremely surprised by the gift, and he gazed at it as if it was solid gold. “But you should know, it’s a re-gift. Greta had it ordered for my birthday. But you need it more than I do, so-”

“Was it your birthday?” Draco said, alarmed. “When?”

“It- it was in December, right after Christmas. But please don’t worry about it, I really don’t give two Galleons about my birthday-”

“...You should have told me.” Draco sounded betrayed.

“There were more important things going on,” I said to him reassuringly, remembering that as soon as we returned from holiday I had broken the news to Draco about my Squib father, so there was no opportunity for chit-chat about anything else. “Please, don’t worry about it.”

Draco glanced at me, checking to see if I was really sure. He flattened his lips into a line, still thinking. I got the impression from his silence that he wasn’t going to let it go easily, and I would likely be hearing about it again- but for now, he removed one of his own rings from his hand that was inlaid with obsidian and slid the simple Ring of Ataraxy on in its place. 

He exhaled, his head rolling upon his shoulders as they flexed then relaxed. I could tell right away that the Ring was working. 

“It’ll only last four hours,” I muttered. “And the more you wear it, the less potent it becomes.”

Draco looked at me softly. “It’s… it’s good. Thank you.” He took my hand, stroking it with his thumb. “…I should be the one giving you a ring.”

My eyes widened. Before I knew it, Draco was sliding his obsidian ring onto the ring finger of my left hand. It was big at first, but magically adjusted to fit my smaller finger perfectly. 

“H-hang on,” I objected, my face turning all kinds of shades of red, stumbling over my words like a broken record, “You- you- you’re just kidding. Aren’t you?” I laughed nervously, trying to play off the fact that Draco and I just  _ exchanged rings _ . 

Draco looked at me calmly. “What if I’m serious?”

My face got hotter. I didn’t think a marriage proposal was something to be taken lightly. “Funny joke, Draco.” I retreated to the sitting room conjoining the bedroom, seating myself on a long, brown leather couch and drawing my knees to my chest. Draco followed me, seating himself beside me on the leather couch, extending his legs to the shiny wooden coffee table and crossing one ankle over the other. 

“What makes you so certain that I’m joking?” he said with an indiscernible expression.

“We’re not even eighteen,” I said, as that was the only logical objection I could offer to his pseudo-marriage proposal, which I wasn’t even convinced was fully serious. It couldn’t be serious.

“No, we aren’t eighteen,” he said, but a smile grew upon his face when he eyed the obsidian ring upon my finger. “But you only have to be sixteen in Scotland to be married.”

I couldn’t believe that he was actually entertaining this idea- the more he spoke, the less I was convinced that this conversation was theoretical. I scoffed and looked away. “We don’t even know each other’s middle names.”

Draco laughed, his self-assured smile not faltering. “Is that what you’re concerned about? Middle names?” He extended his arms across the back of the sofa. His wingspan was so long, he could almost reach either end. I could feel his gaze on the side of my face. 

“Tell it to me, then,” he ordered.

“No. It’s embarrassing. You’ll laugh.”

Draco sighed. He lifted a hand to my face, turning my head to face him, so we were almost nose-to-nose. “I missed your birthday. I refuse to let another piece of information about you slip past me.”

I looked into his eyes- his grey, handsome eyes, and felt my resolve soften. 

“I-I can’t look at you while I say it,” I said hastily, looking away from him again. He scoffed. 

“Fine, fine.”

There was a beat of silence. I buried my face in my arms, muffling my voice so it was just barely audible. 

“....It’s Beryl.”

I could hear Draco suppress laughter beside me, and I lifted my head to glare at him indignantly. “I told you not to laugh!”

Draco pressed his knuckles to his mouth, hiding his smile. “I’m sorry- it’s just- Barrel? What kind of a middle name is that?”

“Beryl is a  _ mineral! _ My mother has a likening for precious stones.” I grumbled, “I suppose she thought Ruby or Pearl was too simple. Hey- stop laughing! It’s not Barrel!”

Draco almost had tears in his eyes from laughter. He continued his bad attempt at hiding his amusement. “Right. Right- I shouldn’t laugh. Beryl is a- it’s a fine middle name.”

“At least my parents didn’t name me after themselves,” I grumbled, “People who do that are so self-important.”

Draco’s laughter stopped.

“What?” I asked. 

“My middle name is Lucius,” he replied quietly. 

A hand clapped over my mouth. “Oh. I’m sorry- I didn’t mean-”

Draco scoffed again. “Just another reminder of my lineage, I suppose. You’re right about the self-important thing, though. Entirely unoriginal.”

I pinched the obsidian ring upon my finger. “You can have this back,” I said glumly, “I don’t think you want to give this to me anymore.”

Draco’s hand stopped me. “You’re keeping it,” he stated. His voice was so firm, I didn’t bother attempting to argue. “Consider it a placeholder until I get you an actual gift to make up for missing your birthday.”

“Oh, please, you’ve already put a star in the sky for me,” I retorted. “If that’s what you do for Valentine’s Day, I fear what astronomically extravagant gesture you would do for a birthday.”

Draco smiled to himself. “Perhaps a planet could be arranged.”

I gently socked him in the arm, and suppressed a smile. I actually did like the ring very much- it was like I had a piece of Draco with me. I didn’t need anything else.

Draco relaxed back into the couch. “I was only joking about the marriage idea, in case you couldn’t tell.” I sighed in relief.

“When I get you an actual engagement ring, it will be much nicer than that obsidian piece of crap,” he added casually, as if it were an afterthought.

My jaw almost hit the floor. Draco used the word  _ when _ , not  _ if. _ That meant he was certain- he had already made up his mind; he wanted to marry me someday. I wouldn’t- I couldn’t think about that; dating was one thing, but  _ marrying _ \- just when did that become an option all of the sudden?

“We’re not talking about this any further,” I announced, rising from the couch to retrieve something else from my bag before I forgot. 

“Did I scare you away, Beryl?” Draco chortled as he said my middle name, making me almost trip over nothing. His sudden easy liveliness caught me off guard; it reminded me of the version of Draco I had seen in previous years, when he was young and joked carefreely with Crabbe and Goyle. It was rare to see him like this nowadays. I supposed it was partially due to the calming effect of the Ring.

“I’m already regretting giving you that Ring. I ought to jinx you to even you out a bit,” I said sarcastically. I returned to the couch, my notebook in hand. “I have that painting for Gregory.”

Draco blinked, trying to place for a second just who the hell Gregory was. “Goyle?” He corrected me, frowning. “When did you start calling him by his first name?”

I shrugged. “Last names are so impersonal. I never called my friends Parkinson, Vaughn, or Munch-”

“You don’t need to be  _ personal _ with anyone but me, as far as I’m concerned,” Draco grumbled. “Give it here. I’ll see to it that he gets it.”

“That’s alright- if you tell me which bed is his, I’ll leave it there for him whenever he returns-”

“If you leave it on his bed, he’ll likely sit on it,” Draco pointed out. “Just give to me.”

I really didn’t want to show it to Draco. He always made fun of my “Muggle art”; like something about it personally offended him. I pulled out the simple painting of a willow tree against a white background and handed it over. Draco stared at it silently.

“What is it?” I asked him with hesitation. His eyes were fixed on the painting- but I couldn’t discern if he liked it or not. After a few seconds, he looked up.

“Goyle could never make this,” Draco stated. 

“O-oh.” I had purposely tried to make it look amateurish. I had only used three colors and skipped sketching an outline. It had taken me all of ten minutes. “I-I thought it was reasonably simple…But I could make another-”

“Don’t bother,” Draco said flatly, rising from the sitting area to place the painting somewhere in his bedroom.

Draco didn’t say anything else about it. He was probably just trying to spare my feelings and hold in his real opinion- it wasn’t my best painting, after all, and I had put almost no effort into it. When Draco returned to the couch, he eyed my notebook. I was about to put it away in my bag, but stopped when Draco spoke. 

“Could I see those paintings of me?” he asked. 

“Oh,” I pursed my lips. “I, um, don’t have them anymore.”

Draco frowned slightly. “What happened to them?”

“...I burned them.”

Draco nodded to himself, smiling slightly, like he should have considered that possibility. “I likely deserved that,” he said.

“You did.”

Draco and I sat in silence for a minute. I did feel bad for burning those paintings of him- but at the time, it felt justified. Besides, he didn’t even like Muggle art; so why did he want to see them, anyways? 

“I could make new paintings of you, if you’d like,” I offered, fully expecting him to say no. 

“Okay,” he replied instantly. “Make them right now.”

I thought I had heard him incorrectly- but he situated himself on the sofa so that he was facing me, and I realized he actually intended for me to paint him, right then and there. Not wanting to let this rare opportunity go to waste, I hastily opened up my notebook to a blank page and prepared my enchanted brush. 

Draco must have had his portrait painted before- because he knew exactly what to do. He held completely still, shoulders squared, with a neutral but pleasing expression. His grey eyes were set intently below straight brows, watching me work on the other side of the couch. 

It was quite different, to say the least, painting Draco while he was right in front of me compared to painting him from memory. When I looked up from my notebook, there he was, in the flesh,  _ staring _ right at me- and it made my stomach flutter without fail every time. His face was so handsomely striking that after looking at him I would entirely forget what I was just doing in my painting. And to make matters worse, the fact that he would want to see it afterwards made me so fucking  _ nervous _ that I could barely bring myself to make any markings upon the page for fear of it not being good enough. 

“Do you always look this distressed when you paint?”

I opened my mouth to reply, and then realized I had indeed been scowling. I unclenched my jaw. “I don’t usually have an audience.” I side-eyed him. “Why were you so eager to see my paintings of you, anyhow? Making a shrine to yourself?”

Draco’s stoic expression broke with a glimpse of a smile, and then reverted right back to its stern smolder. “I suppose a portion of it is ego, or self-absorption... But I haven’t had my portrait painted since I was a boy, with my mother and father. The portrait of the three of us used to hang in our parlor. It got moved to my parents- ah, my mother’s bedroom not long after the Dark Lord chose our Manor as his headquarters.” When he mentioned his family and the Dark Lord, I thought I could detect hints of sadness. But it was gone in an instant, making me think I had just imagined it. 

“But, I digress,” he said. “I would just like to see a picture of myself where I’m not nine.”

I continued painting. “I would like to see that portrait,” I remarked. I had seen pictures of Draco’s handsome father before, in the Daily Prophet- as well as a few in-person glimpses of the stately man when he visited the school to harass Dumbledore. And I had met Draco’s mother, who was absolutely striking, both in her appearance and her mannerisms. I bet that seeing the three of them together in an animated wizard portrait was magnificent. 

Draco stared at me. “Is it unrealistic of me to ask if I’ll ever meet your parents?” he asked. 

I stiffened. Draco’s question had distracted me from the painting entirely. “Yes,” I said bluntly, lowering my head and trying to refocus on the task at hand. “I don’t believe that is likely to happen.”

“Because they live in America,” Draco said, a hint of a question in his voice. 

“...Because my father is a Squib. Which makes us blood traitors,” I muttered, trying not to let emotion show in my words. “Even if they still lived in England, I would not-” I stopped myself from saying ‘ _ I would not allow you near them’. _ Instead, I muttered, “I don’t think it would be wise of me to introduce you.”

Draco looked solemnly resolved; he accepted my response as fair. But he followed up with another hard-hitting question. 

“Do they even know I exist?”

My stomach tightened into a knot. Draco and I had never discussed him meeting my parents before; I had purposely avoided discussing my parents as much as possible with him because I was afraid of the two worlds mixing somehow. 

As indifferently as I could, I said, “No. They don’t know,” which came off rather cold. 

I couldn’t bring myself to look at Draco. There was a beat of silence before he said a solemn, “I see.”

He understood why, of course- my parents were already frightened of the Dark Lord’s growing influence in England. That’s the whole reason why they relocated to America in the first place. If they knew I was romantically involved with a Death Eater, that would make them feel infinitely more vulnerable- and worse, it would make them fear for my safety, as well. They thought I was safe at Hogwarts. If they were aware I was dating Draco Malfoy, I may not be permitted to stay in England at all. 

Something unspoken seemed to occur to us both in that elongated silence. That our age or our middle names would not be the reason we wouldn’t marry. It was ultimately our families, and our blood, that would be the insurmountable obstacle. But neither of us were willing to say it. I think we both wanted to remain in our state of peaceful lingo for as long as possible. 

“...It’s finished,” I said quietly. Draco shifted on the couch to see the portrait, which I shyly held in my hands. I had painted him precisely as he had arranged himself on the sofa; with his eyes firmly set, mouth taut, his jaw hardened, lounging on the sofa in a grey sweater. He gazed at the picture of himself with an unreadable expression.

“...It’s good,” he finally said. “It’s… actually very good.” 

My throat swelled with happiness. “I don’t suppose you want me to sign it with my full name?” I said teasingly. Draco laughed, shaking his head. 

“You should keep it,” he replied. 

“You don’t want it as a reminder of how handsome you are?” 

Draco smiled sadly, and I wondered why he was looking so forlorn all of the sudden. “No, I think you should hold on to it,” he said. “You should have a picture of me.” He looked away, and his hardened expression seemed to say “just in case”. 

I swallowed. I believed I already knew what he meant. As much as we wished it wasn’t so, we would not be together forever. This portrait would be a reminder of the time we spent, however much longer that lasted, before the world inevitably caught up to us and wrenched us apart. It made me sad. I didn’t want to think about “in case”. 

It wasn’t until almost three months later that I discovered what Draco actually meant. 

He wanted me to have a picture of him because he thought he was going to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beryl is a mineral/gem that comes in varieties known as emerald and aquamarine :) I love the name a lot and knew a Beryl growing up. So shoutout to any Beryls reading this!


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron is poisoned on his birthday; Erica and Draco worry that it may get traced back to them.

On Saturday March 1st at approximately 9:45 AM, Ron Weasley was poisoned.

Madam Pomfrey sent a patronus to where I was studying in the library, alerting me that there was an emergency in the Hospital Wing that required my help. I hurriedly gathered my things and rushed out while students who overheard the message whispered about what the ‘urgent situation’ could be. 

A tall, thin boy with black hair and glasses was standing outside of the Medical Wing looking distraught. I recognized him immediately as Harry Potter, the school celebrity that was finally filling out his wiry frame with Quidditch muscle. I didn’t have time to chat with him, but he forced me to stop by placing himself between me and the door.

“You can’t go in there,” Harry said, his voice sharp and irritated. 

I blinked, glaring at the dark-haired boy who was blocking my way. “I work here.” 

“My best friend’s in there,” Harry snapped protectively. He was perhaps too nice to say it, but I could infer by his tone that my connection to Draco Malfoy was why he was being so obstinate.

Other people may be stricken by Harry Potter’s presence, but I had no patience for people who were standing between me and my healing. “Madam Pomfrey requested me specifically,” I said, trying to keep my voice from rising, “If you want your friend to get better, you’ll let me in so I can help.”

Harry pursed his lips, still not moving out of the way. 

My patience had run out. I spat, “I know my relationship with Draco rubs you the wrong way, but it has nothing to do with my intention to heal people. So get over your prejudice and let me do my job.”

I was perhaps a bit too mean with my choice of words; but that seemed to work on Harry. As soon as he moved to the side, I burst through the Hospital Wing doors. 

“Erica, fetch the essence of rue!” Madam Pomfrey yelled the second I entered. She was crouched over a hospital bed where a red-haired Ron Weasley lay slightly convulsing. 

I didn’t bother with taking off my scarf and coat before setting to work. Harry Potter and his friends always seemed to find themselves in the middle of trouble so it didn’t surprise me that Ron Weasley had somehow gotten himself injured. 

As I hurriedly uncorked the vial of medicine, I asked, “How big of a dose?”

“Just bring all of it, dear, the boy’s been poisoned.”

My hearing garbled for a second, a high-pitched noise ringing in my right ear- but I forbid my hands to stop moving. 

“P-poisoned?” I stammered. 

“He’s ingested something quite horrible- would have been instantly lethal, had Mister Potter not given him a bezoar.”

My blood chilled so instantly I thought I was going to freeze in place. But thankfully, my healer training took over, allowing me to cross the room and hand Madam Pomfrey the vial. Ron’s eyes were tightly shut, enduring the convulsions that shook his whole body. It was painful to watch, but I couldn’t look away. 

_ There’s no way that the poison Ron took was the same poison Draco had planted. It couldn’t be. It must have been a completely separate lethal poison- _

Madam Pomfrey quickly portioned the essence of rue into the measuring spoon, forcing it into Ron’s trembling mouth, then repeating the process three times until his body finally stilled to small quivers. Ron stabilized into a groaning sleep state, his chest still heaving up and down. 

Madam Pomfrey watched Ron with tight lips. She looked very distressed. 

“How did this happen?” I asked breathily. 

“He ingested an expired love potion this morning.” 

I exhaled. “That must have been one doozy of a love potion.”

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. “The love potion wasn’t what did this. Potter informed me that they went to Horace for the antidote. Horace offered the boys some of his aged brandy as a commemoration for Mister Weasley’s birthday. Mister Weasley was the only one to have any, thank goodness- or else the three of them would have…” Madam Pomfrey trailed off, her eyes hard and troubled. My stomach sank. Madam Pomfrey cared deeply about all of the students, but I hardly ever saw her this upset. 

“I have to report this to Dumbledore,” she said, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. “The circumstances of this incident are too concerning. I fear it may have been a targeted attack.” 

My mouth was dry. Guilt overtook my body, making me feel as paper thin as tissue. The very ground beneath me suddenly felt spongy, and my vision tunneled. Madam Pomfrey noticed the way my body wavered, and eased me down into a chair. 

“I know it’s distressing, dear,” she said, rubbing my back gently. “But he will be alright.”

My breathing was nearing hyperventilation. All the details Madam Pomfrey described fit the description of the poison that Draco had planted back in December.

_ And I helped Draco pick the poison.  _

“I-I’m sorry, Madam Pomfrey,” I croaked. “But I think I have to excuse myself.”

Madam Pomfrey interpreted my panic as sorrow and let me leave the Hospital Wing. Harry Potter was still waiting outside. 

“E-Erica,” he called after me, making me stop. His eyes looked rather pitiful and worried behind his round glasses. “Is- is Ron okay?”

I forced myself to linger in the hallway, even though I really wanted to run to Draco. “Yes, he’ll be fine,” I said to Harry, trying to hide the fact that I was frazzled. “Madam Pomfrey said you did the right thing by giving him a bezoar. Now we just have to continuously dose him with essence of rue, to eliminate any residual toxins.” Harry looked reassured. I began to inch away. “I-I have to go for a moment. But I’ll return to see Ron through his recovery, I promise.”

Just as I was about to turn and bolt, Harry said, “Thank you for helping, Erica. I’m sorry for being rude with you earlier. My feelings about Malfoy are…” he paused, choosing wisely not to finish his sentence. “Well, you know. But I was wrong to think you were anything like him.”

_ Oh, god, Harry, why did you have to say that? _ “Right,” I replied, feeling like I had been gutted. “It’s quite alright, really. I understand.”

Harry sent me off with an awkward wave. I walked briskly down the corridor, breaking into a run as soon as I rounded the corner. 

I didn’t know where to go first- to Draco’s room, or to the loo to vomit. I was so utterly disgusted with myself. I was supposed to be a Healer. And now, someone was hurt because of me- someone very, very important, and Harry Potter was trying to compliment me, saying that I was nothing like Draco, when I was just as bad as Draco. No, I was  _ worse _ than Draco. At least he didn’t pretend to be something he’s not. I was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A fraud.

People throughout the castle were already talking about Ron’s accident. I tried to ignore their whisperings as I rushed by them, hoping that it would all be gone in a day- but something like this was never just glazed over in this school. It was a big deal. 

The atmosphere in the Slytherin common room was nothing short of jovial. They were rather entertained that Harry Potter’s best friend was poisoned. It was like a brand new episode of their favorite show had just aired. It was sickening. I began to make my way to the women’s loo, but was stopped by Crabbe and Goyle. 

“Erica! Thank Merlin you’re here-” 

“I don’t have time to chat,” I said to them, still holding in the contents of my breakfast, “Ron Weasley’s been poisoned-”

“We know,” Goyle said. I realized then that he looked rather frustrated. “It’s Draco. He’s in his room, and-”

“He’s  _ freaking _ out,” Crabbe added with irritation. They didn’t seem to understand why Draco wasn’t rejoicing like the rest of the Slytherins. 

“Would you talk to him?” Goyle implored me. “I think you’re the only person who can talk some sense into him.”

“Good luck,” Crabbe said pointedly, and then they both went off to joke and converse with other Slytherins about “Weasley’s near demise”. 

I knocked furiously upon Draco’s dormitory door, my knuckles sounding like a caffeinated woodpecker. Blaise Zabini opened the door. He looked overwhelmed, and a little pissed off to see me. “Erica,” he said with a deep sigh. 

“Where’s Draco?” I demanded, trying to see into the room over Blaise’s tall shoulder. 

Blaise wet his lips like he was about to tell me bad news. In a low voice, he said, “Listen, I don’t know if you want to see him like this. As soon as he heard Weasley’d been poisoned, he just shut down.”

“Move.” My tone was so vicious, I almost couldn’t believe it had come from my mouth.

“Erica, come on, the man’s a mess-”

“I’m his  _ Healer _ ,” I hissed through gritted teeth. “If he’s a mess, then it’s my job to fix it.”

Blaise’s dark eyes solemnly closed. He exhaled deeply and stepped aside, allowing me to enter the bedroom. Clutter was strewn everywhere- books and clothes were places they shouldn’t be. I realized then that someone had thrown them around the room. 

“He’s shut himself in the back,” Blaise informed me, nodding to the closed door to the adjoining sitting room. I dashed to the door, uttering a hasty  _ alohomora _ , and then shutting the door firmly behind me. The sitting room had also become a mess. Books were thrown from their shelves, and a curtain was hanging off of its rod, half-ripped. 

Below the torn curtain sat Draco, his hands covering his face and his knees to his chest. Through shuddering gasps that I recognized as sobs, Draco groaned into his hands. Seeing him like this felt like shards of glass were pressing into my neck. I swallowed dryly. I had never seen him look so small. 

“Draco,” I went to him, kneeling beside him on the floor. His wand was laying on the floor across the room, like he had thrown it as well. I couldn’t help but feel partially responsible for this. I wasn’t just his girlfriend, I was first and foremost his Matron; and the fact that I was letting him emotionally crumble like this felt like my own failure.

“Draco, how could this have happened?” I said, gasping for air through my closing throat, “I just watched Ron Weasley convulse on a hospital bed. And now Madam Pomfrey is going to tell Dumbledore, and he’ll likely launch an investigation- God,” I also choked out a sob, “Of all people, the poison went to  _ Ron _ \- and now Harry Potter has gotten involved-”

Draco didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at me. I might as well have been talking to a zombie. 

“Draco, say something,” I implored him, gripping his shoulders. “Please, one of us needs to be strong and I don’t think it can be me.” My voice cracked rather pitifully.

Draco’s hands reached for me, latching onto the sleeves of my cloak, and with another gasping sob his head went to my chest. I could feel his entire body shaking. 

“Oh, god,” he said, his voice sounding weak and frightened, “Oh, god. I have to do it. Erica, I-I have to use the killing curse.”

A chill wracked my body. I sniffled, stroking the back of Draco’s hair as he cried into my chest. I didn’t know what else to do. Draco’s friends didn’t know that Ron’s poisoning had been the last failsafe before Draco had to face the reality of his last resort. I was the only person he could confide in- and I was ill prepared to help him. All I could do was hold him as he fell apart.

“Draco, I- I hate what this task is doing to you,” I said softly. “Please. Is there any other way? Can’t Professor Snape do it in your stead?”

Draco inhaled a few shaky breaths, still clinging to me. “No. No, Erica, you don’t understand. I accepted this task to keep my family in the good graces of the Dark Lord. I have no choice.”

“Yes, you do. You don’t… you don’t have to be a Death Eater.”

Draco stiffened and ripped himself from me. His red-rimmed eyes looked at me with fierce emotion. “Do you think this is something I can just  _ quit  _ because I don’t feel like it? I made a promise to the Dark Lord that I can never take back. I’m bound to him for eternity. I don’t have a way out.”

I was shattered by his words, and also the way he said them. He was at the end of his rope- the Ring of Ataraxy had stopped working, Ron was now involved in his misfired assassination, and he had to mentally prepare himself to use the killing curse. He was trapped, and my proposition for him to quit was only reminding him of the freedom he couldn’t have. 

I spoke weakly, like there was a bleeding wound in my chest. “What ever happened to you and me against everyone else?” I whimpered. 

Draco’s expression was hard and distant. “Stop saying those things. You’re only making me feel worse.”

“But-”

“We’re speaking of this no further,” he snapped, rising from the floor. His body was still shaking, but he was quickly masking his fear with cold anger and determination. 

I looked up at him helplessly. He had completely disregarded my feelings, when I was grappling with the guilt just as much as he was. “Draco, what am I supposed to do? I feel like I’m drowning.”

“You can help me by going back to the Medical Wing and healing Weasley. I have to focus on repairing the Cabinet before Potter finds out and ruins everything.”

My face crumpled, and I sobbed pitifully, pressing a hand to my mouth.

Draco’s expression softened, and he knelt down. He stroked my hair with shaky fingers. “Everything will be alright, Erica. I’ll handle it.”

I continued crying. Draco was usually so good at comforting me, making me feel invincible. But right now he was just making me feel just as trapped as he was.

“Don’t cry, my love. I’m doing this for you. For us.”

I wanted to yell at him that I didn’t want him to do this for us. But he wasn’t going to tolerate any further argument. So like him, I swallowed my tears, and rose shakily from the floor. 

Draco and I had to be strong for each other- and I knew that he would scratch and kick as hard as he needed to in order to make ends meet. I wished I had that same tenacity. But it was impossibly hard to see the light at the end of everything when it felt like the walls were closing in around us, assuring our mutual destruction. 

In fact, I didn’t even think I could see the light anymore.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica and Draco unexpectedly have sex in the girl's bathroom; Draco finally confides in Erica about what it is the Dark Lord will do if he fails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains sex that is very rough and emotionally charged. Read at your discretion.  
> The images are not mine.

Just as Draco had promised, there was no trail of evidence to connect Ron’s poisoning back to us. I oversaw Ron’s recovery, and eventually things went back to normal. Or at least, things were normal for everyone but Draco.

Today was Saturday, March 22nd. That gave Draco three months- fifteen weeks, roughly one hundred and five days, to fix the Vanishing Cabinet and assassinate Dumbledore with the killing curse. It seemed like it was plenty of time. But to him, it was like a ticking time bomb, always looming over his head. Sometimes I thought I could see Draco physically drooping from the weight of his stress, but he never spoke about it. I had stolen a few Draughts of Living Death from the Medical Wing to help Draco sleep, but I couldn’t keep up with how fast Draco was burning through them without risking Madam Pomfrey noticing a dent in her potions supply. 

Draco had thrown himself into his work on the Vanishing Cabinet, which was as unrewarding as ever. I couldn’t tell what made him angrier; making no progress, or making progress. I could see how he tensed with anxiety after he successfully made an apple disappear and reappear in the Cabinet- but he appeared to relax, seeming almost relieved, when a live beetle came back dead. One of these days he was going to fix the Cabinet and set the final plan into motion. When that day came, Death Eaters would come into the castle and help Draco confront Dumbledore so Draco could take him out with the killing curse. 

I had learned not to bring the killing curse up around Draco anymore. My role was to support Draco, heal him when necessary, and not make him second-guess his capability to perform one of the most difficult curses in the entire wizarding world. But even though I couldn’t voice my concerns or do anything that qualified as “getting in the way”, I still didn’t want him to do it.

I wished that I had someone I could talk to. I used to be able to tell my mother everything, but I couldn’t ever tell her this. And my roommates still weren’t speaking to me. Even though I had Draco to hold me and tell me everything would be alright, it was incredibly sad how alone I felt.

I turned off the shower. The water had turned cold. 

I always overthought things in the shower. 

I stepped out and tried to shake the thoughts from my head, focusing on brainstorming more remedies for Draco’s anxiety. I was the only person in the women’s loo that morning, and as I stood in my knickers and bra by the mirror above the sinks, I noticed that I had gotten thinner.

_ Maybe I should brainstorm anxiety remedies for myself, too. _

The sound of the door to the restroom opening made me jump.  _ Yeah, I think I definitely need something for my anxiety.  _ I assumed most girls who used this restroom were in Hogsmeade for the weekend; but someone must have returned early. I knelt down to pick up my sweater. 

When I stood up, I saw Draco in the mirror standing right behind me. 

“Bloody hell,” I cursed, placing a hand on my chest. “What are you doing in here, Draco?”

Draco looked unusually rugged. He was wearing a loose white collared shirt that was unbuttoned at the top, like he had just thrown it on. His hair hadn’t been combed, and was still damp. Draco wrapped his arms around me, pressing into my back, placing a wet kiss on my bare neck. My heart thumped. 

“I wanted to see you,” he said in a gravelly voice. His hands roamed across my bare midsection. “It seems I came a bit too late. You already have clothes on.”

His hand pawed at my chest, making me weak. “Strange how this isn’t the first time I’ve encountered you in the women’s restroom,” I said breathily. We were in front of the mirror; so I had to watch myself be touched by him. I was going to tell him to leave, but I had to admit- it was extremely hot to watch his large hands run across my ribs, floating down to the outside of my knickers. He was touching me with a kind of strange urgency, and the fact that we were in the women’s restroom made me nervously exhilarated. 

“M-my roommates went off to Hogsmeade,” I managed to say, distracted by the way he slipped his hand underneath my bra to get to my chest. “B-but they may return early-”

“So?” Draco teased my chest, making me sigh. I could see my euphoric facial expressions in the mirror. I looked like something straight out of an X-rated film. 

“You really shouldn’t…” I trembled as he pressed into my panties, “-we shouldn’t do this here.”

Draco didn’t respond. He held me firmly in his hands, preventing me from getting free. He kissed my neck again, and pressed his groin into my backside. My hips met the cold edge of the sink. I couldn’t believe it- he was already hard, and pressing eagerly against my ass. It was like he was possessed; he had one thing in mind, and he was going to do anything to get it. 

I tried to insist we stop, but my voice was getting weaker by the second. “Please- anyone could walk in…”

Draco played with me under my panties, making my breath hitch. My hand went up to his head, lacing into his soft hair as he pressed himself against me rhythmically. I couldn’t decide if I should be angry at him, or turned on. 

“No one’s going to walk in,” Draco whispered into my ear. “I placed a ward on the door.”

His hand came around between us, and I heard the sound of pants unzipping. Before I could object, he was moving my panties to the side. 

“Draco-” I managed to say, “The- the contraceptive charm-”

“I’ve taken care of it,” he said in a gravelly whisper. I could feel him behind me, at my entrance. 

_ He must have done it on himself- he knew he was going to take me in the women’s restroom- my god, what is happening- _

“Draco-” I began to speak, but had to stop to brace myself against the sink as he thrust into me roughly. He was so hard- and I was barely prepared for him. The sensation of him suddenly filling me made me cry out.

“Fuck,” he groaned into my ear, moving out of me just to thrust in again. My fingers clutched the sides of the sink, my mouth open in an erotically shocked position. He continued thrusting into me in the middle of the empty women’s restroom. 

He bucked his hips against me, and my hip bones bit against the hard porcelain sink. I watched myself be taken from behind by Draco in the mirror, my body moving lewdly in accordance with every thrust. I couldn’t contain my gasps of pleasure as he forced himself into me again and again- and I couldn’t believe I actually looked like I was enjoying being fucked over a sink in the women’s restroom- I was actually  _ enjoying it- _

Draco’s hand tightened around my throat, and I experienced the newfound sensation of having my airway constricted. It was scary, not being able to breathe- but Draco was panting so heavily into my hair, and his other hand was sliding so lovingly across my stomach, I could tell it wasn’t a malicious choke. It was like he was constricting me with how much he loved me- and I was falling for it, my god, I was tightening around him, even while he was fucking me like a whore in the bathroom, my head feeling dangerously lighter, and lighter- I wanted to tell him to stop, that it was too much, but I couldn’t manage to make a single sound.

His grip around my neck tightened as his thrusts grew rougher, and I got the fearful feeling inside me that something about Draco was off. He had come to the women’s loo looking unusually unhinged, already prepped with the contraceptive charm, and he was taking me forcefully over a sink while his right hand was wrapped around my neck. It was a total 180 from the slow, tender lovemaking I had become accustomed to with him. This was frenzied, hard, almost desperate-

I thought we might break the sink with how much of my weight I was putting onto it before Draco’s grip around my throat constricted for the last time, and his thrusting slowed. He breathed slowly and evenly as he came down from what seemed like a very powerful climax. 

He removed his hand from my throat and I coughed, finally feeling myself breathe easier again. I stood panting over the sink for a minute, my knuckles as white as the porcelain sink. The only sounds in the quiet bathroom were the faucet dripping, and the sound of me panting as I caught my breath.

I heard Draco speak behind me. “I’m sorry. I may have been too rough.”

I turned around to face him. “What the fuck-” I choked on my words, and my eyes began to well with horrible tears that I didn’t want. “What the  _ fuck _ was that?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his eyes darting about, “I-I’ve been very stressed, and I just needed you-”

“So you decided to come in here and treat me like an object?” My voice wavered, but I refused to back down. “Is that what I am to you?”

Draco looked incredibly hurt by my words. “Erica,” his voice was raw and pleading. He pressed a hand to his face. “This task… it’s driving me insane. All I do is worry about it. I wake up and immediately start thinking about the killing curse- and if I sleep, I dream that I’m attempting to use it, but it doesn’t work…” His voice trailed off, and I noticed his hand was shaking. “I just- I just needed to see you. I needed to do something to get my mind off of it.”

I wanted to be mad at him. But it was difficult when the person that I loved was stripped down to the vulnerable, distressed young man standing before me. Draco had turned into someone who was teetering on the edge of sanity. 

“I don’t like what’s happening to you, Draco,” I clutched my arms over my trembling chest. “This task is making you turn into this… into this agitated, destructive person. And I refuse to let you take it out on me.”

“I never meant to take it out on you,” Draco said fervently, his voice rising. “You’re the only thing I give a damn about in this world. You’re the only thing that keeps me from absolutely shattering sometimes- and I- I can’t lose you-”

My heart tugged when I saw Draco on the edge of tears.

“You aren’t going to lose me, Draco,” I said firmly. “I love you. And I love you enough to know that this task isn’t good for your health.” I paused, really seeing for the first time how his skin had paled, and his cheeks had hollowed. My throat swelled. “You’re  _ suffering _ . Can’t you see it?”

Draco continued breathing unevenly, running his hands across his eyes and chin, like he was trying to make sure he was still all there. I bit my lower lip. 

“I don’t want you to do it,” I said finally. “I don’t want you to kill Dumbledore. Let Snape do it in your stead. I don’t care if it’ll disappoint the Dark Lord- it’s eating away at you, Draco, and I refuse to let you turn into a shell of a person because of something as subjective as honor and glory.”

“It’s not just about honor and glory,” Draco snapped, his pupils trembling under upturned brows, “It’s about what the Dark Lord will do if I fail. He’s- he’s going to take away everything that I love.” His breath hitched, and I saw tears collect in his lower lash line. He looked at me with desperation, like he really didn’t want to have to say this to me, but I gave him no choice. 

“The Dark Lord will kill my family if I don’t assassinate Dumbledore,” he choked on the words, sounding hollow and haunted. “And he wanted to kill you, too.”

Fear shocked my heart like a thunderbolt. 

“You… you didn’t tell me that,” I croaked. 

“I couldn’t tell you, you would have left,” Draco cried. “You would have gone to America, and I wouldn’t have ever seen you again. You’re the reason I’m doing this, Erica. I have to kill Dumbledore so we can be together.”

It was as if someone had banged a very loud, dissonant piano chord in my head. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.

I was Draco’s weakness.

“Oh, God,” was all I could say as my body lurched, feeling like I might be sick. It wouldn’t be my Squib blood that would be the reason for my demise, after all, but love. This grim revelation was so cruel, so unfair- I wheeled around and gripped the corners of the sink again to keep myself from falling to the floor. My breath was competing in a race with my heartbeat, seeing which could be faster. A pitiful, animalistic sound left my lips as my eyes constricted to squeeze out tears. 

Draco rushed to me, his arms wrapping around my midsection- but I was like a ragdoll in his arms. 

“Erica, listen to me,” Draco hissed, his face hovering above my despondent expression. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I’m going to perform the curse, and- and if anything goes wrong, I’m going to sacrifice myself instead.”

_ No. No!  _ “This- this is wrong. This is all wrong,” I cried weakly. “I’m not worth all of this. You can’t trade your life for mine-”

“If everything goes according to plan, I won’t have to,” Draco insisted, his eyes wild. “Please believe in me, Erica. I can do it. I want it to be you and me at the end of all this. I’m willing to do anything to make that happen.”

I believed Draco when he said he was willing to do anything. He was willing to curse Katie Bell; he was willing to poison Ron Weasley; he was willing to let himself die if it meant I would live. I hated him for not telling me sooner. He was right- if I had known, I would have left. But I couldn’t possibly leave now; it would crush him. 

I sobbed into Draco’s chest, my shoulders heaving with heavy sobs. I had never cried like this before. I was like a vulnerable child, sputtering and whimpering in my knickers while Draco tried to keep me from falling to the tile. 

Draco was willing to do everything for me- but what was I willing to do for him? I refused to sit and cry and wait for death to come. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I knew I didn’t do everything in my power to help Draco.

I shuddered, realizing what I had to do. 

I would have to find a way to remove his Dark Mark. 


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica asks Snape for early careers advice, and is shocked at the advice she actually receives. In the Slytherin common room, drama is unfolding, involving Draco, Blaise, Pansy, and Penny.

Snape was not happy to see me standing outside his office.

He looked down at me over his large nose. “Miss Thorncroft,” he acknowledged me coldly. “To what do I owe the… pleasure?” He said the last word like it required quite a bit of force. 

My nose tickled at the smell of dust wafting from his office. Politely, I said to the professor, “I know I’m not scheduled until next Thursday, but I wanted to get a head start on Careers Advice.”

Snape stared at me, his dark eyes not blinking. He looked like he was preparing to tell me no- but then he swiftly motioned for me to take a seat in one of his dragonhide chairs, and he sat on the other side of his desk, his cloak stirring up dust on the floor as he moved. 

“You are not the first Slytherin student to ask for an early Careers meeting. Ambition is one of our prized traits, after all. But I do not give special treatment to anyone, Miss Thorncroft, even you.”

I squared my shoulders, making sure my spine was ruler-straight. I had a premonition he would say no; but he invited me into his office anyway, and I wasn’t going to let this chance go to waste. “I understand, professor. I know you’re a busy man, so I’ll get straight to the point. I wish to become a Healer. Madam Pomfrey has told me I show promise, and I have been studying all of the Healing texts that are available to me. However, there are certain books I cannot obtain because they are in the restricted section. To further my understanding of healing magic, more specifically, healing applied to Dark Magic, I need access to these texts. I would like your permission. Please.”

Unfortunately, Snape could tell immediately what I was getting at. His icy expression was so hard it could cut glass. 

“I know what you are trying to do, Miss Thorncroft,” he said, sending a chill down my spine. “You are attempting to research how to remove the Dark Mark.”

I tried to keep myself collected, but I was effectively caught off guard. I had no idea how he could tell my objective that quickly. “I-”

“Do not bother,” Snape said sharply. “The Dark Mark is among the most sinister Dark Magic ever created. It was designed by the Dark Lord himself to be impossible to remove, meant to endure even if the Dark Lord himself were to perish. Any Healers who have attempted to remove it have died instantly from the curse embedded within it.”

The threats Snape presented didn’t scare me. “Just as the Dark Lord has created new Dark Magic, healing magic can also be created to circumvent it,” I replied. “With the appropriate information and supplies, a cure will be found.”

“Impossible,” Snape grumbled, not willing to entertain my hopeful idea. 

“How would you know?” I snapped. 

“Because I’ve tried,” Snape retorted, his voice rising enough to rattle some of the bottles on his shelves. My body became petrified at Snape’s yell. It was odd to hear him sound so pained. 

Snape collected himself and his voice lowered to its normal stone-cold tenor. “I am telling you right now that it cannot be done. You wish to become a great healing witch? Then you need to come to terms with the fact that some curses cannot be broken. Acts of blood and darkness cannot be reversed. Your talents are better off being used to cure people who have not devoted themselves to a lifetime of agony.”

“Draco didn’t want this pain,” I pleaded. “He didn’t know what he was getting himself into-”

“He knew exactly what he was doing, child,” Snape replied firmly. “He’s chosen his fate. Now you have the chance to choose yours. You could do what’s best for the both of you and part ways, or remain by his side and endure years of suffering in a world dominated by Dark Magic.” His voice became gravelly and low. “And we both know his world is one that you will never fit into.”

My throat was dry. Snape was doing it again- speaking like he knew I was half-Squib.

“You- you know, don’t you?”

Snape looked bored as he uttered, “Yes.”

“Wh-who told you-”

“You have heard of legilimency, I am assuming? The ability to look into someone’s mind, and see the truth.” Snape looked at me from the corner of his eyes. “I knew the second you returned from holiday that you were half-Squib. Not that I didn’t already have my suspicions.”

The walls of his office suddenly felt like they were closing in around me.  _ He’s known. He’s known this whole time. _

“You really thought that you were pureblood because you were sorted into Slytherin?” Snape continued, still sounding bored and irritated. “That was a foolish assumption to make. Because I, myself, am a half-blood.”

I blinked furiously at Snape’s revelation. That couldn’t be the truth-  _ the head of Slytherin house, and one of the most trusted followers of the Dark Lord was a half-blood?  _

“Why are you telling me this?” I demanded, not sure why Snape would trust me with this giant piece of information.

“Because you and I are not so different,” Snape drawled, looking at me with careful eyes. “Trust me when I say that I am willing to see to it that you survive. That is why I am telling you now to stop your hunt for the Dark Mark’s cure.”

“I have to find a way to remove it,” I said fervently, finally showing a bit of my Slytherin ambition. “I’ve been doing research for the past two weeks on medical countercurses and jinx removals. I can recite the procedures backwards and forwards. All I’m missing is the information on how the Mark works-”

“Have you not been listening to me, insolent girl?” Snape yelled, making my insides shrivel. “Cease your hopeless conjectures and face the reality before you! Draco has chosen his path. I’m telling you now that if you want to live, you would leave the boy.”

I glared at Snape. “...I’m not running away.” 

Snape looked like he wanted to laugh. “Hmph,” he chortled darkly. “I suppose it is not impossible that you may be able to squeeze yourself into Draco’s life once the assassination is completed. After all, Malachi Sloan is a convenient coverup for your blood status. However,” he said this part with menacing slowness, “You and I, as well as Draco, will know you will always be living a life of lies. If that is the life you desire, then by all means, carry on. But-” He leaned in slightly, “The best advice I can give you, Miss Thorncroft, is that you leave while you still can.”

I sniffled in contempt. I didn’t even realize it, but I had started crying. Snape looked at my tears with as much indifference as a toddler looking at paperwork. 

Snape waved his fingers and a file from a shelf behind him flew to his hand. He laid it out upon his desk and removed a single piece of paper, enchanting it to hover before me. 

“I have here a recommendation that you be transferred to Ilvermorny’s healing programme.”

“Ilvermorny?” I gasped. “In America? No-”

“Do not interrupt me,” Snape said sharply. “Should you choose to leave, it would be wise to do so before the assassination takes place. This letter, signed by me, will clear you from the rest of term.”

I gaped at the letter hovering before me. Snape’s scrawling signature was at the bottom, right below where it said my grades were excellent and qualified me for immediate transfer to Ilvermorny to finish my 5th year. 

“I’m not taking this,” I said immediately, but my voice sounded hollow and ghost-like. 

Snape’s eyes narrowed. “I am offering you salvation. Once the Headmaster is killed, the castle will be thrown into disarray. You will not get this chance again.”

I chewed my lower lip. The truth was, Snape’s offer was more appealing than I would have liked. It made me feel horrible for even considering it. But I had to think about Draco. If I left, he would lose his strength. Without my support, he may not be able to face Dumbledore- and then he would die…

“Draco has more people on his side than you realize,” Snape said, likely reading my thoughts again. “He will persevere without you. I will make sure of it.”

I bolted up from my seat. “I refuse your offer.” I turned to leave, and then remembered that even though he pissed me off, Snape was still a professor. “Good day,” I said sharply, and then left. 

I had to get out of Snape’s office. If I spent another moment in there looking at that piece of paper that would seamlessly remove me from Hogwarts and place me in Ilvermorny, I might have actually accepted it. After all, America was where my parents were. And the school had a healing programme. I did adore Madam Pomfrey, but she would understand the appeal of a curriculum focused on healing. 

As I walked down the frigid hall from Snape’s office to the Slytherin common room entrance, I realized that nothing was keeping me at Hogwarts except for Draco. 

_ Draco is very important to me. But when will I stop thinking of him and start thinking of my own future? _

I stepped into the common room and was stunned at the scene unfolding before me. My thoughts immediately came to a halt when I saw a crowd of riled up Slytherin students all in a circle in the center of the common room. I shouldered my way past them to see what was happening. 

Draco was pinning Blaise Zabini to the ground, his eyes wild and fist cocked. 

“Draco!” I yelled, but it was too late. Draco’s hand came down, and with a swift crack collided with Blaise’s nose. Crabbe and Goyle pulled Draco off of Blaise, all the while Draco was thrashing and kicking. 

“Get off!” Draco hissed. “I’m not finished!”

Blaise’s hand covered his face, and then came away coated in blood. I had no idea how this started, or why Draco decided to attack Blaise without a wand. It didn’t matter. I switched into Healer mode and rushed to Blaise, kneeling on the carpet beside him. 

“Blaise, your nose is broken,” I said worriedly. 

Blaise glared at me, streams of blood slipping past his lips and onto his white collar. “You don’t say?”

“Get away from him, Erica!” Draco growled. Crabbe and Goyle were still holding him by the arms, restraining him despite his frantic efforts to break free. All of Slytherin house was watching and murmuring to each other. 

“Crabbe, Goyle, keep Draco out of this,” I ordered, drawing my wand and preparing to heal Blaise’s nose. I glared at the crowd of students. “And everyone else, clear out. Now.”

Crabbe and Goyle dragged Draco back to their dormitory, saying, “Cool off, man. He didn’t mean it.” The students lingered for a moment, upset that the interesting bit was over. Bored now that Draco was gone, they went off their separate ways, giving me some privacy to heal Blaise.

“ _ Episkey _ .” 

Blaise’s nose righted itself with a gross crackling sound. He groaned and wiped residual blood away, leaving streaks of red on his white shirt cuff. 

“What happened?” I demanded. 

Blaise glowered at me, looking at me with venom. “Shouldn’t you be checking on your boyfriend?”

“I will in a moment. But I had to help you first.”

Blaise flinched as I cast a  _ tergeo _ spell on his face, clearing his chin and nose of the dried blood. He didn’t look the slightest bit grateful for it. 

Blaise frowned at me. “I don’t like you,” he hissed. 

That didn’t shock me. Blaise hadn’t warmed to me as much as Crabbe and Goyle had, but I didn’t know the reason. I just assumed he was just a loner- maybe a bit misogynistic, even. 

I held his cold gaze with my own ferocious glare. “May I ask why?” 

“You’ve made Draco soft,” Blaise spat. “At the beginning of the year, he was determined and ruthless. He told Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy and I that he had been given an important task by the Dark Lord, and he was going to do anything it took to see it completed. We didn’t know what it was but we still wanted to help. He told us that he could do it himself. I believed him, then,” Blaise paused to scoff, all the while glaring at me from underneath lowered brows. “Draco used to be a man of cold conviction. A fortress. Now, because of you, he’s crying in his sleep and exploding at anyone who so much as looks at him wrong. He’s going to fail his task, and it’s all because you’ve distracted him and made him think about love instead of legacy.”

I listened to Blaise with a stone face. This was the most I had ever heard Blaise speak to me, and it was quite sharp and cruel. I swallowed. 

“What makes you so special, anyway, that he’s willing to accept your help over ours?” Blaise said coldly. “You’re just a 5th year he’s known for a couple of months. We’ve been his friends for  _ five years _ . You’ve ruined one of the greatest wizards I’ve ever known and turned him into a lovesick shadow of who he used to be.”

I pursed my lips. “Is that what you told him, then, to make him so angry?”

Blaise exhaled heavily, sending invisible tendrils of hatred in my direction.

“Word for word.”

He rose from the carpet, grabbing his wand from where it lay on the floor. It must have been knocked from his hand during the fray. “Now bugger off. Go heal someone who actually wants it.”

Blaise slouched out of the common room, leaving me alone on the floor. I didn’t want Blaise to see me get upset, but now that he was gone, I could press a shaky hand to my mouth and cry. 

It wasn’t just Snape who didn’t want me here. Draco’s friends also thought I was hindering him more than helping him. It made me feel awful- like I was just a big mistake. Maybe they were right. After all, when I met Draco, he  _ was _ an unstoppable force of a person. But that had changed since he met me.

And even though I tried not to think about it- I, myself, wanted to leave, and run to the safety of my mother and father’s arms. 

“Oh, God,” I whimpered, rising from the floor. I ambled to the women’s loo so I could cry, and try to not think about all the people who wished I didn’t exist. I shut myself into a bathroom stall, my back collapsing against the door as I shuddered and sobbed, trying to desperately convince myself that I was strong enough to endure this. This year had hardened me greatly, and yet my ego was still made of glass, cracked by the pressure of the external forces upon me. My boyfriend was steadily going mad, his friends despised me, my own roommates wouldn’t speak to me, and I wasn’t any closer to figuring out how to remove the Dark Mark.

I quickly stifled my sobs when I heard Pansy Parkinson’s voice. I pressed my ear against the stall door to listen.

“Why are you following me? Get out of here.”

“I know what you did, Pansy.”

I recognized the second voice as Penny’s. The two sisters sounded like they were fighting. 

“Whatever it is you think I did I’m sure you’re mistaken. Now scram.”

“You put veritaserum in Blaise’s coffee,” Penny said in her familiar shrill voice. “I know you keep it in that silver shine-stone flask I got you last Christmas.”

Pansy made a guttural scoffing noise. “Keep your voice down. There could be someone else in the loo.” Pansy started to march down the center of the stalls, checking under the gaps for feet. My heartbeat quickened as I heard the rhythmic clomping of her heavy loafers against the stone. She was getting nearer to where I was hiding in the very last stall- so I balanced my feet atop the toilet. 

“Fine,” Pansy said sharply, marching back to her sister. I exhaled shakily in relief. “I thought that giving Blaise truth serum would make Draco finally come to his senses. He needed someone to tell him that he’s making the wrong decision, and he’s stopped listening to me. I knew Blaise doesn’t like her either, but he was never going to say so. He just needed a little push.”

“That’s…. That’s evil, even for you.”

“Oh, piss off. You don’t even like her.”

“I’m only ignoring her until she and Draco break up,” Penny retorted angrily. “Draco and Erica won’t be together forever. Draco is going to dump her eventually, and when that happens, I was going to let her go back to being mates with me and the girls again.”

I heard Pansy scoff. “You should be thanking me for helping things along, then.”

“You’re a bitch.”

“Oh yeah? Then that makes you a  _ little _ bitch, which is even worse. Now go suck off McAvoy in the owlery or something.” Pansy clomped away, and I heard Penny’s heavy footsteps follow. 

I slowly stepped off of the toilet. So Blaise only said those things about me because he was unknowingly drugged with veritaserum. But that still meant that what he said was true. And Pansy only did what she did because she was concerned about Draco. As much as I disliked her, I did respect that she was a fierce friend to him. 

And Penny- god dammit, Penny- I thought she hated me for being with Draco. But she didn’t hate me at all. She just didn’t know how to be friends with me when she was so blinded by her jealousy. I didn’t know how I felt about her now, because in truth I did miss her companionship; and it seemed she still cared about me enough to stand up to Pansy for meddling. She was a fierce friend just like her sister. 

Draco’s friends were frighteningly loyal to him. And instead of respecting that loyalty, he’s pushed them away to be with me. 

He’s pushed almost everything away to be with me. 

And to give him my thanks, what was I doing? Contemplating transferring to Ilvermorny? But if I did choose to take Snape up on his offer, it would simplify things. Draco could focus on his task, and lean on his friends for support. I could be with my family and pursue healing in America. It was the obvious choice. The easy choice. 

But I’ve never been one to do the easy thing; and I wasn’t going to start now. 


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is now May, and as things warm up in the castle, Erica keeps Draco afloat while he struggles with the stress of his task. However, one Saturday morning, Erica overhears a concerning conversation between Ron and Harry in the hospital wing that makes her furious.

Spring was coming, and Draco and I both hated it. 

Sunny, warm days made me uncomfortable. I much preferred the cold weather, which made everything misty and white. The awkward seasonal change between winter and spring was rather hideous- the castle grounds were riddled with mud puddles, and the weather oscillated nauseatingly between sunny and cloudy. Additionally, Draco and I fell in love in the winter. I found comfort in it. 

Draco hated the spring because it meant his time was running out. Each day the weather grew warmer felt to him like we were creeping closer and closer to the fiery gates of Hell. 

Now that winter had come to an end, Draco’s vicious love for me had now escalated into a full-blown obsession. 

Draco informed me that when Blaise confronted him with how he thought I was making him “soft”, he had been so blinded by rage that he completely forgot his wand and lunged at him like an animal. “I couldn’t let him speak of you that way,” Draco said to me when I checked on him. “I don’t care that he was drugged with truth serum.”

“But you will speak to him again, won’t you?” I asked hopefully, after explaining that it was all a scheme Pansy had arranged to drive us apart. 

“Not in a million years.”

“But Blaise is your  _ friend _ -”

“Anyone who speaks ill of you is no friend of mine,” Draco replied, looking sour, but his eyes speaking of sadness, “I only need you.”

After hearing Draco say that, I decided not to tell him that Snape had offered to transfer me to Ilvermorny. If Draco knew I was thinking of leaving, it would destroy him. After all, he had become almost entirely dependent on me. 

Draco began fetching me from the Hospital Wing when he needed my companionship in the Room of Requirement, where we-or rather, he- would frantically make love. He was careful not to scare me again after he choked me in the women’s restroom, but he would do other things; restraining my hands, gripping my hair, tracing his teeth along the sensitive parts of my flesh. I learned that he liked it when I whimpered a little. It turned him on when I looked a little scared- but not too scared to where I’d ask to stop. Not that I would ever tell him to stop, anyway. 

I realized that sex was something I could do that always made Draco feel better. No drug I gave him had the same effect. So I let him be rough with me, and get out his discontent and aggression in the form of passionate, biting sex. I didn’t even say anything when he left the taste of cigarette ashes in my mouth.

I enjoyed it most of the time. But other times, I felt like I was watching myself from behind a screen. This didn’t bother me, because I reminded myself that this was what Draco needed, and that I was keeping him from falling apart. It was my own sort of healing magic, and my cunt was the medicine. 

He needed me at least once a day. 

Draco began to disrupt my schedule in the Hospital Wing. To make up for the lost time I spent tending to him, I would return to assist Madam Pomfrey until curfew. This ended up working out, because that meant Madam Pomfrey could go off to have dinner while I monitored patients while sitting on an ice pack to alleviate my soreness. I spent most of April being sore.

It was a sunny Saturday morning when Ron Weasley returned to the Hospital Wing with a Quidditch injury. 

“What happened?” Madam Pomfrey asked with disappointment. “You boys can never stay out of the Hospital Wing for longer than a few weeks, can you…”

Harry Potter was at Ron’s side, who was limping as Madam Pomfrey eased him into a bed. They were both still dressed in their Quidditch uniforms. “Miscommunication during practice,” Harry muttered, saying something about Cormac McLaggen under his breath. 

“You were the one who told me to go left,” Ron glared at Harry, then winced as Madam Pomfrey removed the shinguard from his left leg. “Right into the goalpost…”

“I didn’t  _ mean _ go left into the goalpost, you know that!” Harry argued. Madam Pomfrey shushed them both. 

“Just a bad bruise,” she declared after inspecting Ron’s leg. “Erica, would you fetch the- oh, yes, thank you.” I handed her the Bruisewort Balm that I had grabbed from the shelf while they were talking. 

Ron looked at me. “Erica, do you think you could get me something sweet, please?” Ron Weasley had gotten quite comfortable around me while recovering from his poisoning. Ron was a patient who didn’t complain much, as long as he had something to eat. He learned he could always count on me for a snack. 

Harry lightly smacked the side of Ron’s head. “It’s just a bruise, you don’t need a sweet.”

“It’s not a problem. I’ll be right back,” I smiled and went into Madam Pomfrey’s office where she kept her peppermints and lollies. While I was sifting through the drawer for Ron’s favorite flavor, I overheard Madam Pomfrey talk to the boys. 

“I wanted to share some good news with you both,” she said. “I think you’re both due to hear something good, after all. Katherine Bell has recovered from her curse and will return to Hogwarts next week.”

“Katie Bell?” Harry echoed, sounding excited and surprised. “Does...does she remember who cursed her-?”

“Mr. Potter, the girl has been through a lot. I doubt she remembers, and you would be wise not to ask. However, after a thorough inspection by me, I would have no issue clearing her for Quidditch.”

Ron and Harry rejoiced at that. 

I returned with a bright green lolly and handed it to Ron, who immediately stuffed it in his mouth and said a garbled “fanks, Erica”. 

“Mr. Weasley should stay here for an hour while the Balm settles in,” Madam Pomfrey informed Harry. 

Harry looked like he badly wanted to leave. “I-” Harry began, but Ron gave him a sad look. 

“Don’t abandon me here, mate,” Ron begged. 

“I’m not abandoning you,” Harry said, but sounded hesitant. “Erica and Madam Pomfrey are here to keep you company!”

“Actually, Erica has to collect a delivery of potions from the owlery, and I have to sign medical reports,” Madam Pomfrey said, giving Harry a look that said ‘ _ you-better-not-leave-your-best-friend-right-now-Mr.-Potter _ ’. Harry dejectedly settled into the chair beside Ron’s bed. I noticed there was a blank piece of parchment peeking out of the back of Harry’s Quidditch robes.  _ Harry likely has homework to do that he’s putting off, and that’s why he wants to leave. _

“Just an hour,” Harry said to Ron. “Then we’re leaving.”

When I returned to the Hospital Wing twenty minutes later with a parcel of blood replenishing potions, Harry and Ron were deep in conversation and didn’t even notice me come in. 

“I know Malfoy is up to something in the Room of Requirement,” Harry said to Ron in a lowered voice. “I just don’t know what he’s doing!”

“It’s not  _ what _ he’s doing, it’s  _ who _ he’s doing. He’s going in there to shag his girlfriend, obviously.”

I silently moved to the corner of the room where the hospital bed curtains blocked me from view, and listened closely. 

“You could be right,” Harry replied, his voice still pensive. “But Malfoy is definitely plotting something. Erica could be in on it, too.”

“What! There’s no way. Erica is too nice to scheme with Malfoy. When I was recovering from the poison, she always gave me extra crackers.”

“I don’t think she’s evil, either. But what if Malfoy is just using her, you know, as a diversion?”

Ron paused, considering that. 

“Think about it,” Harry continued, “She’s a 5th year, he’s a 6th year. That’s already a huge scandal. And all that sneaking around the castle that Malfoy has been doing lately- people are likely writing that off as him going to see Erica. With everyone focusing on that, they won’t look closely enough to uncover what he’s  _ really _ plotting.”

“Blimey. If he’s using that nice nurse as a cover up, he’s more wicked than I thought,” Ron replied. “‘t’s a shame Erica wasn’t in a different house. Ginny said she really likes her.”

I used my wand to make the Hospital Wing doors open and close again, making Ron and Harry stop talking. I stepped into view, pretending like I had just entered. 

My voice wavered as I asked, “How are you doing, Ron?” and set down the box of potions. 

Ron looked at me with guilty eyes. “Feeling much better now. Thanks.”

I forced myself to put on a mask of content. “Glad to hear it. I’m going to take off now- but do go easy on that leg, alright?”

Ron and Harry said goodbye to me. As soon as I turned away from them, my smile snapped into a frown. A furious, smoldering frown that made my forehead ache. 

Draco had some explaining to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end, so of course I had to throw in an extra complication! Btw, I love writing scenes with Harry and Ron. It's so easy to concoct dialogue for them. And as always, thank you all for the kind comments. They're better than chocolate frogs. -kittyhawk


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica confronts Draco about a secret he's been keeping from her. Story climax.

Perhaps I was too blinded by love to see the truth. 

What Harry had said in the Hospital Wing made sense. I wished it hadn’t, because then I would have been able to brush it off. But this- this idea that my relationship was being used without my knowledge as a diversion, was too real for me to ignore. 

My knuckles forcefully hit the door of Draco’s bedroom three times. Goyle answered. 

“Is Draco here?” I demanded. 

“Yeah,” Goyle replied, looking confused and slightly scared of my fuming demeanor. “Are you alright, Erica?”

“I need to speak with him. Alone.”

Wide-eyed, Goyle let me enter the room, and he and Crabbe swiftly grabbed their cloaks and left. Just as the door closed behind them, Draco entered the bedroom from the adjoining sitting room, wearing a loose white shirt that was slovenly tucked into black slacks.

“Erica, I’m glad you’re here. Did you bring another Sleeping Draught-” he stopped speaking when he finally caught sight of my angry expression. He froze like an animal caught in headlights. 

“What’s the matter, love?” Draco started to come towards me, but stopped when I held out a warning hand. He looked at it and scoffed, thinking I was joking. The smile slipped from his face when he realized I was serious. 

“I am going to ask you a question, and I want you to answer me honestly. I think I deserve the truth, after all we’ve been through,” I said, my voice trembling. “Have you been using our relationship as a coverup for your plan?”

Draco was silent. His eyes flicked to the floor, and he wet his lips momentarily, crossing his arms. Not a word left his lips. 

My heart sank, and my fury rose. “Because if you are,” I continued, my eyes stinging with the beginnings of tears, “If that’s why you wanted to be with me so badly, then you are the most horrid person I have ever met.”

“It’s not like that,” Draco replied. “It started as that, yes. But I truly, honestly fell in love with you. That was real.”

I gasped air into my lungs and choked out a sob. So Harry’s theory was true. “How am I supposed to believe that?” I barked, “How do you expect me to believe anything that you say, when this whole time I’ve just been a… a pawn?”

Draco exhaled, his thinning frame drooping from stress. “Do you want the truth?” he asked, looking me dead in the eyes. I crossed my arms and sniffled, nodding for him to go ahead. 

Draco spoke without ever breaking eye contact with me. “The truth is that I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I am the poster child of hatred, Erica, and you are a good hearted girl who lives to help people.” I opened my mouth to speak, but he swiftly cut me off. “Don’t say it isn’t true. When we first met that night in the common room, I was attracted to you instantly. But in a way a lion is attracted to fresh meat. It was purely carnal- and I, I wanted so badly to fuck you then,” his voice grew breathy, remembering the night. I humphed in contempt; I didn’t confront him so I could get his play-by-play of the way he wanted to fuck me. But I let him speak, because it seemed like it was important to him that I know this.

“I had sworn off girls indefinitely so I could focus on my task. But you just… kept appearing. So stubborn, and persistent. You were begging to help me. So I,” he swallowed, “being the vile, hateful person that I am, wanted to take advantage of you in every way I could. Because you were beautiful, and pure, and the sick corners of my mind didn’t want you to get hurt by anyone but me. I… I asked you to be mine before I even knew that I loved you because it was just another way to exploit your kindness for my own gain. I knew that you had feelings for me and thought that you could be the perfect diversion should anyone become suspicious of my true intentions in the castle. But then…” his voice became strained, and a hand went to his forehead, “Then you were all I could think about. Every hour of the day, I spent replaying conversations we’d had. When I closed my eyes at night, I saw your face. Seeing you with another boy filled me with so much wrath, that I was willing to hurt myself just to get your attention. I wanted to be with you so badly that it scared me. Because I had never felt like this for anyone in my entire life. I realized that I wanted you to be mine, but not in a false way. In a real way.”

“But then you gave up when you found out my father was a Squib,” I said, narrowing my eyes. 

Draco nodded slowly, his lips hardened into a line. “I wanted to be done, then. I thought we could carry on and forget each other. But... you remained in my mind. Because, even though the blood that runs in your veins was tainted, I still wanted to make love to you, and kiss your lips, and hear your voice. I didn’t understand how someone I had been raised to believe was tarnished could make me feel so damned  _ captivated _ .” Draco inhaled deeply through his nose, and let it out through his mouth. I couldn’t look away, even though I wanted to. 

“You made me question everything I thought I knew about the way the world should work, Erica. It drove me mad to know that my heart belonged to someone whose kind I had wanted to wipe out of existence.”

I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick. Draco had never told me these things before. 

Draco himself also looked like he was turning a sickly pale. “When you were talking with Malachi in the Manor, the Dark Lord could tell I had fallen for you,” Draco said grimly. “He didn’t have to use legilimency to know that my feelings for you ran deep. He was growing impatient with my progress and saw his opportunity to use you as an incentive. I begged him, that if I should fail, to take my life instead of yours. He agreed to that condition.”

My voice was weak when I said, “You traded your life for a blood traitor.”

“And I don’t regret doing so,” Draco replied passionately. “I don’t want to live in a world without you in it, Erica. I don’t want to live without you, ever. I love you more than I fear death.”

“Then you should have told me,” I said with a gasping sob, “You should have told me everything, instead of using me like this.”

Draco’s eyes were wild and his voice was dripping with desperation. “I was afraid that if I told you, you would have left!” 

I shook my head, my teeth digging into my lip. If Draco thought that lying to me was the way to get me to stay, then he was wrong. 

“All I’ve ever tried to do was help you,” I seethed, wanting to scowl but shaking too badly to do so. “I healed you over and over. I let you use me as an alibi when you cursed Katie Bell; I fetched the Compendium of Toxins for you; I covered for you at the Manor and didn’t even run away when I met the  _ fucking Dark Lord _ . I gave you the Ring and stole Sleeping Draughts and let you fuck me whenever you wanted. I  _ loved you _ , and you  _ used me _ .”

Draco watched me sob, and stepped forward, his arms beginning to reach for me. 

“Don’t,” I rasped, holding out an arm protectively. “Don’t touch me right now.”

Draco’s lip trembled, and he looked away, tears also glistening in his eyes. “… I just wanted more time with you,” he said with a gravelly anguish that made my heart ache. “I was willing to do anything to make that happen. I would lie and kill, if it meant we could be together forever.”

“Just what do you think will happen to us if you succeed, Draco?” I spat coldly. “When the Dark Lord begins his takeover, and starts slaughtering those of non-magical parentage?”

“That doesn’t include you,” Draco argued. “According to everyone but us, Malachi Sloan is your father.”

I exhaled and gave Draco a meaningful look. “Malachi isn’t my father, though.” 

My real father was a Squib from a pureblood family who had been held captive as a prisoner in a Muggle war for the last fifteen years. And even though his brother was willing to step in and play father for me in the eyes of the Dark Lord, I couldn’t possibly ask him to do that for the rest of my life. It was too risky for the both of us when Death Eaters were always watching.

“Even if everything goes according to plan, I don’t know if I could survive in a world that doesn’t want me.” My voice cracked. “I already live in a constant state of anxiety. Do you really want me to live like that for my entire life? If I chose to stay with you, that would mean I would never see my parents again. And… and I just got my father back.”

Draco was despondent. Silence hung heavy between us, like we were attending our own funerals.

“I could make you my family,” Draco half-whispered. He was still looking at me hopefully, like I was going to say that that was enough, that he was enough. But he wasn’t.

“I love you, Draco,” I replied earnestly. “But I can’t be with you. You must know this, that you and I… we can’t escape the world around us. Not when you’ve got that tattoo on your arm, and I’ve got tainted blood in my veins.” I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, feeling like I was driving a knife into our relationship. 

A tear formed on Draco’s cheek, and he wiped it away immediately. “So, what?” he said bitingly. “Your blood doesn’t change the fact that I will protect you until the day that I die.”

“I don’t  _ want _ you to die!” I shouted back. “I was meant to be your  _ Healer _ . You putting your life in jeopardy for me, it’s just… it’s just wrong. And I can’t allow it.”

We were both in tears now, standing distantly from each other. This was it. There was no recovering from this. I gazed at Draco sadly, and then averted my eyes to the floor. 

“I… I have to leave now, Draco.”

“We’re not done talking about this-”

“No. I mean I have to leave the castle. For good.”

Draco looked like I had just stabbed him. “What?” he rasped. “No-”

“Snape offered to have me transferred to Ilvermorny. I’m going to go. Today,” I said curtly. I had to speak in short sentences, because that was the only way to keep myself from completely breaking down.

“Don’t go,” Draco pleaded. He rushed forward, and I stepped back, not willing to close the space between us. 

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” I avoided his eyes, knowing that if I looked in them I might give in. “We can’t change where we come from, Draco. Your loyalty will always have to be to the Dark Lord.”

I heard the sound of his knees hitting the floor. I watched as Draco knelt before me, his shoulders shuddering with hard, deep sobs. 

“Don’t leave,” Draco pleaded. “Erica, please- I need you to heal me. If I just had more time...”

Draco didn’t finish his sentence, because his sobs overtook him. It was horrible to watch. It was a bitter reminder that the love of my life, one of the most powerful students at Hogwarts, was still just a 17 year old boy. And he had been a 17 year old boy all along. 

I stood above him. “No amount of healing can fix you, Draco. I’ve tried.”

As Draco gasped and cried, I fought against the urge to get on the floor and hold him. It was the hardest things I had ever had to do in my life. But he would always be forced to choose his Dark Mark over me. His Mark was permanent. I was not. 

I turned away from him, opened the door, and left, aware that I was leaving him with a deep emotional wound. 

And yet, I did not regret it. 

Because I was finally free. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I don't even know what you all will think of this chapter! This is the story climax so from here on out it's resolution, all leading to the finale (but don't worry, the excitement will continue).   
> In this chapter I really wanted to express how since Erica knows Draco doesn't have a choice, it's up to her to make the tough decision. Draco's betrayal FINALLY makes her think of what would be best for herself. And as the last sentence suggests, she knows she did the right thing. hhhhh the internal struggle! the drama!


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica's roommates walk in on her packing. Snape escorts Erica as she exits the castle; but something urgent makes him stop and turn around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short chapter because the next ones coming are pretty long!

“Erica… what are you doing?”

I jumped, almost catching my fingers in the heavy lid of my trunk as it closed. My roommates were standing at the entrance of the bedroom, each of them studying me with mixed expressions. Their eyes went to the jacket and jeans I was wearing, then my bed stripped of its linens, to my empty nightstand, the contents of which were now locked in the trunk at my feet. 

Evelyn looked confused. “Are you going somewhere?”

I cursed to myself. I didn’t think they would see me. Didn’t think they’d even care.

“You’re leaving,” Greta said, sounding hurt. “Why?”

I crossed my arms, biting my lip. I wasn’t expecting them to look so sad.  _ God dammit. _ I said, “My mother wants me to return home. It’s a family issue.”

Greta was the first to let her tears fly. “You weren’t going to say goodbye to us?”

“I was going to write you all letters,” I replied hoarsely. “But… it’s an emergency. I really have to go.” I had met with Snape earlier to tell him I was ready to accept his offer. He instructed me to pack my things while he summoned Malachi to the castle to escort me to America. I had only a few hours before my uncle would be at the gates.

Penny looked at me in her calculating, suspicious way. “What about Draco?”

I shook my head, feeling a knot in my throat as I swallowed. “That… that didn’t work out.”

My roommates exchanged looks with one another. 

“But you’ll miss OWLs,” Evelyn protested. 

“And the Quidditch finals,” Greta added. 

“Is this really because of a family issue?” Penny pressed, lowering her black brows. “I know we were horrible to you, but we never meant to drive you away.”

Penny hadn’t looked at me in months, and right now, her brown eyes were surprisingly misty. It made my own eyes tear up. 

“No, it's not because of you all,” I said, dabbing at the corners of my eyes with my sleeve. “I don’t blame you all for acting the way that you did. I was the one that lied.”

“Oh, Erica!” Greta wailed and rushed to me, dramatically glomping onto me in a fierce hug. “Don’t leave!” Evelyn also joined in the hug, and I was nearly knocked over by the weight of the two girls clinging to me and crying. 

“Evelyn, Greta,” I said, slightly choked by their vice-like grips, “I really don’t have a lot of time.” They released me, still sniffling. 

Penny hung back. She was never the hugging type. “You’re really going then, aren’t you?” she asked stiffly. 

I nodded. “I’m finishing my 5th year at Ilvermorny.”

“Will you come back to Hogwarts next year?” asked Evelyn. 

“...Most likely not.”

That made Greta and Evelyn dissolve into tears again. Penny’s mouth tightened. She hated crying, and I could tell she was fighting hard to keep herself from doing so. 

“Well, you better write to us,” Penny ordered curtly. “And tell us about those American boys.”

My throat swelled. “Yeah. I- I’ll try.”

It was all very bittersweet to have to say goodbye to the girls I had spent my most formative years with. We all had moments where we were mean, and bitchy, and rude to each other- but I will remember the good memories more than the bad ones, like when Evelyn gave us a kissing demonstration on a mannequin head, or when Greta spilled Moonseed potion all over herself in potions class and we formed a protective circle around her while she summoned a new shirt, or all the late-night games Penny forced us to play that resulted in us laughing until our stomachs ached. 

Greta tried to give me back a sweater I had lent her a long time ago, but I told her to keep it. Evelyn begged me to take her with her, but I assured her I would write and send pictures of the best looking American boys I met. I grabbed my trunk and started to head out the door. 

“Erica,” Penny grabbed my arm. “One more thing.”

I set my heavy trunk down and prepared myself for what Penny would say. She always had to have the last word, and I suspected it would be backhanded, passive-aggressive, or even just blatantly snarky. 

Penny opened her mouth to say something, and then, to my surprise, closed it. Then, quickly, rushing into it before she could change her mind, she wrapped her arms around me in an awkward hug. 

She pulled away and didn’t look at me. But I could still see the wetness framing her lower lash line. “Bye,” she barked, and waved for me to go. 

“Bye,” I said softly. I knew Penny was capricious, and cold. Expressing her feelings was never something she was good at, unless they were feelings of resentment. But I had never seen her hug  _ anyone _ . That might have been the most loving gesture she had ever made. 

_ Slytherin girls _ .  _ We don’t show our emotion until it really counts. _

As I walked to Snape’s office, trunk in tow, I realized that Draco was not the reason why I was sorted into Slytherin. Maybe- I had always belonged here. 

But this place couldn’t be my home anymore. 

I had stopped crying when I reached Snape’s office, but I could tell he noticed my puffy eyes and red nose. 

“Malachi will be at the gates soon,” he said to me, ignoring my swollen face. He extended to me the sealed envelope that contained my transfer recommendation. 

I looked at it, my hands staying stiffly by my side. “Before I leave, I need to know that Draco will be alright.”

Snape’s eyes hardened. “Draco’s wellbeing is my responsibility. Not yours.”

I remained staring at the black wax-sealed envelope. “S-so that means, you’re not going to let him die, right?” I asked. 

Snape usually appeared stoic and emotionless- but when I asked my question, I saw Snape’s expression change into a strange kind of sympathy.

“I will not let the boy die. You have my word.” Snape forced the letter into my hands and marched out of his office. “Now, come.”

I followed Snape through the corridors. It was half past midday. By this time tomorrow, I would be in America, with my mother, and my father. My stomach did a flip as the sounds of our shoes echoed in the Entrance Hall. Beyond these tall doors was the bridge to the gates, where my uncle was waiting to take me home, where I would be away from evil, away from darkness, away from Draco…

Before crossing the castle threshold, Snape suddenly stopped. He wheeled around with wide eyes, as if an invisible voice had called to him from somewhere deep in the castle. 

My blood chilled. Snape looked eerily alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

Snape gave me no explanation. “Stay here,” he ordered. He took off into the halls of the castle, his cloak billowing behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Capturing the feeling of saying goodbye to a frenemy... it's complicated. Because even though you dislike them as a person, you still feel attached. As for Penny, Evelyn and Greta's viewpoint- seeing Erica leave made them realize how horrid they had been. But by the time they realized, it was too late.


	44. Draco's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter is dedicated to Draco's internal monologue regarding his feelings about Erica, Dumbledore's assassination, and how he feels about the possibility of his own death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains a mention of suicide.

I never intended to fall in love with her.

I didn’t even know I was capable of loving anything other than myself. Sexual intimacy was the closest thing I had to loving another person. But as much as I tried with Pansy, the part of my brain responsible for connecting with people on that deeper level was corked tight like a potion vial. 

And then Erica shattered me. 

I didn’t love her at first. I had been used and fooled by many others who were attracted to my power and family name. My natural skepticism made me think she was just a nosy witch. A nosy, but stunningly beautiful witch. 

I had barely noticed her in previous years. She was quiet, plain. A dormant rosebud that had yet to bloom. Someone who could barely count as a Slytherin. My eyes had probably glazed over her more times than I could count. 

But when I stumbled into the common room that night- pissed, wet, bleeding from multiple pin-sized holes in my hand, I don’t think it even registered with my stupid, stupid mind that I was in the presence of an angel. When I laid eyes on her, it was like someone had struck a chord within me. Dormant flower no longer. Slender neck, pink lips, eyes like jewels- like a deer waiting to be shot by the hunter. 

She might be the first and only time I ever get to see an angel, since I’m going to hell. 

Most girls I lusted after in the past were rich and expensive-smelling. Erica smelled of cheap bergamot soap and hospital antiseptic. And yet, I was transfixed by her- I don’t believe in stupid things like having a ‘type’, but if I did have one, it would be her. But like most good and beautiful things in my life, I resisted it. I had a list of things to do and there was no time for distractions.

I was foolish to think I could resist her. 

I knew I was a sick fuck who liked ruining every woman he touched. Every time I saw her, it was like tempting a lion with fresh, bloody kill. I could hurt her so easily. And yet she dutifully healed my wounds. 

Every time she healed me I was reminded of my carnal desire to be with the virgin angel with daddy issues. And it didn’t bother me- because at first, carnal desire was all it was. I could resist that for as long as I had to. But when she kissed me in that corridor, alcohol on her breath, it was like the angel fell from heaven, straight into my arms- and like a brainless sinner, I allowed her to blur the line between matron and mistress. 

But still, I did not love her.

Even when she took her clothes off and asked me to make love to her, I didn’t know the meaning of the word. I didn’t love her, even while she writhed beneath me in the dark. I was living inside my own little dark age, closed off to everyone, unless they served me some use. 

I used her for healing. I used her for sex. I used her as an alibi, and I was going to use her and our relationship as a diversion to keep my real objective protected. And I felt no guilt, because she was practically _begging_ me to use her.

Everything was so easy- until I realized I couldn’t breathe when I thought about her with another man. I was willing to do anything to make her belong to only me, even if it meant hurting others, or myself.

I realized I had fallen in love when I sliced my hand open just for a reason to talk to her. 

Suddenly, her being mine in theory wasn’t just a dream, it was all I could think about. I fixated upon her until eventually I thought about her more than I thought about murder. 

She was quite possibly the only person who saw past my name, my father’s imprisonment, even that God-damned Dark Mark upon my forearm, and saw me for what I was. We had connected on a plane of existence that I didn’t even know was on the map of human intimacy. She had an absent father, as did I. She lived to heal others; and I lived to hurt. We were two sides of the same beautiful, chipped coin. 

I thought I could easily make her mine. But her refusal stung more than any curse, jinx, or hex, and only made me even more obsessed with her. I was the youngest Death Eater to ever exist; a slave to the Dark Lord, and slave to a teasing, beautiful 5th year.

I must have lost my mind a thousand times over her. 

When I didn’t see her, I constantly wondered where she was, and what she was doing. It drove me mad. I had never felt this psychologically plagued by someone before in my entire life, not even by that infernal Potter. I had once told Pansy that I could never be anyone’s boyfriend- but for Erica, I would be whatever she wanted- her lover, her protector, even her husband. 

When the darkness of reality became too much I retreated into a daydream where Erica took my last name, bore me heirs, and stood by my side as my jewel-eyed matriarch in a society of pureblood wizards. But nothing was ever that easy- no, how could I ever live a life of such light when I had devoted myself to the forces of dark? 

She just had to be a half-Squib.

My entire life I had known one truth. That Muggles were filth, but Squibs were worse. Squibs were proof of the magical bloodline failing, and that was unacceptable in the eyes of my father, and my father’s father, and every Malfoy patriarch before them. If they knew I had stuck my dick in the child of a Squib, my ancestors would curse me in their graves. 

With just four words, those emerald eyes of hers set fire to every hope and dream I had for us that I was nurturing in the locked chambers of my mind. It was like the girl I loved had suddenly died, and I was left to mourn her, alone.

I was angry at myself for unknowingly committing heresy. I was even more disgusted with myself that I couldn’t seem to let go of her enough to sell her out and expose her. The person I was before I knew her wouldn’t have hesitated to do cruel things to a half-Squib. But I wasn’t that person anymore. She had changed me into someone I didn’t know, and it was like my very soul had betrayed itself. 

My grief was arduous and self destructive. I spent long, cold nights smoking Muggle tobacco in the astronomy tower until my throat was raw. I went to war with myself, questioning everything I thought I knew. I hated her for making me feel this way; like I couldn’t recognize my own mind, for I was now a starving dog gnawing at its own leg, trying to forget the taste of meat. 

Trying to forget the sound of her moans.

Trying to forget the pinks of her lips. 

Trying to forget how good it felt to be inside the flesh that was warm with tainted blood. 

I wanted to kill her, and fuck her at the same time.

…God, I might be the most fucked up person on the planet. 

Eventually I convinced myself that we could live in separate harmony in the castle. As long as she didn’t tell my secret, I wouldn’t tell hers, and we could continue our symbiotic relationship from afar. I wanted her to remain in the castle. She needed to be somewhere I could watch her. Even though I couldn’t have her close to me, I just had to know she was there.

I tried to ignore the emotion I still harbored for her while we were at the Manor, but it was impossible. By then, my feelings for her had festered and bound themselves around my beating heart like rotten ropes of gauze. I was contaminated by her. She had sworn to heal me, and instead she left me with an incurable infection in the core of my very being. My love for her was ingrained in me as much as the Dark Mark was ingrained in my skin. She was my first love- and the only love I wanted, in this life and the next. 

The Dark Lord saw that. 

The Dark Lord viewed love as a weapon of war; something to be used against people as an incentive to do his bidding. He wanted to kill Erica. But I informed him that she was being used as a part of my plan to distract the students and staff of the castle while I carried out his will. I convinced him that she was essential. I pleaded with him to take my life and spare hers if I failed. He accepted my condition, and smiled as he did so. 

I didn’t regret trading my life for Erica’s. I considered it my karmic gift to the universe. If I died, she would go on to save more lives than I would ever take away. 

A wiser, stronger man would have let her leave for America. But it was unendurable to think of the castle without her. No one else understood me like she did- even my own mother saw that. It almost shocked me how easy it was to get over a multi-generational prejudice and admit to myself that a half-Squib was the love of my life; but with her uncle now in the picture, he played flawlessly into the narrative we needed to finally be together. 

I did consider coming clean to Erica and admitting that she was being used without her knowledge as a cover story. But when I finally had her, I wasn’t willing to risk doing anything that would make her run from me. So she and I became trapped in a deadly dance teetering on the fine line of mutual destruction. I wished I could say I regretted it. But finally being with her, even though she was a half-Squib, made me feel whole. And with everything falling into place, I knew I had the confidence to perform the killing curse. 

Well. I did, until I saw the life drain from her face when I told her about it. 

I thought I had what it took to kill until Erica came into my life and made me question my beliefs about blood purity. The Dark Lord wanted to kill all Muggleborns and Squibs. But how could I put my faith in someone who wanted to kill what I loved? It was a dangerous realization to be had, when I looked inward into myself and realized I was not killing for the Dark Lord. I was killing for Erica. But it was bitter to think about killing when I knew deep down that wasn’t what she wanted. So slowly, I lost confidence in myself.

As the months of the calendar swiftly flew by, I found it harder and harder to see myself living beyond Dumbledore’s assassination. We endured months of agonized waiting together, clenching our jaws every time the Cabinet was tested. She didn’t know that every failed trial meant I got to live another day. I refused to confide in her that I was questioning my intentions because I knew it would only make her more distressed- but god, it was torturous, thinking about when the day would come when the Cabinet would be fixed and I would have to perform and inevitably fail. So I had to secretly prepare myself for the reality of my own demise. I was resolved to die if it meant Erica would live. I’m glad that she at least has the painting, so she will never forget the face of the boy who put a star in the sky for her. 

I tried to savor my remaining time with her, but fucking her hard and often was the only thing that made me feel less like a dead man walking. She was like an IV drip of morphine barely keeping me afloat- but the promise of doom was always looming over our heads like a dark cloud that we believed we could chase away if we just loved each other harder. 

I wanted to choose her. I didn’t want to serve the Dark Lord anymore, I just wanted to exist with Erica in a world with nobody else. If we only had the chance, I would have married her in a heartbeat. But I was a slave to the Dark Mark. If I had just realized it sooner that I never really had a choice, then maybe she wouldn’t have had to end things with me like she did today. At least now she wouldn’t have to watch me die.

If only I had listened to Blaise and Pansy, instead of stubbornly thinking with my crotch instead of my head. I hated to admit it, but Blaise was right. I had turned into a shadow of who I used to be. I was a weak imitation of a Death Eater, and now I was going to pay for my weakness with my life.

If I was being completely honest with myself in this moment, all I wanted to do was off myself before the Dark Lord could have the satisfaction. Erica had left for America, and I was stuck here, tethered to the Dark Lord for as long as I lived; whether that be days, weeks, or hours.

But she and I would never meet again, not even in the afterlife.

I was headed to a place now where I had to go alone. So I have to let her go. 

...

Fuck. I was crying again. 

My father would have given me a stern look of disapproval if he saw me sobbing as pathetically as I was right now, hunched over a bathroom sink. But he was in Azkaban, and I was marching towards Death’s door. So fuck it. I was going to cry. And if anyone saw me- I would turn them into target practice, and make them suffer as much as I was.

I lifted my head and looked into the mirror. I wasn’t alone.

Damn it. Just the last person I wanted to see. 

Potter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooowwiee that was a lot! This chapter took me the longest to write BY FAR, I think I've been working on it for upwards of two weeks!  
> It's hard to get inside the head of a complex teenage boy like Draco, but I tried my best to describe how conflicting everything was for him, and how he did feel guilty about tricking Erica but he thought he was doing the right thing.  
> If you've seen the movie/read the books, you all can probably guess what occurs next...
> 
> The final chapter is coming January 16th :)


	45. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erica visits the Hospital Wing one last time.

I stood next to my trunk in the Entrance Hall, waiting for Snape to return to deliver me to my uncle. A student couldn’t pass through the gates without a professor’s presence. 

_ I’m ready to leave, _ I thought. _ I’ve said my goodbyes to everyone. Well, everyone, except for Madam Pomfrey _ …

I realized that she would likely be extremely sad if I left without saying goodbye. I owed it to her to tell her exactly how much she meant to me, and that she helped me realize my destiny was to become a Healer. 

I left my trunk in the Entrance Hall and ran to the Hospital Wing. I had to be quick, because Snape may return soon from wherever he was to escort me to the gates.

When I entered the Hospital Wing I was greeted by the sounds of someone caterwauling horribly. To my surprise, Professor Snape was there, hunched over a hospital bed with Madam Pomfrey on the other side. The sounds of the patient’s blood curdling screams drowned out the droning sounds of Snape’s  _ Vulnera Sanentur  _ spell. I had heard awful screams from students before, but these were unquestionably the worst.

“LET ME DIE! PLEASE, JUST LET ME DIE!”

The patient yelled that sentence over and over, and then collapsed into broken howls of agony. I clapped a hand to my mouth when I realized I recognized the voice. “Draco?”

I rushed to the bed, and thought I was looking at a nightmare. Even though his face was twisted in pain and the tips of his platinum hair were coated in blood, there was no doubt that it was Draco. He was lying on his back, his white shirt ripped to shreds and stained with gruesome red streaks. He looked like he had been tortured. Half-healed lacerations were all over his chest and arms, and bleeding profusely. There were too many to count. 

“Oh, god,” I gasped and clutched my chest. 

“Erica, you shouldn’t have to see this!” Madam Pomfrey shouted, frantically covering Draco’s wounds with saturated patches of Murtlap Essence. Draco’s eyes fluttered open at the mention of my name, and our gazes locked for one heated second.

“Erica.” He said my name as if I were a holy apparition- but then dissolved back into agonized screams. 

“Silence him!” Snape hissed. Madam Pomfrey cast a gentle “ _ Stupefy _ ” upon Draco, and he fell immediately silent and stiff. Snape continued reciting the healing spell, fighting against the wounds as they attempted to reopen themselves. 

Without giving Madam Pomfrey or Snape a chance to tell me no, I took out my wand and joined Snape in chanting the spell. My hands were shaking so badly I thought I might snap my wand. 

“ _ Vulnera Sanentur _ ,” I said through trembling lips. “ _ Vulnera Sanentur _ .” I said it over and over, until the incantation began to sound like gibberish. There were so many cuts- and they just kept bleeding. As Snape and I healed, Madam Pomfrey applied the bandages and Murtlap essence, covering nearly every inch of Draco’s white skin with oily, fragrant gauze. Snape kept one hand protectively on Draco’s left forearm, covering the Dark Mark from Madam Pomfrey’s eyes.

_ How could this happen _ , I thought to myself.  _ Am I to blame for this? Did Draco do this to himself because I left, or did someone attack him? God, I hate this- I hate seeing him in pain. It makes me feel so damned depressed when he gets injured. I feel like I myself am hurting, too. _

“ _ Vulnera Sanentur _ ,” I repeated. “ _ Vulnera Sanentur _ .”

How on earth was Draco going to survive without me? I hadn’t even left the castle yet, and he got injured again.

“ _ Vulnera Sanentur _ .” 

This boy was like a walking accident; he attracted pain and injury everywhere he went. 

“ _ Vulnera Sanentur _ .”

If I left, I would always wonder if I could have done more. 

“ _ Vulnera Sanentur _ .”

I might hate myself forever.

“ _ Vulnera Sanen _ -”

“Thorncroft.”

I looked up, the last syllable of the spell getting caught on my lips. Snape had called me to attention. 

“What?” I snapped. “Don’t distract me, he needs to be healed-”

Madam Pomfrey gently grabbed my hand, lowering my wand. “The bleeding has stopped,” she said softly. 

I exhaled shakily, feeling a wave of relief wash over my body. My hand had grown cramped from clutching my wand so tightly, and I mechanically released my grip, letting my wand clatter to the floor. 

I gazed at Draco’s still face, frozen in agony.  _ This may be the last time I ever see him, and it’s under these horrifying circumstances. _

I looked at Madam Pomfrey. “Can I… Can I speak with him?”

“Wait until the stunning charm wears off. He may reopen his wounds.” Madam Pomfrey rose, smoothing her apron. “I must prepare more Murtlap essence. Excuse me.”

Snape and I sat on either side of Draco in silence. All I could do was stare at him with my fingertips pressed worriedly to my lips. He was going to be alright, thanks to the immediate and thorough medical attention. But the wounds inflicted on him could have been lethal. 

“How did this happen?” I asked quietly. 

“Potter got his hands on a spell that was beyond his aptitude.” Snape replied sourly. He seemed irate by this, and I was also enraged to hear that this was Harry Potter’s fault. But anger wouldn’t change the fact that it happened. I just hoped that Snape would punish Harry up to his ears for this. 

“Thorncroft,” Snape addressed me. “We must be going soon.”

My breath hitched. I wasn’t ready to leave yet. “Just... give me a moment, please. To say goodbye to Madam Pomfrey.” 

Snape remained by Draco’s side while I stepped into Madam Pomfrey’s office. She was transferring rations of Murtlap essence from a large jug into smaller vials to be applied to Draco’s wounds every half hour, as well as Calming Draught. I silently began helping by corking the full vials for her. 

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t leave without saying goodbye,” she said suddenly, still working fastidiously to pour the Murtlap essence with her wand. 

I looked at her guiltily. “You knew?”

She gave me a reassuring smile. “Professor Snape asked for my recommendation two months ago.” She moved the vials with her wand one by one into a box labeled  _ D. Malfoy _ . “Ilvermorny has a fine healing programme, and they will be lucky to have you. When you first came to me, you were just 13. And you didn’t look away once when Miss Parkinson was bleeding buckets from that Grindylow bite.”

I couldn’t help myself from tidying things up in her office; it was a force of habit. “I have you to thank for everything,” I said to her as I placed lids back on their respective jars. “You helped me realize what my true calling was.” Quietly, I added, “A part of me does want to stay.”

Madam Pomfrey sighed. “Oh, hogwash. Professor Snape and I know you have the potential to be an incredible Healer, and there’s only so much you can learn cooped up in this castle.” 

“I just feel like my job here isn’t done yet,” I said, peeking through the stained glass of the office door to where Draco lay.

Madam Pomfrey stopped rearranging vials for a moment and gripped me gently by the shoulders. “When I was in training to become a Healer, we had a saying. A good healer will fight day and night to save a life. But a spectacular healer can recognize when it’s time to stop trying to revive those who are already lost.” She paused, frowning slightly. “I always hated that advice. But there is a bit of truth in it. Find the courage to make the hard decisions, dear. That is what will make you the greatest Healer in the world.”

I gave Madam Pomfrey a grateful smile. It was good advice, and advice I knew I should take.  _ But I don’t think I could live with myself if I left while Draco was like this.  _

I left the office, ready to tell Snape that I wasn’t going to leave, that I needed more time, when a shrill shriek came from the Hospital Wing entrance. 

Pansy Parkinson entered, a vision of rage. “It-it’s true!” She shrieked, practically growing hysterical at the sight of Draco’s bloodied body. “Harry Potter has eviscerated Draco!”

Snape leapt to his feet, storming over to the girl. “This is a  _ hospital, _ Miss Parkinson, you cannot yell bloody murder,” he hissed, effectively blocking the distraught girl from getting to Draco.

“I just want to see if he’s okay-”

“You will wait in the  _ corridor _ , Miss Parkinson, until you find it within yourself to be calm.” With that, Snape began to herd Pansy out to the hallway. As he did so, Pansy managed to make eye contact with me. 

“Erica!” she called to me, fighting against Snape as he tried to push her out. “Erica, tell me-”

“He’s going to be fine, Pansy,” I said to her. 

I saw her exhale in relief. “Thank you.” She then allowed herself to be pushed into the hallway, cursing at Snape, and losing house points as she did so. 

When the heavy doors closed, a gravelly voice was heard. 

“Erica...”

I whirled around. Draco was awake, and calling for me. 

Madam Pomfrey got to him first, checking his gauze and making sure none of his wounds had reopened. He looked up at me with his grey eyes, wincing as Madam Pomfrey moved the bandages. 

“Everything looks in order,” she said. Then, noticing how Draco was staring at me, whispered, “I’ll give you two some time,” and stepped back into her office.

I sat beside Draco. I wanted to take his hand, but I was held back by the anger and resentment that was still sorely bruising my heart. He had lied to me. But he didn’t deserve this. 

“How do you feel?” I asked quietly. 

“Alive,” He croaked. “Pissed. In Pain.” Draco tried to move, but immediately stopped due to the discomfort. I quickly uncorked a Painkiller Potion and eased it against his lips. That seemed to help him a little. 

We were silent for a long moment. I wondered why it was that I wasn’t crying. Draco was up to his neck in bandages and still wearing his shredded shirt that was stained with his own blood. I think I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I was numb. We both were.

Finally, Draco spoke. 

“When I saw you, for a moment, I thought I had died.” 

Draco’s eyes slid to me. I held his eye contact, stone faced. 

“Is that what you wish?” I asked coldly. “To be dead?”

Draco’s jaw was firmly set. “Death sounds like paradise compared to the life I’ve got.”

_ This man...how can he say that and not sound the least bit remorseful?  _ “If you weren’t already cut up, I would smack you right now,” I threatened, emotion rising in my throat. I swallowed it back down. “Do you have any idea what an insult it is to me to hear that you want to die, when all I’ve done is heal you?”

Draco didn’t answer my question. “I thought you had left the castle,” he said flatly.

“I was about to. But then you got injured again.” I was glad that I hadn’t stayed put when Snape told me to. I sighed. “… I don’t think I can leave when you’re like this.”

Draco’s eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Don’t. Don’t play with my heart like that, because you know I want you to stay. But you were right, about everything. It isn’t safe for you with me.” He paused, breathing painfully, before speaking again.

“You should leave.”

I was taken aback by his command. He had changed his mind since we spoke earlier this morning. “What kind of healer would I be if I left knowing you were just going to kill yourself after?” I asked. 

“You’re not my healer. Not anymore.”

There was a stiff silence after Draco spoke, in which we both recognized that our relationship was over. My title of matron was promptly erased, leaving an empty space where it once was, like a blank spot in a painting. 

Draco looked up at me sadly. “God, in different circumstances, I would have been a lucky man to spend my life with you.”

“Stop talking like that. Like you’re already dead.”

“Fine. For you, I won’t die.”

“Say it like you really mean it, though.”

Draco averted his gaze, lost in troubled thought. “I’ll try. I’ll try to make it work. But… There's no guarantee I’ll succeed at this point. Not when you’ve made me realize that blood prejudice is something I may not believe in anymore.” His voice lowered into a pained whisper. “You’ve done something to my mind. I used to see things in black and white. Now things are grey, and muddy. I-I just don’t know what will happen.”

I pursed my lips. Snape had told me that he was going to take care of Draco’s safety, so I just had to put my trust in that, whatever that meant. 

“I hope you’ll stay alive,” I finally said to him, “So that someday, I can remove that Mark on your arm.”

Draco’s grey eyes met mine once more, looking as if he might cry. When he held my gaze, I saw a glimpse of his true self, the 17 year old boy who had no choice, and who was trying to survive in a world that demanded he be a man. “Yeah,” he croaked. “I’ll try.”

Snape’s voice echoed into the Hospital Wing. “Thorncroft.”

I cast a look to Draco. This would likely be the last time I ever saw him. All the betrayal and anger he made me feel was suddenly unimportant. I loved this man. I  _ loved _ him in the way that made my stomach queasy, and my nights lonely, and made all other men entirely insignificant. Even if our relationship was toxic in every sense of the word, we had existed for each other, and given each other a purpose. And now I had to learn how to exist without him. 

“Draco…”

“Just one last kiss,” Draco breathed. “And I’ll feel better.”

My hand rested by his left arm as I bowed over the hospital bed, careful not to touch his wounds. My light brown hair fell over my shoulder to form a curtain around us. My nose brushed across the smooth skin of his cheek, and I breathed him in for a final time. Underneath the smell of Murtlap, there was his familiar cologne- the green apple, sandalwood, and the natural scent of his face, which had no way to be described. My chest ached when I realized I may, over time, forget these little details. 

I hovered above his face hesitating to kiss him because I knew that when I started it would eventually end. But we were out of time, and the least I could do was give us both a pleasant last memory. So I pressed my lips to his. Our eyes closed so he and I could both live in this feeling; the feeling of love that was never meant to last, but was somehow the sweetest, and most passionate form of love either of us had ever known. 

When I finally forced myself to pull away, Draco’s lips remained slightly parted, like he was hoping for another kiss. But that was it.

“Don’t do this with your other patients, alright?” Draco breathed. I scoffed a little, allowing myself to smile. 

“No. Just you.” 

He looked up at me, his expression so serious that I almost stopped breathing. “I’ll never forget you. Because you did make me happy,” He whispered.

It felt like a piping hot iron rod was being driven through my heart. “Oh, god,” I shuddered, blinking as tears came to my eyes, “I think I’ll love you forever.”

Draco studied my face for the last time. “If only there was a cure for that.”

“Thorncroft!” Snape called once more. I stood up straight, wiping tears from my cheeks. 

“Coming!” I called back. 

I couldn’t tear myself from the hospital bedside until Draco nodded for me to go to Snape. “Go on. I’ll be fine.”

My stomach pulsed, and I suppressed tears again. I looked at Draco with tight lips, wanting to tell him that whatever he ended up doing, it shouldn’t be for me; it should be for himself. But I could see it in his eyes that he already knew that. So I turned, and swiftly walked out of the hospital wing, leaving Draco alone.

Professor Snape began leading me away, muttering something about how time was of the essence, but I was distracted by Pansy. She was waiting in the hallway, arms crossed, steaming with silent fury that I recognized as her way of expressing concern. 

I stopped walking. “Pansy.”

She blinked at me, surprised to hear me address her. 

“...Take care of Draco,” was all I said. The older girl looked absolutely floored. 

“O-of course,” she replied, her black eyebrows raising for just a second. I gave her a thin smile, and then nodded apologetically to Professor Snape, finally following him out of the castle. 

By the time we reached the gates, the sun was nearing the lower portion of the sky and the evening spring wind had picked up. Malachi was waiting for me outside the gates in a worn brown leather jacket. He greeted me with a gentle pat on the head. “Hey, kid.” I saw the tip of a black tattoo on his left forearm peeking out from under his sleeve, and my face burned. 

“Is everything arranged, Sloan?” Snape asked. 

Malachi nodded to a shiny black car that was parked on the side of the dirt road. “Plane ticket is inside. I’ll take her as far as the London jetway, and my brother will meet her when she lands in New York.”

“Good,” Snape strode to the other side of the tall iron gate, and raised his wand. “Best of luck to you, Thorncroft. I hope we do not meet again.”

I swallowed dryly, observing sadly how the castle disappeared into a mirage as Snape sealed the gates. My uncle gently touched my shoulder.

“Hard to say goodbye, was it?” Malachi looked at me with familiar green eyes that reminded me of my father’s.

I shook my head. “No. It was easy,” I lied. 

“C’mon,” Dirt crunched under his heavy boots, “You ever been in a flying car before?”

The black car steadily rose off the ground, weighed down slightly by my trunk. Most wizards didn’t learn how to drive, but Malachi maneuvered the car well. We ascended above the treetops until we were level with the afternoon sun, and as I stared down at the dense forest where Hogwarts hid behind an illusion spell, I realized that I would very much like to paint this view. It was beautiful, and it was sad. 

As Malachi steered us away from the Black Lake and towards the Scottish countryside, the raw emotion I had been suppressing washed over me. Malachi looked at me with uncertainty as I folded into myself in the passenger seat, putting my forehead to my knees and lacing my fingers behind my head, my body heaving with sobs. 

I could have been weeping about a multitude of things; saying goodbye to my childhood home, leaving my friends and mentor behind, or even from the relief of being a half-Squib who was finally escaping danger. But Malachi didn’t need me to explain my tears to him. Somehow, he knew I was crying over Draco. 

“First love hurts the most,” Malachi muttered, resting a reassuring hand on my back. “Feels like a hole in the middle of your heart.” 

I sniffled quietly, affirming his sentiment. 

“Don’t worry,” he said to me. “You’ll heal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you all for reading The Healer! Aaah I'm so sorry for the sad ending, but it's what I had planned all along when I first thought of it.   
> HOWEVER, I do want to share that I am working on a multi-part epilogue (one that will, without a doubt, have a happy ending). Since school is starting up for me again my writing schedule will be disrupted T_T. But when it is complete, I will publish it all at once.  
> One last thing before I disappear- what would you all like to read from me next? I have ideas for a Fred/George Weasley fic, and a regency era Ravenclaw fic. I'd be interested to know your thoughts.   
> If this fic had a "credits song" it would be this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weg1oIy-57g&ab_channel=BadSuns  
> Once again, thank you all for reading. So much.


End file.
